Cellar Jokes
60 cellar jokes and hilarious cellar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cellar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud as we look at some of the best cellar jokes. Laugh along as we explore some of the funniest cellar-related puns, jokes, and one-liners. Enjoy classic jokes about merlot, semillon and other grapes, as well as age-related jokes about wines that have been aged in the cellar.
Funniest Cellar Short Jokes
Short cellar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cellar humour may include short basement jokes also.
- Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
- I told my wife that a Husband ages like wine. We get better with age. So she locked me in the cellar.
- How do you escape from a closed cellar without the keys? I don't know either, please help me.
- "I Like My Drinks Like I Like My Women" Cold, Stiff, and been in the cellar for the past few years.
- I like my women like... I like my women like i like my whiskey... 7 years old and right from the cellar.
- I've been vegan for a while, but I haven't told anyone since I'm afraid of the social consequences. I guess you could say I'm trapped in the root cellar
- I told my wife I was going down where the sun doesn't shine and that I wasn't coming back up until it had a good old spit shine. Our cellar is long overdue a cleaning, you see.
- JOSEPH FRITZL: Why don't you write a book about basements you can't escape from? It's bound to be a best cellar.
- What's the difference between fine wine and fine women? Fine wine doesn't try and escape from my cellar.
- You're like fine wine... I'd rather keep you in the cellar and brag to my friends that I bought you.
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Cellar One Liners
Which cellar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cellar? I can suggest the ones about cave and garage.
- I like my women like I like my wine... Twelve years old and in the cellar.
- What austrian girls and wine have in common? Both mature in a cellar.
- Good friends are like fine wine That's why I keep mine locked in the cellar.
- Where should pigs be stored safely? The swine cellar.
- What do you call a basement full of journeymen? A wine cellar.
- My family is like wine... Locked up in a barrel in the cellar
- I like my woman like I like my fine wine Ten years old and in my cellar
- What's cold and comes into its own in the cellar? Josef Fritzl
- Wine storage Why is wine storage so expensive?
It's a cellar's market - Women are like fine wines. I dont have any in my cellar.
- You know what's pretty cool? A cellar :)
- Why did the basement want to be a high rise? It was a motivated cellar. :|
- What do you call a basement full of feminists? A whine cellar.
- I like my whisky like I like my women Aged 12 years in a cellar.
- I like my girlfriends how I like my wine... 10 years old and locked in a cellar
Wine Cellar Jokes
Here is a list of funny wine cellar jokes and even better wine cellar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Good friends are like bottles of sweet wine .. that's why I keep mine locked in the cellar.
Witty Cellar Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about cellar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean attic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cellar pranks.
Celebrate
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.
"The word is celebrate not celibate," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
The Affluence of Incohol
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
Celebrate good times
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. he notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So the new monk goes to the head monk and asks him about this. He points out that if there'd been an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk says: 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' So he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
hours later, nobody has seen him. So one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying. he asks what's wrong.
'The world is "celebrate"!' says the old monk.
I do not have a drinking problem
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife that I had a drinking problem, and to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
Wrong spot
There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!"
A new monk arrives at the monastery.....
and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.
"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
32 Tanks Enter Ukraine From Russia
Ukrainian grandma says, "What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner? "
Ukrainian grandpa is getting another drink, but yells, "I don't know" from the cellar.
"There's only one dirtbag in a vacuum," she replies, but no one is in the room to hear her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my wine like I do my women....
... six years old, filled with alcohol and stored in my cellar.
A man gets in a fight with his wife
A man gets in an argument with his wife during dinner. After the meal, the husband furiously runs down to their wine cellar and opens a bottle of vintage wine. Magically, a genie comes out of the bottle and says "You have freed me. You now have three wishes. But you should know, whatever you wish for, your wife will get double."
The man says "I understand. My first wish will be a large beach house."
The genie snapped his fingers and said "Your new beach house is waiting for you. But your wife now has two beach houses right next to yours."
"That's fine" the man said. "How about a nice sports car?"
The genie snapped his fingers and said "Your brand new sports car is in your garage. But your wife now has two sports cars. You have one more wish."
The man thought and thought about what his last wish should be. After a few hours of thinking, he stood up and told the genie "I wish you would beat me half to death."
Monks had it all wrong
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.
"The word is *celebrate*, not *celibate!*," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
What do Badgers and Gynecologists have in common?
they both like to root around in your cellar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my wine
kept in a crate in the cellar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a basement full of progressives?
A whine cellar.
One day I was playing...
I was about seven years old—and I saw the cellar door open just a crack. Now my folks had always warned me: Emo, whatever you do, don't go near the cellar door. But I had to see what was on the other side if it killed me, so I went to the cellar door, pushed it open and walked through, and I saw strange, wonderful things—things I had never seen before— like ... trees, grass, flowers, the sun—that was nice!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Did Louis c**... Perform at the Comedy Cellar?
He wanted to make a cumback!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had an unhappy childhood. Many's the night I've spent t**... in a burlap sack in the cellar after a thorough beating.
But it doesn't make up for my childhood.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents allways warned me to never h**... through the cellar door and one day when i was fifteen i pushed it open and saw some incredible things i never saw before...
Like trees, and birds, green grass and the sun, my god it was beautiful.
An Irish girl came home with a depressed look on her face.
Her mother says "What's wrong m'deary?" Her daughter says "I've got a case of chlamydia.".
The mother says "Tis fine love. Put it down in the cellar. Your father will drink anything.".
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of red wine. The bartender's therapy dog leaps to his feet, races across the room, runs down the stairs to the wine cellar and within moments returns with a lovely bottle of cabernet savignon in his jaws which he drops gently at the bartender's feet. "Wow, that dog is amazing," the guy says. "What kind is it?" "Oh, he's nothing special," the bartender replies. "Just a bordeaux collie."
The monks were in the monastery copying those beautiful illuminated manuscripts.
One young monk suggested that, since they'd been copying copies, it might be time to go back to the original and make sure that their copies were correct. The abbot agreed and sent the monk down into the cellar to examine the original. The monk was gone for a long time, and finally the abbot went to look for him. He found the monk in tears and asked what was wrong. Through his tears, the monk blurted out, The word was celebrate!
