Cell Jokes
158 cell jokes and hilarious cell puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cell that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for the best cell jokes to tell your teacher or friends? Look no further! Check out this collection of jokes about plant cell, animal cell, stem cell, red blood cell, sickle cell, and T-cell, as well as some eukaryote and prison jokes.
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Funniest Cell Short Jokes
Short cell jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cell humour may include short column jokes also.
- If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
- Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape? Because they had no bars on their cells!
- My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results... ... speak for themselves
- How is a toddler like a cell phone? If you can't find it in three days it's probably dead.
- Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.
- Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!
- Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.
- TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O". I guess you can call it a typo.
- I failed a biology test today, they had asked me what was commonly found in cells Apparently black people was not the answer.
- My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Share These Cell Jokes With Friends
Cell One Liners
Which cell one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cell? I can suggest the ones about body and mobile.
- What do you call Andrew Tate in a romanian prison? In-cell
- I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell
- Liberals declared leukemia to be racist There's too many white cells.
- Two red blood cells met and fell in love but alas, it was in vein.
- Why did the black man walk into a bar? Because the cell door was still locked.
- Why did the red blood cell misspell his name? It was a type-o.
- Did you know that yeast cells are incestuous? They're in-bread.
- There was a woman selling batteries in the park today.. She sells C-cells by the seesaw
- Why does the cell always fail at Math? It performs division for multiplication.
- Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce? Because they grew a part.
- How does a nucleus get out of prison? Through the cell wall.
*Badum tss* :D - Why couldn't the plant escape the jail? Because his cell had walls.
- A black guy walks into a bar. Don't worry he's still in his cell.
- What do you call a person obsessed with the powerhouse of the cell? Mitochondriac
- Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high? He was always Roman.
I'm sorry.
Cell Phone Jokes
Here is a list of funny cell phone jokes and even better cell phone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies. My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
- What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon? 1/6 G
My 8 year old son came up with this one. - What do AMC and Robinhood have in common? Like AMC, Robinhood is asking their patrons to please turn their cell phones off as they are disturbing its customers.
- Notice at a religious place Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
- What do prisoners use to make phonecalls? Cell phones.
- I got a new German cell phone I put it on airplane mode. It locked me out and then crashed
- You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison. You just have to have cell coverage.
- Where I live, I have poor cell phone coverage. I also have to drive several miles to get decent food and shopping. The struggle is rural.
- What happens when a phone goes to jail? It becomes a cell phone!
(Courtesy my 6 year old) - Texting messages on the cell phone at 12 midnight ... - How are you baby?
- I am in bed and thinking about you … And you my dear?
- I am at a club … And sitting right behind you!!
Jail Cell Jokes
Here is a list of funny jail cell jokes and even better jail cell puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers.
- Why didn't the mitochondria worry about being beat up in jail? Because he was the powerhouse of the cell.
- So a black man walks into a bar... Hes blind and in a jail cell
- A phone gets thrown into a jail cell His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"
The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery" - Why did the biologist lock himself in jail with an engineer, a physicist and a medical doctor? Because he wanted to work with STEM Cells
- My friend called me from jail He was using a cell phone
- What type of phones do they use in jail? Cell phones. Duh!
- R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom. Can't wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.
- FIFA walks into a jail cell...
- Did you hear that the star of Con Air was arrested and put in a jail cell filled with pennies, dimes, and quarters? It was a nickel-less cage.
Cell Biology Jokes
Here is a list of funny cell biology jokes and even better cell biology puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; "what is something commonly found in cells?"
Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer - What does prison have in common with biology? Cell culture.
- Why don't criminals study biology? Too many cells
- So my biology teacher asked me what are in cells... I said "black people" and somehow that wasn't right
- Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division. Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.
- In Biology, I learned Mitochondria was the powerhouse of the cell In Prison, I learned Bubba was the powerhouse of the cell
Brain Cell Jokes
Here is a list of funny brain cell jokes and even better brain cell puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Brain cells die, skin cells die, hair cells die But fat cells must have accepted jesus as their lord savior because of their eternal life
- What does a single brain cell need? A cellmate
- How do blondes' brain cells die? Alone
- What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor
(My nephew is watching Spongebob please send help my brain cells are leaving one by one) - To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant. But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.
- What makes a kids' show good? The kids only having a few brain cells.
- I have two brain cells. One for each side of a pentagon.
- What do you call a grandma that know martial arts? A grandmartial artist.
I apologise for any lost brain cells. - You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
- What do you call 10000 heads and 1 brain cell? A gay pride parade
Fun-Filled Cell Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about cell you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean particle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cell pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman visits her husband in prison
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"b**...! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
Anyone there?
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away:
"Hello! We're down here..."
Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument?
He was baroque.
What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?
Lets get Jobs!
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
Why are the Ninja Turtles on the No-Fly list?
Because they are members of an underground Splinter cell.
A man is spending his first night in prison...
He's laying in his bunk when the lights go out. After a few minutes, he hears someone shout, "13!" followed by a chorus of laughter.
Another few minutes go by and he hears, "27!" followed by more laughter.
"What's going on?" he asks his cell mate.
"Well, we've heard the same jokes so many times, we just gave them all numbers so we don't have to waste time repeating them."
A little more time passes and then someone erupts, "34!" to a few guffaws.
The man decides to try and join in by yelling, "19!"
He is greeted by silence. He asks his bunkmate, "Why didn't they laugh?"
His bunkmate replies, "You didn't tell it right."
I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...
He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.
First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sitting in a jail cell
and it's killing me that I was arrested for something so s**.... On a dare, I robbed a kitchen supply store. Sure, the expensive knives would have been great, and who doesn't want a food processor?
But all in all, it just wasn't work the whisk.
"Now then" said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot.....
"I would like to know two things: First: why did you revolt? Second: how did you get out of our cell?" One of the three men stepped forward "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful". "I see. And the cell, what did you use to break the bars?" "Toast" replied the leader,
How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.
A woman is calling her cell provider...
Woman: I don't get my text messages
Tech support: Have you tried reading them again?
An English guys digs the ground 100 feet...
and finds telephone wires, he says this proves that we had telephone 100 years ago. An American guy digs 200 feet and finds telephone wires, he says this proves we had telephone 200 years ago. A Turkish guy, digs the ground 2000 feet and finds nothing, he says this proves that we had cell phones 2000 years ago.
So my house got broken into while I was away and the monitoring company called my cell...
"Hello, this is Xfinity home security. We see your alarm is going off and we can have someone respond to it next week Thursday between 8 Am and 5 pm, will that work for you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
A car broke down on a Native Reservation...
...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"
"Piston broke", he replied.
"So are we. Get in."
Cell references in excel are like gold diggers.
If you want them to stay in the same place you have to throw some money at them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
guy just got out of prison
And he's talking about his first night there with a buddy. He was assigned a cell on the third tier balcony, with a 300 lb muscle head. So he says his new cell mate gave him an ultimatum: have s**..., or jump off the blacony.
His buddy then asks, "so did you jump? "
He answers, "just a little at first"
Why is cellphone reception so good in Wisconsin
Even the smallest towns have at least 4 bars
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...
...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'
The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'
The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and s**... mommy's c**...'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making f**... engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
Dear Judge
If you're going to put us all in prison for pirating music at least have the mercy to put us in a cell with people who like the same genre!
(Not my joke, heard it somewhere and I thought it was funny)
What do you call someone who works for buzzfeed?
A cancer cell
Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV?
He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"
The cellphone goes off in class...
Bully: "Aww, Is your Mommy calling you?"
The class emerges in snickers.
You: "Nope. Yours is."
The class becomes silent.
A biologist is sent to prison,
The first words he says to his cell mate, "I am the mitochondria."
Why do cellular biologists never agree with mathematicians?
For them, division and multiplication are the same thing.
A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.
"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"
His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving through the desert.
The car breaks down, and they've got no cell reception, so they have to walk to get help. The brunette says "I'll grab the bottled water in case we get thirsty." The redhead says, "I'll grab the snacks in case we get hungry."
The blonde rips the drivers side door off its hinges. "I'll take this door, so if we get hot, I can roll the window down."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So how long are you in for? I asked my cell mate.
Only for a couple of minutes, then I'm usually done he replied as he carried on thrusting.
Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?
'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)
A red blood cell was found stealing oxygen...
They had to make a cardiac arrest.
He's a good boy.
A teenage girl is having a heated argument with her mother about her boyfriend, whom the mother does not like at all. "You can ground me, you can take my cell phone, but I am still seeing Roger". "I don't think he's any good" said mom. "He is too a good boy, why else would he be doing 200 hours of community service?".
School Logic
Me: What are taxes and how do I pay them?
School: Worry not
School: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.
The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and
the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician,
charged with
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put
this man in a dry
cell!"
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guard: Get in your cell
Prisoner: You can't make me. You don't run this cell.
Guard: *rips mask off to reveal mitochondria*
Actually, I do
An elderly woman called 911...
An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"
The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.
Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.
"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."
My roommate's cellphone broke
He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
What did the cat say on his cell phone?
Can you hear meow?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend's cellphone service s**...!
Eight days ago when she said, "We're breaking up," the call ended, and it's
gone straight to voicemail ever since.
What do the mitochondria and a prison generator have in common?
They are both the powerhouse of the cell.
After being sent to prison, I quickly earned the nickname "Mitochondria."
I was the powerhouse of the cell.
What's the difference between Trump and a single cell organism? l.
Single cell organisms have a wall
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An inmate asked his cell mate what he was in for.
The man said he was in for murdering a man. He asked what he was in for.
Honestly I shouldn't be in here. They said it was because I had s**... with a woman.
The man raised an eyebrow and asked did she consent?
Yes. She consented.
How old was she?
23.
Then why did they put you in here?
The man scoffed and replied, they said dog years don't count.
It was very easy to escape from prison.
The WiFi was so bad that there were zero bars on my cell.
Two red blood cells are talking to two platelets...
One red blood cell says "I heard you two finally tied the clot!"
The other says "Coagulations!"
Hunting gone wrong
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up
Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.
The telecom technician replies: "For God's sake, what will be going on when we then put the mast into operation?"
A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength...
So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since vegans can't beat their meat what do they call m**...?
Stem cell research.
What do anti-vaxxers and 5g conspiracists have in common?
They both are afraid of improving cell service.
Two hunters are out in the woods
...when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?
Why are chromosomes like fighting prisoners?
They both get pulled apart to opposite sides of the cell.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The son of a b**...
Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One cell looks at another and asks why is meiosis so popular?
The other looks back and says Well, s**... cells.
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
Two Russians meet in a prison cell...
"How long?" the first one asks.
"Fifteen years. You?"
"Ten, for politics. What're you in for?"
"For nothing."
"Liar! For nothing, you get five years!"
