Cats And Kittens Jokes

57 cats and kittens jokes and hilarious cats and kittens puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cats and kittens that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Cats And Kittens Short Jokes

Short cats and kittens jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cats and kittens humour may include short cats and dogs jokes also.

  1. How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old) You order it from the Cat-alogue
  2. My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river I did it but it broke my heart.
    I quite liked her dad…
  3. My cat told me he's old enough to move out on his own now but then he said nah I'm just kitten
  4. One man proposed that Geico switch their mascot to a kitten. "Now, with only 15 minutes, you can save 15 purr-cent on cat insurance"
  5. What did the feline say when it couldn't believe what was happening? You've cat to be kitten me right meow.
  6. new kitten So I decided to teach my kitten to write. You might think it was pretty hard but he took to it easily. Before long he could do anything I could do.. Turns out he was a copy cat :)
  7. What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke? You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?
  8. I got my cat Kitten Mittens and now he looks like he's got a wicked peanut allergy He does not like cat shoes
  9. My kitten kept trying to mount the neighbor's kitten So I took him to the vet to get cat-strated
  10. What did the cat say to the dog when he was trying to run for office? "Who am I kitten, Rover. I'm not cut out to be a pawlitician."

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Cats And Kittens One Liners

Which cats and kittens one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cats and kittens? I can suggest the ones about kids cat and cat people.

  1. Cat puns freak meowt... ...I'm not kitten.
  2. Why did the mother cat pick up her kittens? She didn't want to litter
  3. Cat puns really freak meowt I am not Kitten.
  4. If K-9 is a guard dog, a guard cat would be.... K-10.^^kitten
  5. I cannot take my new pet cat seriously She's always kitten around
  6. My priest's been buying tonnes of kittens lately... I think he's a Cat-a-holic.
  7. All the catnip is gone You have cat to be kitten me right now
  8. We just renamed our cat to Ben-Hur It used to be Ben until she had kittens.
  9. What did the scientist say after he spliced his DNA with a cat? "You must be kitten me."
  10. My cat named Habit just had kittens... They're all creatures of Habit.
  11. How does a kitten type when it's mad? IN ALL CATS
  12. My cat just died Haha just kitten!
  13. Did you hear about the cat that wanted to be a justice on the Supreme Court? Just kitten.
  14. What do you call twin kittens? Dupli-cats
  15. Cat puns freak meowt... Seriously, I'm not kitten.

Cats And Kittens Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about cats and kittens you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cat fur jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cats and kittens pranks.

Someone says to his friend: "I bought a cat"
And the other: "You have to be kitten me!"

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....
"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.
"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"
So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.
"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.
"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."

What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat s**... on the mat.

Why did the mommy cat throw her kittens in the garbage can?

She didn't wanna litter

A young cat jumped out and scared a mouse and said. . .

Just kitten.

President's Day jokes

Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A. Because he couldn't lie.
Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A. Presidentures!
Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?
A. Really, really, really old!
Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

Three Cats in a Triathalon

So, there are three cats competing in a triathlon. One is an English cat, named "One Two Three", one is German and named "Eins Zwei Drei", and the last is French and named "Un Deuz t**...". They're all very dedicated and have been training for this event since they were kittens.
When the race starts Un Deuz t**... leaps out front. He is sleek and nimble and leads for the running portion of the event. However, when they get on bicycles Eins Zwei Drei finishes first due to superior German engineering.
When they reach the pool for the swimming portion all cats jump in without hesitation. One Two Three finishes first, as he had been practicing swimming in the English Channel. Eins Zwei Drei comes out second. Hours pass, and the French Cat never exits.
Un Deuz t**... Quatre Cinq.

Why did the Papal Palace fill up with kittens?

Because the Pope was a cat-holic.
Eh? Eh?

What happens when you cross a grown kitten, a donkey, and a champion?

A cat-a**...-trophy.

What did the cat say to her former self when she traveled back in time?

Why are you so small? You must be kitten me!

A woman brings her duck to the vet...

The vet lays it on the table and says, "Ma'am, I'm afraid your duck is dead."
"No it's not! He was fine in the car, I swear! I want proof!" So the vet leaves, and then walks back in with a black lab. The dog walks up to the duck, sniffs it and turns his head. Then the vet brings in a kitten, and it runs up to the duck, pawing at its wings.
"Hmm.." the vet says, "Looks like it really is dead. That'll be $550."
"What?! You're going to make me pay $550 just to tell me my duck is dead??" The woman screams.
"Well, ma'am, it was $5 for the check up and $545 for the lab results and the cat scan."

It's winter in quebec, and a mother cat calls her kittens back inside the den. While taking the short cut across a frozen pond, they hit some thin ice

And un deux t**... quatre cinq

What did the time travelling cat say when he met his younger self?

"Are you kitten me!?!?!"

A really bad joke I made long time ago that I still remember

What did the buck say to his wife when he tried to convince her that he wasn't a cat?
"I'm not kitten, deer."

Titles are really hard, but jokes are a bit easier.

A scientist invented a machine that could combine anything for form a hybrid of the objects.
He goes to a convention to present the machine.
For his presentations he decided to combine himself with two objects.
He stands in front of the crowd and brings out a xerox machine and kitten.
He walked into the invention and clicked the button to combine himself with the two objects.
As the smoke clears and the man walks out, not one is impressed.
It is understandable though, the man was a copy cat.

A kitten and a Bengali tiger meet on a disused road

"Why so serious?"The tiger says to the kitten.
"I thought you were gonna eat me," the kitten replies.
"'Course not," the tiger says. "You're a cat; I'm a cat. No beef here."
"Yeah, good point. Haven't seen any cows for miles anyway."

My kitten won top prize in a cute competition.

Unfortunately, they messed up the award... Instead of making it in the shape of a kitty's face they made it into a kitty's behind!!
It's a real cat-a**...-trophy!