Cell Phone Jokes
110 cell phone jokes and hilarious cell phone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cell phone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cell Phone Short Jokes
Short cell phone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cell phone humour may include short cellphone jokes also.
- How is a toddler like a cell phone? If you can't find it in three days it's probably dead.
- Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.
- My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
- I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies. My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
- What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon? 1/6 G
My 8 year old son came up with this one. - What do AMC and Robinhood have in common? Like AMC, Robinhood is asking their patrons to please turn their cell phones off as they are disturbing its customers.
- Notice at a religious place Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
- I got a new German cell phone I put it on airplane mode. It locked me out and then crashed
- You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison. You just have to have cell coverage.
- Where I live, I have poor cell phone coverage. I also have to drive several miles to get decent food and shopping. The struggle is rural.
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Cell Phone One Liners
Which cell phone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cell phone? I can suggest the ones about mobile phone and phone.
- Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high? He was always Roman.
I'm sorry. - What do prisoners use to make phonecalls? Cell phones.
- What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills? The Romans.
- Two 5G cell phone engineers got married. The wedding stunk but the reception was great!
- What did the cat say on his cell phone? Can you hear meow?
- What is Sauron's favorite brand of cell phone? Mordorola
- What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock? A Nokia
- My friend called me from jail He was using a cell phone
- What type of phones do they use in jail? Cell phones. Duh!
- How do they communcate in prison? Cell phones...
--Batman - You didn't hear the joke about cell phones? Probably because it had a bad reception
- How do prisoners contact each other? Cell Phones!
- What do you call an organic phone? A cell phone.
- How did the inmates communicate to their families after visiting hours? Cell phones.
- What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson? A gap in coverage.
Old Cell Phone Jokes
Here is a list of funny old cell phone jokes and even better old cell phone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What happens when a phone goes to jail? It becomes a cell phone!
(Courtesy my 6 year old)
Comedy Cell Phone Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about cell phone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new phone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cell phone pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three blondes are stranded on an island.
A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.
So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.
The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,"Let's go over the bridge."
I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much they can charge me.
What do dogs and cell phones have in common?
They both have collar ID.
REQUEST: Jokes about Italians
I vaguely remember a joke about Italians talking with their hands, maybe while driving and/or on cell phones. If anyone remembers a joke like this, I will give them all of my upvote.
I couldn't understand why the battery in my cell phone was always flat.
Then it occurred to me; it wouldn't fit if it was any other shape.
A Canadian in New York
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was just at a cell phone convention and stopped at the v**... Mobile booth.
It was just a bunch of nuns in wheelchairs.
I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...
He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.
First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!
I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are in the woods hunting
one falls into a pit. His friend calls 911 on his cell phone. He tells the operator, "My friend fell into a pit. I think he might be dead!" The operator tells him, "Ok sir. Please remain calm. First, make sure he's dead." There's a pause, followed by a gun shot. Then the man comes back on the line and says, "Okay. Now what?"
Two men are hiking in the woods.
Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"
Texting messages on the cell phone at 12 midnight ...
- How are you baby?
- I am in bed and thinking about you … And you my dear?
- I am at a club … And sitting right behind you!!
FETAL ATTRACTION
Q: How does one human embryo talk to another human embryo?
A: It uses a stem cell phone.
How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.
An English guys digs the ground 100 feet...
and finds telephone wires, he says this proves that we had telephone 100 years ago. An American guy digs 200 feet and finds telephone wires, he says this proves we had telephone 200 years ago. A Turkish guy, digs the ground 2000 feet and finds nothing, he says this proves that we had cell phones 2000 years ago.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
`Why can't you get cell phone service when you're n**...?
Why can't you get cell phone service when you're n**...? No shirt, no shoes, no service.
I loaned my cell phone to Bill Cosby
Now I can't get it to wake up.
So they have warning signs for drivers to look out for pedestrians on their cell phone now.
