Celeb Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th...

Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?

Reese, with her spoon

I celebrate 4/20

On 1/5

Simplify your fractions!

Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East?

Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero

Celebrate good times

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. he notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So the new monk goes to the head monk and asks him about this. He points out that if there'd been an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk says: 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' So he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
hours later, nobody has seen him. So one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying. he asks what's wrong.
'The world is "celebrate"!' says the old monk.

To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".

They were a little on the Chewy side.

Celebrate

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate not celibate," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

I celebrate Halloween in August

When you show up at someone's door at night in August with a mask on, you get better stuff.

How are you going to celebrate 9-11?

I go to the tallest tower in my city. Call up a pizza place and order two large planes.

With all these celebrities getting outed for molesting kids, it's only a matter of time before Jackie Chan is exposed.

Like, do you have any idea how many times he told Jaden Smith to jacket off in the karate kid?

Celebrating Good Friday by honoring Jesus

aka doing the same thing he did today and hanging with my Bros.

Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.

What do celebrity horses eat?

Matthew McConaughay

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan

would be a Type-A Personality

Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents.


Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.


They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."

I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today.

I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.

Celebrate the Ides of March with a donut. In fact...

Eat two, Brute.

When you thought all of the celeb deaths of 2016 were over

then WHAM!

Just when you think the celebrity deaths are done for 2016,

Wham! there's one more.

If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled.

Celebrating too early is a bad idea. It usually goes wrong, and you will regret it.

Got something to celebrate?

A guy enters a bar and orders 6 bacardi coke's. Bartender asks if he has something to celebrate. ''Yes!'' says the guy, ''I had oral sex for the first time!''
Bartender: ''Nice, congrats! The 7th is on the house then!''
The guy: ''No thanks, if the taste sticks after 6 drinks, it wil after 7 as well ...

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

What is the celebrity couple name for Kim Jong Un and Xi Jinping?

Kimchi

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

All these celeb photos leaks...

I can't believe it's fappening again.

With all these celebrities being accused of sexual misconduct there's one man who hasn't been called out and it's I don't buy it....

Michael Strayhands.

To celebrate the new year, the UK set off tonnes of fireworks in London. GF: this is such a waste of money. There are homeless people and people starving, and the government pay for this!

Me: yes, but blowing them up would be wrong.

To celebrate New Year's, my brother and I went to the Canary Islands. Beautiful part of the world, but strangely enough there wasn't a single canary in sight!

...so next year we're going to the Virgin Islands

To celebrate the launch of the new website we are offering one lucky winner $50 in cash or a meal for 2 at an Elvis Presley tribute.

Just comment '1' for the money or '2' for the show.

Why do celebrities hate living in Nebraska and Iowa?

All the corn stalks there.

What did the celebrity say to the tabloid?

"You discussed me!"

How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.

We're celebrating Thanksgiving the old fashioned way at my place this year

By inviting our neighbors over to eat and then killing them and taking their land

I just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today...

Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??

I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang".


I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

I celebrate Good Friday just like Jesus...

You know, hanging out.

Some celebrities have their own theme songs

Ellen has I'm coming out, and Bill Cosby has I wanna be sedated

Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.

First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong...
God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.

Celebrities who release perfumes...

Have they no scents of shame?

Celebrities keep dying over minor causes.

Petty deaths.

celebrating pi day isn't as fun as watching basketball

I once watched a month full of march madness. From behind the arc I saw a three point won four.... won five games.

Why do celebrities want to be Arctic sea-ice?

Because it's getting younger, thinner and more media attention year after year.

Why are celebrities cool?

Because they have lots of fans.

Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.

The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...

Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

Celebrating birthdays is good

Numerous studies say that people who celebrate more birthdays live for longer

Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.

Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction.


He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.

Celebrity Chef Anthony Bourdain is to be cremated.

Gas mark 7 for about 40 minutes should do it.

The wrecking ball in the Miley Cyrus video isn'

t a wrecking ball it's one of Chuck Norris testicles.

A celebrated magician

"Did your father ever show you his celebrated saw-in-half trick?" asked the interviewer.

"No, not me," I replied. "Just my half-brothers."

Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems.


They decide to throw a coin.
Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard."
Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT."
Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."

What do famous people eat during war?

Celeb rations!

^^^^^^^^sorry

Who celebrated his Bar Mitzvah in the Old West?

Billy the Yid.

Who celebrates thanksgiving in Canada?

All the turkeys that made it across the border.

Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.

Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "

Godzilla".

Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

Celebrating Columbus Day

is like finding a $50 bill in someone's house and they ask, "Where did you get that?"

"I discovered it in your kitchen." cr

Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back.

..
So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.

Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.

What are the funniest celeb jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Celeb? Well, here are the best Celeb puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Celeb pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes