Celebrate Jokes
137 celebrate jokes and hilarious celebrate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about celebrate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This January, celebrate the power of laughter and humor! Join us as we reflect on the therapeutic benefits of jokes and look to ways to congratulate those who bring laughter and joy. Discover the importance of laughter in the Celebrate Recovery movement and the many ways we can all benefit from the joy of good old-fashioned humor.
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- Short Celebrate Jokes
- Celebrate One Liners
- Celebrate Birthdays Jokes
- Celebrate Christmas Jokes
- Celebrate Thanksgiving Jokes
- More Celebrate Jokes
Funniest Celebrate Short Jokes
Short celebrate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The celebrate humour may include short celebrating jokes also.
- Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
- I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
- In 2016, celebrities died and their legacies touched people. In 2017, celebrities touched people and their legacies died.
- As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
- I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th... Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
- I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
- I just found out that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like random strangers showing up at their door.
- Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.
- TodayI discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween... I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors
- I'm going to leave this world just like I entered it.. With me crying and the people around me celebrating.
Share These Celebrate Jokes With Friends
Celebrate One Liners
Which celebrate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with celebrate? I can suggest the ones about congratulate and birthday celebration.
- Today I celebrated my 365th day sober!! And it only took me 14 years
- I don't understand why people are celebrating pi day. It's irrational.
- Today I am celebrating 100 days without alcohol! Not consecutively, though.
- Today I celebrated my 62nd birthday. It was only a minute long.
- How did Elon Musk celebrate 420? With SpaceX going up in smoke.
- How does Kylo Ren celebrate Father's Day? Solo
- How does North Korea celebrate Christmas? With missile tows
- Which celebrity is always ready for cereal? Reese, with her spoon
- Just when we thought there were no more celebrities to die and then WHAM!
- Pride Month should be celebrated in September. As we know, Pride cometh before the Fall.
- I celebrate 4/20 On 1/5
Simplify your fractions! - Just when you think 2016 has finished killing celebrities... WHAM (George Michael)
- How do sunflowers celebrate the summer solstice? They turn up the "sun"tastic vibes!
- How did the programmer celebrate his birthday? var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];
- How do you organize a fantastic winter solstice celebration? Just chill and let it snow!
Celebrate Birthdays Jokes
Here is a list of funny celebrate birthdays jokes and even better celebrate birthdays puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend is turning 32 years old...I've told her not to get her hopes up. After all..we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."
"thirty-second birthday." - I gave my girlfriend a birthday celebration that lasted only half a minute After all, it was her thirty second birthday.
- I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year
- I'm turning 32 in a few months and I'm kinda depressed about it. I only get to celebrate my birthday for half a minute.... It's my thirty second birthday...
- What's an occasion they you only celebrate for half a minute? Your thirty-second birthday.
- I'm devastated that I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this March I was born in November
- 60th birthday Last year my mother should have been celebrating her , but because of drugs, alcohol and many hard years of addition. we all forgot...
- Today I'm only celebrating my birthday for half a minute! I guess you could say it's my thirty-second birthday.
- How does Google celebrate its birthday? With a search party.
- I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife's birthday. When I came back home, she was furious.
Celebrate Christmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny celebrate christmas jokes and even better celebrate christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do hackers celebrate Christmas on Halloween? Because Oct31 = Dec25
- Jewish If a Jew celebrates christmas they're only Jewish.
- I understand wanting to celebrate 11 additional days of Christmas for a total of 12... But all I can ever think about is some poor woman out there got 23 unwanted birds.
- Why do programmers celebrate Halloween and Christmas on the same day? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
- What does Christmas and a divorce have in common? Some celebrate it, some don't.
- The twelve days of Jokemas, day twelve What is Santa's favorite part of celebrating Christmas every year?
It's in the present
Merry Christmas everyone! - Why do mathematicians/programmers celebrate Halloween and Christmas on the same day? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
- "SANTA BEGONE!" That's the last time I hire a dyslexic priest! Now my family can't celebrate Christmas and my daughter's possessed.
- What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes? Jew-ish
- How do jews celebrate Christmas? By installing a parking meter on the roof.
Celebrate Thanksgiving Jokes
Here is a list of funny celebrate thanksgiving jokes and even better celebrate thanksgiving puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they don't like Turkey.
- Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they hate Turkey
- My family always celebrates Thanksgiving with a fast. The faster we eat, the more food we get.
- Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving! - We're celebrating Thanksgiving the old fashioned way at my place this year By inviting our neighbors over to eat and then killing them and taking their land
- Guy at work: They don't celebrate Thanksgiving in India, do they? Me: They would if Columbus had stopped to ask for directions...
- All Canadians are hipsters because they all celebrated Thanksgiving a month before it was cool.
- Who celebrates thanksgiving in Canada? All the turkeys that made it across the border.
- This year I decided I am going back to the real roots of Thanksgiving and celebrating it in the traditional fashion. I will be handing out smallpox blankets to Native Americans.
- Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: He was very thinkful.
Hilarious Celebrate Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about celebrate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean celebration of life jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make celebrate pranks.
My wife is turning 32 soon...
I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.
What are you talking about? she asked.
I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.
A tourist is in Russia and they see a frail little babushka sitting in front of her house, smoking a cigarette and drinking v**....
So he stops and asks her: "Excuse me, but are you celebrating something?"
"No, I drink a few bottles of v**... every day. Always have."
"Amazing. And the cigarettes?"
"At least four packs a day, since I was a little girl."
"That's amazing! May I ask, how old are you?"
"Twenty-five".
A husband and wife celebrate their 30th anniversary
That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom n**... and starts playing with her n**....
"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"
"I wanna to s**... them dry," he says.
She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"
"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.
She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"
"I think I did a pretty good job at both."
Dinner with my wife
I took my (now ex) wife to dinner to "celebrate" yet another anniversary. After drinking quite a bit I raised my glass and said:
"I love you and I can't imagine life without you"
She asked "Is that you or the wine talking?" and I told her
"That's me talking to the wine"
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
A husband and wife...
A husband and wife are celebrating their 10th anniversary. The husband surprises her and takes her on a vacation to a tropical island, far away. Getting excited the wife says, "If this is for our 10th anniversary then what are you planning for our 25th?" The husband says back, "I'll send over a jet to pick you up."
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
Book of Dad Jokes [X-Post with DadJokes]
A father and his son are having drinks at a bar to celebrate the birth of the son's first child.
The dad hands his son a thick, leather bound book and says, "son, this book is a collection of the world's greatest dad jokes. Now that you're a father, it's time that I passed it on to you."
The son gets a little teary and says, "oh, Dad, I'm touched." The father responds, "Nice to meet you Touched, I'm Dad."
A Michael Sam joke
After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien
A guy walks into a bar
He orders 9 scotches, straight up.
Bartender: "Wow, that's a a lot of scotch. You must be celebrating?"
Guy: "Yes. My first b**...."
Bartender: "Well then, the tenth one is me!"
Guy: "If the first nine don't get the taste out of my mouth, ten won't either."
A new monk arrives at the monastery.....
and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.
"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
Was walking by a mental hospital when...
I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.
Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day.
Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.
My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table
At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....
Husband and wife go to a club
They notice a guy on the dance floor giving everyone a show. He's breakdancing, moon walking and even throwing in a few backflips. The wife turns to the husband and says, "see that guy on the dance floor? He proposed to be 25 years ago and I turned him down!"
Husband says "Yeah looks like he's still celebrating!"
DIVORCED & DRUNK
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
The Old Man and his wife
A couple were celebrating 60 years of marriage, the old man kissed his wife's neck and then said: "Of our six kids the last one didn's look anything like his brothers and sister, did he have a different father?"
After a moment she took a deep breath and answered yes.
The old man sighed. "Who was he?"
"You.
My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....
....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.
3 ladies are celebrating in a bar..
3 blondes are celebrating in a bar. The bartender asks the ladies ''what are you celebrating about?'' The blondes reply ''we finished a puzzle in only 6 months even though on the box it said 4-6 years.''
A husband and wife are sitting in a bar.
They see a man downing beer across the room.
The wife says: "He proposed to me ten years ago, and I said no."
The husband responds: "And he's still celebrating!"
A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"
136 days!
Three guys are celebrating in a bar.
They keep high-fiving each other and yelling, " " " "
They are so excited, the bartender can't stand it any longer.
"Hey," he says, "what are you guys celebrating?"
"We finished a jigsaw puzzle!" says one of them.
"You finished a jigsaw puzzle???" says the bartender. "How come that's so exciting?"
