Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
Reese, with her spoon
On 1/5
Simplify your fractions!
Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. he notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So the new monk goes to the head monk and asks him about this. He points out that if there'd been an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk says: 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' So he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
hours later, nobody has seen him. So one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying. he asks what's wrong.
'The world is "celebrate"!' says the old monk.
They were a little on the Chewy side.
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.
"The word is celebrate not celibate," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
When you show up at someone's door at night in August with a mask on, you get better stuff.
I go to the tallest tower in my city. Call up a pizza place and order two large planes.
Like, do you have any idea how many times he told Jaden Smith to jacket off in the karate kid?
aka doing the same thing he did today and hanging with my Bros.
Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
Matthew McConaughay
would be a Type-A Personality
Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.
Eat two, Brute.
then WHAM!
Wham! there's one more.
A guy enters a bar and orders 6 bacardi coke's. Bartender asks if he has something to celebrate. ''Yes!'' says the guy, ''I had oral sex for the first time!''
Bartender: ''Nice, congrats! The 7th is on the house then!''
The guy: ''No thanks, if the taste sticks after 6 drinks, it wil after 7 as well ...
Kimchi
Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.
I can't believe it's fappening again.
Michael Strayhands.
Me: yes, but blowing them up would be wrong.
...so next year we're going to the Virgin Islands
Just comment '1' for the money or '2' for the show.
All the corn stalks there.
"You discussed me!"
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
By inviting our neighbors over to eat and then killing them and taking their land
Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??
I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."
You know, hanging out.
Ellen has I'm coming out, and Bill Cosby has I wanna be sedated
Have they no scents of shame?
Petty deaths.
I once watched a month full of march madness. From behind the arc I saw a three point won four.... won five games.
Because it's getting younger, thinner and more media attention year after year.
Because they have lots of fans.
Numerous studies say that people who celebrate more birthdays live for longer
He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
Gas mark 7 for about 40 minutes should do it.
t a wrecking ball it's one of Chuck Norris testicles.
"Did your father ever show you his celebrated saw-in-half trick?" asked the interviewer.
"No, not me," I replied. "Just my half-brothers."
They decide to throw a coin.
Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard."
Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT."
Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."
Celeb rations!
^^^^^^^^sorry
Billy the Yid.
All the turkeys that made it across the border.
Godzilla".
is like finding a $50 bill in someone's house and they ask, "Where did you get that?"
"I discovered it in your kitchen." cr
..
So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
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