Catholic Boys Jokes
89 catholic boys jokes and hilarious catholic boys puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about catholic boys that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Catholic Boys Short Jokes
Short catholic boys jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The catholic boys humour may include short catholic school jokes also.
- What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he hits puberty.
- Two nuns at a Catholic Church Two nuns at a Catholic Church near me got pregnant.
On an unrelated note, they dressed up as altar boys for Halloween. - What did the old Catholic priest say when he arrived at a 6 year old boys birthday party? Happy birthday.
- What do Catholic Priests and Target have in common? They often have little boy's pants half off.
- Did you hear about the crowd of Catholic priests at baby Gap? The sign in the window advertised "Little Boys Pants Half Off!"
- So two Catholic priests are hanging outside Toys R Us and an eight year old boy walks by The first priest smirks and whispers to the second priest, I bet he looked good in his prime.
- Where is the one place that had alcohol and boys are more cautious that girls? A catholic church
- What do a Catholic Priest and a school-gunman have in common? They both like shooting into little boys.
- I walked past a young boy acting up in front of his mom in a grocery store. She asked me "would you like to take him home with you?" I responded "No thanks, I'm not Catholic."
- What does a catholic priest think when he sees a 12 year old boy on a bicycle ? He should be great at riding.
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Catholic Boys One Liners
Which catholic boys one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with catholic boys? I can suggest the ones about catholic and catholic irish.
- As the old Catholic saying goes, Condoms: they're what separate the men from the boys
- Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms? Because little boys can't get pregnant.
- What does Walmart and catholic priest have in common. They both have boys pants half off.
- What's the Catholic Church's favourite soccer team? BSC Young Boys
- How do Catholic priests remember choir boys? Fondly.
- What's the easiest place to get a job as a young boy? The Catholic Church!
- When do Catholics allow the use of condoms? When the choir boys have diarrhea.
- What does the Catholic priest try to do during Lent? Alter boys
- What do you call a Catholic boy that salts popcorn at the movies? A Salter Boy
- Why would a Catholic priest start practicing at a prison? He ran out of little boys
- What's an irish catholic priest's dilemma? A little boy from Belfast.
- A Catholic priest comes in a bar...... on a 5 year old boy's face.
- What do wine and altar boys have in common? Catholic priests like them aged eight years
- It must s**... being a catholic chaplain in the Army All the boys are over 18
- What do you call an altar boy who has left the church? Prolapsed Catholic
Unearthly Funniest Catholic Boys Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about catholic boys you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad catholic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make catholic boys pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A substitute for a Catholic priest is hearing confessions.
He is confused about what to recommend a confessor should do to rectify guilt sustained, after doing a s**... favor for her boss. He sticks his head out of the confessional and asks a nearby alter boy what the father gives for a bl*wjob. The alter boy responds, "Usually a Snickers and a ride home."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little catholic boy asked the priest "
do you mind if I play the o**... this week?" And the priest replied "not at all."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nun.
But really, its easier to r**... little boys in the dark.
Poor Boy
A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.
A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"
"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"
The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"
A Jewish boy comes home with his report card.
His parents take a look and see:
English: A
Science: A
History: A
Math: F
They tell him he's grounded until they see improvement, but when the next report card comes he gets an F in math yet again! After thinking hard about what to do this time, they decide they must send him to Catholic school.
After just one term at Catholic school he comes home with an A in Math! The father asks, "Son, what made this time so different?"
He replies, "Well when I saw that kid nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jewish boy that can't understand math
Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.
The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!
They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"
So a Jewish family has a baby!
It's a beautiful baby boy, and they love him very much. The dad wants to know, however, what the little boy will grow up to be like. So he takes the baby to the Rabbi, who says that there's a simple test. On a long table, the Rabbi places a stack of money, a bottle of whiskey, and a Torah. "If your son crawls to the money, he'll have a good job as a banker, and take care of you and your wife until you're dead and gone. If he goes for the whiskey, he's no good, a drunk, might as well drop him at the orphanage on the way home for all the good he'll do you. Finally, if he picks up the Torah, he'll be a Rabbi like me. A good, honest, man of God."
So the father puts the baby on the table, and the baby picks up the money. "YAY!" they cheer, as the baby starts crawling again. Now, the Rabbi looks worried. The baby now picks up the bottle of whiskey with its other hand. "Oh no" says the Rabbi. They then watch as the baby crawls again, and also picks up the Torah. "NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!" the Rabbi cries. "WHAT IS IT??? What's wrong with my son?!?!" the father panicks.
