The Best 19 Census Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Census jokes. There are some census ledger jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these census informants puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Census Jokes and Puns

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

A man from the Census Bureau knocks on an apartment door in the projects

A black woman answers the door and the man asks, "Excuse me, Ma'am, how many people live here?"

The woman replies, "Me and my 12 children".

"Wow" the man exclaims, "I had better go get an extra record sheet so I can write down all of their names".

"No, you won't need to" she says, "I named them all Leeroy".

The man stops for a second with a puzzled look on his face. "But Ma'am, how do you call them each to dinner?"

"I just yell 'Leeroy, time for dinner!' and they all come".

"But then how do you get them to go to bed?"

"Same thing. I just yell 'Leeroy, time for bed!' and they all get to bed".

"So what do you do when you want to speak to them one on one?"

"That's easy, I just call them by their last name."

Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...

...then I came to my census

Census joke, Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations...

A census taker

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."

"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me; I have no idea."

What does a gynecologist have in common with a census taker?

They both make their living checking boxes.


A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying…..

"I must have taken Leif off my census."

I didn't think I'd ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census

Census joke, I didn't think I'd ever be turned on by population statistics...

They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan

This is directly due to the tally-ban

I went to uni to study aggriculture and cummunication of sheep.

I left with a BAA. Shortly after i started a nationwide census of sheep but fell asleep halfway thru.

A census enumerator is working out in the country when he knocks on the door of a farmhouse.

A woman opens the door, and the man explains he's with the census and she agrees to do the interview. Eventually he gets to the part where he asks if she has children.

Let's see, says the woman, There's Timmy and Tammy; they're 4. There's Molly and Holly; they're 8. There's Terry and Larry; they're–

The census worker cuts her off, wide-eyed. You mean to tell me, he says, that you got twins EVERY time?!

The woman laughs and says Oh goodness, no! There was hundreds of times we didn't get anything!

Russian census ended with success

there were still people to count!

You can explore census statistics reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean census official dad jokes. There are also census puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A local census says that on average, 1 in every 4 guys is gay

I hope it's Dave- i think he's kinda cute

California Census

When California was determining its census rules, a law similar to the three fifths compromise was considered, under which two Asian Americans would be counted the same as one caucasian.

The law was rejected, because the lawmakers all agreed that two Wongs don't make a white.

I finally realized I have a love affair with studying demographics

I came to my census

A Viking explorer came home to find that his name was missing from the town register.

His family complained to the town officials, one of whom said, "I'm so sorry! I must have taken Leif off my census."

A man doing the census asks a woman how many people are in the house.

She told him.

Census joke, A man doing the census asks a woman how many people are in the house.

I don't understand this joke about genealogists.

I saw a joke on a bumper sticker.

It read "Genealogists don't die; they just lose their census". I could understand "census" sounding like "senses", but what does the census have to do with anything? And especially "not dying"?

Considered having a one night stand last night just for the funny census results

Then I remembered I'm unattractive

Census confirms...

that one in two and a half men is HIV Positive.


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the census leif jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working census bureau piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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