Catho Jokes

A Catholic, a Baptist and a m**... are bragging about the size of their families.
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team,"
"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team."
"That's nothing," says the m**.... "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."

Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.

In Catholicism, you can only have s**... with your partner when you are married. So if priests are married to God, they can have s**... with God.

And sometimes they cheat on God with altar boys.

What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage?

"Let us prey."

What does a Catholic do before a confession?

He sins, obviously.

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nun.
But really, its easier to r**... little boys in the dark.

The Catholic Church has chosen its anthem

Concerto for o**... in a minor.

Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms?

Because little boys can't get pregnant.

A Catholic priest, a Baptist priest, and a m**... priest are sitting in a bar

So a m**... priest, a baptist priest, and a catholic priest are sitting in a bar. The catholic priest says "I have six kids now, I have a basketball team". The baptist priest says "I have eleven kids now, I have a football team". The m**... priest says "I have 18 wives now, I have a golf course"

Why does the Catholic Church protect paedophiles?

Because the last time they shunned a child m**..., he started Islam.

What did the Catholic baker say after baking the Easter Eucharist?

He is risen.

When do Catholics allow the use of condoms?

When the choir boys have diarrhea.

What do Catholics and Baptists have in common?

Neither acknowledge their fellow church-goers at the liquor store.

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are watching a little boy play...

The Priest says, "I want to screw him." The Rabbi says, "Out of what?"

Catholic, Protestant and Jew debate

The Catholic argues that life begins at conception; the protestant claims that life begins at birth. The Jew states that life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies.

At catholic school...

A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.
Mary says, "I want to be a p**...!"
Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"
Mary says, "I said I want to be a p**...!"
The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."

Why do Catholics not fight during church?

Because Mass-Debating is wrong
(read it out loud)

A Catholic priest is asked to describe his s**... life.

"Well," he says, "if I'm not having nun, I'm having very little."

Why can't catholic priests ever finish a race?

Because they're coming in a little behind.

Which do Catholic priests like better—apples or cherries?

Neither—they prefer boysenberries.

How do you get a Catholic Nun to have s**...?

Dress her up like an altar boy

Catholic church must be serious.

Everything with Mass has gravity, after all.