Catching Fish Jokes

Fishing in a frozen lake
It was a cold winter day.
An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.
He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him.
The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble.
You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish!
How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"

A Fishing Tale

On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'

Bag limit.

A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
...
"What fish?"

Play around

So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"

Luigi the Fisherman

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one little old Italian man. The game warden asked Luigi how he did it.
Luigi said, "Comma down tomorrow...we go fish"
Once they got to the middle of the lake Luigi took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the e**... fish started floating to the top of the water He took out a net and started picking up the best ones.
"Luigi!" said the game warden, "You know that's i**...!" "I'm going to have to arrest you now."
Luigi took out another stick of dynamite, lit it and handed it to the game warden and said,

"Hey! are you gonna talk or fish?"

Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing

One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"

Jokes/Puns!

1. What kind of birds always stick together? VEL CROWS.
2. What is a spider's favorite thing to do? SURF THE WEB.
3. What goes around the cow but never moves? THE FENCE.
4. Why didn't cheddar cheese want to hang out with bleu cheese? BECAUSE HE HAD A MOLDY PERSONALITY.
5. Why do fish swim in schools? BECAUSE THEY CANT WALK IN SCHOOLS.
6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? YOU NIQUE UP ON IT.

Old Armenian man catches a golden fish

While fishing, an old Armenian man catches a golden fish.
The golden fish starts to plead to the old man, "if you set me free, I will grant you one wish. Any wish that you want!"
The old man thinks for a second, and then pulls out a map.
"You see this tiny country," says the old man, while pointing to the map. "This is Armenia as it stands today."
"Our land used to be much larger," says the man as he points out the borders of ancient Armenia.
"I want all of our lost lands back!"
The golden fish thinks for a second, then says, "that's going to be tough, is there anything else you could think of?"
The man puts the map back in his pocket, and pulls out a picture. He says, "this is a picture of my daughter. It's time she starts a family..can you find her a husband?"
The golden fish thinks for a few seconds and then responds, "let me see that map again."

This one's for dad...

A man goes fishing in a faraway creek, but soon finishes the worms he has brought with him: The fish are too wily.
Just as he is mulling over what to do -- go back home or dig somewhere for more worms -- he sees a frog hopping along nearby with two worms in its mouth.
The man catches the frog, takes the worms out of the frog's mouth, and pours a few drops of the whiskey he has been having.
When he releases the frog, it hops away in a little tipsy sort of a way.
The man turns his attention to fishing again, but soon enough, he is again out of worms.
He looks around again, and finds himself surrounded by frogs, all looking at him with two worms in each one's mouth!
PS: This is one of the first jokes my dad told me. Hence the title.

So, I once went fishing with a fishing pole and brick...

...after some time a hot blonde walked up to me and asked:
-"What are you doing?"
-"Fishing"
-"Ok, I get what the fishing rod is for, but whats up with the brick?"
-"Oh, If you have s**... with me, I'll tell you."
She considered for a moment and agreed.
After 2 minutes, when I was done, she asked again:
-"So, now you have to tell me! Whats the brick for?"
-"oh, well... It is easier to fish with the brick."
-"How come?"
-''You are my 4th catch today.''

Three Fishermen

Three fishermen are fishing and one of them catches a magic fish. The magic fish begs for life and says: Please let me go. You each have a wish and I'll make them come true!
The fishermen agreed. One fisherman says, I want to be the president of the United States! , and he becomes the President of the United States, and is now in the White House. The second fisherman says, I want to be a famous movie star! and immediately he's a famous movie star living in his mansion somewhere in Beverly Hills. The last fisherman says, This is a joke! Bring those fools over here so we can catch some fish and go home, it's getting late!

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf.

Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the water trap but still lands in the water. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it lands in the water a fish jumps out of the water and catches the ball in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws, then the eagle flies over the green and is hit by a sudden bolt lightning and the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls in for a hole in one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around we won't bring you next time!"

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...

...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."