Catch Jokes

179 catch jokes and hilarious catch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about catch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Catch jokes and learn more about the seafaring lifestyle of fishermen! Explore the various methods they use to net and grab fish in the deadliest of seas. Delve into their stories, jokes, and anecdotes to understand their grandiose passions and dedication to their craft.

Funniest Catch Short Jokes

Short catch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The catch humour may include short caught jokes also.

  1. I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it's their cake day, just so people can wish them. You won't catch me doing that today.
  2. Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait.
  3. Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait
  4. I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just for upvotes… You won't catch me doing that today.
  5. I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday. You won't catch me doing that today.
  6. Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
  7. Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant.
    If it doesn't, it's retardant.
  8. What do you call a girl who catches fish? Anette.
  9. They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.
  10. Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

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Catch One Liners

Which catch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with catch? I can suggest the ones about throw and exception.

  1. Why did the fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight.
  2. I had to quit my vegetarian diet Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
  3. Why don't The Ants catch COVID? They've got little Antibodies.
  4. What might you catch an ABBA-obsessed assassin doing? Halving the time of your life.
  5. Why is ground beef so popular? Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.
  6. Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.
  7. What Pokémon would you catch in Rio De Janeiro? Zikachu.
  8. Tried to catch fog yesterday... Mist.
  9. Glass coffins - will they catch on? Remains to be seen!
  10. What do the Police and Pokémon have in common? They gotta catch 'Jamal
  11. I tried catching fog the other day Mist
  12. how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
  13. There's plenty more fish in the sea But until I catch one I'm left here holding my rod.
  14. How do you catch a butterfly on the spring equinox? With a butterfly-net-ting smile!
  15. What did the snowflake say to the falling snow? "Catch ya later!"

Fish Catch Jokes

Here is a list of funny fish catch jokes and even better fish catch puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • They say there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until you catch one you're just holding your rod.
  • Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing... There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.
  • Son : Dad, how do I catch fish? Dad : Just throw this clickbait into the water
    Son : And then what?
    Dad : What happens next will shock you
  • A father takes his son fishing Son: Dad, can you teach me how to catch fish?
    Dad: Sure, son! first you throw the clickbait into the water
    Son: What next?
    Dad: What happens next will shock you!
  • Chinese Proverb Catch a man a fish and he eats for day. Teach a man to fish and you never see him on weekends.
  • Did you hear about the 6 guys and the woman that went fishing? The guys didn't catch anything, but the woman came home with a red snapper.
  • Our local fish market ranks their catches on how rare they are I noticed today that they had rare salmon. It definitely isn't common plaice!
  • Every fish you catch and release goes home with an alien abduction story.
  • What do you call a women that catches fish? Annette
  • How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish? Clickbait.

Catch These Hands Jokes

Here is a list of funny catch these hands jokes and even better catch these hands puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady... Literally. He can't catch.
  • I gotta hand it to Stephen Hawking because he can't catch.
  • Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands in the air. But how would I catch them?
  • came pretty close to actually catching a handful of fog this morning mist
  • I can catch deer with either hand. I'm Bambidextrous.
  • How do you catch a Grizzly without traps? With your bear hands.
  • A physicist was cheating on his wife... who catches her husband red-handed. The physicist tells his furious wife says "It isn't what you think, I never touched her!"
  • How does a grizzly catch fish? With his bear hands!
  • Why didn't the member of the Blue Man Group get arrested? They couldn't catch him red handed!
  • I don't think insulting a "gree" is nice... So if you dissagree you'll catch these hands
Catch joke, I don't think insulting a "gree" is nice...

Catch And Release Jokes

Here is a list of funny catch and release jokes and even better catch and release puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I recently attended a catch and release fishing party... ...the music was ok, but the food was off the hook.
  • PornHub is releasing a dating app. It's called Pokéahoe Go: Std edition. Gotta catch them all!
  • My friend just released a beta for his game that involves catching exotic flies from different location It's very buggy right now
  • It turns out I'm quite a catch.. catch and release.

