Casket Jokes
110 casket jokes and hilarious casket puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about casket that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
We all know funerals usually carry a somber mood, but have you ever heard a casket joke? Find out why this humorous way of dealing with death has recently become popular and what makes these jokes stand out. Peruse a few of our favorite casket jokes and learn how to incorporate some lightheartedness into an otherwise bittersweet event.
Funniest Casket Short Jokes
Short casket jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The casket humour may include short coffin jokes also.
- The only time my girl friend will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER"... ...is when they are lowering my casket into the ground!
- The inventor of Tetris died recently and the casket was buried vertically... And then the entire graveyard disappeared
- I once saw a headstone that read "here lies a politician and an honest man." I wonder how they fit two people in one casket.
- What's something that the inventor doesn't want, the buyer doesn't use, and the user doesn't know about it? A casket
- A rich guy and his wife both died and their caskets were driven in separate cars... His and Hearse.
- You've heard of click it or ticket , a slogan telling drivers to use a seatbelt or they will get fined... Now get ready for the new slogan of 2020: Mask it or Casket !
- Glass window caskets Will glass window caskets ever become popular?...... Remains to be seen.
- So today the founder of IKEA passed away... I wonder how long it took his family to build his casket?
- My friend got tired of being locked up at home. So we locked him up inside of a casket instead.
- Richard 'Old Man' Harrison just passed away Mortician: it's going to cost you $10,000 to put him in a casket.
Rick: best I can do is $100 cause it's just going to sit there and collect dust.
Share These Casket Jokes With Friends
Casket One Liners
Which casket one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with casket? I can suggest the ones about glass coffin and cemetery.
- when i die i want my kids to carry my casket. So they can let me down one more time.
- Why are caskets so expensive? Because everyone is dying to get in one!
- Morbid Humor What did one casket say to the other casket?
Was that you coffin? - What did one casket say to the other? Is that you coughin?
- Why was a chair sitting by the casket? For Rigor Mortis to sit in.
- People really seem to like caskets They literally die to get in
- What did the cannibal couple take with them to the park? A picnic casket
- Did you hear about the casket who got sick? I heard it was coffin all day long.
- Which element should they make caskets out of? Barium
- What would Lady Diana do if she were still alive? Scratch the lid of her casket.
- How was Jackie Gleason put into his casket? Crammed in.
- I know a guy who claims to be a necrophiliac... He came out of the casket.
- What kind of yoga do you do in a casket? Decom-pose.
- What do you call a casket that's come down with the flu? A sar-cough-agus
- Ikea founder dies at 91. He will be buried as soon as they get the casket put together.
Open Casket Jokes
Here is a list of funny open casket jokes and even better open casket puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey sis.. Stop hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself I said My brother *Crying*: Is this why you wanted an open casket??
- What do you find when you open a closed casket at a wake? Remains to be seen.
- What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key.
Uplifting Casket Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about casket you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vampire coffin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make casket pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was Steve Jobbs f**... an open casket?
So the attendees could get some face-time.
3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven...
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a f**...?
Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Doctor, a banker, and a lawyer
3 very good friends, a doctor, a banker, and a lawyer, all had a mutual friend pass away. While at the f**..., the Doctor says "I wanna do something nice and unselfish for our friend," so he pulls out his wallet and throws a $100 dollar bill into the casket. The banker sees this and decides to do the same, he pulls out his wallet and throws a $100 dollar bill into the casket as well. The lawyer being the last one, says the same as well. So he pulls out his checkbook, takes the cash, and writes and leaves a check for $300.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just drew a bunch of p**... on my friend's face
I love open casket funerals.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some men are discussing the meaning of life...
Some men are sitting around discussing the meaning of life.
One turns and asks the others, "If tomorrow all your loved ones found themselves at a f**..., gathered around your casket, what would you want to hear them say?"
One starts off saying, "I hope they would say I was a good father and husband".
The next says "I want them to say I was not only successful, but a kind and generous man too".
"I'd want them to say", says the last man, "Hey look, he's moving!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An dying man's last wish...
An elderly man on his death bed tells his wife "Honey, I want you to promise me that when I go you will put all my money in the casket with me." Reluctantly, his wife agrees and assures him she will uphold her promise.
After the f**..., the women tells her friend about her husband's odd request - "You know, he made me swear to bury all our money with him". The friend replies, "That's crazy! I can't believe you would actually do that". And the elderly woman says "Don't worry...I wrote him a check".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The guys go to the f**... of their life-long pal...
After a long eulogy and some beautiful music, the guys are overcome with emotion. The first guy walks up to the casket of his buddy.
"I know it's just a small token, but for everything you've ever done for me, buddy, all the times you helped me out. This is the least I could do."
He tucks a $50 bill into his buddy's tuxedo pocket, and he staggers away sobbing.
