Census Jokes
16 census jokes and hilarious census puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about census that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Census Short Jokes
Short census jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The census humour may include short population jokes also.
- Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census - Growing up, it always my childhood dream to study populations... ...then I came to my census
- What does a gynecologist have in common with a census taker? They both make their living checking boxes.
- I didn't think I'd ever be turned on by population statistics... But then I came to my census
- They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan This is directly due to the tally-ban
- I went to uni to study aggriculture and cummunication of sheep. I left with a BAA. Shortly after i started a nationwide census of sheep but fell asleep halfway thru.
- Considered having a one night stand last night just for the funny census results Then I remembered I'm unattractive
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Census One Liners
Which census one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with census? I can suggest the ones about survey and council.
- Russian census ended with success there were still people to count!
- I finally realized I have a love affair with studying demographics I came to my census
- A man doing the census asks a woman how many people are in the house. She told him.
Unearthly Funniest Census Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about census you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean social studies jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make census pranks.
A man from the Census Bureau knocks on an apartment door in the projects
A black woman answers the door and the man asks, "Excuse me, Ma'am, how many people live here?"
The woman replies, "Me and my 12 children".
"Wow" the man exclaims, "I had better go get an extra record sheet so I can write down all of their names".
"No, you won't need to" she says, "I named them all Leeroy".
The man stops for a second with a puzzled look on his face. "But Ma'am, how do you call them each to dinner?"
"I just yell 'Leeroy, time for dinner!' and they all come".
"But then how do you get them to go to bed?"
"Same thing. I just yell 'Leeroy, time for bed!' and they all get to bed".
"So what do you do when you want to speak to them one on one?"
"That's easy, I just call them by their last name."
What is your age, madam?
Asked the Enumerator, taking details for the census.
Lady - "Thirty, sir."
Enumerator - "If I don't mistake, you were thirty at the last census, ten years ago."
Lady - "Well, my man, I'm not the person who says one thing today and another tomorrow."
Source: 1913 newspaper
A census taker
An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.
"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."
"A what?" the man asked.
"A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."
"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me; I have no idea."
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying…..
"I must have taken Leif off my census."
A census enumerator is working out in the country when he knocks on the door of a farmhouse.
A woman opens the door, and the man explains he's with the census and she agrees to do the interview. Eventually he gets to the part where he asks if she has children.
Let's see, says the woman, There's Timmy and Tammy; they're 4. There's Molly and Holly; they're 8. There's Terry and Larry; they're–
The census worker cuts her off, wide-eyed. You mean to tell me, he says, that you got twins EVERY time?!
The woman laughs and says Oh goodness, no! There was hundreds of times we didn't get anything!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A local census says that on average, 1 in every 4 guys is gay
I hope it's Dave- i think he's kinda cute
