The Best 89 Caught Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Caught jokes. There are some caught shiner jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these caught capture puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Caught Jokes and Puns
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?
Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating
What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?
She grounded him.
I had sex with a girl on her period once
Her dad walked in and caught me red-handed.
Bag limit.
A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
...
"What fish?"
My girlfriend caught me having sex with a book of optical illusions
I tried explaining to her, "This isn't what it looks like!"
I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable
Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.
My dog, Grandpa
The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa humping my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday
it was a risk I was willing to take
Ray rice got caught punching his girlfriend in an elevator
It was wrong on so many levels.
Judgement day
Peter is on trial. He's on trial because he shot his wife when he caught her in bed with another guy.
The judge wants to know; "why did you shoot your wife?".
"Well, " Peter replies, "it seemed easier to shoot her once, than to shoot a different guy every week".
You can explore caught ran reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean caught fined dad jokes. There are also caught puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.
She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"
I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment
The plot thickened
I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.
She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.
I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.
Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and property I had.
At my wit's end, I was so angry that when I caught them, I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
My wife caught me cheating
My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that I have been cheating on her with Clara next door. Last night, she packed her things and was off on her way.
I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.
A boy asks his father, "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs when their thumbs aren't really green?"
The father replies, "It's just an expression, son. Just like how they say a person is caught stealing red-handed, even though his hands are actually black."
Where do Robots go for fun?
The Circuits!
(this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)
A boy asks his dad a question
A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"
The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."
A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
I got caught sniffing underwear...
I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day,
What made it worse was she was still wearing them,
Made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
Getting caught dating someone underage isn't a big problem.
It's a minor problem.
So I finally got Pokémon GO...
I still haven't caught any Counter-Terrorists.
A guy walking into a bar
sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk.
Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.
A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
My grandma caught me masturbating and she had a stroke...
She has such soft hands...
All those years of phone sex has caught up with me...
I now have hearing aids
Today my mom saw me fingering myself on my period...
I guess you could say she caught me red-handed.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
My friend and I started replacing the word 'in' with 'inside'.
For example, if we wanted to say, "it's in the fridge", we'd instead say "it's inside the fridge".
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying "inside" instead of "in".
I responded,
"it's an inside joke".
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
The wife caught me cross-dressing
So I packed her things and left
I shot a black man and got caught
I was charged with impersonation of a police officer.
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.
At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.
It's called the Tour de France.
A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them.
I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial
I caught my sister masturbating with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
if you commit a crime 90 times,
if you commit a crime 90 times, you'll only get caught 45 times
.
.
.
.
because sin90=cot45
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
NSFW When I was 17, my mom caught me masturbating
She sent me to my room and told me my dad would talk to me after work.
When my Dad came home he sat me down and said "Son, if you keep doing that, you'll go blind"
I said "I'm over here Dad"
When i was 17, my sister caught me masturbating...
She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.
A few days later, I caught her masturbating. She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.
I caught my wife having sex with my best friend.
So I rolled up a newspaper and told him he was a bad boy.
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, Ha! That's not going to help!
Sure, it does. I said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.
Got caught peeing in the pool
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.
The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!
A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"
His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."
If you sin 90 times you'll only be caught 45 times
Because Sin 90 = Cot 45
How did 10 die?
He was caught in the middle of 9/11
Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?
Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.
Teacher at parents meeting :
- Your boy was caught smoking marijuana !!!
The mother :
- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??
- He said he got it from his best friend.
The father, wiping a happy tear :
- My boy really said that ... ?
My wife caught me masturbating to an optical illusion.
In response, I told her, It's not what it looks like.
If you sin 90 times, you will only get caught 50% of the time...
Because sin90 = cot45.
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
"Joe, you know that's not going to help you," she said
"Oh it helps a lot," he replies. It's the only way I can see the numbers!
My mom opened the door and caught me masturbating.
I looked straight into her eyes and said "shut the door!"
Her face turned all red and she yelled at me "get inside!!!"
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane crash?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted murder.
All my years of phone sex finally caught up with me
I have hearing aids
I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.
So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
A woman woke up in the middle of the night and found that her husband wasn't there beside her.
She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.
"Honey, what's wrong?, she asked.
He replied, "Well do you remember when we were dating?"
"Yes"
"And do you remember the first time we had sex?"
She smiled and answered, "Of course."
"And you remember how your Dad caught us."
She laughed and replied, "Oh god, yeah!"
"And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn't marry you?"
"Uh huh. What of it?", she asked.
He let out a sad sigh, "I would have gotten out today..."
Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father?
He was next in line to be Coronated.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
A man from Saudia Arabia got caught stealing a hand sanitizer
He wont be needing it anymore
If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen
He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..
I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
I caught two teenagers smoking pot outside my office window.
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two teenagers smoking pot outside my office window.
A girl I'm hitting on just caught the Corona virus
I might have a chance now, as she's lost all her taste...
My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked.
"Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."
It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire....
...but Quasimodo has a hunch.
A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter
They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.
Eventually, though, he was gladiator.
I got caught masturbating to an optical illusion
I said "it's not what it looks like"
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
The neighbors hate us.
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.
She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
When he was a teenager, little Johnny's father caught him reading one of his older sister's magazines. Son, why are you reading that sissy magazine? he asked.
There's an article that tells women where to meet men, Johnny responded, pointing to the magazine's cover. I need to know where I'm supposed to be.
A bully walks into a bar
He walks to a man whose eyes are on the ground and grabs away his drink. He gulps it loudly and after it is finished he let out a disgusting belch. Then he asks in a woeful tone: "what happens, granpa?".
The man lifts his eyes and sighs: "yesterday I got fired from my job and when I returned home I caught my wife sleeping with my brother. Today I woke up and found that my kids and wife are not home so I decided to kill myself but I couldn't do it".
The bully puts a gloating smile and asks: "why? Are you not manly enough even to kill yourself?".
"No. Because you drank up my beer".
A child got caught swearing in class today.
The teacher told him to stop saying those words. She also implies that he doesn't even know what it means
The child responded "I know what it means"
The teacher said "Oh yeah? Then what does it mean?"
The student said "It's when the car won't start"
COVID-19 has been around for 2 years now and I haven't even caught it once!
Even a global pandemic doesn't want me.
I went to a car dealership last week and saw a Lamborghini that really caught my eye. I'm just waiting for my paycheck now....
So I can pay for an Uber and go see it again.
My tattoo removal specialist, Dr Pablo, confessed to me recently that he had committed dozens of crimes yet has never been caught.
"How on earth are you a free man?" I asked him.
"Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician" he said.
The guy who stole my calendar finally got caught …
He got twelve months
Did you know that if you took all the fish caught in Canada in one year and laid them end-to-end …
…the smell would be absolutely atrocious.
A knight was about to ride off into battle.
Afraid that his wife would be unfaithful, he fitted her with a chastity belt. He gave the key to his best friend, telling him that he was the only person he could trust.
The knight rode off, and an hour later he heard the sound of galloping hoofbeats behind him. His friend rode up next to him.
"I'm glad I caught you," said the friend. "You gave me the wrong key."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the caught pickpocket jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working caught arson piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.