The Best 57 Casket Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Casket jokes. There are some casket crematorium jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these casket mortician puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Casket Jokes and Puns
3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven...
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
What did one casket say to the other?
Is that you coughin?
What's something that the inventor doesn't want, the buyer doesn't use, and the user doesn't know about it?
A casket
A funeral rerun . . .
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Some men are discussing the meaning of life...
Some men are sitting around discussing the meaning of life.
One turns and asks the others, "If tomorrow all your loved ones found themselves at a funeral, gathered around your casket, what would you want to hear them say?"
One starts off saying, "I hope they would say I was a good father and husband".
The next says "I want them to say I was not only successful, but a kind and generous man too".
"I'd want them to say", says the last man, "Hey look, he's moving!"
The guys go to the funeral of their life-long pal...
After a long eulogy and some beautiful music, the guys are overcome with emotion. The first guy walks up to the casket of his buddy.
"I know it's just a small token, but for everything you've ever done for me, buddy, all the times you helped me out. This is the least I could do."
He tucks a $50 bill into his buddy's tuxedo pocket, and he staggers away sobbing.
The second man, inspired by the gesture, walks up and places his own $50 bill in his buddy's pocket. "For all the beers you bought me, that I never had a chance to pay you back for." And he staggers away sobbing.
The third man, a lawyer, not to be out-done, says, "I know it's just a small gesture, but for all the times you've been there for me when I needed you, here's a token of my gratitude."
And he writes a check for $150, and takes the two fifties in change.
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
Steve Jobs funeral was closed casket
It wasn't supposed to be, but no one could figure out how to open the casket.
Morbid Humor
What did one casket say to the other casket?
Was that you coffin?
This guy tried to sell me a casket.
I told him, "well, that's the *last* thing I'm gonna need."
You can explore casket tombstone reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean casket cemetary dad jokes. There are also casket puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I couldn't take my eyes off her
I kissed her parted lips, our tongues touched. One hand passionately kneaded her breast, tweaking her hardened nipple.
As the other hand delved deep between her thighs I couldn't help but think, "This'll probably be the last open casket funeral I get invited to".
During a funeral...
The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
The only time my girl friend will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER"...
...is when they are lowering my casket into the ground!
I once saw a headstone that read "here lies a politician and an honest man."
I wonder how they fit two people in one casket.
A cardiologist died...
..and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said: "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral..I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
when i die i want my kids to carry my casket.
So they can let me down one more time.
Relaxing location
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them.
Dad wasn't sold: Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it.
An old man dies...
...and at the funeral, his family members walk to the casket to say their final respects. When they're done, the old mans son notices a bulge in his fathers pants. When he goes to ask the funeral director about it, the director says "Oh, don't worry about that, it's just mourning wood"
TIL the creator of the Hokey Pokey died last week.
Planning his funeral went fine until it was time to put him in the casket. They put his left foot in and that's when the trouble started.
A casket falls out of the back of a hearse and is careening down a hill straight toward a drug store.
The limo driver tells the grieving husband.."Don't worry. They will have something in there to stop her coffin.
Will I have an open casket at my funeral?
Remains to be seen.
If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave...
roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.
Public speaking is the #1 fear of the average person. #2 is death.
This means that at a funeral, more people would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
-Jerry Seinfeld
Larry La Prise, the creator of the hokey pokey died this week....
Every thing went well with the funeral except putting the body in the casket
They put the left leg in....
And then the trouble started
Wheres the safest to be after a murder?
A casket.
What did the cannibal couple take with them to the park?
A picnic casket
USB Inventor
When the inventor of the usb dies thay will lower him slowly stop flip the Casket and put him in all the way
Why are caskets so expensive?
Because everyone is dying to get in one!
Studies have shown that public speaking is the thing that people fear the most. The second most-common fear is death.
This means that most people would rather be the one in the casket rather than the one giving the eulogy.
A Mans walking in a cemetery and he hears this noise...
It sounded like someone was using a eraser. He walks towards a grave and it gets louder. So he digs up the casket and sees Mozart Erasing all of his music,and the man says "Mozart what are you doing!" Then Mozart says "I'm decomposing"
The pallbearers accidentally bumped Susan's casket on the wall...
... and they hear a cough. They open the casket and sure enough Susan is alive, apparently having been in a coma which she is coming out of.
She recovers in the hospital and lives another 3 years before she finally passes. At her (second) funeral the eulogies finish and the pallbearers begin to raise the casket. Susan's husband rises and shouts: Be careful not to hit the wall this time, you dimwits!!
A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each
The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the funeral, each person placed an envelope into the casket.
Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.
Final Memories
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
According to most studies, people's No.1 fear is public speaking. No.2 is death.
Death is No.2... Does that sound right? This means, to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy...
Funeral director: Are you sure you want a closed casket for your wife?
Schroedinger: Yep.
A man is asked to speak at his best friend's funeral.
He walks up to the front of the church and stands in front of the casket. Overcome with emotion, he pauses, and then says, "Plethora . . . plethora." After that he goes back into the pews and sits next to the deceased man's widow. She leans over and says to the guy, "Thanks. That means a lot."
An 11 year old boy just told me his anti-vaxx joke
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Unvaccinated kid!
Unvaccinated kid who?
Oh never mind, it's an open casket funeral.
Why was a chair sitting by the casket?
For Rigor Mortis to sit in.
my aunt ruth died in a horrible explosion
they couldn't even find any body parts to put in the casket
the funeral was ruthless.
Did you hear the man who invented the USB port died?
At his funeral they lowered the casket....
Then raised it, turned it around, and lowered it again.
They dug up Mozart's grave. When they opened the casket he was madly erasing his music...
Of course, he was de-composing.
The Clintons at President Reagan's funeral
I don't know if any of you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, but if you did, you might've noticed Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.
Reagan, who never missed the opportunity for a good one-liner, raised his head out of the casket and said I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together
A world renowned chemist dies.
A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"
Are they doing an open casket funeral?
Eh, remains to be seen
The co-founder of Adobe who developed the PDF file format has died.
The funeral viewing will be a closed casket since it's too much trouble trying to open it.
I'm going to an open casket funeral later, and I'm not sure if I'll enjoy it or not...
Remains to be seen.
When your in your casket............?
Three friends from the local congregation were asked,
"When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God,
who made a huge difference in peoples lives."
Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
Little Suzy had 13 children.
Her husband died and she remarried and had 10 more children.
That husband died and she remarried and had 8 more children.
It was finally time for Suzy to pass away and the preacher was standing at her casket amd said "it's great! they'll finally be together".
One guy says "I wonder what he means? The first husband? The second husband? Or the 3rd husband?
Little Johnny smiled and said "I think he's taking about her legs"
One Casket Said To Another
Is that you coffin?
What do you call a dog ,with one eye, and one leg?
Lucky
In loving memory of my father who was the biggest jokester, until his very last days, all he wanted to ,do was make others laugh.
He wanted us to put a fart machine in his casket and let them blow, my mom wouldn't allow it...
So, death isn't actually the most common fear...
... it's public speaking. This means if you were at a funeral, you'd likely rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.
Will caskets with clear lids ever catch on?
Remains to be seen.
You've heard of click it or ticket , a slogan telling drivers to use a seatbelt or they will get fined...
Now get ready for the new slogan of 2020: Mask it or Casket !
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
A funeral service is held for a lady who just passed away.
As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
They have another funeral for her.
At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, Watch out for the wall!
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
Suddenly, a faint moaning is heard from the casket. The casket is opened, and it is found that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the casket urn jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working casket hearse piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.