The Best 35 Catholic Nun Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Catholic Nun jokes. There are some catholic nun protestant jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these catholic nun excommunicated puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Catholic Nun Jokes and Puns

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic

What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep?

Roman Catholic.

After failing maths, Jared's parents decide to move him from the local public school to a nearby Catholic school

Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. His parents ask him the reason behind his sudden improvement. "Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? Jared shook his head. "Well what was it then"? Jared replied "Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business".

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs. The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs."


At catholic school...

A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.

Mary says, "I want to be a prostitute!"

Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"

Mary says, "I said I want to be a prostitute!"

The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."

Little Johnny is in Catholic School

The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"

Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."

Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."

Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."

The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.

Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"

Why do catholic nuns have more clothes than other nuns?

Because their clothes are mass produced...

A joke a Jewish speaker at my Catholic college told the student body in front of a bunch of nuns

So a man walks into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". The priest says "What have you done, my son?"

"I'm 72 and just had sex with two 25 year olds" he claimed.

"Are you kidding?!" the priest said. "You can't do that. 100 Hail Mary's and run around the church 1000 times. By the way is this your first confession?"

"Yes I've never been to confession before. I'm Jewish."

"If you are Jewish why are you telling me this?" begged the priest.

"I'm telling everybody"

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that's how the Catholic Church ranks it's priorities.

What do you call a nun that is going for a walk?

A roamin catholic

You can explore catholic nun episcopal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean catholic nun anglican dad jokes. There are also catholic nun puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is a Catholic's favorite weapon?

Nun-chucks.

What do you call a lost nun?

A Roman Catholic

What do you call a moving nun?

A Roman Catholic

A nun gets into a cab

The cab driver sees her in the backseat and says "I have always had a fantasy about nuns."

She answers "you and everyone else! Are you a Catholic?"

Driver says yes, so she tells him to pull over.

She hops in the front seat and gives him the best blow job he ever had. She gets done and the cabbie feels guilty and says "You know sister, I have to confess. I am not really Catholic."

"That's fine. My name is Ralph and I am going to a costume party."

If I ask a Catholic sister to work for me as a manager ...

Does that make her nun of my business?

Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again

I guess she's just in the habit.

Two nuns at a Catholic Church

Two nuns at a Catholic Church near me got pregnant.

On an unrelated note, they dressed up as altar boys for Halloween.

What do you call a nun who's drinking a pint?

Catholic


What do you call a sleepwalking nun ?

A roamin' Catholic

.

.

Oh look there's the door...bye

What do you call a wanderin' nun?

A Roamin' Catholic

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nun.

But really, its easier to rape little boys in the dark.

At the canteen of a Catholic school...

The nun places a note in front of a pile of apples: Take just one. God is watching . Beyond there is a stack of biscuits. A student writes a note and puts it in plain sight in front of the cookies: Take whatever you want. God is watching the apples".

How many Catholics does it take to mentally scar a child for life?

Nun.

How do you get a Catholic Nun to have sex?

Dress her up like an altar boy

What do you call a nun who is outside her local calling area?

*A roamin' Catholic.*

In the box office this weekend, The Predator took first place followed by The Nun in second...

Which is coincidentally the same way the Catholic Church ranks their priorities.

What kind of shoes does an Asian Catholic lady wear?

Nun Chucks

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.

God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A Sleepwalking Nun

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' catholic

A Catholic priest is asked to describe his sex life.

"Well," he says, "if I'm not having nun, I'm having very little."

Which punchline do you like better? What do you call a nun that sleep-walks?

a) A Roamin' Catholic

b) An unconscious habit

What did the devout catholic call her Converse?

Nun Chucks

What do you call a walking nun?

A roman catholic.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the catholic nun orthodox jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working catholic nun lutheran piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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