casual Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious casual puns

Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

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Why is the military so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

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Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap.

There were a lot of casual tees.

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After my wife died of a heart attack, I didn't want to settle down again right away. I wanted to have some fun first, so I went online to find a young girl with big tits that I could have casual sex with. Needless to say, my in laws weren't impressed...

They thought I should have called an ambulance first...

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Did you hear about the bombing at the garment factory?

Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.

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What is the most common attire during WWII?

Casual Tees

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I was casually playing while my teammate wrote "I fucked your mom last night" I replied "no you didn't"

Then my dad ran into my room and told me that he indeed did.

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My favorite joke, and very easy to personalize.

Three guys are on a casual walk one day when they pass by The Guinness Book of World Records corporate office. All three of them have the same idea. "It would be awesome to hold a world record for something!"

So the first guy says, "I have big hands, I bet I have the worlds largest hands." He goes in and comes out a few minutes later with a plaque for the worlds largest hands.

The next guy says, "I bet I have the worlds largest feet." And then he goes in and comes out smiling with a plaque for the worlds largest feet.

Finally, the last guy says, "I bet I have the worlds smallest penis." So he goes in the the office and comes out a few minutes later with a dejected look on his face. The guy with the biggest hands says, "what happened? I thought you for sure had the smallest penis."

The guy replies, "I don't know. Who the fuck is (put in friends name)?"

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An old man lives in a retirement home

Unfortunately, he often would feel lonely, so he decided to enter into a casual relationship with a lady friend who lived a few rooms over. Seeing as how they were both super old, neither had much of a sex drive, nor the physical prowess required to engage in the act of love-making. Instead, some nights his lady friend would come to his room and simply hold his cock in her hand while they watched TV. One night she decided to surprise him by going over on a night she normally did not, but upon arrival she was horrified to see him laying in bed with another woman who was holding his cock while they watched TV. "Oh my god I cannot believe you! You are such an asshole and the absolute worst human being in the world! What do you have to say for yourself? What could that bitch possibly have that I don't?" The old man calmly turned to look at her and replied, "Parkinson's."

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Stages of man's sexuality [OC]

1. Puberty: masturbating in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable masturbation in your room and some casual sex with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild sex all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular sex.
5. Marriage after children: masturbating in secrecy and shame.

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Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

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One Night Stand (NSFW)

A guy successfully picks up a woman during a night out and brings her home for some casual sex. By the time they get to his apartment, they're both unbelievably horny. The front door has barely shut before they start making passionate love, stripping each others' clothes off on the way to the bedroom. They get to the bed, and not wanting to disappoint, he gives her his best. With each thrust, he notices her toes are curling. Proudly, he thinks, "I must really be getting her off!" They finish, and eventually go to sleep. In the morning, they decide to have another go in the shower. He's giving it to her even harder than he did the night before, but he can't seem to get the same toe-curling reaction. They both climax, and afterwards, while they're getting dressed, he asks her, "Last night, when we made love, you seemed more into it than you did this morning. Did I do something wrong?"

"No," she said. "You were great! Why do you ask?"

"Well, I noticed that last night your toes were curling, and this morning they weren't."

"That's because I wasn't wearing my pantyhose this time."

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The cruise ship survivors

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

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TIL "saltpeter" is a casual term for potassium nitrate.

The more you KNO...

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An explosion happened at a clothes store.

There were many casual tees.

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There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.....

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

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There was a mass shooting at the Gap store this afternoon.

They're still counting the casual Tees.

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A dad has 3 daughters and 1 son

They all live in a pretty casual house.

One day, one of his daughters came into his room and said: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian."
Fuming, he sends her to her room angrily.
Then comes his 2nd daughter: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian too"
The father is now angrier than humanly possible, right then, the 3rd daughter came in: "Um, hey Dad, I'm also lesbian..."
With all the might he can, he shouts: "DOES NOBODY IN THIS DAMNED HOUSE LIKE BOYS?!"
In comes his son: "Um, hey Dad..."

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Did you hear about the explosion in a garment factory

Apparently there were over a hundred casual tees

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Guy walks into a bar

So this casual guy walks into a bar after a long day at work. Walks up, takes a seat and tells the waiter he would like a Gin and Tonic. Waiter goes around and comes back with an apple. " I asked for a Gin and Tonic"... "Trust me take a bite. So the guy takes a bite. "What is this!? This taste like gin"! "Waiter tells the guy to turn it around and take a bite. Guy does so. "Oh my god, that taste like tonic"!

