Casual Jokes

What are some Casual jokes?

Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap.

There were a lot of casual tees.

Did you hear about the bombing at the garment factory?

Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.

What is the most common attire during WWII?

Casual Tees

Stages of man's sexuality [OC]

1. Puberty: masturbating in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable masturbation in your room and some casual sex with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild sex all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular sex.
5. Marriage after children: masturbating in secrecy and shame.

Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

The cruise ship survivors

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

TIL "saltpeter" is a casual term for potassium nitrate.

The more you KNO...

An explosion happened at a clothes store.

There were many casual tees.

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.....

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

There was a mass shooting at the Gap store this afternoon.

They're still counting the casual Tees.

A dad has 3 daughters and 1 son

They all live in a pretty casual house.

One day, one of his daughters came into his room and said: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian."
Fuming, he sends her to her room angrily.
Then comes his 2nd daughter: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian too"
The father is now angrier than humanly possible, right then, the 3rd daughter came in: "Um, hey Dad, I'm also lesbian..."
With all the might he can, he shouts: "DOES NOBODY IN THIS DAMNED HOUSE LIKE BOYS?!"
In comes his son: "Um, hey Dad..."

Did you hear about the explosion in a garment factory

Apparently there were over a hundred casual tees

A lawyer and a doctor area at a cocktail party

A person comes up to the doctor and asks about a symptom he's been having lately. The gives him some advice and turns to the lawyer.

It's always awkward when people ask me for my professional opinion in a casual setting. Do you think it's ok if I charge them?

Absolutely says the lawyer. I think it's perfectly fine.

The following week the doctor then gets a bill from the attorney.

THREE vampires walk into a restaurant one casual night.

The host welcomed them in and showed them their seats.

While they were seated, a waiter comes by to ask for their orders:

Vampire 1: "I'm hungry and have saved a lot of money for such an occasion. I'll have a glass of your finest human blood"

Vampire 2: "I'm kinda saving up for stuff, so I'll just have a cup of raw pig blood."

Vampire 3: "I don't have a lot of money with me today, so I'll just have a cup of hot water."

The two vampires and the waiter look at him with contempt

Vampire 3: "What're you looking at me for? I picked this pantyliner from the street so I'm just gonna make tea."

What kind of tea do the crime investigation team drink?

A "casual tea"

Mr. Janus and Mr. Rodick are co-workers.

They had both decided to go to the bar after work. At the bar, they meet another guy named Bob. Bob goes up to Mr. Janus and asks, "What's your name?"

"You can call me Mr. Janus."

Then Bob says, "I'd prefer to use a first-name basis, it's more casual. What's your first name"

By this point Mr. Janus is sweating like crazy, he doesn't answer, but then his buddy Mr. Rodick interupts, "It's Hugh, Hugh Janus!"

Both Bob and Mr. Rodick are now laughing like crazy, Hugh is really upset, so he stares Mr. Rodick in the eye and says, "Shut up Mike!"

I was just casually strolling down the street...

and suddenly when I looked up, I saw a baseball getting bigger and bigger, and I was wondering why that was.

Then it hit me.

A man and a woman were sitting next to each other in bar.

They were having a casual conversation when she suddenly leaned over and asked him, "You smell amazing, what do you have on?"

The man smiled an impish grin and replied, "I have a hard-on but I didn't know you could smell it!"

And then the penguin says to the bartender,

this *is* my most casual outfit!

There was an attack on a commoner's tea shop yesterday.

There were 24 casual teas.

A group wearing tuxedos were sat down in a coffee shop, when a car suddenly smashed through the shop front.

Thankfully there were no casual teas

What's the most casual crime you can commit?

Shooting the breeze.

Stranded on an island

Two men and a women end up shipwrecked on an island. Weeks and months go by and nature takes it's course, to pass the time, the woman starts having casual sex with the two men.

Months later the woman gets sick and dies. As time passes, once again nature takes it's course and they men do what the have to do.

After a while they start to feel guilty, so they bury the body.

50 Cent goes to a small town for a concert and meets the mayor.

The mayor, being a fan and trying to be casual, offers to show him around town. Before long, he realizes that 50 cent seems to be a little off, because he is asking the mayor to identify inanimate objects. He points to a sewer, and the mayor says, "Sewer." He points to a streetlight, and the mayor patiently says, "Streetlight." After 6 or 7 of these instances, 50 cent points to a lone birch planted in the sidewalk. The mayor says, "God Damnit, that's a Tree, Fiddy!"

On a casual drive from drinking a blond, red, and black haired women died in a car crash.

When they died God said to them that they could get into heaven if they could climb 100 steps with jokes inscribed on them and never laugh. So they started their ascend. Unfortunately the black haired woman laughed on the 21st step and fell off the steps to heaven. The red head laughed on the 43rd step and also fell off. Finally, the blond head reached the 100th and then suddenly bursted into laughter.

God asked, Why did you laugh? You almost made it!

To which the blond replied, I just got the first one.

Do you know the difference between casual conversation and sex?

No? Well do you wanna go back to my place and talk?


-Joe Mafia II

Australians are casual racists...

Full time racism is too hard

Bob and Earl are fishing on a boat.

and Bob says "Yunno, I think I'm gonna divorce the wife, she hasn't spoken to me in 2 months."

Earl spits his dip overboard and takes a long swig of his beer with a casual exhale. "You should really think it over...Women like that are hard to find."

The police are investigating the recent shootout at a fancy downtown restaurant.

There are no reports of casual tees.

Did you hear about the tragedy at the Hipster company's work retreat?

There were several hundred casual tees.

Hilarious reply to hilarious 'I love you' proposal

It was just a casual talk with one of my best friends,when I told her
"*I'm a negative person will you be my modulus function*"(read it somwhere)

And her reply was
"*I'm a square root so cant take any negatives otherwise this whole thing will become complex*"

I got mathametic-zoned

What's the difference between a shirt and a corpse?

One's a casualty and the other is a casual tee

Where do lumberjacks go for casual sex?

Timber

What did one casual necrophiliac say to the other as they left their day jobs?

Come by my place later, we'll crack a cold one.

What comes from unprotected casual hook-ups?

Netflix & chilldren

What's ironic about a casual screw?

He nuts and bolts

Casual conversations are just like casual sex.

I don't know how to have either one.

What do soldiers wear on weekends?

Casual t-shirts

Say it aloud if you don't get it

They say love is blind...

But casual sex has 20/20 vision.

How to make Casual jokes?

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