cells Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious cells stories

What are the best Cells puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Cells? Well here is a complete list of Cells to have fun with:

A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

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Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape?

Because they had no bars on their cells!

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I missed a question on my biology exam today.

The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.

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Two red blood cells met and fell in love

but alas, it was in vein.

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So I took a biology test the other day...

One of the questions was, "name two things commonly found in cells."

Apparently, young blacks and latinos was not the right answer.

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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

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I took my Biology exam last Friday

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

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At a contest, I was asked to name one thing that is found in cells

Apparently 'Mexicans' was not the right answer

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Did you know that yeast cells are incestuous?

They're in-bread.

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Difference between a jewler and a jailor

One sells watches
One watches cells

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how did the gamete get rich?

because sex cells... Thank you thank you i'll be here all week.

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How many sperm cells do virgins have at any given time?

Ohh.. About a handful.

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Why did the molecular biologist want to make a porno film of gametes?

Because sex cells.

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Why did the biology magazine put a picture of gametes on their cover?

Because sex cells.

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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant

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Don Draper and Meiosis get together for an advertisement meeting. They agree on one thing.

Sex Cells.

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What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer

One sells watches, and the other watches cells.

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Kudos if you get the joke

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician each have their respective problem-solving skills tested by a group of researchers. They are each placed in separate locked 4x4 cells with walls made of cement and given a can of food. They are told to open the cans and get the food out using no other outside materials. The researchers leave the three to their own devices, then come back after an hour.

The physicist is first to be checked on. The researchers find him mouthing out complicated formulas in his head. After a moment, he swings his can into a wall with the proper amount of force and at the correct angle to split the can open.

The engineer is next. His cell is covered in dents, and he is eating from the remnants of a banged-up and broken can when the researchers find him.

Finally, the researchers visit the mathematician's cell. They find him huddled in a corner, cradling the can in his arms, and muttering, "Assume a can opener, assume a can opener, assume a can opener..."

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How do blondes' brain cells die?

Alone

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Pole, German and Russian get caught by the Devil (one with balls)

Pole, German and Russian get caught by the Devil. The Devil puts them all in separate cells and gives them two metal balls. He says I'll come back in a month if you can show me something with these balls that I haven't seen before I'll let you go.
He comes back after a month to check on the German:
- he's juggling two balls, 'Seen that one' says the devil
He checks the Russian:
- he has managed to balance one ball on top of the other. 'Seen that one too' says the Devil.
He checks on the Polish dude, and he lost one ball and broke the other.

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Philosophy majors are like stem cells

They have the potential to become whatever they want/need but they are equally unprepared for everything.

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Did you hear about the anemic guy that cut all the grass on earth in a square pattern?

He mow globe in cells

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So a group of nerve cells are mingling for the first time.

They look really nervous.

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My classmates and I used to argue all the time about the plural form of the word for female sex cells.

We'd go on and on and waste a lot of time in class, but finally it was resolved. Honestly, I'm glad it's ova.

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Where do you keep microscopic criminals?

In cells.

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How do a neckbeard's cells divide?

by m'tosis

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What's the most interesting thing that students learn while studying Meiosis?

Sex Cells.

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Two Frenchmen attempt to escape a POW camp...

The pair break out of their cells and manage to reach the wire fence in the dead of night. As Pierre scales the fence he stumbles, alerting a nearby guard, who calls out "Who's there?!"

"Meow!" Pierre shouts back, and he manages to creep away.

Now Francois climbs the fence and he stumbles and the guard again called, 'Who goes there?'

"Another cat!"

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Steve Jobs

What do cancer cells do when they get bored?

they get jobs

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I was thinking of making sperm-brand merchandise...

...because sex cells

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3D bioprinting an ear out of nose cells...

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Failed my biology test today...

when they asked "what is commonly found in cells" apparently "black people" wasn't the corrrect answer.

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If our body is made of cells, what's a picture made of?

Pixels.

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Why did the director put lots of sperms and eggs in his movie?

Sex cells.

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Where do we keep our thoughts detained?

In brain cells!

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Old people smell weird because

They are surrounded by hundreds upon thousands of skin cells that have fallen off of their bodies over the years.

Dead...

Like all of their friends...

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What do you call a women with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant

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You know what dead babies are useful for...

Stem cells



I'll see myself out.

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A recent study just came out saying that a sudden rapid loss of brain cells causes a person to see words or numbers upside down.

ยฟส‡ษฅbฤฑษน 'วืŸdoวd ษนวษฅส‡o oส‡ uวddษษฅ สŽืŸuo sbuฤฑษฅส‡ ษŸo puฤฑสž วsวษฅส‡ ห™สŽษนษนoส oส‡ วสŒษษฅ ส‡,uop noสŽ ส‡nq

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There are so many news articles about gametes nowadays...

I guess that goes to prove that sex cells.

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What is the difference between a physicist and a biologist?

A physicist is atoms studying themselves, while a biologist is cells that study themselves.

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What do you call a women with two brain cells?

Pregnant with twins

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How many brain cells does a woman have?

5.

One for each spot on the stove.
And one so she doesn't go "Moo!" when you pull her tits.

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I failed my Biology quiz yesterday.

The question was, "what is commonly found in the center of cells?" Apparently "niggers" is not a valid response.

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How do white blood cells rid the body of pathogens?

By protesting that the pathogens are "unacceptable" and demanding to speak to the body's manager to insist he throw the pathogens out or get a bad review on Yelp

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Two cells are walking down the street...

...when one of them stops suddenly and says, "I think I just dropped an electron!" The other replied, "Are you positive?"

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What do you call sperm cells in a condom?

Hosta-jizz

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Why do women have two more brain cells than a cow?

So when you rub there boobs they don't poo on the floor.

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What do cancer cells do when they're bored?

They get Jobbs.




My little 12 year brother made that up.

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best cells jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty cells gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these cells jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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