Cellmate Jokes
29 cellmate jokes and hilarious cellmate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cellmate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cellmate Short Jokes
Short cellmate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cellmate humour may include short inmate jokes also.
- A cannibal was in prison. One day, he ate his cellmate. The warden did not believe he had eaten the man. The cannibal threw up his hands in frustration.
- One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody I know my cellmate loves it
- My prison cell-mate just asked me if I was tight. Why does he care about how I spend my money?
- What did Oscar Pistorius say when his cellmate asked him how he ended up in prison? "I'm stumped."
- Did you hear about the guy who was sent to prison for poor grammar? His cellmate put his semi in his colon.
- In the Soviet Union, you could tell a joke three times . . . Once to your friend, once to the judge, and once to your cellmate
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Cellmate One Liners
Which cellmate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cellmate? I can suggest the ones about jail cell and prisoner.
- What does a single brain cell need? A cellmate
- Cellmate: what are you in here for? Me: (snuggling) my bunk is cold
- What's another word for cellmate? "Pen"-pal.
- Who is the only person over 60kg to ride a Melbourne Cup winner? Chris Munce's cellmate.
- Only 7 sleeps until Christmas!. For Bill Cosby's cellmate.
- Hillary Clinton walks into a bar "Careful!" exclaims her cellmate.
- What do you call a person who sleeps beside a black man? The cellmate.
- My new years resolution is to have more s**...! I Haven't told my cellmate yet though
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Cellmate Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about cellmate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean classmate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cellmate pranks.
A guy is spending his first night in prison
He hears someone in another cell shout out "37!" and the whole cell block bursts out laughing.
Another guy shouts out "74!" Same thing.
"46!" and everyone loses their minds.
He asks his cellmate "What's going on? Why are the numbers so funny?"
"Well we've all been here so long we remember all the jokes by heart. To save time we just give them numbers and tell those instead."
"Oh I think I understand. Let me try. 63!"
There's dead silence.
The new guy says "What's wrong, is that one not funny?"
"Nah, it's a good one. Some people just don't know how tell a joke."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...
...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'
The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'
The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and s**... mommy's c**...'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An inmate went messing, and his cellmate, a cannibal, claimed he had eaten him
The warden didn't believe him, so the cannibal finally threw up his hands out of frustration.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.
The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.
"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.
"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."
"Do you really think I'm that s**...?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"
A man goes to prison.
The first night while he's laying in bed contemplating his situation, he hears someone yell out, "44!" Followed by laughter from the other prisoners.
He thought that was pretty odd, then he heard someone else yell out, "72!" Followed by even more laughter.
"What's going on?" he asked his cellmate.
"Well, we've all heard every joke so many times, we've given them each a number to make it easier."
"Oh," he says, "can I try?"
"Sure, go ahead."
So, he yells out "102!" and the place is dead quiet save for a few gasps. Confused, he looks at his cellmate who is just shaking his head.
"Hey, what happened?"
"Man, that's not cool. Lenny's mom just died."
So man goes to prison
On the first night while he's laying in bed contemplating his situation, he hears someone yell out, "44!" Followed by laughter from the other prisoners.
He thought that was pretty odd, then he heard someone else yell out, "72!" Followed by even more laughter.
" What's going on?" he asked his cellmate.
"Well, we've all heard every joke so many times, we've given them each a number to make it easier."
"Oh," he says, "can I try?"
" Sure, go ahead."
So, he yells out "102!" and the place goes nuts. People are whooping and laughing in a hysteria. He looks at his cellmate rolling on the ground with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
"Wow, good joke huh?"
"Yeah! We ain't never heard that one before!"
Prison ain't so bad
A newly arrived prisoner is sitting in his cell when his cellmate, a lifer who has been inside for 20 years, walks in and sees that the young guy is distressed.
Lifer: Don't worry kid, prison ain't so bad. Do you like to work with your hands?
NewMeat: Sure
Lifer: Well,on Monday we get to work in the Arts and Crafts building. You can paint,do woodworking, pottery whatever.
NewMeat: O.k. that's cool.
Lifer: Do you like Gourmet food?
NewMeat: Sure
Lifer: On Tuesdays a Chef comes in affixes anything you want to eat.
NewMeat: Sounds good
Lifer:Do you like movies?
NewMeat: Yeah
Lifer:Wednesdays we get to watch the latest films that are released to theatres.
NewMeat:Allright that's cool.
Lifer: Do you like Music?
NewMeat: Absolutely!
Lifer: Thursdays we get a concert from big name bands like U2 and Foo Fighters.
NewMeat: Wow!! that is cool!!
Lifer: Are you gay?
NewMeat: Uh, no I'm not gay
Lifer: Oh....... well you're not gonna like Friday's at all.
Prison jokes
A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.
The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."
So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number six!" There was dead silence in the cell block. He asks the older prisoner, "What's wrong? Why didn't I get any laughs?"
"Well," said the older man, "you messed up the punchline."
