The Best 87 Center Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Center jokes. There are some center offices jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these center indian call center puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Center Jokes and Puns
Fire safety
I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps
would you take?"
"Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Have you heard about the Tempura Shelter they are opening downtown?
It's a center for lightly battered women.
Blonde vs. Space
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were taking a tour inside of NASA space center. The tour-guide asked them "What planet or other object in our universe would you go to?"
The red head said. "I'd go to Saturn!"
The brunette said, "I'd go to the Moon!"
The blonde said "I'd go to the Sun!"
The tour-guide looked at the blonde. "But if you go the Sun, you'll burn up and die."
The blonde rolled her eyes and replied calmly. "What, do you think I'm stupid? I'd go at night!"
Mujibar get a job in India
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.
A police officer was called to a child care center.
It seems that a three year old child was resisting a rest.
Someone called my call center today to tell a joke I don't think I've ever heard: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed.
He is surrounded by his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the schmuck had a newspaper route."
I felt like doing some service today, so I decided to donate some video games to the Rehabilitation Center for Meth Addicts.
They seemed particularly fond of "Need for Speed".
I'm going to open a building that functions as a sperm bank as well as a urine analysis center.
It'll be called "coming or going".
Who says men don't remember?
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
You can explore center lifeline reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean center interval dad jokes. There are also center puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!
Go easy on me im drunk.
When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.
An Indian guy is getting a job at a call center for copy machine support
The interviewer decides to test his knowledge of mixing light vs. Mixing pigments by asking him to use green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence about his job.
He says "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'Yellow?'"
A Glasgow girl goes to the Civic Center to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant?
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing?" "
Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
Hanging in the hallway at a high school are...
...the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.
One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.
Turning to the principal, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
Joke my Grandpa told me. Pastors have the best jokes.
A blind man walks in to a store with his dog. He walks to the center of the store and starts to swing his dog around by the leash.
The store owner tries to stop the man "what do you think you are doing?"
The blindman replies "Just taking a look around."
I called a suicide prevention line.
It connected me to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I felt suicidal and they asked if I could drive a truck.
Home safety
I took my name off the Neighborhood Watch List.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, and multiple intelligence services are watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer in my entire Life!
I saw a sign at a drug rehab center
It said "Keep off the grass"
What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center?
Two large plains.
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
Just saved 50 bucks!
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month!
I was looking for a new apartment...
and found a nice place in the center of town that seemed ideal.
"It's only $650 a month," the women told me. "But no children or pets."
I had to turn it down. It was a bargain but I wasn't willing to give up my sex life.
Ambush Watch
Down at the Senior Center the other day Joe was telling a tale about his experience in the jungle during his war. It seems that he was wearing a cheap watch one night while on an ambush and it made so much noise that his buddy insisted that he douse the watch with bug spray . . . to get rid of the ticks.
What do you get when you remove the center board from a wood bridge?
A paradox.
Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
new job in call center
I got a new job with the local suicide hotline. I tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Suicide Hotline
Did you hear the government moved the suicide-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?
I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
Why do physicists love going to church
It's the center of mass
I work in a call center and a customer told me this one.
A lonely man puts in ad out in the paper looking for a wife.
the next day he gets 100 responses all from men saying "you can have mine"
If scientists ever discover a center to the universe
A lot of people are going to be shocked to find out they aren't it.
Once you've seen one shopping center...
you've seen the mall
Working at the aluminum can recycling center is the saddest job I've had.
It's just soda pressing.
Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.
What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common?
Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.
Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...
When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:
"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"
A well dressed 80yr old man walks into the senior center...
he stops, surveys the room and sees an attractive 70 yr old lady sitting by herself. he adjust his tie and walks over to her.
" So," He says, " do I come here often?"
What is the center of a gay apple's life?
Décor.
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center.
They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
Something happened at a friend's work
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center. They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
What do you call the hair on a cows lip?
A Moo-stache.
> The perks of having too much free time in a call center.
There's something making the center of my back itch
But I can't put my finger on it.
Literally just saw a dude in the city center humping a trash can...
When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."
Prostate examination [NSFW]
A guy goes into the medical center for a checkup. The nurse asks him if he's ever had a prostate exam before, and reassures him it's very straightforward and not to worry. Just go through into the next room, and the doctor will be with you shortly.
So he goes into the room and starts undressing. It's only a minute before the Doctor comes in and tells him to drop his trousers. Asked where to put his pants, Doctor says "right here next to mine."
At a substance rehabilitation center, a sign is displayed on the lawn
"Keep off of the grass"
A worm munches himself into the center of a cucumber.
He keeps eating the delicious cucumber center when all of a sudden he feels himself lifted into the sky and thrust into a jar. He peaks out of the cucumber to see a bunch of other cucumbers. All of a sudden he sees liquid being poured inside the jar.
He crawled back inside his cucumber grave where he thought to himself "I'm really in a pickle this time."
A blonde calls a 24/7 support call center
The blonde asks what hours they are open for. The technical support person says we are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The blonde stops for a moment a thinks. After a while she asks is that Eastern or Pacific time?
Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of Randy Savage.
