Celebrity Jokes

What are some Celebrity jokes?

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.

So wake me up when it's all over

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?

Reese, with her spoon

It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent.

Poor Chris Pratt

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....

.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.

He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.

His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."

Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."

I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.

That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

Newlywed Woman In Her 90s Is Interviewed

There was a lady in her 90s who became a sort of local celebrity because she had recently gotten married. The local news station decided to interview her. The interviewer asked questions like how it was to be a newlywed in her 90s.

"This isn't my first husband, so it's not much different than the others," she replied with a smile.

"Oh? How many husbands have you had?" the interviewer inquired. "This one will be my fourth," she replied.

"I was married in my 20s to a banker, then in my 40s to a circus performer. After that I married a preacher."

"What does your current husband do?"

"Oh he's a funeral director."

The interviewer laughed and then asked how she came to marry these men from such different backgrounds and personalities.

"It always made sense to me," she replied. "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Another sad news on an international celebrity...

Justin Bieber was found alive in her condo earlier today.

A guy is in a shipwreck…

The only survivors are him and (insert you favorite celebrity/supermodel here). The two are there for years and in spite of her celebrity and his relative ordinariness the two fall in love and live very happily together for many years. One day she tells him, "Ive been so happy with you these past years. I never would have thought I could be so happy alone with just one person in a situation like this. Is there anything that you truly miss that I might be able to do for you?" He said that his best friend back in the world was named Ed and he asked her if she would let him pretend that she was Ed for just a few minutes. She was very happy to be able to do something so simple for him and of course said yes. He said, "Great! Lets go for a walk on the beach." After a few minutes walking on the beach he turns to her and says,"Hey Ed, you'll never believe who I've been fuckin'!"

I was walking down a street in Hollywood and ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, I piy the fool!

I said, Hey, you missed a T!

What did Donald Trump say on the season finale of Celebrity President?

"Nuclear missiles ... you're fired!"

Unexpectedly meeting a celebrity is cool, unless....

It's Chris Hansen.

Just a joke I know.

There was a lady in her 90s who became a sort of local celebrity because she had recently gotten married. The local news station decided to interview her. The interviewer asked questions like how it was to be newlywed in her 90s.

"This isn't my first husband, so it's not much different than the others" She replied with a smile.

"Oh? How many husbands have you had?" The interviewer inquired.
"This one will be my fourth." She replied. "I was married in my 20s to a banker, then my 40s to a circus performer. After that I married a preacher"

"What does your current husband do?"
"Oh he's a funeral director."
The interviewer laughed and then asked how she came to marry these men from such different backgrounds and personalities.
"It always made sense to me." She replied "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

It's amazing how much has changed since the 80s

Back then we had a celebrity president with ultraconservative views and a cult following who was obsessed with a wall in the White House, a female Prime Minister with a complicated relationship with the EU and a total disregard for the poor of the country in Number Ten, the Russians were under a regime that made idols of their leaders, took part in mass espionage schemes and got involved in wars in Muslim Countries and we all lived in fear of Nuclear War.

Did you hear about the recent celebrity murder?

Sheryl Crow, Russel Crowe, and Cameron Crowe all happened to be in one room. Nobody was injured.

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

What's rich and has no talent?

A celebrity.

Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.

Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years?

Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years?

Michael Jackson

Did you hear about that celebrity who got caught stealing a whole bunch of cheese?

True story, it was Brie Larson.

If you could have sex with any dead celebrity, who would it be?

I'd choose Brittany Murphy because she'd still be relatively fresh.

Yoko Ono is apparently being lined up to assist with the bush tucker trials in the I'm a Celebrity jungle.

After all she has been living off a dead beetle for the last 36 years.

I ran into a celebrity while walking down Hollywood Boulevard. He had a mullet, tons of jewelry, and was yelling, I piy the fool!

I said, Hey, you missed a t.

What do celebrity horses eat?

Matthew McConaughay

Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.

JK

Now that Macron has won in France and Merkel heads Germany...

they shall be known by their celebrity couple name: Mackerel.

Who's the most generous celebrity?

Cher

What's a reindeer's favourite celebrity?

Beyonsleigh

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan

would be a Type-A Personality

Did you hear about the most recent celebrity drug addict?

I Don't know how we missed it for so long, but it turns out that Humpy Dumpty was actually a crack head

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.


They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."

Chris Brown has been receiving support from celebrity friends.

We wish Chris all the best and expect to see him soon, said O.J. Simpson.

Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents.


Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?

What's your favorite (non racist)dead celebrity joke? Here's mine: What did Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.

