Cat Jokes

Funniest Cat Short Jokes

Short cat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cat humour may include short meow jokes also.

1. How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old) You order it from the Cat-alogue
2. How to determine the gender of your cat ? pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
3. When I was five, my Dad put Snowballs in the blender to make a slushie... I miss snowballs, she was a good cat.
4. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
   I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.
5. A code tester walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders ten beers. Orders 2.15 billion beers. Orders -1 beers. Orders a nothing. Orders a cat. Tries to leave without paying.
6. 5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
   High fives all round!
7. I don't know why so many people thought Cats was a bad movie. They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.
8. Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
9. News has just come in that The mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring. Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.
10. *A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show? A Cat-Has-Trophey!

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Cat One Liners

Which cat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cat? I can suggest the ones about kitten and kitty.

1. Schrodinger took his cat to the vet. The vet said, I have good news and bad news.
2. I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat' You've probably seen our posters.
3. Why are there no cats on Mars? Curiosity.
4. If the earth really is flat Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?
5. First day as a vet Me: What seems to be the problem
   Cat: Meow
   Me: Yes, but where?
6. Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree He's wanted dead and alive
7. I just gave my cat some 7UP. Now he's got 16 lives.
8. I identify as Schrodinger's cat My pronouns are is/isn't.
9. My kids cried when I told them I had put ginger in the curry. They loved that cat.
10. I think my cats are communists They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.
11. Why don't cats make good burglars? They can't get past the laser defenses
12. If dogs have masters, what do cats have? Staff.
13. Curiosity killed the cat... NASA sincerely apologizes...
14. My wife is leaving me because of my mental illness. At least thats what the cat told me.
15. A guy asked an officer why is a dog called a K9? Because if its K10, it'll be a cat

Dog And Cat Jokes

Here is a list of funny dog and cat jokes and even better dog and cat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
• I was out on a first date and the lady asked me if I was more of a cat person or a dog person. I said "I'm a vegetarian."
• What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi.
• My date asked if I prefer cats or dogs. I replied, "I don't even see them on the menu. What page are you on?"
• Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs? Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.
• Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they've noticed their owners are now wearing masks Cats are unaffected though as they're yet to notice their owners at all
• Dogs can't read MRI's... ...but cats can.
• It's raining cats and dogs outside. Know how I can tell? I stepped in a poodle.
• When I was little, my parents got me a Dog and a Cat for my birthday. The next day we named the Dog curiosity.
• Why must you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle.

Cat And Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny cat and dog jokes and even better cat and dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What's the wrong way to feed the cat? to the dog.
• The vet said she will put the dog down. "But why?!" exclaimed the owner.
  "Because he's heavy." explained the dogtor.
  -taken from a cat calendar.
• What did they name the Chinese remake of "Cloudy with a Chance of meatballs"? It's Raining Cats and Dogs
• My date asked if I'm a cat guy or a dog guy. I said It depends how it's prepared.
• Man it was really raining cats and dogs today. Sure hope I don't step in a poodle.
• When I was younger, I owned a dog named curiosity. I also owned a cat but, you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat
• I wanted a dog. My wife wanted a cat. We had to compromise so we got a cat.
• Why can't dogs perform MRIs? Because only cats can.
• Cats are better than dogs No way would a cat ever work with the cops.
• Why is K-9 another term for a dog? Because if it was a cat, it would be a K-10.

Cat Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny cat day jokes and even better cat day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Yesterday, I got so depressed.. ..I spent entire day listening to Celine Dion records.
  .
  .
  Or that's what I thought until I realised my cat had fallen in to the dryer.
• I gave my cat a bath the other day... he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.
• Give a cat a box and he'll be happy for a day Teach a cat to box and start wondering what you're doing with your life
• There once was a cat that had 16 lives... one day he got run over by a 4x4...and he died.
• If you have a cat and seem to be having allergy issues simply wash your cat three times a day And it will leave
• The other day, a wizard offered to turn me into a cat. The suggestion gave me pause.
• I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume. One day I asked him why.
  He told me "I am always in purrsuit."
• The other day I unexpectedly bought a cat. It was an impulse purrchase.
• Before our marriage when my wife told me that she's a cat person, I should have realized that... ..... for the rest of my life she's gonna sit on the other side of the bed & ignore me all day.
• The kids were really suprised when I put ginger in their curry... ...they really *did* love that cat.
  > Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*

Dead Cat Jokes

Here is a list of funny dead cat jokes and even better dead cat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I lost my cat If found, please return him, dead and alive.
  Thanks,
  Sincerely,
  Erwin Shrodinger.
• What did Robocop say to Schrödinger's Cat? Dead or Alive, you're coming with me.
• I saw a missing poster for Schrödinger's cat It had a $500 finders fee if returned dead and alive.
• Why was schrodinger's cat in trouble with the law? I don't know, but he was wanted dead and alive.
• My little sister's cat died... ...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat.
• What do Schrodinger's cat and Kim Jong-un have in common? They're both alive and dead until you see them!
• Is "Schrodinger's Cat" meme dead or alive? I'm afraid to look.
• What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back when you throw it? a dead cat
• I have the reflexes of a cat Before you comment, please remember, a dead cat is still technically a cat!
• What kind of tea is deadly to cats? Curiosity

Hilarious Cat Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about cat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean feline jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cat pranks.