Center Jokes
174 center jokes and hilarious center puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about center that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the different types of jokes created around the concept of the center. From Center Parcs to a Call Center, to a Data Center and even a spiral downtown to a lifeline, discover the unique and hilarious jokes associated with the centrality of the center.
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Funniest Center Short Jokes
Short center jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The center humour may include short centre jokes also.
- I donate my O- blood as often as allowed, but I don't do it to help others. The blood donation center is just the only place I can go where I'm everyone's type.
- Working at the aluminum can recycling center is the saddest job I've had. It's just soda pressing.
- Dark I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery. - Captan Kirk & Today's Shuttle Launch If William Shatner really wanted to go where no man had gone before , He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.
- What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common? Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.
- "Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth. Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
- Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.
- And Jesus says to his followers, ¨I will turn this water into wine.¨ And the guy says, ¨Sir, this is a rehab center.¨
- I entered a contest where the grand prize was a shopping center, but I lost Can't win the mall
- Bill Cosby University of Michigan is pleased to announce a gift from the Cosby family for the new school to be names in his honor.
The Sleep Studies Center for women.
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Center One Liners
Which center one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with center? I can suggest the ones about corner and area.
- What does a pulley like the best about its position? It's the center of a tension.
- Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall
- Why do physicists love going to church It's the center of mass
- How do they answer the phone at the burn center? Aloe
- Some people say I'm self centered But that's enough about them.
- What language do they speak at the center of the earth? Core-ean
- There's something making the center of my back itch But I can't put my finger on it.
- What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center? Two large plains.
- No wonder everyone's attracted to the earths center It is pretty hot
- Pulleys are annoying!! They are always the center of a tension.
- What do you call self-centered and egotistical sleepwear? Prima-jamas.
- What is the center of a gay apple's life? Décor.
- Earlier I had to go to the Pokemon Center For my Koffing turned into Weezing.
- What do you get when you remove the center board from a wood bridge? A paradox.
- If you be been to one giant shopping center from the 90s you've been to the mall
Call Center Jokes
Here is a list of funny call center jokes and even better call center puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone called my call center today to tell a joke I don't think I've ever heard: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite
- Snow White started a tutoring center for the Dwarves to teach them math. She called it "Making the Little Things Count"
- I work in a call center and a customer told me this one. A lonely man puts in ad out in the paper looking for a wife.
the next day he gets 100 responses all from men saying "you can have mine" - What do you call the hair on a cows lip? A Moo-stache.
> The perks of having too much free time in a call center. - What does vikings call english villages? Chopping centers.
- What do you call it when someone starts acting like an angry center divider? They're in mean median mode.
- What is a children's television show centered on the imaginary adventures of comatose Christians be called? Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales! - I invented a new kind of corn It has a very soft center so it is easy to poke the holders into it.
I call it... softcore corn.
Don't look it up on the internet. - I work in a call center and i'm a white dude and had an Indian customer who can't understand tech support... Oh the irony..
- What do you call an all female workout center? An OB-GYM
World Trade Center Jokes
Here is a list of funny world trade center jokes and even better world trade center puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who are some of the best readers in the world? World Trade Center workers, some of them can read 50 stories in just 8 seconds!
- I like my women like the World Trade Centers Tall, hot, and going down
- Nintendo just announced the first haunted tower for Pokemon GO The New World Trade Center
- What was the last pizza ordered at the world trade center? Two large planes.
- What did DJ Khaled say when the second plane hit the World Trade Center? Anotha one!
- The World Trade Center had a Speed-Reading club they went thru fifty stories in thirty seconds
- Who were the fastest readers in human history? Whoever jumped from the top floor of the World Trade Center, they went through 104 stories in under 10 seconds.
- Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, its heading straight for the World Trade Center.
- I mentioned to my friend Hanz that today's the anniversary of the world trade center attacks. "Nein, 11" he said.
- What does an optimist call the World Trade Center? San Diego.
