Following is our collection of Cattle jokes which are very funny. There are some cattle farmer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cattle rancher puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Cow herds!
They herd
An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am".
She says "That's cool. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women".
The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian".
When you are driving though the field in Texas, you see a lot of cattle. They are very special.
Wanna know why?
They are out standing in the field
It has something to do with counting the heads of all his cattle and then I think it ends in a really dry punch line. Any help?
EDIT* got it thanks to /u/noncharacteristic
"A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200."
That, my friends, would be a-bomb-in-a-bull...
The steaks have never been higher.
Because the steaks were too high!
They're always raising the steaks!
Beef strokanoff.
Moosic
You can explore cattle livestock reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cattle graze dad jokes. There are also cattle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Because the steaks were too high...
The steaks were really high.
The pot was calling the cattle back
Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.
Out to pastor.
Mootiny.
Because the steaks are too high.
when a marijuana plant yells out of no where:
"You big dumb dark cow!"
One of the farmer turns to his friend and says
"look at the pot calling the cattle black"
Analysts say the steaks have never been higher.
When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."
With a *cow*culator
Ah, you're a rancher?
No, I'm a Zumba instructor.
it's the pot calling the cattle back
Beef stroganoff.
Because of the high steaks.
He has a steak in it.
Because it's where the sun's rays meet.
...a migraine of children...
The steaks have never been higher.
Mos-Cows
They have to deal with so much bullshit.
Ranch owner: Round them up
Cowboy: Ok 20, then!
Feel like nobody listens to you?
Get a cattle dog they totally herd you.
When he rounded them up, he had 200.
A cow kill later.
It was a case of pot calling the cattle back.
Hamburger Helper
Cowards.
Thanks folks, I wrote this when I was 7 years old!
They both involve raising stakes (steaks)
When asked how serious the situation was, the owner responded, "the steaks have never been higher!"
A door a bull
A cattle royale.
Bulldozers.
The steaks are too high
But you probably have herd it before
They're both interested in raising the stakes/steaks.
He finds a suitable cattle, and tries to milk it. Eventually he resorts to sucking on the udder, and eventually gets a spurt of gelatinous, salty milk. The farmer enters to see the man spitting it out, before the man remarks about the disgusting milk.
Farmer hands him a bucket, and points to another heifer. He says
"That's the female cow right there."
The steaks are high.
The steaks were getting too high.
Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch.
One evening, as they sat on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prized stallion humping one of his mares.
He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the move on Mabel.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to do what that stallion is doing."
Mabel whispered back, "Go ahead. She's your mare!"
High Steaks.
A texas cattle rancher came to visit a Vermont dairy farm. He gets a tour of the 10 acre farm, and says to the Vermont farmer "This farm aint nothin, my ranch back in texas is so big, it would take us 3 days just to drive my truck around the whole property". The Vermont farmer responds "yup I had a truck like that once"
With a cow-culator.
A tractor beam
Beef Stroganoff
The results were promising at first but it turned out the steaks were too high.
Me: That's alot of feed.
Farmer: Yeah. The cattle eat it.
Me: Man.....that's one hungry cat
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cattle pasture jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working cattle bulls piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.