The vet said, I have good news and bad news.
The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."
I miss snowballs, she was a good cat.
They got really upset and started to cry.
Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..
The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
He's wanted dead and alive
A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.
The officer says, "This is the best résumé I've ever seen! There's just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot eight black guys and a cat."
Guy replies "Why the cat?"
Officer says "Great attitude, you're hired!"
The zoophiliac says, I want to have sex with a cat.
The sadist says, I want to torture the cat, then have sex with it.
The pyromaniac says, I want to torture the cat, set it on fire, then have sex with it.
The necrophiliac says, Well I want to torture the cat, set it on fire, have sex with it, kill it, and have sex with it again.
The masochist says, Meow.
and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."
One has its claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause.
Now he's got 16 lives.
While the barman is pouring, the man extends his hand at knee height and asks: Do penguins grow this big?
I should think so, the barman replies.
The man raises his hand. How about this big?
Well, perhaps a king penguin, but I'm not sure . . .
The man holds his hand at shoulder level: This big?
Not a cat in hell's chance.
The man knocks back his drink in one. Hell. I just ran over a nun.
Easy. You kick it in the ass.
If she runs away, it's a girl. But if he runs away, it's a boy.
Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.
The nurse comes in and says
"Sir,, I have good news and bad news."
They loved that cat.
You've probably seen our posters.
A Cat-Has-Trophey!
A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her student. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?!?!" the teacher yelled in shock. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
This same study found that 99% of cat owners say they feel their cat has told them to fuck off, at least once, this week
You've probably seen our posters...
I can raise my cat any way I want.
NASA sincerely apologizes...
At least thats what the cat told me.
I miss onions. She was a really nice cat.
Because if its K10, it'll be a cat
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."
are all waiting at the bus stop for the bus to take them to the mental institution.
The zoophile says: "I'm bored. Let's fuck a cat!"
The sadist says: "Let's fuck a cat, then kill it!"
The necrophile says: "Let's fuck a cat, kill it, and then fuck it again!"
The pyromaniac says: "Let's fuck a cat, kill it, fuck it again, and then set it on fire!"
The masochist says: "Meow!"
I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad…
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cat? Well, here are the best Cat dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cat pick up lines to share with friends.