Catching Feelings Jokes
24 catching feelings jokes and hilarious catching feelings puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about catching feelings that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Catching Feelings Short Jokes
Short catching feelings jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The catching feelings humour may include short hurt feelings jokes also.
- I've been told I look like someone from a popular TV show. Feeling flattered I asked which show?
"To Catch a Predator"
Share These Catching Feelings Jokes With Friends
Catching Feelings One Liners
Which catching feelings one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with catching feelings? I can suggest the ones about catching fire and emotions.
- Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands in the air. But how would I catch them?
- I'm absolutely good at catching two things: cold and feelings.
- What's something that you can catch but not throw? feelings. T.T
Catching Feelings Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about catching feelings you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean falling in love jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make catching feelings pranks.
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:
"What am I being stopped for?"
The cop answers:
"Drinking and deriving."
A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach
He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."
After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."
"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.
"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.
"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.
Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.
"I wish to donate a kidney."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of friends are hiking in the mountains, when they spot a bear running towards them...
They frantically drop everything then start running from the bear. But the bear soon catches up to the slowest friend and mauls him.
The horrified friends watch in horror as the bear feasts on their deceased mate.
Then one of them breaks into tears sobbing:
"I feel so guilty!"
"It could've been any of us, my friend. You should not feel any shame or guilt!"
"You mean... You guys would've tripped him too?"
My kid got sent home from school one day.
They said he was catching bees and throwing them at other kids. So I sat him down and had a chat. I said, "Son, you can't be doing that, obviously it's not ok to throw bees at people, they could get stung and what happens if someone has an allergic reaction? How would you feel if that happened?" And he replied, " Well I know it doesn't sound safe, but my principal said I could do it and the teachers said I could do it. Infact both of you even said I could do it! You all said I can bee who I want to bee!
I was out mowing my lawn...
I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.
The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.
I tried catch it, but it went racing around the block, then back into my yard and right up my tallest tree. Then fell right off the top of the tree.
Feeling bad I took the cat to the vet, the doctor gave the cat an exam and I finally asked, "Is the cat alright?"
The doctor replied, "the cat is fine, it just ran out of gas."
A bad boxer
During the fight, the boxer swiped the air furiously, but could not hit his opponent.
"How am I doing?" he asked the coach at the end of the round.
"Well, if you keep this up," replied the coach, "he might feel the wind and catch a cold."
An Innuit is out fishing in his canoe one day, feeling fairly miserable because he's cold and he hasn't caught anything...
Suddenly, he hits upon the idea of lighting a camping stove in the bottom of the boat so that he can stay warm, and cook his catch at the same time. However, before too long, the canoe hits a large wave, causing the stove to tip over and start a fire in the canoe. Not wishing to get burned, the Innuit is forced to swim back to shore, losing his boat and his catch.
The moral of the story is, you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A one-eyed girl walks into a bar...
After a short while she sneezes, and her glass eye flies out of its socket.
The guy sitting next to her manages to grab it and hands it back to her.
"Thanks," she says.
So they start talking, and she winds up taking him back to her apartment. She makes him a terrific dinner, then gives him a night of the most mind-blowing s**... he's ever had. Finally she makes him a huge breakfast the next morning.
The man is happy, but he still feels the need to ask "Do you do this for every man you meet?"
"No. You just happened to catch my eye."
A man is going fishing one day...
After awhile, he runs out of bait. He sees a snake nearby with a frog in its mouth. Knowing that a frog will make good bait, he catches the snake. He removes the frog, and thinks to himself "How do I let the snake go without getting bit?". He ponders for a minute, then, with his free hand, reaches for his bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. He pops it open and pours some in the snake's mouth. The snake goes limp and the man tosses it away. Later, as he is getting ready to go home, he feels something on his foot. The man looks down to see the snake next to the whiskey, this time with two frogs in its mouth.
Adam is a little lonely...
About a month or so after Adam was introduced to Eden, God and Adam are meeting for dinner. Adam expresses his admiration for the plants and the animals and the joy and beauty of it all, but admits that there is one little thing that he feels sad about: he feels a tiny bit lonely....
God quickly points out that he is already working on a solution: it is called a "woman," and is stunning to behold, beautiful and slim, would make company for Adam, would care for him when he's sick, attend to cooking and cleaning, make love to him whenever he wanted, and basically be a joy to be around.
