Centipede Jokes
67 centipede jokes and hilarious centipede puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about centipede that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a chuckle? These hilarious centipede jokes will have you in stitches with laughter! From jokes about being a human centipede to ones about tarantulas in shoeboxes and cockroaches in corners, you'll find great laughs for everyone.
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Funniest Centipede Short Jokes
Short centipede jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The centipede humour may include short octopus jokes also.
- So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account... He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him.
- Do you know who was the biggest sponser of the movie Human Centipede? Nokia.
Nokia - Connecting people
Sorry. - Say what you want about The Human Centipede The film's director really knew how to bring people together...
- What's the difference between a centipede and a millipede? The foreplay takes even longer.
- What nokia and human centipede have in common? Connecting people
- I'm hung like a centipede. 100 feet.
- Why was the father centipede annoyed? Because all of his children needed new shoes.
- What's worse than finding a centipede in your pizza? Finding half a centipede in your pizza
- What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede? Extra drumsticks!
- They're writing a satirical play based on The Human Centipede. It'll be very tongue in cheek.
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Centipede One Liners
Which centipede one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with centipede? I can suggest the ones about spider and tentacles.
- What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air? A dead centipede.
- The Human Centipede wasn't that bad really.. ...most of it was tongue in cheek.
- What goes 99 clunk, 99 clunk? A centipede with a peg leg
- I've been slowly torturing a centipede for the last 98 days.. It's on it's last legs now
- I had to shut down my human centipede program I couldn't make ends meet.
- What lies on its back a hundred feet in the air? A centipede.
- How long is a centipede? ~100 feet
- What has 50 legs but can't walk? Half a centipede.
- What do you call a centipede with no legs An amputede
- What can you jump over that's a hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede.
- What do you call a cross between a centipede and a parrot A walkie-talkie
- What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A Walkie-talkie.
- Why a centipede cannot fly coach? Not enough leg room!
- What takes 99 steps and goes *thump* A centipede with a pegleg
- Why do centipedes live so long? It takes them awhile to reach their last legs.
Human Centipede Jokes
Here is a list of funny human centipede jokes and even better human centipede puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Human Centipede review I found it a little tongue-in-cheek...
Source: Dad - I heard they made a movie about the Connect Four game. I think it was called the human centipede.
- So, Apparently 'Human Centipede' Is Getting ANOTHER Sequel. 'Human Turducken'
- This halloween I am dressing up as the Human Centipede. Positions B and C are still open.
- i showed an african kid "the human centipede film".... he wasn't hungry anymore
- They're making a Christmas edition of The Human Centipede It's called The Human Santapede
- I saw a movie completely about 'Connect Four'... It was called 'Human Centipede'.
- Watched an adorable movie on human bonding It's called the Human Centipede, ever heard of it?
- I went drinking with a human centipede The first guy could hold his liquor.
The rest if them got completely s**.... - I was watching The Human Centipede with this guy, and I could tell just by looking at him that he was really enjoying the movie. He had this s**...-eating grin on his face the entire time.
Gather Around for Fun Centipede Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about centipede you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean octopuses tentacles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make centipede pranks.
Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.
Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
Useful Metric Equivalents
* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipede = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 10 monologues = 5 dialogues
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
Edit - formatting
What has 100 legs and 3 teeth?
A centipede on m**....
A lady centipede crosses her legs.....
....."For the one hundredth time, NO!"
What is worse then a centipede with sore feet?
A giraffe with a sore t**...
What goes 99 clonk, 99 clonk, 99 clonk?
A centipede with a wooden leg!
*^^Joke ^^I ^^found ^^in ^^the ^^Tokyo ^^Ghoul ^^tag ^^on ^^Tumblr, ^^my ^^brother ^^loves ^^this ^^one!*
I saw a centipede going in circles because it had an extra leg on the left side...
...It was odd.
What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede?
Bacon and scrambled legs.
Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.
Why did the 100 legged bug spin around in circles before attacking its prey?
To gain centipedal force
This will take awhile
Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.
"Want to grab a drink?" he asks the centipede, but there's no answer from the box.
A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, "Hey! Do you want to get a drink?"
"I heard you the first time!" says a small, irritated voice. "I'm putting on my shoes!"
There was this guy who had a pet centipede.
One day, he said, go get the paper, and make it snappy! Half an hour later, he goes outside, sees the centipede and says, didn't I say to make it snappy ? The centipede replies, I had to put on my shoes!
Man buys a talking centipede.
Man buys a talking centipede for $5000 and takes it home in a small box.
When he gets home, he opens the box and says "Would you like to go for a beer?"
The centipede doesn't answer...
Raising his voice he repeats the question, still no reply.
30 mins later and getting angry, thinking he's been ripped off, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time...I'm putting my f**... shoes on!!!"
A centipede walked into a shop and asked for a pair of shoes.
The shopkeeper looked at him and checked it was just the one pair that the centipede wanted.
The centipede laughed and assured the shopkeeper that yes, although one pair would be useless for himself, the shoes were a birthday gift for someone else and that he did indeed only want one pair.
The shopkeeper laughed too. "Who's the lucky person you're buying for?" he asked.
"The millipede", replied the centipede. "I don't like him."