Bait Catch Jokes

Here is a list of funny bait catch jokes and even better bait catch puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was told that you catch more fish if you put maggots in your mouth for 5m before attaching them to your rod. Is this true? I await your replies with baited breath.
  • How to catch an elephant Dig a hole big enough for an elephant. Fill it with loose ash and cover it with frozen peas as bait. Then when he comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.
  • How do you catch a Swedish fish? With a gummy worm as bait
  • What bait do you use to catch a space fish? A worm hole
  • Why couldn't the troll catch any fish? Because other people took the bait.
  • What did the father say when fishing with his kid? With him as a bait, i might catch something good.
  • What kind of bait do you need to catch a master fish? Super Bait
  • Live bait are some of the hardest workers out there. They'll either catch a fish or die trying.
  • How did the police officer catch the p**... fisherman? With j**....

Deadliest Catch Jokes

Here is a list of funny deadliest catch jokes and even better deadliest catch puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You know, I always thought that show Deadliest Catch was about h**...... But here it turns out to be about c**...
Catch joke, You know, I always thought that show Deadliest Catch was about h**......

Delightful Fun Catch Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about catch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make catch pranks.

Whenever I catch someone talking about me behind my back I tell them

you discussed me

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress".
The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn't quite catch what she said, so he asked "Come again?".
"No. This time it's mayonnaise"

How do you catch a bra?

With a booby trap!

A Fishing Tale

On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'

It's the first day for a fraternity...

It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?

I love when girls say they need a man that can keep up with them...

but immediately go into hysterics when I catch them.

Antivirus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for m**... charges.

If they catch him, they estimate the trial could last 30 days.

Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing

One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"

My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and p**...." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

The police finally catch a notorious criminal,

so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.
Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to figure out my area of expertise."

How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.

A guy meets a h**... in a bar

She says to him, "this is your lucky night. I've got a special going, for $300 i'll do absolutely anything you can think of but the catch is you have to be able to say it in 3 words or less."
The guy replies, "thats a great deal" then slowly lays out 3 &100 dollar notes and says "Paint... My... House."

Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch h**... criminals?

Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.

A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach

He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."
After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."
"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.
"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.
"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.
Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.
"I wish to donate a kidney."

I have now stolen 56 copies of the board game "Risk" from local retailers.

When they eventually catch me, I'll say "Life is all about taking Risks."

A lawyer is meeting the devil to make a deal

... and says, "Alright, I want to win my next 10 cases in a row, for settlements of no less than $1 million!"
The Devil replies, "Ok mister lawyer, but in return, I demand the souls of your wife and child for 1000 years!"
The lawyer scratches his head and says, "I don't get it, where's the catch?"
From my dad.

Three boys are bragging about whose dad is the fastest runner...

The first says "My dad is a hunter. He can shoot an arrow, run to where it's gonna land and catch it!"
"That's nothing!" says the second boy "My dad's a police officer. He can shoot a bullet and be at the target before the bullet hits!"
"My dad can run the fastest!" says the third boy. "He's a civil servant. He works till 4 and is always home by 3:30!"

Pinocchio is walking down the street...

...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."
"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.
"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."

A man feels sick, so he goes to his doctor...

...and has some tests run. He is told to come back a few days later. A few days pass and he returns. When the male doctor invites him into the back room, the man says, "Give it to me straight, doctor." The doctor replies, "Why, that would be impossible, we're both men!" The man cracks a smile. The doctor then states, "Besides, I don't want to catch h**...."

A young boy asks his father if gardeners' thumbs are really green

The father says, "No, son, it's just an expression. Like when police catch a criminal red handed. The thief's hands aren't really red, they are black like normal.

My water stopped working for a bit today.

My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium.
Because they can't catch anything there.

A man goes to a store to buy groceries.

When he gets to the Butchery, he asks for three steaks.
The butcher asks if he'd like to play a game, after which the man replies that he would.
The butcher climbs a ladder up to the ceiling, easily 9 or 10 feet, and hangs them on hooks up there.
When he climbs down, the butcher says "If you can jump up and get all of your steaks in 3 tries, all of your groceries are free."
The man asks, "What's the catch?"
The butcher replies, "If you fail to get the steaks in three tries, you have to pay for your groceries and those of the man behind you in line."
After some consideration, the man replies "No."
The butcher asks, "Why not?"
The man simply replies "The stakes are too high."