If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled.

The Unknown Celebrity

The Pope travels to America. Upon arriving in America, a limo comes to pick him up. The Pope, having a simple background, had never driven a limo before. So he excitedly asks the driver if he can drive the limo to the hotel. The driver, flabbergasted, had never heard such a request before and decided "why not?" And so, the Pope and the driver switch spots and pull out of the airport. On the freeway, the Pope gets a bit too excited and starts to push more on the accelerator. Suddenly the a siren rings out. The Pope pulls over and pulls out his passport. The cop walks up and the Pope rolls down the window. "What seems to be the problem officer?" The officer immediately recognizes His Holiness and runs back to squad car. He quickly radios into headquarters. "Boss, I just pulled over a huge celebrity! What should I do?" His captain radios back, "Well....who is it?" "Sir, I have no idea. But it has to be some one big....he's got the Pope driving for him!"

Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.

People have always told me, "Shoot for the stars"

So I became a celebrity hitman

Just when you think the celebrity deaths are done for 2016,

Wham! there's one more.

My girlfriend told me she enjoys celebrity impressions in bed, tonight I tried Jim Carrey

Apparentley "Like a glove" is crossing the line

Buzzfeed in 10 years...

"Celebrity Deaths of 2016"

\#4,562 will shock you!

What is the celebrity couple name for Kim Jong Un and Xi Jinping?

Kimchi

Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername?

"Witherspoon?"

"No, with a knife!"

Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

Did you hear about that Reese lady?

Guy 1: Hey, did you here about that celebrity that stabbed some poor guy to death? What was her name, Reese... Reese Wither... Wither...

Guy 2: Witherspoon?

Guy 1: No, with her knife.

Classic that I haven't seen for awhile

It's 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. Too cliche says Arnie. What about dead musicians. Great idea. I'll be Coltrane. What about you?

I'll be Bach.

When is the WORST time to meet your favorite celebrity?

When you are an eight year old in the hospital.

My wife Emily and I have a celebrity exemption rule for extramarital affairs.

Evidently she thought it included the actor playing George in the local production of "Our Town."

Some people say they would like to be the seat of this or that beautiful celebrity

I guess you could say they want to live vichairiously

What famous painting do cows love to look at?
The Moona Lisa.

What did the celebrity say to the tabloid?

"You discussed me!"

What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.

How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.

i can't believe the latest celebrity sex scandal involving jim henson...

apparently he was fisting his co workers for years and everyone just watched!

The Mitsubishi ASX is like any 60s/70s/80s celebrity.

It's old, attracts older people, has received many plastic surgeries, and just won't die already.

First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong...
God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.

Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.

Did you hear about that celebrity who got stabbed? Reese-Something?

"Witherspoon?"

"No, with a knife! How do you kill someone with a spoon?"

I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang".


I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

I can't believe that people voted a random celebrity into office...

...I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor? Really?

Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

Celebrity Chef Anthony Bourdain is to be cremated.

Gas mark 7 for about 40 minutes should do it.

Have you seen the news about the Seamus Costello Celebrity sex tape?

It's all about the star he ploughs.

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson

Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction.


He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.

Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.

Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.

"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"

The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...

Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.

The wrecking ball in the Miley Cyrus video isn'

t a wrecking ball it's one of Chuck Norris testicles.

Who is the most famous dry handed celebrity?

Kim Hard Ashy Hand

Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems.


They decide to throw a coin.
Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard."
Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT."
Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."

Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It got angry and bit at the champ!

A time-traveling FBI officer informed JFK that the tenth next president of the US would be a reality TV celebrity

JFK was mind blown

Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.

The reason only mostly out of work Hollywood celebrities can speak publicly for Trump

is because if any working celebrities did they would quickly become a mostly out of work Hollywood celebrity.

I want Trump to win the presidential election

We would be able to see a celebrity apprentice with only congressmen and women. It would be nice to see them work for a change.

If Americans cared about elections like they care about American Idol,

we would still end up with celebrity idiots in government.

Who's the biggest celebrity in the Vegetable world?

Ocra Winfrey

Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.

A grasshopper hops into a bar.

The bartender turns to him and says,

"Hey, you're quite a celebrity, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks at him surprised, and says,

"You have a drink called Steve?"

According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.

Who's the hungriest celebrity there is?

Reese with her spoon.

I was talking to a celebrity and he asked me what tv channel I knew him from

Apparently gay rabbit wasn't what he expected

How to make Celebrity jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Celebrity to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Celebrity? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Celebrity pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes