Cattle Farmer Jokes
22 cattle farmer jokes and hilarious cattle farmer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cattle farmer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cattle Farmer Short Jokes
Short cattle farmer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cattle farmer humour may include short cattle rancher jokes also.
- When I heard that terrorists were killing farmers by putting C4 in their cattle I was horrified... It's abombinabull!
- Did you hear about the cattle farmer that experimented with feeding his cow cannabis? The results were promising at first but it turned out the steaks were too high.
- *Staring at a barn full of feed* Me: That's alot of feed.
Farmer: Yeah. The cattle eat it.
Me: Man.....that's one hungry cat - I was gambling with a farmer last week and apparently had a really good hand, so good to the point that he bet his livelihood, all 397 of his cattle. He really raised the steaks
- A farmer comes into a large amount of money and decides to buy his son's a large ranch where they can raise cattle. He calls the ranch "Focus". Because it's where the sun's rays meet.
- What do a cattle farmer and a compulsive gambler have in common? They're both interested in raising the stakes/steaks.
- Say friends, why is it tough to play poker with cattle farmers? They're always raising the steaks!
- A dairy farmer is a farmer who raises cattle to produce milk products. A darey farmer is a farmer who takes a lot of risks.
- Why are farmers, who take good inventory of their cows, so efficient at chemical reactions? Because they have a cattle list.
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Cattle Farmer One Liners
Which cattle farmer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cattle farmer? I can suggest the ones about dairy farmer and farmer.
- Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle? Because the steaks were too high...
- The farmer's dumb cattle was found missing He said, now that's an oxymoron
- I pity all cattle farmers They have to deal with so much b**....
Cattle Farmer Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cattle farmer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean farmer cow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cattle farmer pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the s**...t
when a m**... plant yells out of no where:
"You big dumb dark cow!"
One of the farmer turns to his friend and says
"look at the p**... calling the cattle black"
Vermont farmer
A texas cattle rancher came to visit a Vermont dairy farm. He gets a tour of the 10 acre farm, and says to the Vermont farmer "This farm aint nothin, my ranch back in texas is so big, it would take us 3 days just to drive my truck around the whole property". The Vermont farmer responds "yup I had a truck like that once"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A milk thief goes into a barn
He finds a suitable cattle, and tries to milk it. Eventually he resorts to s**... on the udder, and eventually gets a spurt of gelatinous, salty milk. The farmer enters to see the man spitting it out, before the man remarks about the disgusting milk.
Farmer hands him a bucket, and points to another heifer. He says
"That's the female cow right there."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A w**... farmer discovered a cow in his field.
Why is this cow in my field? He wondered.
But it was the p**... calling the cattle back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Beef farmers in Washington are fighting to protect their cattle, whose water supply has been t**... with THC from the marijiana industry
The steaks have never been higher
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Post tortoise
While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.
The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of s**... a**... put him up there to begin with."
“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city.
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”