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Cat Tail Jokes

36 cat tail jokes and hilarious cat tail puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cat tail that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Cat Tail Short Jokes

Short cat tail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cat tail humour may include short cat fur jokes also.

  1. Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail? Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer.
    Thank you. I'll be here all week.
  2. What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail? Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world.
  3. My cat rolled up into a ball with just its tail hanging out and won't move it's a cat apostrophe
  4. I heard that the cat with the worlds longest tail is 7 feet... But I think that's just a tall tail.
  5. After my cat lost his tail, I took him to Walmart.. They were the biggest retailer I could think of.
  6. When the dog saw the cat, why did he cross the street? He was chasing tail. ^I'll^show^myself^out...
  7. Why did the r**... take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower? Because they're the largest re-tail-er

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Cat Tail One Liners

Which cat tail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cat tail? I can suggest the ones about cat sound and cat paw.

  1. What do they call a cat that chases its tail? A purrrrricane
  2. I saw a tail-less cat in the street today It was looking for a retail store.
  3. I saw a book on obedience training for cats… It was in the fairy-tails section.
  4. What would a cat say if you stepped on its tail? Me-Ow!
  5. "Heads or tails?" Asked Shane Dawson to his cat
  6. The cat without a tail... Goes to a retailer.
  7. What's hairy and erects once rubbed? Cat tail, you dirty minds you.
  8. My cat has a bent tail... He's a bit k**....

Cat Tail Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about cat tail you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cat scan jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cat tail pranks.

A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.

Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"
Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."
Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"
Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."
Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"
Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."
Credit goes to my mother for this one.

A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...

The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"
The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"
The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously l**... it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"

Discipline is important

A wife calls her husband into their son's room. She says, "Look what I found under Johnny's bed!" as she points to a suitcase filled with whips, paddles, canes, and cat–o'–nine–tails of every size, color, and material. "What are we going to do with him?" she asks. The father looks at the suitcase, looks at his son, and looks at his wife. He says, "Whatever we do we shouldn't s**... him."

Barking mouse

The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."

2 cats were talking and...

one says to the other, "Do you think its weird that humans have no tails?" In reply, the other cat said,"Actually, that's only true for half of them. The other half have a tail, but it's put on backwards."

Life was recently discovered on Mars.

NASA had recently sent more cameras to monitor the surface of Mars when they came across a creature that they had never seen before. Due to it's large ears and long tail they decided that this was some new form of feline species. However, upon closer inspection they found that this creature was not moving and in fact had large tire marks across it's back. Based on these findings NASA had but one unfortunate observation to make.
"Curiosity killed the cat"

A cat was sitting next to a train track when a train came by,

cutting of the cat's tail. The cat looked around to see what happened just in time to get his head cut off.
Moral of the story: Don't lose your head over a piece of tail.

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.
After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the residence to eat mustard.
Churchill started first. He took a silver spoon with some mustard and tried his best to feed the cat but failed.
-You british people don't understand, it should be done with democracy - said Roosevelt.
He took some chicken and put some mustard on it. The cat sniffed for a moment but walked away with no interest in the food he offered.
Without any hesitation Stalin took the cat and started to spread mustard on the fluffy tail. The cat started meowing loudly and lickеd the tail to wash out the mustard. Meowed and licked, meowed and licked... Then Stalin said wisely:
-That's how we do everything in our country, voluntarily and with a song.

A fascist, liberal, and communist start arguing who's got a better ideology

To settle their argument, they decide to see whose ideology can make a cat eat mustard.
Fascist takes a spoonful of mustard and forcefully shoves it down the cat's t**....
Liberal puts mustard between two pieces of tasty meat and thus tricks the cat into eating it.
Communist smears mustard below the cat's tail. Poor animal starts meowing and tries to lick it off. Communist says: Note, it's eating mustard voluntarily and with a cheerful song!

An old man is sitting on his porch...

And sees two younger boys walking by with cat tails under their arms
Curious the old man asked where they were going with the cat tails.
"We are going to catch some cats"
"You can't catch cats with cat tails that's not going to work" says the older man.
And the kids go on their way. About an hour later the boys walk by the old mans house with a bunch of cats under their arms
The next day the same 2 boys are walking by with duct tape under their arms and the older man asks again what they are doin.
"We are going to catch some ducks"
"You can't catch ducks with duct tape boys that's not going to work" says the older man.
And the kids go on their way. About 2 hours go by and sure enough the kids walk by the old mans house with ducks under their arms.
The next day the old mans sees the same 2 boys carrying a plant under each arm, the older man stands up and asked what they had this Time.
"These are pussywillows"
The old man then stands up "I'll go get my hat."

So this guy was driving down a street...

...and felt a bump. He got out of his car quickly and looked to see what he'd hit. Turned out, he'd ran over a cat's tail, and it had come off! He started to panic. What would the owner do? He scooped up the tail-less cat and kicked the tail into a bush, hoping no one would notice.
He ran to his friend for help, asking "What am I going to do? Should I take her to the vet?" to which the friend replied, "No. Take her to Wal-Mart."
"What? Why?!"
"Because," his friend said, "they're the biggest retailers in Canada!"
(For people in other countries: replace Canada with your country)

The dead duck.

A not-so-bright farmer brings his dead duck to a vet, asking for treatment. The vet takes one look and says, "I'm sorry, but that duck is dead." The farmer asks if they can do some tests to make sure. The vet agrees and whistles, summoning a black lab. the dog puts its front paws on the table and sniffs for a moment, then walks out of the room, whining with its tail between its legs. The vet again says, "I'm sorry, but that duck is dead." The farmer asks for one more test, and the vet whistles one more time. This time, a tabby cat scampers in and leaps onto the table, and walks around the duck, before exiting like the dog. The vet says "Unfortunately the duck is 100% dead sir. I'm sorry for your loss. That'll be $1500." "WHAT?!?!?!" exclaims the farmer. The vet explained, "Well Lab tests and CAT scans aren't cheap…"

A Second Opinion

A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too. "The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too. "The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650. ""$650 to tell me my dog is dead? " exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests. "