The Slim Gym
What language do they speak at the center of the earth?
Core-ean
What does a pulley like the best about its position?
It's the center of a tension.
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having a funeral.
Where do physicists attend church?
At the center of mass.
What do Kim Jong Un, Donald Trump and a pulley have in common?
They all love being the center of a tension.
James Bond is laid off
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
My wife...
My wife knows the way to the women's abuse center like the back of my hand.
An elderly woman called 911...
An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"
The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.
Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.
"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."
So now I'm banned from going to the laser tag fun center
They said I'm not allowed to use melee attacks
Dark
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
If you be been to one giant shopping center from the 90s
you've been to the mall
An elderly man takes his grandson golfing,
Once they were at their first hole the grandfather remarks, y'know when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over yonder. The boy looks and sees it is quite a hit and not wanting to be out done he whacks one right dead center and it sticks right in the trunk. As he stood there impressed by his grandfathers feat, the man finished his comment, 'course when I was your age that tree was 'bout 3 feet tall
How do they answer the phone at the burn center?
Aloe
Wanna hear a joke about drilling a beautiful hole to the center of the Earth?
Me neither. It's probably a pretty boring pun.
I entered a contest where the grand prize was a shopping center, but I lost
Can't win the mall
Why couldn't the restaurant owners open a new data center
They just didn't have enough servers...
What's the difference between a rehab center and a concentration camp?
One takes addicts out of people, the other takes people out of attics.
(Works best when said out loud)
Ice, Ice baby!
In the 90s it was a corny rap song
Now it's 3 people at a detention center
I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous bodily harm...
Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...
A dying mother talks to her son on her death bed
Mother: Before I die, I have to tell you something. You're ad- ado-
Son: I'm adopted?!
Mother: No, you're adorable
Son: *sniffs* Thanks, mom
Mother: That's why I chose you at the adoption center
Are you the Center Of Disease Control?
Cuz theres nothing flat about your curves.
(seriously we have a real problem this virus is getting worse)
"Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth.
Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
A married couple have set the words "phone call" if one want to have sex.
One day they have a fight and didn't talk.
The husband said to his kid " tell your mother I want to make a phone call"
The wife told him to tell his father "I don't have enough credit to make a call"
The husband told his kid to tell his wife he will make a phone call outside.
The wife told his kid to tell him " if you did that I will turn the house into a call center"
An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by
Then he spoke: Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, you take the offices in the Center Center. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours. To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown.
The nurse was really impressed. She said, Your husband must have been quite a man, amassing so much property to leave to all of you.
And the wife responded, What property? … the schmuck had a paper route!!
A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert
They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.
And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, in pristine condition, surrounded by a curious combination of chocolate, hazelnuts and wafers.
They decided to call him Pharoah Rocher.
Why did the duck go to the rehab center?
It had an addiction to quack.
"Why is it important for engineers and architects to get along?"
I was asked this by an engineer I was driving to a conference center from the airport.
"I don't know, why?"
"Well, you see, if all the buildings in the World were built only by architects, they would all collapse under their own weight."
This elicited some chuckles from his colleagues sitting in the back of the van.
"...but, if all the buildings were built only by engineers, they would be so damned ugly that we would tear them all down., and that is why it's important for engineers and architects to get along."
A dog lost its tail.
So it went to the retail center.
What do you call a shopping center for Sith lords?
A Darth mall.
A joke my dad just sent me about vaccinations
Hi, it happened yesterday! And this is serious!
A friend had his 2nd injection of the vaccine at the vaccination center and began to have blurred vision the whole way home.
When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.
Vaccination center told him to come back - and collect his glasses.
Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
The short answer is technically speaking it can stand on its own but it is very unstable. In order to keep something standing you need the center of gravity of the object to be within its points of contact with the ground. With only 2 points of contact with the ground, that space is a very small plane. You would need it perfectly positioned with no other forces acting on it. The tiniest disturbance could knock it over (and will).
Not because it was two tired
Pulleys are annoying!!
They are always the center of a tension.
Bill Cosby
University of Michigan is pleased to announce a gift from the Cosby family for the new school to be names in his honor.
The Sleep Studies Center for women.
Three guys were sleeping on a single mattress
When they wake up the guy on the left whispers to the other two, "Dudes, I just had a dream I was getting a handjob...It was friggin awesome."
Then the guy on the right says, "Get outta here! I had a handjob dream too!"
While they high fived and discussed the odds, the guy in the center said, "Lucky stiffs. In my dream, I was skiing."
A blind man walks into a store
A blind man walks into a store with a helper dog.
The blind man walks to the center of the shop & stops.
The cashier asks if he can help the blind man, the blind man said nothing and starts swirling the dog over his head a few times.
The cashier is stunned about this action and ask the man why he did this.
The blind man responded: don't worry, just looking around
Captan Kirk & Today's Shuttle Launch
If William Shatner really wanted to go where no man had gone before , He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.
No wonder everyone's attracted to the earths center
It is pretty hot
I donate my O- blood as often as allowed, but I don't do it to help others.
The blood donation center is just the only place I can go where I'm everyone's type.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the center call center jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working center world trade center piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.