The second man, inspired by the gesture, walks up and places his own $50 bill in his buddy's pocket. "For all the beers you bought me, that I never had a chance to pay you back for." And he staggers away sobbing.
The third man, a lawyer, not to be out-done, says, "I know it's just a small gesture, but for all the times you've been there for me when I needed you, here's a token of my gratitude."
And he writes a check for $150, and takes the two fifties in change.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's estranged father passed away suddenly...
and he was unable attend the f**.... But when he discovered that he was the beneficiary of the life insurance and with the sudden passing and him being his fathers only family, he was overcome with guilt so he contacted the f**... home to make the arrangements and asked that his father have all the best and be buried in a beautiful casket and in a lovely cemetery at the top of a hill.
Well, the next month, he gets a bill for a considerable some, which seemed fair, so he paid it. But then the next month he got another bill. He decided, sure there was probably some residual balance, so he paid it as well.
The following month he got yet another bill from the f**... home, which seemed odd. So he called them to ask about it. "Didn't you say you wanted your father to have all the best when he was buried?"
"I did."
"Well we rented him a tux."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Steve Jobs f**... was closed casket
It wasn't supposed to be, but no one could figure out how to open the casket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi...
are called to the hospice of a terminal millionaire. The millionaire gives each of them $100,000 with the instructions that when he dies he wants them all to bury him with the money. A few weeks later he dies and the Priest, Minster, and Rabbi all throw an envelope into his casket. After the f**..., the Priest asks the minster if he threw the whole amount into the casket.
"No, I didn't," the minister says, "I took $10,000 dollars to provide for the congregation. I'm sure he'll understand. What about you?"
"No, I took $15,000," The Priest replied, "I have to provide for my small congregation and have many bills to pay. I'm sure he'll rest easy knowing the money has been put to good use." The Priest and the Minister look over at the Rabbi and ask him the same question.
"Of course I did," said the Rabbi, "I wrote him a check"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I couldn't take my eyes off her
I kissed her parted lips, our tongues touched. One hand passionately kneaded her breast, tweaking her hardened n**....
As the other hand delved deep between her thighs I couldn't help but think, "This'll probably be the last open casket f**... I get invited to".
What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?
Hey, I think he moved.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a cardiologist in a small town died
He was very well loved in the town, and every other doctor in the area came to his f**.... At the end they lowered him into the ground in a wondrous mahogany casket, shaped like a heart, lined with red velvet. It was a beautiful affair, but marred by a woman in the front row who couldn't stop laughing. After he was in the ground, she apologized, wiping her eyes, "I'm so sorry, it's just, I'm a gynecologist and I was imagining my own f**...."
Everyone had a good laugh, but then the proctologist fainted.
A man carrying a tombstone walked up to a skeleton taking a break from his casket.
He asked the skeleton, "Is it okay if I leave this tombstone here?" The skeleton replied, "Yes, over my dead body."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The local Cardiologist just died.
And everyone showed up at the f**... with hearts. Hearts of all kinds were put on his casket.
Little Johnny says "Boy, I'm not gonna miss the Gynecologist's f**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
f**... wishes
Three buddies die in a car c**... and go to heaven for the orientation. They're all asked, "When you're in your casket being mourned, what would you like to hear your friends and family say about you?"
The first guy says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I'd like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher who made a big difference in America's future leaders."
The last guy replied, "I'd like to hear them say — Look, *he's moving!*"
What's another name for a casket?
Mourning wood.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens after you place C3H5N3O9 on an open flame?
A Closed Casket f**....
When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you...
Three friends are sitting in a bar drinking, when one turns to the others and asks, "When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy thinks and says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." He turns back to his buddy, who asked the question, "What about you?"
The guy snorts, "I want them to say, 'MY GOD, HE'S STILL ALIVE!!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Relaxing location
While my parents were making their f**... arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them.
Dad wasn't sold: Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man dies...
...and at the f**..., his family members walk to the casket to say their final respects. When they're done, the old mans son notices a bulge in his fathers pants. When he goes to ask the f**... director about it, the director says "Oh, don't worry about that, it's just mourning wood"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why we cremate people:
Some people get creamted because when you die, your family is gonna want to put you in a casket for the f**.... And if they can't decide whether to choose open or closed, they compromise... and put you in ajar.
A casket falls out of the back of a hearse and is careening down a hill straight toward a drug store.
The limo driver tells the grieving husband.."Don't worry. They will have something in there to stop her coffin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Will I have an open casket at my f**...?
Remains to be seen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I'm certain a joke like this has been done before but here goes...when asked if I'd ever consider an open casket f**... I said
Remains to be seen?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Ronald Reagan were alive today he would roll in his grave...
roll, scream, kick and so would you if you woke up in a casket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A customer walks in a minute before closing and asks if the store is still open.
