The Best 44 Celery Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Celery jokes. There are some celery artichokes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these celery onions puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Celery Jokes and Puns

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.

He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."

So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...

He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."

Celery joke, So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose no

Doctor's Visit

A man goes to the doctor and complains he's not feeling well.

The doctor looks at him and notices he has a stick of celery up one nostril a carrot up the other and broccoli sticking out of his ears.

The doctor says " I know what's wrong,your not eating properly"!

We had a nice, quiet dinner last night...

Except for the Celery, of course!

A carrot and a celery are walking down the street.

A car comes by and runs over the celery. The carrot picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. After waiting a long time the doctor comes out of the emergency room and the carrot jumps up and asks "Is he going to be okay?"

The doctor replies "Well... he's going to live, but he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery?

because celery stalks

Celery joke, Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery?

Celery is 95% water.

And 100% not pizza.

What does pubic hair and celery have in common?

Just move it to the side and keep eating.

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their celery stick.

I never thought

that celery was such a stalker..

You can explore celery carrot reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean celery lettuce dad jokes. There are also celery puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Two office workers are chatting by the water cooler

"I has a nice quiet dinner with the wife last night" one says.

"Oh yeah?" The other responds.

"Yeah, except for the celery."

Do vegans get paid hourly or celery?

That's it. That was the joke. No witty punchline or anything like that. Sorry.

What did the hungry boss give his worker?

Their celery!

I used to have a job eating vegetables

I hated it, but the celery was good

Is it wrong to steal Scottish mythological creature's vegetables?

Not Nessy's Celery.


Celery joke, Is it wrong to steal Scottish mythological creature's vegetables?

Woman goes to a psychiatrist convinced her house is made of celery.

Psychiatrist tells her he's seen this sort of thing before ... it's called stalk home syndrome.

Why should you work for a vegetable factory?

Because they offer a good celery.

What did the bunny ask his boss for?

A raise in *celery*.

If the Loch Ness Monster exists, does that also mean it has a favourite vegetable?

Loch Ness' celery.

I used to work in a grocery store

I quit when I found out the guys in produce were making twice my celery.

Why did the chef quit his job?

They cut his celery

Who do you hang out with, a strawberry, a celery stick or a mushroom?

The mushroom because he's a fungi.

Why did the Potato call the police?

Because the Celery was stalking her.

Why was the celery arrested?

It was accused of stalking.

How much do you make selling vegetables?

A 5 figure celery.

How do you make a vegan happy?

Give them a celery increase

A man goes to see the doctor.

He has a carrot in his ear, a stick of celery up his nose and mash potato and peas in his hair.

Doctor says "You not eating right."

I recently got a job at a Vegetable farm.

It's hard work, but i get a decent celery.

Is it okay to eat a lake monster's vegetables?

Not Nessie's celery.

How did the bag of fertilizer help the vegetable farmer pay his mortgage?

It raised his celery...

My love life is a lot like a celery stick

I'm typically the better option, but everyone chooses junk food instead of me.

Due to COVID-19 a grocery store started paying its employees in vegetables

It was a weird celery

where do turnips, carrots, garlic and celery go to have sex?

a brothel

How does my basement taste?


Being stuck inside for a long time due to Covid, my wife started having recurring nightmares about how our house is made of celery.

Doctors think it is stalk home syndrome.

I applied to be a vegetable farmer..

They said they won't pay me hourly they'll pay me celery!

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul.

Even if it's cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And vodka

I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.

The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.

What did the lettuce say to the celery?

'Are you stalking me?'

Why did the vegetarian turn down the job at the green grocers?

The celery was unacceptable!

I quit my job after my boss started paying me in vegetables.

I couldn't live off of that celery.

These Farmers got arrested!

Did you hear why the celery farmer got arrested?

For stalking

Did you hear about the hay farmer that got arrested?

He's out on bail

Did you hear about the root vegetable farmer that got arrested?

He beet up his friend with a potato and didn't carrot all.

How did the rabbit get rich?

He had a raise in celery.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the celery nostril jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working celery shallot piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes