Cell Phone Jokes
110 cell phone jokes and hilarious cell phone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cell phone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Cell Phone Short Jokes
Short cell phone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cell phone humour may include short cellphone jokes also.
- How is a toddler like a cell phone? If you can't find it in three days it's probably dead.
- Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.
- My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
- How is a toddler like a cell phone? If you can't find it within three days, you can presume it's dead.
- I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies. My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
- What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon? 1/6 G
My 8 year old son came up with this one. - What do AMC and Robinhood have in common? Like AMC, Robinhood is asking their patrons to please turn their cell phones off as they are disturbing its customers.
- While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone. I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
- While I was driving I saw a someone driving while talking on a cell phone. I got so mad I threw my beer at him.
- Notice at a religious place Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
Share These Cell Phone Jokes With Friends
Cell Phone One Liners
Which cell phone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cell phone? I can suggest the ones about mobile phone and phone.
- Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? He had lost his contacts!
- Why did the cell phone need glasses? Because it ran out of contacts.
- I got a new cell phone for my wife... Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
- Yo momma is so fat, shes got more "coverage" than my cell phone provider
- Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high? He was always Roman.
I'm sorry. - What do prisoners use to make phonecalls? Cell phones.
- How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!
- How does a prisoner make a call? He uses a cell phone...
- What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills? The Romans.
- Two 5G cell phone engineers got married. The wedding stunk but the reception was great!
- What did the cat say on his cell phone? Can you hear meow?
- What is Sauron's favorite brand of cell phone? Mordorola
- Two cell phone towers got married The wedding was terrible but the reception was amazing.
- Why did the cell phone go see an optometrist? It needed contacts.
- What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock? A Nokia
Old Cell Phone Jokes
Here is a list of funny old cell phone jokes and even better old cell phone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What happens when a phone goes to jail? It becomes a cell phone!
(Courtesy my 6 year old)
Comedy Cell Phone Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about cell phone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new phone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cell phone pranks.
So there are two blondes stranded on an island....
One of them finds a lamp, rubs it, and a genie pops out. He says, "I shall grant you each one wish". The blonde who rubbed the lamp requests a cell phone to call for help, however, it was useless because there was no reception on the island. The second blonde said, "I want to be smarter than this other blonde!" So, the genie pointed her to the bridge.
REQUEST: Jokes about Italians
I vaguely remember a joke about Italians talking with their hands, maybe while driving and/or on cell phones. If anyone remembers a joke like this, I will give them all of my upvote.
An elderly couple is taking a Sunday drive on I-80
when the wife gets a call on her new-fangled cell-phone. Her daughter is frantic, "Mom, there is a lunatic driving the wrong way down the road on I-80 near your house!"
The wife turns to her husband and says, "Did you hear that? Some maniac is driving down the wrong side of the road!"
The husband screams, "One lunatic?! There are hundreds of them!"
As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.
She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.
"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."
Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...
He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.
First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!
!!BAD DRIVERS!!
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"
Two men are hiking in the woods.
Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"
An old man goes in to town...
An old man decides to go into town one day to run some errands. On the way back, his wife calls his cell phone.
"Look out honey, I just saw on the news that there's a car driving the wrong way on the interstate."
"Not just one car, they all are!"
Texting messages on the cell phone at 12 midnight ...
- How are you baby?
- I am in bed and thinking about you … And you my dear?
- I am at a club … And sitting right behind you!!
I got a new German cell phone
I put it on airplane mode. It locked me out and then crashed
How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.
An English guys digs the ground 100 feet...
and finds telephone wires, he says this proves that we had telephone 100 years ago. An American guy digs 200 feet and finds telephone wires, he says this proves we had telephone 200 years ago. A Turkish guy, digs the ground 2000 feet and finds nothing, he says this proves that we had cell phones 2000 years ago.
Three blondes are in an elevator
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
A worried elderly lady calls her husband on his cell phone...
"Please be careful," she tells him worriedly. "I heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway."
To which he replies, "It's not just one car, it's all of them!"
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
Two friends go hunting one day...
Suddenly, one of them collapses and does not seem to be breathing. The other pulls out his cell phone and calls the cops. He says, "Help. I think my friend is dead." The cop tells him, "Calm down. First of all, make sure he is actually dead." The cop hears a gunshot on the line and that person say, "Okay, what's the next step?"
