Ceiling Jokes
150 ceiling jokes and hilarious ceiling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ceiling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along with these witty, clever, and lighthearted ceiling jokes about ceiling fans, the glass ceiling, the debt ceiling, chandeliers, and more. Find out what happens when you look up and joke about being stuck between a roof and a dangle.
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Funniest Ceiling Short Jokes
Short ceiling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ceiling humour may include short house roof jokes also.
- I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.
- I was watching a tv show about the worlds best ceiling... And I realised that mine wasn't the best, but it was definitely up there.
- I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. All he does is stand there applauding and saying he loves how smooth it is.
- The Sistine Chapel ceiling may not be the greatest work of art ever, but it's definitely up there.
- My Grandpa told me this joke when I was 16... It took me a few years to understand it. How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
- What is the difference between a wife and a mistress? The mistress says "Oh darling! That was *wonderful*!"
The wife says "Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige." - What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?
Mistress: Are you done yet?
Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige... - What noise does a ceiling fan make? GO CEILING!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! YOUR NUMBER ONE!! YAY, CEILING RULES!!!
- I don't get why women keep complaining about this "glass ceiling" Where I work we have this cool glass floor, though.
- When people come over to my house they always tell me I have a nice ceiling I don't think it's the best but it's up there.
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Ceiling One Liners
Which ceiling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ceiling? I can suggest the ones about attic and floor.
- If there's one thing that makes me throw up It's a dart board on a ceiling
- How do you start an Ethiopian rave? Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.
- My roommate mounted a dart board on the ceiling. It made me throw up.
- What is black and is stuck to a ceiling? A not very good electrician...
- What does a ceiling fan say? Go ceiling! You're number 1!
- How do you start a rave in Israel? You stick a quarter to the ceiling
- I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling cause it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.
- I really like having a roof over my head. I guess you could say I'm a ceiling fan.
- Ever made love under a mirrored ceiling? I could see myself doing that.
- If I like ceilings... Does that make me a ceiling fan?
- Ever since I started a company painting ceilings… Business has been looking up.
- It took over a month to install our floor-to-ceiling windows. It was a big pane.
- I found a dart board on the ceiling today Made me throw up
- I was afraid my ceiling would give me cancer.... So I cleaned it asbestos I could
- How do women in the workplace stay cool? A glass ceiling fan.
Ceiling Fan Jokes
Here is a list of funny ceiling fan jokes and even better ceiling fan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad was a stubborn man. He couldn't understand why you shouldn't install a ceiling fan with duct tape. And then it hit him.
- Me: Hello, ASPCA? There's a polecat clinging to my ceiling fan ASPCA: We don't believe you
Me: Well you'll have to take my whirred ferret - What's a fan's favorite song? Hooked on a Ceiling.
- I have a friend who has a strange obsession with ceilings. I guess you could say he's a ceiling fan.
- I hate walls and I absolutely despise floors. But I'm a big ceiling fan.
- I'm afraid my ceiling fan is going to fall down on me. Yeah, it's really been hanging over my head lately.
- I broke it I broke the ceiling fan in my room. It's been hanging over my head all day.
- what do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles? stop laughing and untie it from the ceiling fan!!
- We have a ceiling fan in our house. He won't shut up about them
- Should I tell you the joke about the ceiling fan? Nah, it would right over your head anyway
Hanging From Ceiling Jokes
Here is a list of funny hanging from ceiling jokes and even better hanging from ceiling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If I don't get a girlfriend by Christmas. The mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
- Did you hear about the Irishman hanging from the ceiling lighting a room? His name was Seán D'olier.
- A musical canon piece is currently being hung from the art gallery ceiling for all to see. We tried asking a worker for directions, but he was too busy hanging a round.