"I'm so so sorry, but your son is going to be the worst thing of all!" says the Rabbi. "Your son is going to be a Catholic!"
[
There is this Jewish boy who was born into a nice family...
There is this Jewish boy who was born into a nice family. He was a very smart boy, but he never did well in school because he lacked motivation. His parents tried everything: meeting with his teachers, one on one tutoring, etc.; however, nothing seemed to help. Eventually, they decided to send him to a private school, thinking a different environment would him good. Unfortunately, there are not many Jewish private schools, so they had to settle on sending him to a Catholic school. Surprisingly, this worked. The parents got his first report card and were astounded: all A's. The parents wondered what brought about the change. They said to their son "You made all A's! Even in math! (previously his worst subject) what changed?" The son replied "When I walked in on the first day and saw the Jewish guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they were serious."
Directly to Jesus
One of the problems catholic priests face is how to keep their young alter boys from misbehaving or not accomplishing the tasks given to them, as they have not yet concerted their faith and devotion. One year at the annual meeting of cardinals a group of priests from all over the world were complaining about this exact problem
"Every time I ask Aeris to clean the pews he sleeps on them instead!"
"That's nothing, once I found the Alter boys gambling behind the church one Sunday afternoon!"
One astute priest from america chuckes to himself and proclaims:
"Whenever an alter boy acts up I bring him directly to Jesus and we iron it out right there, right then."
The other priests were dumbfound as even they with all their devotion could not speak to Jesus directly! Well a year went by and the priests met up again and exclaimed the same problem with the alter boys was not getting any better. In an attempt to finally resolve their problem they confronted the American priest and asked him for advice. When the American priest spoke he did so with a sad tone in his voice and declared that Jesus had left his church shortly after last years meeting. Shocked the priests asked how this could be! The American priest told them that while he was gone Jesus was caught stealing red wine from the cellar and he had to hire a new janitor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old one my late grandmother used to tell
In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."
Rabbi and Priest
A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and the future. "What position do you see yourself in a couple years from now?" asked the Rabbi to the Priest. "Well, actually, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest. "Yes, and then what?" ask the Rabbi. "Well, I could become Arch-Bishop," said the Priest. "Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, if I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's possible to become a full Bishop" said the Priest. "Okay, then what?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest, beginning to be a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal." "And then?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get frustrated, but replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right place at the right time and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope." "Yes, and then what?" continued the Rabbi. "Good grief!" shouted the Priest, "What do you expect me to become, God?" "Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
A young boy....
A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy's grades were straight A's, even in math! Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. "Oh, it's all right, I guess," he replies. "They must be teaching you some new tricks!" "Not really." "Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?" "Well", he says, "as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!" :s
Catholic School
So there's a bad jewish kid and he swears all the time. He gets expelled from school. His behavior combined with the town he lives in being so small where everyone knows everyone's business, causes his family to become pariahs.
Desperate for a solution, the parents ask the local Rabbi for help who suggests sending the boy to a *yeshiva* - a Jewish private school. The parents try this, but sadly, this seemed to make him worse, now he swears in both English and Hebrew.
The next week, Thanksgiving rolls around and the parents have the neighbors over to eat Turkey with them. The neighbor after a while can't help but remark "I know it's not my place, but your son is very unruly."
The parents sigh and say they have no idea what to do with him. The neighbor replies "I know you're Jewish but try Catholic School. Those nuns instill serious discipline in children."
Feeling out of options, the parents do enroll the son in Catholic School, and that same day he comes home from school the model son they always wished he was.
The parents are flabbergasted. They ask "Did the nuns beat you?", and the son replies "No mother, they did not." So the parent's say "Then how did this happen?" and the son replied "Well, when I saw the guy hanging on the wall there, I knew they meant business!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Catholic priests and pimples?
Pimples don't come on a boy's face until he's thirteen.
A little Jewish boy in Catholic school
There was once a little Jewish boy who for the life of him was terrible at math. His parents had tried everything and nothing seemed to be working, so as their last resort they decided to send him to the local Catholic school because it had the best math program in the area.