Adam is suitably impressed, and expresses his eagerness for this "woman" thing to be created. He is practically beside himself.
"There is a catch, though," says God, "to create the woman I described I need both of your legs, and at least one arm."
Adam hems and haws for a while, and then asks: "what can I get for one rib?"
A boy and his Father are walking down the road.
As they pass an alley the boy stops and sees two dogs going at it.
The boy turns to his Father and asks, *Daddy, what are those dogs doing?*
The Father thinks and decides that his son is old enough and tells him the truth.
Son, they are making a puppy
The boy is satisfied with this answer and they continue their walk.
Later that night after the boy has gone to bed, the Father and the Misses feel a little frisky and start to enjoy some romantic relations.
They were quiet but not quiet enough as their bedroom door opens up and the boy catches his parents.
He asks, *Daddy, what are you and Mommy doing?*
The Father thinks and says:
Son, we are making a baby
The boy then say; *Well, can you flip Mom over, I want a puppy instead!*
A fisherman comes home to his wife
A fisherman comes home to his wife after a day out on the sea. He hands her his catch and after she cleans and cooks they both sit down to a lovely fish dinner. He takes one fish and begins to eat when he notices his wife sullenly looking down at her plate.
After a concerned silence she looks up and speaks. "You always used to take the smaller fish and insist I have the bigger one for myself. I'm starting to feel that you don't love me as much as you used to."
The fisherman chuckles to himself before taking her hand and says, "My love for you hasn't changed, but your cooking has gotten much better!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 guys went for an archery competition...
The first guy shoots an arrow into the sky and out of nowhere, a hawk swoops in and catches that arrow and plants it on the bulls eye.
"Who are you?" asked the judge.
"I am Hawkeye.", the first guy replied smugly.
The second guy shoots 2 arrows up into the sky and miraculously, 2 pigeons fly by, catch the arrows with their beaks and plant it on the bulls eye for him.
"Who are you?", asked the bewildered judge.
"I am Oliver Queen." he smirked.
The last guy feeling the pressure of the momentous task to impress shoots 3 arrows into the sky but only to have all of them fell at terminal velocity and p**... the judge on the a**....
"Wh..wh...who are you?", he groans in great pain.
"I am sorry..."
A wealthy woman with a headache goes with her husband to a party.
After 20 minutes, she says, "Honey, I'm not feeling too well. You stay and have a nice time. I'll be at home waiting for you later.
She drives backs to her large home, walks upstairs, begins filling the tub, and walks into her bedroom. The butler is there.
She says to him, "Unbutton my shirt. Now, take it off. " He does. She says, "Take off my shoes and my skirt," so he does. She says, "Take off my bra." He complies. She says, "Now, I like you, and I won't say anything to my husband about this, but if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you'll be fired."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to a community gym...
He sees a sign for a weight loss program which says, "Lose 5 pounds in one week!". Curious, he signs up for the program. He begins the program the next day and upon entering the designated area finds an attractive woman with a sign on her shirt that says,"If you catch me, you can have your way with me. You have 30 minutes." He chases her around the area for a week and sure enough loses 5 pounds.
Wanting to lose a bit more weight though, he decides to try the next level of the program. This program guarantees he'll lose 15 pounds in a month. He gets to the designated area and once again a smoking h**... with a sign saying,"If you catch me you can have your way with me." Runs around while he chases her for 30 minutes. This goes on for a month and he loses 15 pounds.
Feeling extra confident and wanting to look his absolute best for a college reunion coming up in two months, he signs up for the highest level of the course. It guarantees he'll lose 50 pounds in 2 months. He gets to the designated area and upon closing the door turns around to see a 300 pound man of pure muscle with a sign that says the following:
"If I catch you, I have my way with you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic g**.
.. a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car. He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go. So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows him a huge weeping willow tree that they can hide under and says he can do whatever he wants to her. Under the tree, she shows him two branches that can prop her up and he has his way with her. When they finish, he dresses himself and her, puts back into her chair, wheels her to the front door, and knocks. When her father sees the young man, he thanks him. The boy feels very uncomfortable because of what he just did to the man's daughter and asks, "Why are you thanking me?" "Because son," the father answers, "You are the first boy to take her out of the tree."