Caught Jokes
183 caught jokes and hilarious caught puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about caught that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have you ever been caught trying to play a joke on someone? Or even worse, being caught off guard by a joke you didn't expect? Read this article for a collection of funny stories of people getting caught in the heat of the moment from getting caught speeding to being caught red handed. Get ready to chuckle as you explore these hilarious scrapes that have been caught, found, and ran with.
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Funniest Caught Short Jokes
Short caught jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The caught humour may include short catch and release jokes also.
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that donald trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
- TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.
- Chuck Norris caught COVID-19 and the prognosis is not good. Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.
(Cr - "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday it was a risk I was willing to take
- What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity? She grounded him.
- This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
- My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked. "Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."
- Where do robot go for fun? The Circuits!
(this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)
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Caught One Liners
Which caught one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with caught? I can suggest the ones about incident and trap.
- The wife caught me cross-dressing So I packed her things and left
- If you sin 90 times you'll only be caught 45 times Because Sin 90 = Cot 45
- What do you call a bunch of employees caught sleeping on the job? A dream Team.
- Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
- I dropped my cactus the other day Worst part is, I caught it
- So I finally got Pokémon GO... I still haven't caught any Counter-Terrorists.
- Getting caught dating someone underage isn't a big problem. It's a minor problem.
- When did pinocchio find out he was made of wood? When his hand caught fire.
- Why was the pianist arrested? He was caught playing in A minor.
- Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek
- Why did the accordion teacher go to jail? He got caught in a squeeze play.
- R. Kelly has caught covid-19 though he would prefer covid-15
- Why did the accordion player go to jail? He was caught playing polka in a no-polka zone.
- Why did the polka musician go to jail? He was caught in too many squeeze plays!
- Why did the accordion player get arrested? He was caught playing a key role in a crime.
Caught Fire Jokes
Here is a list of funny caught fire jokes and even better caught fire puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire.... ...but Quasimodo has a hunch.
- I worked at a restaurant that specializes in pizza, but I got fired for getting my finger caught in the dough roller... ...she got fired too.
- My wife called me to tell me my son was caught for setting a house on fire I corrected her by saying, Arson
- This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire... When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
- Why was the chef fired? He was caught stroganoff
- Why didn't Pinocchio make it thru puberty? He caught on fire.
- My reddish-brown Toyota minivan caught on fire yesterday It's a burnt burnt sienna Sienna.
- The Greeks made a weapon that caught things on fire and could not be put out with water, it only made the flames bigger. They called it Greece fire.
- An 80s singer caught himself on fire, what does he do? Stop, Drop, and Rick-Roll
- My father always complained about his firing from Lay's after being caught stealing produce. He always did have a huge chip on his shoulder.
Caught No Fish Jokes
Here is a list of funny caught no fish jokes and even better caught no fish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did one fish say to the other? Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
- I went fishing and caught a bass, a catfish and a hammerfer. What's a hammerfer? Fer driving nails.
My 8year old friend thinks this is the greatest joke, I thought so too when I was his age. - I always had the worst luck when I went fishing... Until I caught a Flounder Yesterday. My dad said it was a Fluke
- I caught my first fish today! Unfortunately, i got kicked out of the aquarium.
- I went fishing recently and caught a 20lb sea bass. I tried to mount it But I was arrested for indecent exposure.
- How do fish describe being caught and released? An out of body of water experience.
- Did you know that if you took all the fish caught in Canada in one year and laid them end-to-end … …the smell would be absolutely atrocious.
- Went bass fishing the other day Caught a subwoofer this big!
- A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net. All he caught were catfish.
- Me and my dad went fishing... when he caught a small shark, he called it his dadliest catch.
Caught Red Handed Jokes
Here is a list of funny caught red handed jokes and even better caught red handed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a member of the blue man group when he's caught red-handed betraying his fellow blue men? The purple traitor of a crime.
- My wife was cheating on me with the painter. I caught him red-handed.
- I decided to rob a blood bank They caught me red-handed.