The first day, and every day after, the little boy came home and went straight upstairs and did all his homework. When they finally received his report card he had straight A's. They were baffled an very curious about what the school did that worked so well, so they asked him "Son, what did this school do differently that helped you learn so well"
the son replied "Well, "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
"
The Jewish Kid at the Catholic School
A Jewish family just moved into a new town because of the fathers work and are looking for a good school for their son to attend. Since the public schools are notoriously terrible, they look to the private schools. After asking around, they learn that St. John's Academy is by far their best option. The boy is a great student and does well in every subject. Except math. Year after year he fails math. His parents are confused because he is such an excellent student in all other subjects. They even get him a tutor, but he continues to fail.
A few years later, they move again. Another new school. But this time it is a public school. He passes math the first semester with an A. His parents ask him why math had been so hard for him at St. John's.
He replied "Well in the classroom they had a picture of a guy nailed to a plus sign and I couldn't focus because I thought I was next!"
A Jewish Atheist enrolls his son in Catholic school
A Jewish atheist hears that the best school in town happens to be Catholic, so he enrolls his son. Things are going well until one day the boy comes home and says, I just learned all about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The boy's father is barely able to control his rage. He grabs his son by the shoulders and says, Son, this is very important, so listen carefully. There is only ONE God — and we don't believe in Him!
A Muslim and a Catholic priest walk into a bar.
The two start talking casually about their respective religions. The Muslim says, "I believe that when I die, Allah will bless me with 72 virgins."
The priest's eyes get wide. "Really? That would be awesome, but unfortunately the church can only have 3 altar boys at a time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Catholic boy in confession says
"Bless me Father, I have sinned, I m**... while thinking
about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you
have two gorgeous brothers."
A Catholic teenager goes to confession
A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the priest that he can't be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is.
"I promised not to tell!" he says.
"Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the preist asks.
"No, and I said I wouldn't tell."
"Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?"
"No, and I still won't tell!"
'Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?"
"No," says the boy.
'Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months."
Outside, the boy's friends ask what happened. "Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest?
A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.
This joke is all in good fun, sorry if anyone happens to be offended!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do 0/10 little boys enjoy?
Catholic priests
What is a difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne actually comes on a boys face after he turns 12
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do miss Frizzle and the catholic church have in common?
They've both been in little boys.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a Catholic priest are walking down the street...
...when the priest sees a boy across the way.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!"
The rabbi looks the boy over and says to the priest, "out of what?"
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
Boy pokes girl with a pencil
A boy sits behind a girl he likes in Catholic school and he shows it by poking her in the back with a pencil. One day during class the teacher asks:
"Who was the one that created the universe?"
The boy pokes the girl with his pencil and she jumps up and says:
"Oh God!"
Afterward the teacher asks:
"Okay, who's the one that died for our sins?"
The boy pokes the girl with his pencil a second time and she jumps up and says:
"Jesus Christ!"
The teacher then asks:
"What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd kid?"
The boy once again pokes the girl with his pencil so she turns around and says to him:
"If you stick that thing into me one more time I'm gonna break it in half!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A catholic priest was found guilty of r**... a little girl. The judge asked him if he had any last words
The priest replied, "Sorry, I thought it was a boy."
A catholic school teacher was teaching a lesson one morning and asked his students where Jesus was.
"Yes Susie" he said as he called on Susie whose hand was raised. "He's in heaven!" She shouted with pride. He called on Steven who said "He was in his heart" The only boy left with his hand raised with had the most unusual answer "He's in my bathroom!" Everyone had a puzzled look on his/her face. "Yeah!" Said the boy.. "My father bangs on the door every morning saying 'Jesus Christ, ya still in there?"
When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths
I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew this school meant business.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An angry teenager from a Catholic home began dressing as a monk to mock his parents' faith.
When asked by a friend how her son had been, the boy's mother replied, "Well, he's been-a-d**...-teen lately."
Timmy: Is it a sin to wear shorts? They are so comfortable.
Catholic Priest: No, I don't think its wrong to enjoy feeling little boys shorts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get 2 Jews to fight?
Throw a penny between them.
How do you get 2 Catholic priests to fight?
Do the same thing but this time with a small boy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a group of Catholic priests standing in the snow?
Cracking open a boy with the cold ones
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man walks into a Catholic church at night
To his surprise, two priests walk up to excitedly greet him.
"Hello!" Says the other. "I am Paul Unch, and this is Liam Ine, we're the priests here. If you'll walk this way-"
"Hold up", says the man. "P. Unch and L. Ine? I'm in a s**... joke, right?"
"O-h**...!" exclaims Ine. "You got us!"
