Ceiling Jokes
158 ceiling jokes and hilarious ceiling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ceiling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along with these witty, clever, and lighthearted ceiling jokes about ceiling fans, the glass ceiling, the debt ceiling, chandeliers, and more. Find out what happens when you look up and joke about being stuck between a roof and a dangle.
Quick Jump To
- Short Ceiling Jokes
- Ceiling One Liners
- Ceiling Fan Jokes
- Hanging From Ceiling Jokes
- Glass Ceiling Jokes
- More Ceiling Jokes
Funniest Ceiling Short Jokes
Short ceiling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ceiling humour may include short house roof jokes also.
- I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.
- How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. You don't need a lightbulb when you have a glass ceiling.
- How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb None. Who needs a lightbulb when there's a glass ceiling.
- Looking at my ceiling and ya know, I'm not saying it's the greatest ceiling in the world... But it's up there.
- I was watching a tv show about the worlds best ceiling... And I realised that mine wasn't the best, but it was definitely up there.
- I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. All he does is stand there applauding and saying he loves how smooth it is.
- The Sistine Chapel ceiling may not be the greatest work of art ever, but it's definitely up there.
- I like my women the same way I like my lightbulbs. Not too bright, easy to turn on, and suspended from the ceiling with electrical cable.
- What's the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on Catholics.
(From a poster on the ceiling in my dentists office) - My Grandpa told me this joke when I was 16... It took me a few years to understand it. How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
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Ceiling One Liners
Which ceiling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ceiling? I can suggest the ones about attic and floor.
- I like my ceiling. It's not the best, but it's up there.
- My ceiling may not be the best ceiling in the world. But it's up there.
- If there's one thing that makes me throw up It's a dart board on a ceiling
- How do you start an Ethiopian rave? Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.
- I wouldn't say my house has the best ceiling in the world. But it's definitely up there!
- I'm not saying my ceiling is the best in the world... But it's up there.
- How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling.
- How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
- My roommate mounted a dart board on the ceiling. It made me throw up.
- What is black and is stuck to a ceiling? A not very good electrician...
- What does a ceiling fan say? Go ceiling! You're number 1!
- How do you start a rave in Africa? Glue toast to the ceiling.
- How do you start a rave in Israel? You stick a quarter to the ceiling
- I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling cause it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.
- Let's replace the glass ceiling for women With something much easier for them to clean
Ceiling Fan Jokes
Here is a list of funny ceiling fan jokes and even better ceiling fan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What noise does a ceiling fan make? GO CEILING!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! YOUR NUMBER ONE!! YAY, CEILING RULES!!!
- I really like having a roof over my head. I guess you could say I'm a ceiling fan.
- My dad was a stubborn man. He couldn't understand why you shouldn't install a ceiling fan with duct tape. And then it hit him.
- If I like ceilings... Does that make me a ceiling fan?
- Gonna study hard , get a decent job , give my best at work so that I can buy a house with a strong ceiling fan I can hang myself on.
- Me: Hello, ASPCA? There's a polecat clinging to my ceiling fan ASPCA: We don't believe you
Me: Well you'll have to take my whirred ferret - How do women in the workplace stay cool? A glass ceiling fan.
- What's a fan's favorite song? Hooked on a Ceiling.
- I have a friend who has a strange obsession with ceilings. I guess you could say he's a ceiling fan.
- I hate walls and I absolutely despise floors. But I'm a big ceiling fan.
Hanging From Ceiling Jokes
Here is a list of funny hanging from ceiling jokes and even better hanging from ceiling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If I don't get a girlfriend by Christmas. The mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
- I once tried to kill myself by hanging from the ceiling with a noose around my neck. I was unsure if it would work. The suspense was killing me.
- Did you hear about the Irishman hanging from the ceiling lighting a room? His name was Seán D'olier.
- I'm afraid my ceiling fan is going to fall down on me. Yeah, it's really been hanging over my head lately.
- I broke it I broke the ceiling fan in my room. It's been hanging over my head all day.
- A musical canon piece is currently being hung from the art gallery ceiling for all to see. We tried asking a worker for directions, but he was too busy hanging a round.
- I like my women like I like my light bulbs Dim and hanging from the ceiling
- How's it hanging? Hopefully not from the ceiling
- What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around. - What makes you laugh and hangs from the ceiling? Robin Williams
Glass Ceiling Jokes
Here is a list of funny glass ceiling jokes and even better glass ceiling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't get why women keep complaining about this "glass ceiling" Where I work we have this cool glass floor, though.