Shopping Center Jokes
Here is a list of funny shopping center jokes and even better shopping center puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a woman and a tiger entering a commercial center? The woman is shopping in the mall and the tiger is mauling in the shops.
- How do you call it when 2 cats in a shopping center run after one another? A purrchase.
- Did you guys hear about the new business shopping center in Pepto County? They're calling it the Pepto Biz Mall
- As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers... Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!
- A doctor who ran his clinic out of a shopping center was shut down this week... He was sued for mall-practice.
- I threw a Pokeball at a shopping center once Because somebody told me to catch a mall
- When there were riots in London, why did a lot of shopping centers reinstall their stairwells? They thought it would deescalate the situation.
- Where's the biggest shopping center in Europe? Malldova
- What happens when you bring a bear to a shopping center? You get mauled in the mall
Fitness Center Jokes
Here is a list of funny fitness center jokes and even better fitness center puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wanted to spend more time in the fitness center.. ..but it didn't work out.
Rib-Tickling Center Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about center you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean middle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make center pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fire safety
I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps
would you take?"
"f**...' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Mujibar get a job in India
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed.
He is surrounded by his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"h**..., I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the s**... had a newspaper route."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[True Story] When I worked at a Residential Treatment Center for Children a boy once said to me...
"I have to f**...-en pee!"
I said, "Well, pick one and do it!"
^that ^was ^funnier ^to ^me ^when ^it ^happened
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I felt like doing some service today, so I decided to donate some video games to the Rehabilitation Center for m**... Addicts.
They seemed particularly fond of "Need for Speed".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm going to open a building that functions as a s**... bank as well as a u**... analysis center.
It'll be called "coming or going".
Who says men don't remember?
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Indian Election Joke...
How can you get one million Indian youths into a polling(voting) booth at the same time?
Tell them there's a Call Center Job Inside!
Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!
Go easy on me im drunk.
When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.
An Indian guy is getting a job at a call center for copy machine support
The interviewer decides to test his knowledge of mixing light vs. Mixing pigments by asking him to use green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence about his job.
He says "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'Yellow?'"
A Glasgow girl goes to the Civic Center to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant?
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing?" "
Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
Hanging in the hallway at a high school are...
...the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.
One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.
Turning to the principal, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
Did you guys hear about Joan Rivers?
The mortuary got $32 at the recycling center for her body.
You know that cemetery?
It's the dead center of town.
I hear people are dying to get in there.
I worked at a cemetery once. It was a dead end job.
I worked with a bunch of dead beats.
However, I did have a lot of people under me.
A tourist in Chinatown sees a sign advertising "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"
He goes inside to check it out, and there's an old Asian man in the corner.
"How did this place get named 'Hans Olafsen's Laundry'?" he asks.
"It's named after me, Hans Olafsen." said the man.
"That's an unusual name for a Chinese man" observed the tourist.
"When I was in the immigration center, I followed a man named Hans Olafsen. When they asked my name, I told them 'Sam Ting'".
Joke my Grandpa told me. Pastors have the best jokes.
A blind man walks in to a store with his dog. He walks to the center of the store and starts to swing his dog around by the leash.
The store owner tries to stop the man "what do you think you are doing?"
The blindman replies "Just taking a look around."
Home safety
I took my name off the Neighborhood Watch List.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, and multiple intelligence services are watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer in my entire Life!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was at a h**... volunteer center...
...to give a motivational talk to the patients
He told them they need to stay positive.
Not surprise he got kicked out shortly after
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
Aviation
"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.. "
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here? "
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727? "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was looking for a new apartment...
and found a nice place in the center of town that seemed ideal.
"It's only $650 a month," the women told me. "But no children or pets."
I had to turn it down. It was a bargain but I wasn't willing to give up my s**... life.
Ambush Watch
Down at the Senior Center the other day Joe was telling a tale about his experience in the jungle during his war. It seems that he was wearing a cheap watch one night while on an ambush and it made so much noise that his buddy insisted that he douse the watch with bug spray . . . to get rid of the ticks.
I usually don't like recycling jokes, but...
Did you hear the one about the priest and rabbi at the bottle redemption center?
I took my wife to the Planetarium.
She was shocked to learn that she is not the center of the universe.
Whats in the center of a hurricane
The I
There's a wormhole in the center of my bagel....
"Of course, that's not a Cinnamon-Rosen bagel....you bought an EINSTEIN-Rosen bagel!"
A physicist, mathematician, and engineer go to target practice
The engineer is up first and hits 5 inches to the right of the bullseye. The physicist says, "No no no, you forgot to account for the curvature of the Earth and the wind." The physicist does his calculations, but misses 5 inches to the left of center. The mathematician yells: "BULLSEYE! Great job guys!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-a**... neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
new job in call center
I got a new job with the local s**... hotline. I tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Hotline
Did you hear the government moved the s**...-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?
I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
If scientists ever discover a center to the universe
A lot of people are going to be shocked to find out they aren't it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the Americans know the latest s**... b**... was perpetrated by a Canadian Islamic extremist?
Because, at the center of the detonation site, they found a moose-limb.
I think we already know what's at the center of No Man's Sky's Galaxy
Disappointment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Center for Disease Control: overconsumption of beta-carotene linked to dangerous rise in pH of blood
In other words, pumpkin spice lattes make you basic.
Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...
When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:
"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center.
They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
Something happened at a friend's work
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center. They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
I walked into a PETA adoption center and the receptionist asked me what kind of dog I wanted
Apparently "Whatever's low in cholesterol" was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 lawyers, a judge, and a witness all walked into a bar
What idiot designed it into the center of the courthouse floor anyway?
What does United Airlines and The United Center have in common?
The cheap seat are nosebleed seats.
Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n?
Because n always has to be the center of attention.
I've considered opening a mixed emotion martial arts center...
But I'm conflicted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Literally just saw a dude in the city center h**... a trash can...
When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."
Before the shooting the worst problem at the congressional baseball game was...
Republicans don't want to play left field.
Democrats don't want to play right.
Nobody wants to play center.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A worm munches himself into the center of a cucumber.
He keeps eating the delicious cucumber center when all of a sudden he feels himself lifted into the sky and t**... into a jar. He peaks out of the cucumber to see a bunch of other cucumbers. All of a sudden he sees liquid being poured inside the jar.
He crawled back inside his cucumber grave where he thought to himself "I'm really in a pickle this time."
A blonde calls a 24/7 support call center
The blonde asks what hours they are open for. The technical support person says we are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The blonde stops for a moment a thinks. After a while she asks is that Eastern or Pacific time?
I heard they opened up a rehab center for phone addiction
Anyone know their number?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of r**... Savage.
The Slim Gym
What is a Guillotine ?
A french chopping center.
I was visiting my hometown and I drove past the data recovery center I used to work at.
It really brought back a lot of memories.
Imagine my surprise when
Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeon's name was Dr. Eror.
"What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry.
"Yeah," he agreed. "You can imagine the reaction I got when I was a major."
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree.
One turns to the other and says, "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age, how do you feel?"
John replies, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really! Like a newborn baby, you say?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, I wear a diaper, and I even drool on myself."
An elderly couple visits their friends
After a fine dinner, the men retreat into the library to smoke cigars and to have a conversation.
"Last week me and my wife ate at this great restaurant."
"Really? What was it called?"
"Let me think....what's that flower with a yellow center and white petals?"
"A daisy?"
"Yes, that's it. DAISY! What's that restaurant we went to?"
Why did the ghost get kicked out of the aquatic center?
Because he took a sheet in the pool.
What do Kim Jong Un, Donald Trump and a pulley have in common?
They all love being the center of a tension.
James Bond is laid off
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife...
My wife knows the way to the women's a**... center like the back of my hand.
Yesterday I saw the most famous rubber band in the world
It was the center of a-tension
An elderly woman called 911...
An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"
The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.
Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.
"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."
