100 Funny Quotes: Hilarious Quotes to Keep You Smiling

Funny and Inspiring Quotes

Funny and inspiring quotes span a variety of themes and authors, mixing humor with inspiration.

1. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas A. Edison
2. "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." - Elbert Hubbard
3. "You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." - Jack London
4. "Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it." - Tom Lehrer
5. "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." - Isaac Asimov
6. "The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces." - Will Rogers
7. "The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
8. "Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door." - Kyle Chandler
9. "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." - Oscar Wilde
10. "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you." - Steven Wright

Funny Motivational Quotes

Funny motivational quotes blend wit and wisdom to put a humorous spin on motivation and life advice.

1. "Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth." - Mallory Hopkins
2. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito." - Dalai Lama
3. "The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron." - Phyllis Diller
4. "Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." - Dale Carnegie
5. "My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." - Dave Barry
6. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde
7. "I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." - Benjamin Franklin
8. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin
9. "The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." - Steve Jobs
10. "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright

Funny Birthday Quotes

Funny birthday quotes adds a touch of humor to the notion of aging and celebrating another year of life.

• "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." - Lucille Ball
• "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." - Bob Hope
• "Birthdays are nature's way of telling you to eat more cake." - Jo Brand
• "You're not as young as you used to be, but you're not as old as you're going to be. So watch it!" - Irish Saying
• "Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you." - Anonymous
• "Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed." - Charles Schulz
• "Old enough to know better; but young enough to get away with it." - Anonymous
• "As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Norman Wisdom
• "The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Eliot
• "Age is not important unless you're a cheese." - Helen Hayes

Funny Life Quotes

Funny life quotes offer a mix of humor and satire that can bring a lighthearted perspective to life's complex journey.

• "Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans." - Allen Saunders
• "The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets." - Al McGuire
• "The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream." - Bill Murray
• "Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it." - Tom Lehrer
• "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen
• "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson
• "I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry." - Robert Benchley
• "Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?" - Robin Williams
• "Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid." - John Wayne
• "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." - Jim Carrey

Funny Love Quotes

Funny love quotes playfully capture the quirks and humor often found in the realm of love and relationships.

• "Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." - Natasha Leggero
• "My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield
• "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are." - Will Ferrell
• "Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life." - Anonymous
• "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein
• "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." - Russell Brand
• "If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?" - Lily Tomlin
• "You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." - Hussein Nishah
• "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in." - Richard Jeni
• "If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji - no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back." - Chelsea Peretti

Funny Movie Quotes

Funny movie quotes serve as a shared cultural touchstone, enlivening conversations, providing comedic relief, and often becoming go-to references that create a shared sense of enjoyment and nostalgia.

• "There's no place like home." - Judy Garland as Dorothy Gale in 'The Wizard of Oz'
• "That rug really tied the room together." - Jeff Bridges as Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski in 'The Big Lebowski'
• "I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight." - Emily Blunt as Emily Charlton in 'The Devil Wears Prada'
• "It's just a flesh wound." - John Cleese as the Black Knight in 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'
• "My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." - Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump in 'Forrest Gump'
• "You sit on a throne of lies." - Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf in 'Elf'
• "I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way." - Kathleen Turner as the voice of Jessica Rabbit in 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit'
• "I’m about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late ’90s." - Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool in 'Deadpool'
• "Help me, I'm poor." - Kristen Wiig as Annie Walker in 'Bridesmaids'
• "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." - Richard Castellano as Peter Clemenza in 'The Godfather'

Funny Quotes for Friends

Funny quotes for friends are ideal for strengthening bonds, sparking laughter in conversations and social media posts, and reminding each other of the joy and playful nature inherent in true friendship.

• "I don't know what's tighter: our jeans or our friendship." - Ellen DeGeneres
• "Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food." - Jimmy Fallon
• "Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice." - Oscar Wilde
• "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• "Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected." - Charles Lamb
• "There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate." - Linda Grayson
• I used to be normal until I met those losers I call my best friends." - Jennifer Aniston
• "Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends." - Virginia Woolf
• "We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up... after I finish laughing." - Hilary Clinton
• "A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body." - Jim Hayes

Funny Senior Quotes

Funny senior quotes are good for celebrating the wisdom and experience that come with age, while sharing a laugh about the lighter side of growing older and embracing the golden years with humor and grace.

• "Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it." – Tom Lehrer
• "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." – Jim Carrey
• "I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort." - Zach Galifianakis
• "I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical." - Arthur C. Clarke
• "I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." – Steven Wright
• "Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse." - Jimmy Fallon
• "You can't be late until you show up." - Unknown
• "I don’t want to graduate high school. I want to stay in high school forever, so I’m going to take down all the clocks." - Andy Samberg
• "I'm not a procrastinator; I just prefer doing all my work in a deadline-induced panic." - Unknown
• "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Fred Allen

Funny Retirement Quotes

Funny retirement quotes are excellent for celebrating a significant life transition, injecting laughter into retirement cards and speeches, and bringing a sense of joy and light-heartedness to the milestone of ending a professional career.

• "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income." - Chi Chi Rodriguez
• "Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." - Gene Perret
• "The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off." - Abe Lemons
• "Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." - George Burns
• "Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf." - Gene Perret
• "The key to retirement is to find joy in the little things." - Susan Miller
• "Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, 'Hi, Honey, I’m home – forever.'" - Gene Perret
• "Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money." - Jonathan Clements
• "I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day." - Gene Perret
• "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch." - R.C. Sherriff

Funny Office Quotes

Funny office quotes are great for lightening the mood, adding humor to presentations or speeches, and fostering camaraderie among colleagues in the workplace.

• "The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." - Sarah Brown
• "I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one." - Clarence Darrow
• "Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished." - Leslie Nielsen
• "Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done." - Peter Drucker
• "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." - Oscar Wilde
• "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" - Edgar Bergen
• "If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter." - John Gotti
• "There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?" - Kin Hubbard
• "People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do." - Elbert Hubbard
• "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." - Franklin P. Jones