A father caught his teenage son filming a lewd act on his cell phone with his girlfriend. He was outraged, having thought that he had raised his son to be better than this.
In his rage, he shouted, "Son! I never, ever want to see you film vertically ever again!"
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!
" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard," he says. She got in the back-seat by mistake."
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
Got up in the middle of the night, and couldn't find my alarm clock
Checked the time on my cell phone, it was 4:04. Made sense.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"
A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.
"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"
His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"
How do they communcate in prison?
Cell phones...
--Batman
A phone gets thrown into a jail cell
His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"
The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery"
I never really understood the hype about having two cell phones
I guess you could say I'm a single celled organism
My sister and her husband live next to a bunch of cell phone towers, and they're concerned it's going to affect the health of their children.
*If* they can stop having miscarriages.
Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?
'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)
He's a good boy.
A teenage girl is having a heated argument with her mother about her boyfriend, whom the mother does not like at all. "You can ground me, you can take my cell phone, but I am still seeing Roger". "I don't think he's any good" said mom. "He is too a good boy, why else would he be doing 200 hours of community service?".
I took Blondie to the movies
Just as the movie was about to start, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I whispered. "The movie is about to start."
"I have to go outside," she said.
"Why on Earth do you have to go outside right now?"
"The movie man said to silence my cell phone," she pointed at the screen.
"So why do you have to leave?" I asked again, as nicely as I could. "I left it in the car, duh."
"Okay. Go ahead. I'll save you some popcorn."
A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.
"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"
How do prisoners communicate?
CELL-phones
I had my wedding under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great but the reception was excellent.
What is a priest's cell phone provider?
v**... mobile
Wife is calling her husband on the cell phone
W: Honey, please drive carefully. TV news just said some crazy manic is driving on the wrong side of the highway
H: ONE??!!! THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF THEM!!!!!
An elderly woman called 911...
An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"
The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.
Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.
"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."
How do prisoners contact each other?
Cell Phones!
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception
What type of phones do they use in jail?
Cell phones. Duh!
A jealous boyfriend.
A jealous boyfriend catches his girlfriend whispering quietly into her cell phone very late one night. Are you cheating? her angry boyfriend asks. Is there somebody else? The girlfriend laughs and replies, Do you really think I'd still be dating you if there were someone else?
Remain Calm :)
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line
What do cell phones and babies have in common?
If you lose one, they'll be dead in less than a week.
What do you call an organic phone?
A cell phone.
My friend called me from jail
He was using a cell phone
Two engineers are handling a prototype for a new cell phone that they worked on
First engineer: "There's no bezel and it's all made of glass, this thing is going to break so easily!"
Second engineer: "Are you saying that we should redesign this from scratch?!"
First engineer: "Well I think a good case could be made.."
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Hunting gone wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
Hunting Gone Horribly Wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up
Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.
The telecom technician replies: "For God's sake, what will be going on when we then put the mast into operation?"
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Two hunters are out in the woods
...when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
A politician visited a small remote rural town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the Town Mayor. "First, we have a clinic but no doctors."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, "I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cell phone reception at all in our town.
The son of a b**...
Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
I just got my COVID-19 vaccine today
I don't understand what everyone is so worried about, I haven't experienced any strange side effects. This thing is completely safe.
In unrelated news, I finally have good cell phone reception and my Internet speeds have never been better!
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.
It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....
....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.
Bob's anniversary
Bob was out fishing when he realized that it was his wedding anniversary. Hoping to save face, he headed to shore. He left the marina and started driving to the nearest Hallmark store to buy his wife a card and a gift. His truck's engine started sputtering and died on the road.
Bob was fairly mechanical, so he figured he could fix the problem. He couldn't. Just to top it off, his cell phone was dead. and he couldn't call for help.
He slowly began to realize that he was stuck between a dock and a card place.
A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......
When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.
After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?
the horse
A veterinarian walks into a bar and orders a drink. He strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him, who asks what he does. "I'm a veterinarian," the vet says. "Really?" the guy asks. "Say, I own a horse and was wondering if you could help me." He pulls out his cell phone and call up a photo of a horse's head. "See his teeth? Can you tell me what's wrong?" "Sorry," the vet says, "I don't look a .gif horse in the mouth."
