The Best 18 Catholic Confession Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Catholic Confession jokes. There are some catholic confession inquisition jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these catholic confession roman catholic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Catholic Confession Jokes and Puns

4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train

They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.

The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.

The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.

The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.

They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".

Father, I must confess I've been having sex with two gorgeous models everyday for the past month.

Father: Well, as a good catholic I can't condone this behaviour.

Man: I'm Jewish

Father: What are you telling me for then?

Man: *shrugs* I'm telling everybody.

A Catholic boy in confession says

"Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking

about my sister."

"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you

have two gorgeous brothers."

A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession

A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession.

As the boy goes into the booth he asks the priest, "What are you doing father?"

The priest answers, Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

The boy asks, "Why do you say that father?"

Priest: "Because my hand is getting tired.

What does a Catholic do before a confession?

He sins, obviously.


Confession

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confessional booth and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally,the drunk replies:"No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

A joke a Jewish speaker at my Catholic college told the student body in front of a bunch of nuns

So a man walks into confession and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". The priest says "What have you done, my son?"

"I'm 72 and just had sex with two 25 year olds" he claimed.

"Are you kidding?!" the priest said. "You can't do that. 100 Hail Mary's and run around the church 1000 times. By the way is this your first confession?"

"Yes I've never been to confession before. I'm Jewish."

"If you are Jewish why are you telling me this?" begged the priest.

"I'm telling everybody"

A drunk staggers into a Catholic church

He enters a confession booth and sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk man shouts, "Ain't no use knocking! There's no paper on this side either!"

The confession.

A guy goes in a confessional and tells the priest that last night he meet 4 swedish air hostesses down the pub, went back to their place, snorted coke, drank 20 year old scotch and had sex all night until the sun came up.

The priest says, "that's terrible my son, what kind of a catholic are you?

Guy says "I'm not a catholic"

The priest says, "what are you telling me all this for then?"

Guy says "I'm telling everyone."

A nun gets into a cab

The cab driver sees her in the backseat and says "I have always had a fantasy about nuns."

She answers "you and everyone else! Are you a Catholic?"

Driver says yes, so she tells him to pull over.

She hops in the front seat and gives him the best blow job he ever had. She gets done and the cabbie feels guilty and says "You know sister, I have to confess. I am not really Catholic."

"That's fine. My name is Ralph and I am going to a costume party."

How did the catholic cowboy greet his priest for confession?

Howdy, pardoner!

You can explore catholic confession excommunicated reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean catholic confession theologian dad jokes. There are also catholic confession puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I honestly believe if Kevin Spacey confesses his crimes that he can be forgiven.

As a Catholic Priest.

So a group of boys were in a sex Ed class

And by sex ed class I mean a catholic confession box with a priest.

Confession

A man walks into a confessional and sits down,
"Father, last night I was with 3 different women at the same time."
"That's horrible," says the priest. "Are you married? Does your wife know about this adultery?"
"Married? No. Actually, I'm not even Catholic, I just had to tell someone!"

A guy goes in to a catholic church to confess his sins but Father is still sleeping up stairs half drunk so one of the altar boys tries taking the confession instead

but soon this altar boy is put in a situation where he does not know what to do.

"Euh, excuses me for one sec. I will be right back to let you know what the proper penance is for that sin"

"Psssht, hey danny. Danny!"

"Yeah"

"What does Father give for masturbation?"

"Two snickers and a marsbar"

What did the Catholic bodybuilder say when he went to confession after falling off a new diet plan?

Forgive me Father, For i have binged

A substitute for a Catholic priest is hearing confessions.

He is confused about what to recommend a confessor should do to rectify guilt sustained, after doing a sexual favor for her boss. He sticks his head out of the confessional and asks a nearby alter boy what the father gives for a bl*wjob. The alter boy responds, "Usually a Snickers and a ride home."

I was raised half Jewish and half Catholic.

When I'd go to confession, I'd say Bless me, father, for I have sinned — and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the catholic confession seminary jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working catholic confession baptized piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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