Cat Owner Jokes
28 cat owner jokes and hilarious cat owner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cat owner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Cat Owner Short Jokes
Short cat owner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cat owner humour may include short cat human jokes also.
- Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they've noticed their owners are now wearing masks Cats are unaffected though as they're yet to notice their owners at all
- Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack mainly because their hearts are already broken
- The vet said she will put the dog down. "But why?!" exclaimed the owner.
"Because he's heavy." explained the dogtor.
-taken from a cat calendar. - My friend advised me to date a cat owner.. ..because they can love someone who doesn't even like them back
- Why don't hat store owners and pet shop owner get along? Because you can't be a fan of hat care and cat hair.
- Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. - As a cat owner, I've come to a conclusion - condominiums are not for cats. They'd prefer mausoleums.
- I asked my sister if her cat was microchipped. She said "No, he has a tattoo in his ear."
"Why?" I asked.
"So if he gets lost, his new owner will know how much he loves Guns N' Roses."
Share These Cat Owner Jokes With Friends
Cat Owner One Liners
Which cat owner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cat owner? I can suggest the ones about cat people and cat fur.
- Dogs have owners Cats have staff
- In what region do the most talented cat owners live? The Catskills
- Ever hear of that cat turned vegan because of its vegan owner? Probably not, she died.
- What's smarter than a dog, but dumber than a cat? Their owner.
Cat Owner Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cat owner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cat paw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cat owner pranks.
A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?
Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.
A Dachshund and a Labrador are walking together when the former suddenly unloads on his friend.
My life is a mess, he says. My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a Pomeranian and I'm as jittery as a cat.
Why don't you go see a psychiatrist? suggests the Labrador.
* I can't. I'm not allowed on the couch. *
Pets are like countries.
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
the difference between cats and dogs
dog: this man feeds me, gives me shelter, loves me and asks nothing in return. my owner must be god.
cat: this man feeds me, gives me shelter, loves me and asks nothing in return. I must be god.
We all know humans are just cat's slaves, right? Yes. So a human was looking for a new home, to his cats disapproval. When the human said "I am the owner, I call the shots" how did the cat respond?
You can't spell homeowner without meow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Chinese man with a lot of cats and dogs?
A pet shop owner you racist s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doberman, Golden Retriever and Cat Joke
A Doberman, a Golden Retriever and a cat died and met God. God said to them, Tell me why I should let you into heaven.
The Doberman said, I'll protect you with my life.
God said, You can sit at my right side.
The Golden Retriever said, I will fetch your slippers and anything else you ask me to.
God said, Then you can sit at my left side.
Finally, God looked at the cat and said, And what will you do?
The cat said, Excuse me. I think you're sitting in my seat.
**Explanation**: If you're a cat owner, you don't need an explanation for this joke!
Oversmart
A famous art collector is walking through Greenwich Village when he notices a mangy old cat lapping milk from a saucer in front of a store. And the collector does a double take when he sees the saucer. He knows it's very old and very valuable.
So he saunters casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
But the store owner says to him, 'I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.'
And the collector says, 'Please. I need a hungry old tomcat around the house to catch mice. I'll give you ten dollars for him.'
And the owner says, 'Sold,' and takes the ten dollars.
Then the collector says, 'Listen, I was wondering if, for the ten dollars, you might include that old saucer. The cat seems to be used to it. It'll save me a dish.'
And the owner says, 'Sorry, buddy. That's my lucky saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight cats!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cat walks into a bar.
and orders a glass of milk. As a cat owner the bartender knows to ask him, are you going to knock it over, or are you going to drink it? The cat tells him he's going to drink it. So the bartender pours him a glass of a glass of milk, and sets it down on the bar. The cat immediately knocks it over and begins drinking it. The bartender is furious with the cat. "Why do you insist upon knocking the drink over and l**... it off the bar?" The bartender screams. The cat stops drinking his milk, licks his mouth, looks at the bartender, and says, "I don't know, why do you insist upon putting my drinks in a cup?"
So this guy was driving down a street...
...and felt a bump. He got out of his car quickly and looked to see what he'd hit. Turned out, he'd ran over a cat's tail, and it had come off! He started to panic. What would the owner do? He scooped up the tail-less cat and kicked the tail into a bush, hoping no one would notice.
He ran to his friend for help, asking "What am I going to do? Should I take her to the vet?" to which the friend replied, "No. Take her to Wal-Mart."
"What? Why?!"
"Because," his friend said, "they're the biggest retailers in Canada!"
(For people in other countries: replace Canada with your country)
The Art Collector [Clean]
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.
"Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.
"Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 50.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.
On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says nothing.
Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede again says nothing.
Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.
An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says "I heard you the first time you m**...! I'm putting my shoes on!"