The clerk responds,
"As open as a casket at a f**.... I shouldn't be, but I am."
Where does a vampire keep his Easter treats?
In his Easter casket !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wheres the safest to be after a m**...?
A casket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A notoriously bad stage actor died recently.
The vehicle carrying his casket broke down on the way to the f**..., allowing his critics, for one last time, to state that he needed to rehearse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Think that at my mother-in-law's f**... they had to raise and lower the casket 3 times...
...before the applause died down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Did you hear Hef's f**... had to be postponed....
They couldn't shut the lid on the casket. (wink)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met with my lawyer to discuss my will...
During the meeting he asked me about f**... arrangements. I told him I was thinking of having an open casket f**.... Remains to be seen.
Studies have shown that public speaking is the thing that people fear the most. The second most-common fear is death.
This means that most people would rather be the one in the casket rather than the one giving the eulogy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One cold January morning
On a cold January morning a f**... was being held for a man who passed away. After the service the pal barers are caring the coffin out of the church. As they walk down the steps one man slips and loses his grip on the casket causing the others to lose their grips. The coffin goes sliding down then steps, into the road and down a hill. At the bottom of the hill it crashes through the front window of a local pharmacy and goes crashing through the whole store and slams into the counter in the back. As soon as it hits the coffin opens and the dead guy sits up. The Pharmacist asks How can i help you? The dead guy says Ya you got anything to stop this coffin?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each
The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the f**..., each person placed an envelope into the casket.
Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.
Final Memories
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
in light of the death of one of the chuckle brothers.
The BBC reports at the f**... of barry chuckle it was all silent apart form the casket bearers yelling, "TO ME, TO YOU ,TO ME, TO YOU"
Funerals are expensive.
Next time I won't put all my eggs in one casket.
So Donald Trump was golfing with his buddy the other day
His buddy said, "So I had a dream about you the other night."
"Really?" Said trump, "About what?"
"People in the hundreds of thousands were celebrating and cheering for you in the streets."
"Oh wow. How was my hair?"
"I don't know. It was a closed casket."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the antivaxer's toddler crying?
He could pick out which casket he wanted for his f**... next week
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Ikea owner died, and his f**... was delayed..
They couldn't figure out how to put together his casket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanted to settle a bet with my sister so we went to my mom's gravesite to dig up her casket
I ended up losing though, turns out it IS i**... to do that.
What's the difference between a nanagon and a nonagon?
A nonagon is a shape with nine sides. A nanagon is an old woman in a casket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was asked if I was going to have a closed casket at my f**....
Over my dead body!
Sadly the inventor of the USB port died recently. . .
They are still trying to figure out which way to put his casket into the ground.
"Hey dad, wait!" I said, "Tell me a joke before you go!"
But he didn't. He just laid in silence as they lowered his casket into the ground.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a study going on about using a see-through casket at a f**......
...but the effect remains to be seen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
f**... director: Are you sure you want a closed casket for your wife?
Schroedinger: Yep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly woman's husband passes away.
As the pallbearers are carrying the casket out of the chapel and down the stairs to the hearse they accidentally bump a pillar. They hear a noise from inside the casket and when they open it up the man springs up. Everyone is shocked but thankfully the man is alive and well.
Ten years pass and the husband passes away again. The woman decides to have the f**... at the same small chapel and when the service is over the pallbearers begin to carry the casket outside. When they pass through the doors the old woman says, ** WATCH OUT FOR THAT PILLAR! **
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst part of going down on grandma?
Hitting your head on the casket lid,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An 11 year old boy just told me his anti-vaxx joke
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Unvaccinated kid!
Unvaccinated kid who?
Oh never mind, it's an open casket f**....
What is the difference between a dead body and an Easter egg?
One is buried in a casket while the other is carried in a basket
P.s Got it from BoJack Horseman
My family always thought I was a necrophile...
When they found me in my cousin's casket, that was really the nail in the coffin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
my aunt ruth died in a horrible e**...
they couldn't even find any body parts to put in the casket
the f**... was ruthless.
Three old friends met at a bar, and one asked the group, When we die, what do we want to be the final words of our loved ones when they look over our casket?
I want them to say that I was a loving and loyal husband and father who always put his family first , the first friend said.
Well, said the second friend, I want them to say that I was a man who never gave up on my dreams and lived a very fulfilling life.
As for me , said the third friend, I want them to say, 'Hey look! He's still moving!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Clintons at President Reagan's f**...
I don't know if any of you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, but if you did, you might've noticed Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.
Reagan, who never missed the opportunity for a good one-liner, raised his head out of the casket and said I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together
A world renowned chemist dies.
A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The co-founder of Adobe who developed the PDF file format has died.
The f**... viewing will be a closed casket since it's too much trouble trying to open it.