A few minutes later another guy walks in and asks for a Rum and Coke. Same thing happens, the guy is mind blown.

So those guys talk for a while and a few minutes later another guy walks in and sit next too the two first guys. The guys tell him, "man you got to try this out, this waiter can make an apple taste like anything".

The guy goes, "oh yeah, give me an apple that taste like pussy"

Waiter turns around does his thing and hands over an apple. "The guy takes a bite, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?, THIS TASTE LIKE FUCKING SHIT!"

"Turn it around" says the waiter.

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A lawyer and a doctor area at a cocktail party

A person comes up to the doctor and asks about a symptom he's been having lately. The gives him some advice and turns to the lawyer.

It's always awkward when people ask me for my professional opinion in a casual setting. Do you think it's ok if I charge them?

Absolutely says the lawyer. I think it's perfectly fine.

The following week the doctor then gets a bill from the attorney.

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What kind of tea do the crime investigation team drink?

A "casual tea"

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THREE vampires walk into a restaurant one casual night.

The host welcomed them in and showed them their seats.

While they were seated, a waiter comes by to ask for their orders:

Vampire 1: "I'm hungry and have saved a lot of money for such an occasion. I'll have a glass of your finest human blood"

Vampire 2: "I'm kinda saving up for stuff, so I'll just have a cup of raw pig blood."

Vampire 3: "I don't have a lot of money with me today, so I'll just have a cup of hot water."

The two vampires and the waiter look at him with contempt

Vampire 3: "What're you looking at me for? I picked this pantyliner from the street so I'm just gonna make tea."

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Mr. Janus and Mr. Rodick are co-workers.

They had both decided to go to the bar after work. At the bar, they meet another guy named Bob. Bob goes up to Mr. Janus and asks, "What's your name?"

"You can call me Mr. Janus."

Then Bob says, "I'd prefer to use a first-name basis, it's more casual. What's your first name"

By this point Mr. Janus is sweating like crazy, he doesn't answer, but then his buddy Mr. Rodick interupts, "It's Hugh, Hugh Janus!"

Both Bob and Mr. Rodick are now laughing like crazy, Hugh is really upset, so he stares Mr. Rodick in the eye and says, "Shut up Mike!"

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I was just casually strolling down the street...

and suddenly when I looked up, I saw a baseball getting bigger and bigger, and I was wondering why that was.

Then it hit me.

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A group wearing tuxedos were sat down in a coffee shop, when a car suddenly smashed through the shop front.

Thankfully there were no casual teas

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There was an attack on a commoner's tea shop yesterday.

There were 24 casual teas.

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And then the penguin says to the bartender,

this *is* my most casual outfit!

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Do you know the difference between casual conversation and sex?

No? Well do you wanna go back to my place and talk?


-Joe Mafia II

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50 Cent goes to a small town for a concert and meets the mayor.

The mayor, being a fan and trying to be casual, offers to show him around town. Before long, he realizes that 50 cent seems to be a little off, because he is asking the mayor to identify inanimate objects. He points to a sewer, and the mayor says, "Sewer." He points to a streetlight, and the mayor patiently says, "Streetlight." After 6 or 7 of these instances, 50 cent points to a lone birch planted in the sidewalk. The mayor says, "God Damnit, that's a Tree, Fiddy!"

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Stranded on an island

Two men and a women end up shipwrecked on an island. Weeks and months go by and nature takes it's course, to pass the time, the woman starts having casual sex with the two men.

Months later the woman gets sick and dies. As time passes, once again nature takes it's course and they men do what the have to do.

After a while they start to feel guilty, so they bury the body.

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What's the most casual crime you can commit?

Shooting the breeze.

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Australians are casual racists...

Full time racism is too hard

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Bob and Earl are fishing on a boat.

and Bob says "Yunno, I think I'm gonna divorce the wife, she hasn't spoken to me in 2 months."

Earl spits his dip overboard and takes a long swig of his beer with a casual exhale. "You should really think it over...Women like that are hard to find."

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Did you hear about the tragedy at the Hipster company's work retreat?

There were several hundred casual tees.

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What are the most funny Casual jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Casual? Well, here are the best Casual dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Casual pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes