The Best 56 Catho Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Catho jokes. There are some catho hey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these catho screw puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Catho Jokes and Puns
What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage?
"Let us prey."
What does a Catholic do before a confession?
He sins, obviously.
How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nun.
But really, its easier to rape little boys in the dark.
Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms?
Because little boys can't get pregnant.
A Catholic priest, a Baptist priest, and a Mormon priest are sitting in a bar
So a mormon priest, a baptist priest, and a catholic priest are sitting in a bar. The catholic priest says "I have six kids now, I have a basketball team". The baptist priest says "I have eleven kids now, I have a football team". The mormon priest says "I have 18 wives now, I have a golf course"
What did the Catholic baker say after baking the Easter Eucharist?
He is risen.
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are watching a little boy play...
The Priest says, "I want to screw him." The Rabbi says, "Out of what?"
Catholic, Protestant and Jew debate
The Catholic argues that life begins at conception; the protestant claims that life begins at birth. The Jew states that life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies.
At catholic school...
A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.
Mary says, "I want to be a prostitute!"
Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"
Mary says, "I said I want to be a prostitute!"
The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."
Why do Catholics not fight during church?
Because Mass-Debating is wrong
(read it out loud)
Which do Catholic priests like better—apples or cherries?
Neither—they prefer boysenberries.
You can explore catho vicar reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean catho park dad jokes. There are also catho puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How do Catholic church priests stay healthy?
They exorcise.
A Catholic boy in confession says
"Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking
about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you
have two gorgeous brothers."
Catholic girl goes into confessional
Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest,
"I think I am pregnant."
He asks, "How did this happen my child?"
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest shocked by this statement asks, "What makes you think it
is the second coming?"
She replies, "Because I swallowed the first."
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
Two catholic priests get into a traffic check...
The cop says "We are looking for two pedophiles".
The priest rolls up the window and starts furiously arguing with the other priest. After a couple of minutes, he rolls down the window again: "We'd be up for it".
A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship
When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"
The rabbi says,"fuck the children."
The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"
Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?
Because Jesus saves.
A Catholic girl walks into a confessional and says "Father, I think I may be pregnant."
He replies "How did this happen, my child?"
She says "It must be the second coming."
The Priest is shocked by this statement and asks "What makes you think this?"
She replies "Because I swallowed the first."
Catholic
Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." The old woman says,"My daughter has a 42 inch chest and a 24 inch waist, when she walks into a room people say 'JESUS'."
A Catholic Priest told this joke at a Wedding.
Adam woke up in the Garden of Eden. After a while of wandering around he became sad. God came to him and asked "Adam, why are you sad? I have created this amazing garden for you." Adam replies, "Why does every other being have mate and I do not?" God replies " Very well I will create for you a perfect mate. But it will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam thinks for a bit and then replies "What can I get for a rib?"
What is the Catholic Church's position on homosexuality?
Only if it's under 12
Why are catholic priests called father?
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin
Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.
Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.
A Catholic priest was drowning......
A Catholic priest was drowning in a ocean when suddenly a boat supported and asked the priest " do you need some help? You are drowning!""
He replied "No thank you God will save me"
Then another boat came and asked the priest " do you need some help? You are drowning!"
He replied "No thank you God will save me"
Then the priest died and asked God " God I believed in you why didn't you save me?"
To which god replied "I sent you 2 boats you dummy"
Why do Catholics make the best Communists?
They're fine with standing in line for bread.
The Catholic Church absolutely agrees on homosexuals getting married...
... As long as a gay marries a lesbian.
As the old Catholic saying goes,
Condoms: they're what separate the men from the boys
Why do Catholics eat the body of Christ?
It's Saviory.
Why are catholic priests adressed as "father"?
"Daddy" would be too obvious.
Do Catholics fail trigonometry...
cause they are afraid of sin?
Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"?
Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...
How did the catholic priest play the piano?
In A minor.
Why do catholic priests have no interest in expensive scotches?
They're all at least 18 years old.
If I ask a Catholic sister to work for me as a manager ...
Does that make her nun of my business?
Why do Catholic priests like golf?
Because most of the holes are under 18.
Meanwhile at a catholic church...
We pray you Saint Anne...
The devil appears: Oh, it's you guys again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.
(Made this up myself, still giggling...)
Catholicism has 1.2 billion followers around the globe, second only to Islam with 1.8 billion
But that's okay because the Catholic church doesn't mind coming in a little behind.
A Catholic priest is surprised by a bear in the forrest
The bear charges him and the priest quickly says a prayer,"Lord, please let this be a nice, Christian bear!"
The bear scoops him up in his arms and quietly speaks, "Lord bless this meal that I am about to receive, amen"
The Catholic church wants more people interested in priesthood.
They have got a lot of bad publicity lately so they just released a new campaign. They are offering scholarships for 100 lucky boys that can attend private school to become a priest for free.
Their slogan: "Find the priest inside of you."
How did the catholic cowboy greet his priest for confession?
Howdy, pardoner!
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to crash.
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist
What do a catholic priest and an olympic silver medalist have in common?
They both came in a little behind
The Catholic Church banned plastic bags from its premises.
They consider them to be sac-religious.
Why do catholic nuns have more clothes than other nuns?
Because their clothes are mass produced...
The Catholic Church is against gay marriage because it is unnatural...
Well, walking on water is not very natural too...
Four catholic ladies are talking about how important there sons are. (Long)
The first one tells her friends my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'
The second Catholic woman chirps, while my son is a bishop, when he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'
The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle well.....?
She replies, My son is a charismatic, 6'2 , hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, My God.
A catholic woman gets engaged
I heard this joke from a father(catholic priest) today.
A catholic woman gets engaged and finds out that her fiance doesn't believe in hell.
She goes to her father and says : "Father, my fiance doesn't believe in hell. Maybe I should rethink about marrying him".
Her father says: " Don't worry! He will definitely believe after getting married."
You'd think the Catholic Church would be more supportive of condom use...
Less DNA evidence.
4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train
They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.
The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.
The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.
The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.
They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".
A Catholic priest walks into a bar
He didn't realize his cell was so small
Why did the Catholic chef sanitize his crucifix while preparing Sunday brunch?
To prevent cross-contamination.
A Catholic priest walks into a bar
He orders a sex on the beach... bartender replies "great choice, all my liquors for that are well aged over 20yrs." The priest says "no thanks" and leaves.
The Catholic Church just released a new app... But...
It's pay to pray.
Catholics have been lobbying for vaccine exemptions
Because theres nothing more catholic than someone else dying for your sins
When Catholics accepted the Pope as their leader, some people were unhappy. They came out on the streets with signs and placards.
I think they were protestants.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the catho pope jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working catho rapist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.