Put up warning signs for pedestrians that the driver might be looking at their cellphone. Problem solved
The Dallas shooting suspect demanded a cell phone. The police met his demand
In fact they gave him the latest phone, the brand new Samsung Galaxy C4
Cellphone Anger Management
Some people get angry when their cell phone runs out of power: they just need to find an outlet.
If your social security number was your cell phone number...
what would your number be?
What did the cat say when he lost cell phone reception?
Can you hear me meow?
I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
Got up in the middle of the night, and couldn't find my alarm clock
Checked the time on my cell phone, it was 4:04. Made sense.
What do mobile phones have but also lack?
Cells
A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.
"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"
His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"
I never put a case on my cell phone.
It just feels better unprotected.
A phone gets thrown into a jail cell
His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"
The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery"
I never really understood the hype about having two cell phones
I guess you could say I'm a single celled organism
My sister and her husband live next to a bunch of cell phone towers, and they're concerned it's going to affect the health of their children.
*If* they can stop having miscarriages.
Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?
'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)
I call my cell phone "privilege"
Because I never check it
He's a good boy.
A teenage girl is having a heated argument with her mother about her boyfriend, whom the mother does not like at all. "You can ground me, you can take my cell phone, but I am still seeing Roger". "I don't think he's any good" said mom. "He is too a good boy, why else would he be doing 200 hours of community service?".
I took Blondie to the movies
Just as the movie was about to start, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I whispered. "The movie is about to start."
"I have to go outside," she said.
"Why on Earth do you have to go outside right now?"
"The movie man said to silence my cell phone," she pointed at the screen.
"So why do you have to leave?" I asked again, as nicely as I could. "I left it in the car, duh."
"Okay. Go ahead. I'll save you some popcorn."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is a priest's cell phone provider?
v**... mobile
Turns out my car is a cell phone
It's definitely no Kia.
Where is a phone thief incarcerated?
A cell
An elderly woman called 911...
An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"
The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.
Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.
"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."
How do Osteoclasts communicate with monocytes?
Cell phones
A jealous boyfriend.
A jealous boyfriend catches his girlfriend whispering quietly into her cell phone very late one night. Are you cheating? her angry boyfriend asks. Is there somebody else? The girlfriend laughs and replies, Do you really think I'd still be dating you if there were someone else?
What do cell phones and babies have in common?
If you lose one, they'll be dead in less than a week.
What company do fish buy their cell phones from ?
LG
Why is a cell phone the best traveling buddy?
Because they're portapal
Tom Brady, Hilary Clinton, and Urban Meyer walk into a bar.
None of them can get an Uber home because they've all destroyed their cell phones.
Best way to ignore someone?
Ironically, a cell phone..
Two engineers are handling a prototype for a new cell phone that they worked on
First engineer: "There's no bezel and it's all made of glass, this thing is going to break so easily!"
Second engineer: "Are you saying that we should redesign this from scratch?!"
First engineer: "Well I think a good case could be made.."
Buddy in prison got his hands on a cell phone.
Sent me a context.
TIL that the majority of car companies make cell phones,
Except for Dodge, they just make Chargers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a c**... Chef, a pro pool player, a white guy, a cell phone store employee, a game show host, a military recruiter, a plate of food, and a led blimp?
(Now read it backwards)
A man sees a listing for a cell phone on eBay but he doesn't see a price.
There's only a description that said it was broken, as well as the picture.
Because he was only gonna use it for parts, he contacts the seller.
How much for the cell phone? Asks the man.
The seller replies No charge .
Hunting gone wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
Hunting Gone Horribly Wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up
Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.
The telecom technician replies: "For God's sake, what will be going on when we then put the mast into operation?"
Two hunters are out in the woods
...when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The son of a b**...
Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
I just got my COVID-19 vaccine today
I don't understand what everyone is so worried about, I haven't experienced any strange side effects. This thing is completely safe.
In unrelated news, I finally have good cell phone reception and my Internet speeds have never been better!
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.
It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....
....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.