"Alright, screw this. I'm leaving." And he walks out in a huff.
"Well, that got rid of him", said Ine. "Paul, get the altar boys back in."
3 young boys walk into a room full of Catholic Priests....
They tell the boys to leave because it was a private meeting
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bra Shopping: A religious experience.
David goes into Macy's, to the l**... department, and he says to the salesgirl, My wife has sent me in for a Jewish bra, size 34B, and she said that you'd know what I meant."
The saleslady says, Boy, it's been a long time since anybody's asked me for a Jewish bra. They usually ask me for a Catholic bra or a Salvation Army bra or a Presbyterian bra.
He says, Well, what's the difference?
She says, The Catholic bra supports the masses, the Salvation Army bra uplifts the downfallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright.
He goes, Well, then what's a Jewish bra?
Oh, a Jewish bra makes mountains out of molehills.
[Long] boudreaux and thibodeaux were a pair of good old country boys.
Boudreaux grew up to be a baptist pastor and thibodeaux became a catholic priest. These good friends even had their churches right across the street from each other.
Well one day boudreaux was putting a sign in his church yard and that thibodeaux was putting up the exact same one. The both said "Turn now or perish."
Right then then a car drove by and the driver flipped them both the bird and yelled "Get a life you freaks." Followed by a big splash off water.
Boudreaux looks up and says "Hey Thibodeaux ya think we should change the sign to bridge out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A catholic girl goes to the confessional to tell her sins to the priest.
Girl: Father, I came here today because I have sinned.
Priest: Go on, tell me.
Girl: While my mother went to the market yesterday...
Priest: Go on.
Girl: A boy saw me walking on the street...
Priest: Go on.
Girl: I brought him back to our house...
Priest: Go on.
Girl: I laid on the bed with him...
Priest: Go on.
Girl: He took off my p**......
Priest: Go on
Girl: And then my mom came back home and saw us.
Priest: For f**...'s sake!! Why couldn't your mother wait a little longer!
The Catholic church wants more people interested in priesthood.
They have got a lot of bad publicity lately so they just released a new campaign. They are offering scholarships for 100 lucky boys that can attend private school to become a priest for free.
Their slogan: "Find the priest inside of you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between concrete and a catholic priest?
One is inside altar and the other one is inside altar boy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes in to a catholic church to confess his sins but Father is still sleeping up stairs half drunk so one of the altar boys tries taking the confession instead
but soon this altar boy is put in a situation where he does not know what to do.
"Euh, excuses me for one sec. I will be right back to let you know what the proper penance is for that sin"
"Psssht, hey danny. Danny!"
"Yeah"
"What does Father give for m**...?"
"Two snickers and a marsbar"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession
A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession.
As the boy goes into the booth he asks the priest, "What are you doing father?"
The priest answers, Its called m**... and soon you will be doing it."
The boy asks, "Why do you say that father?"
Priest: "Because my hand is getting tired.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the catholic priest get the alter boys to sit in the snow?
So he could have a couple cold ones to slurp back after a hard days work.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get two catholic priests to fight to the death?
You throw a little boy in between them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a group of boys were in a s**... Ed class
And by s**... ed class I mean a catholic confession box with a priest.
A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy's grades were straight A's, even in math!
Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. "Oh, it's all right, I guess," he replies. "They must be teaching you some new tricks!" "Not really." "Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?" "Well", he says, "as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!
A 10 year old protestant boy and a 10 year old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.
The girl says, "my mom will be really angry if my shoes get wet"
And so they both agree to remove their shoes prior to entering the water.
They wade into the water and it starts getting deeper. The boy "says well my mom will hate me if I ruin my new pants"
And so they remove their pants.
Once they ensure that every item of cloths is out of harms way... they take a good look at each other.
"Strange", the girl says, "I didn't think protestants and catholics were THAT different!"
A Rabbi and his friend, a Catholic priest, were having a discussion
when the rabbi asked "Could you ever be promoted withing your church?"
The priest responded, "Well, one day, I hope to become a bishop."
The rabbi asked, "And then?"
The priest though for a second and responded, "Well, then I might become a cardinal."
The rabbi again asked, "And then?"
The priest again pondered the question before responding "Then I would become Pope!"
The rabbi, still unsatisfied, asked "And then?"
The priest, exasperated, cried "What else could I become? God Himself!?"
The rabbi quietly responded "One of our boys made it"
