Catholic Nun Jokes
73 catholic nun jokes and hilarious catholic nun puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about catholic nun that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Catholic Nun Short Jokes
Short catholic nun jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The catholic nun humour may include short nun convent jokes also.
- Why do catholic nuns have more clothes than other nuns? Because their clothes are mass produced...
- At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second. Coincidently, that's how the Catholic Church ranks it's priorities.
- If I ask a Catholic sister to work for me as a manager ... Does that make her nun of my business?
- Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again I guess she's just in the habit.
- Two nuns at a Catholic Church Two nuns at a Catholic Church near me got pregnant.
On an unrelated note, they dressed up as altar boys for Halloween. - What do you call a sleepwalking nun ? A roamin' Catholic
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Oh look there's the door...bye - A nun teaching at a Catholic school frequently shows up to work in normal clothes because of how poorly-made the set of religious clothing she was given is. It's a bad habit.
- In the box office this weekend, The Predator took first place followed by The Nun in second... Which is coincidentally the same way the Catholic Church ranks their priorities.
- Which punchline do you like better? What do you call a nun that sleep-walks? a) A Roamin' Catholic
b) An unconscious habit - Whaddaya call a blind nun? A roamin' catholic.
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Catholic Nun One Liners
Which catholic nun one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with catholic nun? I can suggest the ones about pregnant nun and nuns.
- What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic
- What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? Roman Catholic.
- What do you call a nun that is going for a walk? A roamin catholic
- What is a Catholic's favorite weapon? Nun-chucks.
- What do you call a lost nun? A Roman Catholic
- What do you call a moving nun? A Roman Catholic
- What do you call a nun who's drinking a pint? Catholic
- What do you call a wanderin' nun? A Roamin' Catholic
- How many Catholics does it take to mentally scar a child for life? Nun.
- What do you call a nun who is outside her local calling area? *A roamin' Catholic.*
- What kind of shoes does an Asian Catholic lady wear? Nun Chucks
- How many robed Catholic women does it take to change a lightbulb? Nun
- What did the devout catholic call her Converse? Nun Chucks
- What do you call a walking nun? A roman catholic.
- What is the only meat a Catholic Priest is allowed to eat on Good Friday? Nun
Fun-Filled Catholic Nun Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about catholic nun you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two nuns jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make catholic nun pranks.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.
God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.
As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier is surprised when he sees the beer, but the one nun is ready with an explanation. "We use the beer to wash our hair" she says. "At the convent, we call it 'Catholic shampoo.'" Without hesitation the cashier bends down, grabs a package of pretzels, and throws it in one of the nuns' groceries bags, saying "The curlers are on the house."
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.
God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nun.
But really, its easier to r**... little boys in the dark.
An old one my late grandmother used to tell
In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."
A joke a Jewish speaker at my Catholic college told the student body in front of a bunch of nuns
So a man walks into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". The priest says "What have you done, my son?"
"I'm 72 and just had s**... with two 25 year olds" he claimed.
"Are you kidding?!" the priest said. "You can't do that. 100 Hail Mary's and run around the church 1000 times. By the way is this your first confession?"
"Yes I've never been to confession before. I'm Jewish."
"If you are Jewish why are you telling me this?" begged the priest.
"I'm telling everybody"
Catholic School
So there's a bad jewish kid and he swears all the time. He gets expelled from school. His behavior combined with the town he lives in being so small where everyone knows everyone's business, causes his family to become pariahs.
Desperate for a solution, the parents ask the local Rabbi for help who suggests sending the boy to a *yeshiva* - a Jewish private school. The parents try this, but sadly, this seemed to make him worse, now he swears in both English and Hebrew.
The next week, Thanksgiving rolls around and the parents have the neighbors over to eat Turkey with them. The neighbor after a while can't help but remark "I know it's not my place, but your son is very unruly."
The parents sigh and say they have no idea what to do with him. The neighbor replies "I know you're Jewish but try Catholic School. Those nuns instill serious discipline in children."
Feeling out of options, the parents do enroll the son in Catholic School, and that same day he comes home from school the model son they always wished he was.
The parents are flabbergasted. They ask "Did the nuns beat you?", and the son replies "No mother, they did not." So the parent's say "Then how did this happen?" and the son replied "Well, when I saw the guy hanging on the wall there, I knew they meant business!"