- How I knew my GF was playing with herself on her period... I caught her red-handed.
- Someone stole my palette... It's all good, now. I caught him red handed.
- Did you hear about that guy going around stealing everybody's Flamin' Hot Cheetos? He was caught red-handed!
...I'll see myself to the door. - TIFU by sleeping with the bosses daughter He caught us red-handed, the following day
I was let go for performance reasons. - What did the policeman shout when he caught seafood thieves red-handed? NOBODY MOVE A MUSCLE.
- I always say Lobsters are sketchy.... They are always getting caught Red-Handed. 🦞
- Why did the rich transplant surgeon go to jail? He got caught red-handed, inside her trading.
Caught Cheating Jokes
Here is a list of funny caught cheating jokes and even better caught cheating puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man is caught cheating in a Limbo tournament. The organizer, hurt and dissapointed, asks him: "How low can you go?"
- What did the Eskimo say to his wife when he caught her cheating on him? Inuit
- So I used to date this graphic designer... We broke up because I caught her cheating. Writing hundreds of letters to some guy named Lorem Ipsum. What a creep, right?
- What did the husband say after getting caught cheating with a mimic. "Its not what it looks like!"
- What's the best way to sneak cheat notes into an exam without getting caught? Memorise them.
- My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret. She's never going to play monopoly with me again!
- Did you hear Forrest Whittaker was caught cheating on his wife? We always knew he had a wandering eye.
- I was caught cheating in our pillow fight They sent me to execushion
- My girlfriend thought she caught me cheating on her... I was like, "No baby, I ain't cheating on you, that's just my wife!"
- I caught my girl cheating with my best friend on my new leather couch... Of course I yelled at him.. He's not allowed on the couch.
(Made this one up this morning.. Still playing with the wording)
Caught Speeding Jokes
Here is a list of funny caught speeding jokes and even better caught speeding puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was was caught speeding yesterday The police officer walked up to my window
Officer: I've been waiting for you all day
Me: I know, i came as fast as I could - Where do you go when you're white and caught speeding, then get separated into different colours only to come out bent and totally different to how you came in? Prism
- The Flash was caught high... He seemed to have taken speed.
- I heard about a guy caught speeding in California He was going 88 mph in a Delorean
- An authoritarian was caught speeding the other day. When asked why he was going so fast he said he, "put his foot down."
- News flash: Chapters truck caught speeding Police reported, "It was really booking it!"
- I got caught in police speed trap yesterday. The officer walked up to my car and said "I've been waiting all day for you " Well I said. I got here as fast as I could.
- How did the high speed car chase end? Caught eem! Hahaaa caught eem.
Fun-Filled Caught Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about caught you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean detect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make caught pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?
Anyway, my dad just caught me m**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got caught having s**... in a church.
Needless to say I should have probably waited untill her f**... was over.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had s**... with a g**... her period once
Her dad walked in and caught me red-handed.
Bag limit.
A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
...
"What fish?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend caught me having s**... with a book of optical illusions
I tried explaining to her, "This isn't what it looks like!"
So I got caught copying my friends test in class...
I think the teacher heard my Xerox machine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got fired today, because my boss caught me m**... with a vegetable
Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.
I am sorry five.
A Chinese man is walking down the street after just arriving in the U.S. for the first time. He possesses a limited understanding of English. While caught up in the splendor of the city he accidentally bumps into another person.
The Chinese man quickly responds "I'm Sorry!"
The American man says, "I am sorry too."
The Chinese man says "I am sorry three."
The American says "What are you sorry for?"
The Chinese man replies "I am sorry five."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dog, Grandpa
The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa h**... my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.
So a college teacher is talking to his male students...
"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"
What's the difference between a honda and a Porsche?
Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a Honda
Ray rice got caught punching his girlfriend in an elevator
It was wrong on so many levels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Judgement day
Peter is on trial. He's on trial because he shot his wife when he caught her in bed with another guy.
The judge wants to know; "why did you shoot your wife?".
"Well, " Peter replies, "it seemed easier to shoot her once, than to shoot a different guy every week".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.