- How's it hanging? Hopefully not from the ceiling
- What makes you laugh and hangs from the ceiling? Robin Williams
Glass Ceiling Jokes
Here is a list of funny glass ceiling jokes and even better glass ceiling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Poor Hillary Clinton... I haven't seen someone hit a glass ceiling this hard since Goose from Top Gun
- What's the best thing about being a female mime? There's no glass ceiling
- Why did a blonde turn down a promotion She didn't wan't to break the glass ceiling
- Anyone know a good roofer? Nevermind, the glass ceiling didn't get smashed...
- I'm not sure if it makes me a feminist, but I think glass ceilings are a bad idea.
- "I can see the glass ceiling! DOWN WITH THE GLASS CEILING!" "Megan, we're in an aquarium! NO!"
- Why don't men wear dresses? Glass ceiling
- When do women get to climb the corporate ladder? When it's time to clean the glass ceiling.
- Women love cars with sunroofs Because they're used to having a glass ceiling
- Guys, don't worry, the glass ceiling already broke 78 years ago! It was called Kristallnacht.
Playful Ceiling Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about ceiling you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loft jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ceiling pranks.
A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover your tab for the whole rest of the night. However, if you attempt to slap the meat and miss, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks in the bar until we close". The bartender looks back at the customer and asks "So what do you say, would you like to give the challenge a shot?" The customer quickly responds with a "No". "Why not?" The bartender asks. The customer replies, "The stakes are too high".
I think my college dorm is haunted.
Sometimes the ceiling shakes and I hear feint moaning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a Jewish Princess think about during s**...?
What color to paint the ceiling.
How do you throw a party in Nigeria?
You stick a piece of bread to the ceiling
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im starting to see the bright side of being single..
..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the v**.... Facinating
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What color are your p**..., babe?
Boy: What color are your p**..., babe?
Girl: Why do you keep asking me s**... questions, don't you ever think about anything else?
Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?
Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace p**.....You want a pic?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A daughter is seemingly possessed by a d**......
Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"
A man walks into a butchers...
The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple are having s**......
She is riding him like a bull,
he's just staring at the ceiling,
She yells:" Say something dirty to me!"
He says : " Kitchen"
Need a Break!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
Why couldn't the glue hold the walls together?
Because it wasn't ceiling.
A man goes to a store to buy groceries.
When he gets to the Butchery, he asks for three steaks.
The butcher asks if he'd like to play a game, after which the man replies that he would.
The butcher climbs a ladder up to the ceiling, easily 9 or 10 feet, and hangs them on hooks up there.
When he climbs down, the butcher says "If you can jump up and get all of your steaks in 3 tries, all of your groceries are free."
The man asks, "What's the catch?"
The butcher replies, "If you fail to get the steaks in three tries, you have to pay for your groceries and those of the man behind you in line."
After some consideration, the man replies "No."
The butcher asks, "Why not?"
The man simply replies "The stakes are too high."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Of course I can paint your ceiling," Michaelangelo scoffed.
"Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their d**... out on it though."
I was watching TV last night...
When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".
How to get a day off at work
Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.
Man: And how would you do that?
Woman: Just wait and see. She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss comes in: What are you doing?
Woman: I'm a light bulb.
Boss: You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.
The man starts to follow her and the boss says:
Where are you going?
The man says: I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's red and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
This was my grandfathers all time favorite joke.
Pop Pop: What's red and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
Me: I don't know...
Pop Pop: A Red d**... dangle of course!
Pop Pop: What's green and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
Me: A green d**... dangle!
Pop Pop: No they only come in Red.
Me: :|
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...
He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.
The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"
The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."
The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"
Idiot question and answer
Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling.
Q: What's a flea's favorite way to travel?
A: Itch-hiking.
Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
A: Because Frost bites.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My downstairs neighbor was yelling and b**... on the ceiling until 3 AM
Did that bother you?
Not much. I was up til about the same time practicing my trumpet.
Two factory workers are talking.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
How do you start a rave in Africa?
Glue toast to the ceiling.
