The Best 43 Catholic School Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Catholic School jokes. There are some catholic school father jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these catholic school end of school year puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Catholic School Jokes and Puns

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.

God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.

God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.

The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!

They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"

Catholic School joke, Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

I visited a Catholic engineering school yesterday

It was called Our Lady of Perpetual Motion

Classic joke at my Catholic High School

I went up to a man and said "Jesus is the messiah"

He said "No way"

I said "Yah-weh"


At catholic school...

A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.

Mary says, "I want to be a prostitute!"

Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"

Mary says, "I said I want to be a prostitute!"

The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."

They are serious!

A boy is getting all Ds and Fs in math so his parents send him to Catholic school. On his first report card, his parents are shocked to see their son getting straight As. When his parents ask him why, he says, Well, when I went into the chapel and saw that guy nailed to a plus sign, I knew they were serious.

Catholic School joke, They are serious!

A Jewish Atheist enrolls his son in Catholic school

A Jewish atheist hears that the best school in town happens to be Catholic, so he enrolls his son. Things are going well until one day the boy comes home and says, I just learned all about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The boy's father is barely able to control his rage. He grabs his son by the shoulders and says, Son, this is very important, so listen carefully. There is only ONE God — and we don't believe in Him!

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

A Catholic school teacher asks the children who they want to be when they grow up

A Catholic school teacher asks the children who they want to be when they grow up when one girl raises her hand and says "I want to be a prostitute"

"A WHAT???" yells the incredulous teacher

"A prostitute" says the girl calmly

"Whew thank Heavens, I thought you said 'Protestant'"

My brother developed his own version of Tinder for his Catholic high school

He called it 'Burning Bush'

You can explore catholic school protestant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean catholic school episcopalian dad jokes. There are also catholic school puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths

I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew this school meant business.

As Dumbledore stood there stroking his wand

Harry regretted transferring to Catholic School

What's the easiest class in a Catholic school?

Religion.

It has no facts to memorize

Sex Ed teacher wanted for Blessed Virgin Mary Catholic School

No experience necessary.

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!

Catholic School joke, A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

I was arguing with friends over what school weighed the most.

One friend said high schools because the kids are older and weigh more.

Another said definitely colleges, not only do the students weigh more than high school students, there's so many more people.

I said you're both wrong, it's definitely Catholic schools, they have more mass.

At the local catholic high school dance, all the DJ's jokes were about me...

I was the only person in the punch line.


God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

Two girls in a Catholic convent school.

One whispers to the other: "There's a contraceptive hidden behind the radiator!"

The other whispers back: "What's a radiator?"

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him

"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

A young kid was smart, but was failing math.

He simply refused to apply himself. The parents tried everything to no avail. Finally, in desperation, they put him into a private Catholic school. When they got his first report card they were delighted to see he got an A in math. They asked him what had finally motivated him. He said "When I first walked into the school and saw that guy on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew these guys were serious."

Catholic School

Now, I'm not religious, but in a school full of Catholics with ash on their foreheads, everyone's looking at me like I'M the one with a giant X on my forehead.

What do you call a group of Angel Fish?

A Catholic School!

A father is concerned with his son's bad grades in math

so he decides to enroll him in a Catholic school. After the first marking period, the son has an A in math.

The father is pleased, but he asks his son, "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?"

The son replies, "I knew they meant business when I saw the guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign!"

An 8 year old boy was horrendous at math.

His parents were worried about his math skills and decided to enroll him in a Catholic school. After the boy's first report card came out, he had straight A's in his math class. His father asked the boy, "How did the Catholic school make you better at math?" The boy responded with, "I never took math seriously but when walked in to my new school and saw the man nailed to the plus sign, I knew this place meant business!"

The Catholic church wants more people interested in priesthood.

They have got a lot of bad publicity lately so they just released a new campaign. They are offering scholarships for 100 lucky boys that can attend private school to become a priest for free.

Their slogan: "Find the priest inside of you."

Why do cannibals hang around the Catholic school?

It's a good source of pro-teens.

The teacher put the word "circumcise" on my 10 year old's spelling test.

I'm pulling him out of education. No decent private school hires a Catholic teacher.

What do a Catholic Priest and a school-gunman have in common?

They both like shooting into little boys.

What do mass shootings and Catholic high schools have in common?

THOTs and prayers

Apparently there's a lack of sex education being taught in school

Which is why I'm glad the Catholic church has taken matters into their own hands.

Little Johnny is in Catholic School

The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"

Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."

Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."

Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."

The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.

Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"

A catholic kid is in school and needs help

While the teacher was helping the student, he suddenly makes a mistake

Teacher: Oh, you need to erase that

Kid: I can't

Teacher: Why?

Kid: Because I didn't bring a rubber

Teacher: Why not?

Kid: Because my dad said it's a sin to use a rubber

Why do kids at Catholic schools learn sex ed faster?

Because their lessons are more hands-on.

How do students in catholic school get informed that the lecture has ended?

Christian Bale

A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy's grades were straight A's, even in math!

Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. "Oh, it's all right, I guess," he replies. "They must be teaching you some new tricks!" "Not really." "Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?" "Well", he says, "as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs. The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs."

After failing maths, Jared's parents decide to move him from the local public school to a nearby Catholic school

Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. His parents ask him the reason behind his sudden improvement. "Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? Jared shook his head. "Well what was it then"? Jared replied "Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business".

At the canteen of a Catholic school...

The nun places a note in front of a pile of apples: Take just one. God is watching . Beyond there is a stack of biscuits. A student writes a note and puts it in plain sight in front of the cookies: Take whatever you want. God is watching the apples".

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again

I guess she's just in the habit.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the catholic school elementary school jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working catholic school end of school piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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