She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"
I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.
She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always go for a run after s**....
Can't risk getting caught
My wife caught me cheating
My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that I have been cheating on her with Clara next door. Last night, she packed her things and was off on her way.
I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.
2 Black Eyes
A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.
The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks.
"Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in."
A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.
The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Caught my Vegan roommate...
Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Female m**...
My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .
But I caught her red handed !!
A boy asks his dad a question
A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"
The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."
A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've never actually been caught smoking w**....
But I'm pretty sure my parents know sober people don't give goodnight handshakes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife caught me checking out the nanny the other day.
She fired the nanny. Then she told me no more s**... for a year!
I said, "You're firing the maid, too?"
A guy walking into a bar
sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk.
Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having s**... in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 5 year-old son caught me having s**... with my wife.
He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"
"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.
"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandma caught me m**... and she had a s**......
She has such soft hands...
A mate told me that he threw a stick over a mile and his dog caught and returned it.
Seems pretty far fetched to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today my mom saw me f**... myself on my period...
I guess you could say she caught me red-handed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a robot avoid getting caught for public m**...?
He nuts and bolts.
A guy finally buys his dream car
... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.
Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."
The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The cake is a lie.
A little boy caught his mom and dad having s**.... After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?"
The mom quickly replied, "We were baking a cake."
A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake again?"
Surprised, she said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch."
My friend and I started replacing the word 'in' with 'inside'.
For example, if we wanted to say, "it's in the fridge", we'd instead say "it's inside the fridge".
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying "inside" instead of "in".
I responded,
"it's an inside joke".
I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident
he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the gay security guard fired from the s**... bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.
At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
I keep on taking kitchen utensils from my parents
My friends say I'll be in prison if I'm caught, but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man tried smuggling sausage and v**... out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them.
I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was kicked out of the army when they caught me m**....
They said it was a dishonorable discharge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Translated Chinese joke
Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!
Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off
Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out
Bad news: The parachute failed midair
Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him
Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with s**...t
Good news: He didn't land on the s**...t
Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When i was 17, my sister caught me m**......
She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.
A few days later, I caught her m**.... She called me a "SICK PERVERT!" and slammed the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught my wife having s**... with my best friend.
So I rolled up a newspaper and told him he was a bad boy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My window cleaner caught me m**... today. It was awkward.
Maybe I shouldn't have been standing in his garden.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.
The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!
I just got caught breaking two of my dad's favorite queen records
Now I want to break three
Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?
Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend was a violent serial killer...
Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom opened the door and caught me m**....
I looked straight into her eyes and said "shut the door!"
Her face turned all red and she yelled at me "get inside!!!"
A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.
He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.
I caught my husband going to a brothel and I'm not sure what to do now.
On the one hand he is unfaithful, but on the other hand it was nice that he visited me at work.
I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...
So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
I caught the flu in Madrid.
While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
When I was Young
I once caught my grandfather sprinkling gunpowder onto his grits one Sunday morning. I asked him why he would do that.
He explained, "Kid, my father did this, and his father did this. If you do this as well, every day, it'll help keep you hale and hearty well into your golden years."
It must be true, since when he died last year, he was 97, and left thirteen children, twenty-seven grandchildren, twelve great grandchildren, four great great grand children, and a fifteen foot deep crater where the crematorium used to be.
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted m**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All my years of phone s**... finally caught up with me
I have hearing aids
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman woke up in the middle of the night and found that her husband wasn't there beside her.
She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.
"Honey, what's wrong?, she asked.
He replied, "Well do you remember when we were dating?"
"Yes"
"And do you remember the first time we had s**...?"
She smiled and answered, "Of course."
"And you remember how your Dad caught us."
She laughed and replied, "Oh god, yeah!"
"And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn't marry you?"
"Uh huh. What of it?", she asked.
He let out a sad sigh, "I would have gotten out today..."
Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father?
He was next in line to be Coronated.
A man from Saudia Arabia got caught stealing a hand sanitizer
He wont be needing it anymore