(Apologies if repost, I found it funny and wanted to share it with you guys. Have a great day! :D )
People tell me that you shouldn't buy bootleg products because the quality isn't very good...
I disagree. I recently purchased a copy of the black keys newest album from a guy on the street. The quality of their #1 hit "Pyrite on the Ceiling" was superb.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't women be botanists?
Because they'll break the glass ceiling.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you hold an umbrella for a feminist without offending said feminist?
She doesn't need one. The glass ceiling keeps her dry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm so smart, I've got more brains than...
Kurt Cobain's ceiling
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and sees meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "why is there meat hanging from the ceiling". The bartender responds "If you jump and touch the meat, you get a free drink. If you jump and miss, you have to buy drinks for everyone".
The bartender asks "Are you going to do it?"
The man responds "No. The steaks are too high"
I love to watch my guests throw up.
So I always put the dartboard on the ceiling.
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
A man dies and goes to heaven...
He goes up to the gates of heaven and sees a wall of clocks. He asks an angel, "what are all those clocks" the angel tells him that they are lie clocks. Everybody has one, and every time you lie it ticks one notch over. The angel points to a clock labeled "Abraham Lincoln" which has 3 lies. The man asks the angel "Where is Donald Trump's clock?" The angel replies "Its in Jesus's office, he's using it as a ceiling fan."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to fire the guy who installed dry wall in my house.
He s**... up the ceiling.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar
He sees some meat hanging off the ceiling. Curious he asks the bartender,
"What's with all the hanging meat?"
Bartender replies, "It's a challenge for the patrons. If you can touch the meat, you win $1000. If you can't, I pluck one of your eyeballs out."
The man looks at the floor, then looks up to the ceiling. He then says,
"I won't do it...the steaks are too high."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Wow you went on a 2 week honeymoon trip to London, Paris and Venice, what all did you see ?"
Newly married bride : Ceiling fans
Edit : this joke is funnier in India as they have t**... on premarital s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Let's replace the glass ceiling for women
With something much easier for them to clean
What do kurt cobain and Michelangelo have in common?
They both used their brains to paint a ceiling
I planted collard greens on my ceiling...
I call them walgreens
How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fifty. Forty-nine to rotate the ceiling, one to hold the lightbulb.
What did the dog say to the ceiling
roof
Two friends are in a psych ward....
....when one pulls out a strong flashlight and points it at the ceiling, flicking it on and off in their dark room. The man says to his friend, Hey, why don't you try climbing the light?
The friend goes, Do you think I'm an idiot? You'll just flick it off when I'm halfway up.
-My grandma last night
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Polish helicopter c**...?
The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!
A man is talking with his pet fish,
The fish tells the man that the word "gullible" is on the ceiling, the man looks and sees nothing on the ceiling.
The fish mutters under it's breath, "Heh, gillable."
How to start a rave in a socialist country.
Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.
Why are realtors good at selling houses?
They're good at ceiling deals.
How many Paladins does it take to install a ceiling lamp?
Two, one to the screw the bolts in and the other to uphold the light.
My friend claims that his apartment is 100 feet from ceiling to floor.
Bit of a tall story if you ask me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar...
He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are ceiling fans and n**... similar?
They go up in winter and down in summer.
Phil Swift has a new product
He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zooms out, and inverts itself, showing Phil standing under an airplane ."I'm on an airplane!" The pilot of the plane looks out the window and says,
"Weird Flex but okay."
I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling
He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.
A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"
"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"
The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.
"Nah, the steaks are too high"
A sous chef hung some chops of meat on the ceiling, and challenged me saying he'd pay me 20$ if I could jump and bring them down, while I had to pay him 20$ if I couldn't.
I didn't accept, the steaks were too high
A child point his finger at a toy plane attached to the ceiling
And he says to his mum mum I really want to be like that airplane when I grow up!
His mother: why? Because it flies really high?
Him: no, because it's hanging from the ceiling