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early

When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and p**...."
"Yes, madam."
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

The fly and me

I'm translating this joke from my native language so I'm hoping its just as funny in English.
The other night I saw a mosquito in my room. I kept trying to catch it till I caught it in a corner, ready to end its life, when all of a sudden it turned around and said "Wait! Surely you won't kill your own family!", I stopped in my tracks and stared at the mosquito thinking what it meant. Then I realised the mosquito wasn't lying... My blood was coursing through its veins

A boy and his father are playing catch

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)
Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?

So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.
"Now my hose, bra, and p**...." And lastly, I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Trying to catch the bus

A man is trying to catch the bus, hes running and everytime he almost makes it he stumbles and falls, the crowd on the bus is laughing their butts off, a lady opens a window and tells the man :" Please stop it, we will wee our pants" to which the man replies :" thats nothing soon you will sht your pants, because im the bus driver"

So i went to my first fight club gathering

I arrived a little late, so i did not catch the first part, but i had a great time. I recommend it to everybody.

Dad joke heard at the beach

Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me.
This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? *trash* talk?"
I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

Heat or cold

Which one travels faster, heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold.

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

What is a catchy Girl's name?

Answer: Annette

A man asks a farmer near a field,

A man asks a farmer near a field, Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.
The farmer says, Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one.

My girlfriend asked me to take off her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
And so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

What did one tower say to the other?

I've got a plane to catch

A woman collapsed on the street

Her husband, luckily, was able to catch her in time.
"Is anyone here a doctor!?" The husband shouted with sheer panic in his tone.
A man barreled through the onlooking crowd, knocking a few of them over to join the husband and wife.
"I'm a vegan!" The man said.

A classic from my grandfather.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.
The first tourist threw his watch but heard it c**... before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.
The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
"How did you do that?" asked one of his friends.
"My watch is 30 minutes slow."

So I installed this new mobile game where you go around and try to catch everything...

It's called Grindr

If you played pokemon in Brazil,

you might catch a Zikachu

How do you catch a s**... bee?

With a hornet.

A cop pulls a driver over for speeding

The driver says, "C'mon, everyone on the road was breaking the speed limit."
The cop nods and says, "Tell me, have you ever been fishing?"
"Yeah... What's that got to do with it?"
"Did you catch *all* the fish?"

My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having s**....

"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."

A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.

s**... time with my girlfriend

So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and p**...!"
I took off her bra and p**....
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.

Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?!

The police are trying to catch him, but he's always got a few Twix up his sleeve!

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '

IKEA said if they catch me stealing anything else I'll be banned for life

But that's a whisk I'm willing to take

What does Pokemon and a prison break have in common?

You gotta catch Jamal.

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."
I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

I was amazed

As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.

You know what? I'm sick of following my dreams!

I'm just going to ask where they're going, and catch up with them later.
--RIP Mitch Hedberg

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:
1: Religion
2: Sexuality
3: Mystery
Below is the only A* essay.
"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

A little boy with no arms wanted some chocolate

He walks into the kitchen and asks his mom,
"Mom, may I please have a piece of chocolate?"
"You know the rule: No arms, no chocolate." She replies.
As the boy begins to cry the mother says,
"Oh, I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"

Horrible joke

So a guy is in a bar when the woman across from him sneezes and her glass eye flies out. The man catches it and hands it back to the woman. The woman says "thanks" and then offers to buy him a drink.
The woman then offers to drive him home. On the way to his house, the man asks "Are you always this nice to men that you meet?" and she says "No, you just happened to catch my eye"

Don't be frightened if you see a Pokemon Go player outside your bathroom window.

He's just trying to catch a pikachu.

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...

Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "
King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.
He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

Do you know what always catches my eye?

Short people with umbrellas

Old Soviet joke. A woman runs to catch a bus.

She just makes it in time. "Thank God!" She exclaims as she gets on.
The bus driver shakes his head disapprovingly. "You know you cannot give thanks to God," he says. "You must instead give thanks to Comrade Stalin."
"And what if Comrade Stalin dies?" Asks the woman. "What should I do then?"
"Well if Comrade Stalin dies, then you can give thanks to God."

Catch joke, Old Soviet joke. A woman runs to catch a bus.

jokes about catch