"Well, it said on the box 'Four to six years'!"
Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table...
The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"
They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"
A teenage boy goes up to his father
"Father I am not a v**... anymore"
Father: "Wow that's great! Lets sit down and drink something celebrate about this moment"
Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I can't sit"
Heard they weren't celebrating Christmas at the University of Alabama...
Couldn't find three wise men and a v**....
Husband takes his wife to a disco.
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."
Husband says: "Yep, it looks like he's still celebrating!!"
Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister
Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister.
The bartender looks at him and says "Wow 6 shots of Jäger! You must be celebrating something."
The man replies,"You bet I am! I am celebrating my first b**...."
"Hey congrats man!" says the Bartender "I'll get you a 7th shot on the house"
The man replies "No thank you. If 6 shots of Jäger doesn't get rid of this taste nothing will."
A wife said, "Do you see that drunk guy?". The husbands said, "Yes. Who is he?". The wife said, "He proposed to me 10 years ago and I rejected him." The husband said...
"Oh my God! He's still celebrating."
An old Soviet joke..
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East?
Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero
A man and wife see a drunk guy
Ah, look at Patrick. says the wife.
Who's Patrick? says the husband.
The drunk guy, you know, we were a couple 10 years ago and he proposed to me back then. But I rejected him.
Good to see he's still celebrating.
The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.
So wake me up when it's all over
A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."
"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"
"My first b**...," replies the young man.
"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."
The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going...
The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.
The husband replies, It looks like he's still celebrating.
The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,
The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.
I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.
Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,
there is a stairway to heaven.
My Girlfriend is turning 32 soon.
I told her not to get her hopes up.
After all, I say, we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute.
She seemed upset and demanded to know why i would do that to her.
I calmly pointed out,
This is your thirty-second birthday...
Ask Reddit be like "If you could have s**... with any celebrity, dead or alive, who would it be?"
I'd choose alive. w**....
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.
A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"
"It's hard to say."
People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...
Canada Day was yesterday!
This 4th of July, the British should celebrate independence day too.
Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
My career's in ruins!
A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.
He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, What's the occasion?
My career's in ruins! the lad cackles.
The man, shocked, replies, Then why the h**... are you celebrating?
I've just completed my PhD in archaeology!
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, Do you know her?
Yes, sighs the husband. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My God! says the wife. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
The CDC recommends that f**... gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.
f**... proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.
Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.
A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..
After hnoeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
‟It is simple billionaire boasts....
‟I faked my age
‟Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you're? A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
‟85 years old
Johnson & Johnson have hired eminem as a celebrity spokesperson for their COVID vaccine.
Because you only get one shot.
Two cavemen are waiting at the doctor's office
The first says, "Me name Phil. Me get bee sting. Why you here?"
The second one, covered in blood, smiles and says, "Me name Mike. Me get hit by boulder during rock slide."
The first says, "That must hurt! Why you look so happy?"
The second says, "Me celebrating. It's Mike Ache Day!"
Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur Tibia.
It's going to be quite the shindig.
Husband and wife are in a bar when the wife sees her ex boyfriend
She says to her husband, 'see that drunk, I turned down his proposal 10 years ago.
Husband looks at his wife, looks at the guy and sighs, 'that explains why he is still celebrating'
You'd think going an entire year without celebrating joining Reddit would be tough but it's actually
A piece of cake.
An atom walks into a bar…
Bartender: What are you doing here?
Atom: I'm celebrating the loss of an electron.
Bartender: I'm keeping my ion you.
Atom: Don't worry, I'll keep things positive.
Did you know that people who celebrate ramadan can still have McDonalds?
Really - that's because it's fastfood
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar during the town's annual Halloween celebration. "I'd sure like to try out that giant corn maze they set up, but I'm afraid I'd get lost and kill half the day in there," the guy tells the bartender. "There is actually a guide you can hire that will take you through the entire labyrinth in just 60 seconds," the bartender reassures him. "It's a minute tour."
The monks were in the monastery copying those beautiful illuminated manuscripts.
One young monk suggested that, since they'd been copying copies, it might be time to go back to the original and make sure that their copies were correct. The abbot agreed and sent the monk down into the cellar to examine the original. The monk was gone for a long time, and finally the abbot went to look for him. He found the monk in tears and asked what was wrong. Through his tears, the monk blurted out, The word was celebrate!