- Why don't feminists need to change lightbulbs? Enough light comes through the glass ceiling.
- Poor Hillary Clinton... I haven't seen someone hit a glass ceiling this hard since Goose from Top Gun
- How do you hold an umbrella for a feminist without offending said feminist? She doesn't need one. The glass ceiling keeps her dry.
- Why couldnt the feminist screw in a lightbulb? Because there was a glass ceiling.
- What's the best thing about being a female mime? There's no glass ceiling
- Why did a blonde turn down a promotion She didn't wan't to break the glass ceiling
- Anyone know a good roofer? Nevermind, the glass ceiling didn't get smashed...
- I'm not sure if it makes me a feminist, but I think glass ceilings are a bad idea.
- "I can see the glass ceiling! DOWN WITH THE GLASS CEILING!" "Megan, we're in an aquarium! NO!"
Playful Ceiling Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about ceiling you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loft jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ceiling pranks.
A panda walks into a cáfe.
He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.
Why? Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.
I'm a panda, he says at the door, look it up.
The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves
Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves
A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover your tab for the whole rest of the night. However, if you attempt to slap the meat and miss, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks in the bar until we close". The bartender looks back at the customer and asks "So what do you say, would you like to give the challenge a shot?" The customer quickly responds with a "No". "Why not?" The bartender asks. The customer replies, "The stakes are too high".
Ever made love under a mirrored ceiling?
I could see myself doing that.
Im starting to see the bright side of being single..
..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the v**.... Facinating
A man dies and goes to Heaven...
He is greeted at the pearly gates and sees billions of clocks. He asks the angel what they are for. The angel responds that they show how many times a person has lied. The man sees the Abraham Lincolns has moved only twice and the St. Mary's hasn't moved at all. Then, he asks where Obama's is. The angel responds "it's in Jesus's office. he's using it as a ceiling fan"
A daughter is seemingly possessed by a d**......
Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"
What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?
The mistress says "Oh darling! That was *wonderful*!"
The wife says "Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige."
A man walks into a butchers...
The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."
What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say
Girlfriend: Are you done already?
Mistress: Are you done yet?
Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...
Need a Break!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
Girlfriends, wives, and h**..., and the differences between them.
h**... say "Are you done yet?"
Girlfriends say "Are you done already?"
Wives say "Tan, we should paint the ceiling tan."
A man goes to a store to buy groceries.
When he gets to the Butchery, he asks for three steaks.
The butcher asks if he'd like to play a game, after which the man replies that he would.
The butcher climbs a ladder up to the ceiling, easily 9 or 10 feet, and hangs them on hooks up there.
When he climbs down, the butcher says "If you can jump up and get all of your steaks in 3 tries, all of your groceries are free."
The man asks, "What's the catch?"
The butcher replies, "If you fail to get the steaks in three tries, you have to pay for your groceries and those of the man behind you in line."
After some consideration, the man replies "No."
The butcher asks, "Why not?"
The man simply replies "The stakes are too high."
I was watching TV last night...
When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".
What's the difference between a h**..., a lover and a housewife?
A h**... says "Faster! faster!"
A lover says "Slower....slooower..."
A housewife says "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
What's red and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
This was my grandfathers all time favorite joke.
Pop Pop: What's red and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
Me: I don't know...
Pop Pop: A Red d**... dangle of course!
Pop Pop: What's green and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
Me: A green d**... dangle!
Pop Pop: No they only come in Red.
Me: :|
A man walks into a bar
He notices some pieces of meat hanging down from the ceiling. He goes up to the bartender and asks "What's with the meat on the ceiling?"
Bartender:"It's a challenge. If you can jump up and touch one, you get free beer for a night."
Man:"Nah, pass".
Bartender: "What? Why not?"
Man:"The steaks are too high"
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...
He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.
The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"
The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."
The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"
A man walks into a bar
and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."
My downstairs neighbor was yelling and b**... on the ceiling until 3 AM
Did that bother you?
Not much. I was up til about the same time practicing my trumpet.
Dude walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
...He asked the bartender, "What are those for?" Bartender answers, "If you can slap a piece of meat, you get free drinks for an hour. If you can't, everyone's drinks are on you. Do you want to try it?"
He replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
Two factory workers are talking.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
What's the difference between a h**..., your girlfriend, and your wife?
When you're having s**... a h**... says "are you done yet?" Your girlfriend says "you're done already?" And your wife says "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."
How do you start a rave in Uganda ?
Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
A man from out of town walks into a bar...
he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.
What's the difference between a p**..., a girlfriend and a wife?
A p**... says "Faster, faster!"
A girlfriend says "More, more!"
A wife says "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".
A short man walks into a bar
Upon walking in, something drips on him from the ceiling. He looks up and sees a piece of steak. He asks the bartender why there's a steak on the ceiling.
The bartender tells him if he could jump up and touch the steak, he gets free drinks for the rest of the night. If he misses, he pays for everyone's drink.
The man looks at the steak, then back at the bartender and says....
'The steaks are too high.'
A man walks into a bar, and noticed a couple T-bones nailed to the ceiling.
He asks the bartender what they're for.
Bartender tells him it's a challenge. If you can jump and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the night. If you miss, you buy everyone's drinks for an hour.
The man shakes his head and says. "I'm gonna pass. The steaks are too high."
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
I looked at my ceiling today...
I don't know if it's the best ceiling but it's certainly up there
A man dies and goes to heaven...
He goes up to the gates of heaven and sees a wall of clocks. He asks an angel, "what are all those clocks" the angel tells him that they are lie clocks. Everybody has one, and every time you lie it ticks one notch over. The angel points to a clock labeled "Abraham Lincoln" which has 3 lies. The man asks the angel "Where is Donald Trump's clock?" The angel replies "Its in Jesus's office, he's using it as a ceiling fan."
I was watching tv last night...
and one of those ads came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to have one, they work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling.
A man walks into a steakhouse
A man walks into a steakhouse and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling.
"What's with the meat?" he asks the hostess.
She says, "It's a contest we are running. If you can jump up and grab a piece, your entire meal is free."
"And what if I miss?"
"Then you need to buy everyone in the restaurant a drink. Do you want to try?"
He looks up again.
"No, the steaks are too high."
A guy walks in to a bar
He sees a piece of meat hanging from the ceiling so he goes up to the bartender and asks what it is
He says, so if you can jump and hit the meat, you get free drinks for the night. But if you miss, you have to buy drinks for the whole bar.
He thinks for a second and says, "nah the steaks are too high"
What's the difference between a h**..., a girlfriend and a wife?
A h**... says "that's all", a girlfriend says "is that all?" and a wife says "blue. I think I'll paint the ceiling blue."
So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....
He then asks the bartender why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling? The bartender says well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else's drinks for the next hour. The guy ponders for a minute and then says, I would do it, but the stakes are too high.
What do kurt cobain and Michelangelo have in common?
They both used their brains to paint a ceiling
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?"
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"
What's the difference between a h**..., a girlfriend, and a housewife?
h**...: Are you done yet?
Girlfriend: You're done already?
Housewife: The ceiling needs to be painted.
My ceiling isn't my favourite thing in the world...
But you know, it's up there.
A man walks into a bar..
A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling, about 12 feet high. He asks the bartender, Why are there these steaks hanging from the ceiling? . The bartender then replies, We have this challenge where of you can jump and hit one of the meats, you drink for free tonight, but if you miss, you have to buy drinks for everyone else in the bar. Wanna give it a try?
The man then replies, Nah, the steaks are too high
The difference between a Lover,a h**... and a Wife?
During s**..., h**... scream faster, faster! Lover screams slower, slower!
A wife looks at the ceiling and says BLUE! I'll paint the ceiling blue.
I don't know if my ceiling is the best ceiling...
But it's definitely up there
A guy walks into a bar...
He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia
Staple food to the ceiling
(I'm sorry)
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling.
When he asked the bartender about it, the bartender said, If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are ok the house for the night. But if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next 2 hours. Do you want to try?
The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
How do you stop black kids bouncing on their beds?
Velcro the ceiling
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"
"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"
The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.
"Nah, the steaks are too high"
I'm in bed, looking up at the stars and think to myself...
"Where the h**... did my ceiling go?"
A man walks into a bar.
He notices a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. He goes to the bartender and asks what's with the meat on the ceiling?
The bartender says If you can jump up in the air and touch the meat, then the rest of the night your drinks are free. But if you jump up and miss, then you have to pay for everyone's drinks in the whole bar for the next hour. What do you say? Do you want to take the chance?
The man says No, the steaks are too high!
Whats the difference between a Girlfriend, a h**... and a Wife?
The Girlfriend says: "are you finished already?"
The h**... says: "aren't you finished yet?"
The Wife says: "Blue..... we should paint this ceiling Blue"