A joke from my great uncle
A nun is walking through the city and hails a taxi cab. The nun gets in a cab, and after a few minutes the cabbie says "It's been a while since I've passionately kissed a woman, would you be willing to kiss me, sister?" The nun asks "Are you single and catholic? If you are there shouldn't be a problem." The man says he is, and they intensely kiss for the next 10 minutes. Afterwards the cabbie starts to feel guilty and says "sister, I must confess I'm married and a Muslim." The nun says, "oh that's alright, my name is Troy and I'm going to a costume party."
Bunch of jokes I found from a video, thought they would be good for some ice breakers.
What phone carriers do nuns use? v**... mobile
Why is their bill so high? Because they're roman ( roamin ) catholic
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef
no legs? ground beef
2 legs? YOUR MOM!
At catholic school...
A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.
Mary says, "I want to be a p**...!"
Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"
Mary says, "I said I want to be a p**...!"
The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."
A car full of catholic school children got in a terrible accident
Nun survived.
A Catholic priest is asked to describe his s**... life.
"Well," he says, "if I'm not having nun, I'm having very little."
How do you get a Catholic Nun to have s**...?
Dress her up like an altar boy
When Catholic priests and nuns take their vows, do they throw a party?
We should call that celibating.
A Sleepwalking Nun
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' catholic
How many Catholics can you fit in a habit?
Nun
Whenever a nun leaves the Catholic church they should play "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park
Catholic gossip...
I just heard that the pope has made another new rule...
it's okay now to kiss a nun!
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just as long as you don't get into the habit.
Three women are going back to visit the Catholic school that they grew up in, and they find the nun who taught them as children.
"So what have you young ladies been doing with your lives?" the nun asks.
The first woman responds, "Well, I've become an engineer, I'm married and I have three kids."
The second woman says, "I've become an accountant, and I'm happily married with two children!"
The third woman slowly responds, "Well... Um, I'm... I'm a p**......"
"You're a WHAT???" says the nun, furiously.
"Well... I'm a p**...."
"Oh, thank God," the nun says, "I thought you said you were a Protestant!"
A nun is teaching class in a Catholic children's home.
She asks the students what they want to be when they grow up. One says a teacher, the other says doctor, the other says engineer and so on. Finally the question lands on quiet little girl in the back.
Nun: What would you like to be when you grow up?
Girl: I'm afraid to say it out loud.
Nun: Then come whisper it into my ear.
The girl scurries over and whispers something. The nuns face boils. She is both shocked and horrified. She screams "What did you say?!?!"
The girl startled yells out " I said I want to be a p**...!"
The nun replies relieved " Oh thank the heavens I thought you said Protestant."
How much common sense does a catholic church have?
Nun.
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
Two catholic sisters rode bicycles through rough roads of Rome...
One turns to the other and says, "I've never come this way before".
The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones".
Did you hear about the Catholic Sister who opened a Breaking Bad themed Asian restaurant?
She is the Nun who Woks.
What do you call a nun on a bicycle?
Choice (A) - a Religious Movement
Choice (B) - Roamin Catholic
Choice (C) - v**... Mobile
What's the best punchline?
Why do Catholics never play mini golf?
Because they keep getting holes in nuns.
The Nun was recently released and is one of the most terrorifying movies of all time.
Turns out, evil Nuns are now the second scariest clergy in the Catholic Church.
A nun gets into a cab
The cab driver sees her in the backseat and says "I have always had a fantasy about nuns."
She answers "you and everyone else! Are you a Catholic?"
Driver says yes, so she tells him to pull over.
She hops in the front seat and gives him the best b**... he ever had. She gets done and the cabbie feels guilty and says "You know sister, I have to confess. I am not really Catholic."
"That's fine. My name is Ralph and I am going to a costume party."
Little Johnny is in Catholic School
The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"
Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."
Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."
Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."
The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.
Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs. The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs."
After failing maths, Jared's parents decide to move him from the local public school to a nearby Catholic school
Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. His parents ask him the reason behind his sudden improvement. "Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? Jared shook his head. "Well what was it then"? Jared replied "Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business".
At the canteen of a Catholic school...
The nun places a note in front of a pile of apples: Take just one. God is watching . Beyond there is a stack of biscuits. A student writes a note and puts it in plain sight in front of the cookies: Take whatever you want. God is watching the apples".
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
