The Best 57 Casino Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Casino jokes. There are some casino solitaire jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these casino aces puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Casino Jokes and Puns

at the roulette table when.....

I was just about to place my chips on the roulette table at the casino when the African man standing next to me gave me a nudge and said, "Black, 33."

I shook his hand and said, "White, 28."

I've just opened a casino for dogs where they can play roulette, poker blackjack etc...

They'll have to go outside for craps though.

I'm starting to have second thoughts about the hotel room I booked at the Indian Casino this weekend.

simply put, I'm having reservations about my reservation on the reservation.

Casino joke, I'm starting to have second thoughts about the hotel room I booked at the Indian Casino this weekend

Did you hear about the fat guy who spent his free time in a British casino?

He heard it was a fast way to lose pounds.

Why did the monks go to the casino?

Tibet.


I know the secret to leaving a casino with a small fortune

Walk in with a big fortune.
Happy new year

Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

Casino joke, Why are there no casinos in China?

Why are there no casinos in Africa?

Too many cheetahs.

Why are there no casinos in France?

Because nobody likes Toulouse.

I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived.

When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order.

Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino?

He was caught counting carbs.

You can explore casino craps reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean casino pokie dad jokes. There are also casino puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the nun wear to the casino?

Her gambling habit.

How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?

Walk in with $2 Million.

Did you hear about the Casino that hired a Blacksmith?

He who smelt it, dealt it.

Why don't casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California?

Because they, like, can't even deal.

I wanted to be a sexy casino for Halloween..

..but I was afraid I'd be slot-shamed.

Casino joke, I wanted to be a sexy casino for Halloween..

There aren't that many casinos in Africa.

Cause there are too many cheetahs.

And if you meet one who claims he isn't a cheetah, he's probably lion to you.

A man walks in a casino with a toucan

He always let's his bird play, and the toucan always wins if somebody else is about to win, and every time he wins he tries another game.
Somebody notices and the guy just won from a cheater, he asks: "how do you do that?"
Then the guy says "because
Toucan play that game"

Fire exits

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

-Mitch Hedberg


The Bet

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says: "I want to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude."

They agree to her unusual request and she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams: "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.

For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says: "What did she roll, anyway?"

The second dealer says: "I don't know. I thought *you* were watching."

What is it called when you're having second thoughts about booking a room at a Native American casino?

A reservation reservation reservation.

What do you call a midget that works at a casino?

A small arms dealer.

Why is it so easy to buy drugs at a casino?

Because the casinos are full of dealers.

What's The Difference Between People, Who Pray In Temple And People Who Pray In A Casino?

Those praying In Casino Are More Serious.

I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino, but after four weeks, they still hadn't been delivered, so I called them up to see what was going on...

They told me they were still dealing with my order...

Hear about the man who needed to use his fingers and toes to count to 20?

He was thrown out of the casino when he pulled his pants down while playing blackjack

I was in a casino on the roulette machine last night, when the man standing next to me turned to me and said, "Black, 27."

I shook his hand and said, "White, 23."

The best thing you can do is betting your house in the casino.

The house always win.

There's a VERY easy way to leave every casino with a small fortune.

Go there with a large one.

A couple move to Nevada and the husband hits it big at the casino

He rushes into his house and yells to his wife,

"Pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot!"

The wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The husband responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon."

I lost over a hundred pounds last week

That's the last time I'll gamble in a British casino.

Two kinda oldish guys visit a casino...

And they arrive at the Roulette table. "Hey, what number should we bet on?" "I dunno. How often do you have sex in a week?" "12 times." "AWESOME! Me too! Let's bet on 12!".

The ball spins around and around and finally settles on the Zero.

Moral: Be honest.

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.

My wife wants to leave me. She says I care more about gambling than I do her or our daughter.

She's obviously wrong. Why else am I refusing to leave the casino until I win my daughter's college tuition money back?

Why do fat people lose so much at casino tables?

Because whenever they are out of chips they always grab more.

A local casino is offering marijuana infused beef to their best bettors.

That's really high steaks for their high rollers.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

How I lost 100 pounds in one day

Had a bad time at the casino.

The house always wins.

Except in the Trump casino.

My wife thinks I care more about gambling than our kids.

That isn't true at all. I am going to stay in this casino until I win our son's tuition back to prove it.

I lost 216 pounds.

Never going to another British casino again...

I once met a T-rex who was working at a casino.

He said he was hiding out from the cops.

I think he was a small arms dealer.

When I go to casinos, the most...

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."
I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"

Did you know that Vegas has more Catholic Churches than casinos?

Not surprisingly, some Sunday worshipers give casino chips when the collection basket is passed. Since they get chips for many different casinos the churches have devised a system to handle the collections. The churches send all of their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then taken to the individual casinos to redeem for cash.

This is done by the chip monks.

I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino.

After four weeks they still hadn't been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.

They told me they were still dealing with my order.

Why are there no casinos in China?

Because they don't like Tibet.

What is the worst part of selling a casino?

Everything is a gamble.

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

I have a perfect gambling strategy that will allow you to walk out of any casino with a small fortune. It works every time

All you have to do is walk into the casino with a large fortune.

Whats the difference between the people praying in a church and the people praying in a casino?

The people in the casino mean it.

A dad drives his Honda to the casino

The Valet says, Good evening Sir, we'll take it from here.
To which the man replies, No thanks, I'll do it on my own Accord.

A man goes into a casino and sees a sign that reads:

If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.

He thinks about it for a moment and then dials the number. When they answered he said, I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?

My first day at the casino I was late for work, my boss yelled at me, and they put me at a Blackjack table with no cards.

I looked at all the players and said "I can't deal with this. "

Slots

A woman is on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines. It's her first time in a casino, so she asks a casino employee, "How does this work?" The worker shows her how to insert a bill, how to hit the spin button, and to operate the machine's release handle. "And where does the money come out?" the woman asks.

The casino employee smiles, motions to the far wall, and says, "Usually at the ATM."

What do you call a T-Rex that works in a casino?

A small arms dealer!

Dog Casino

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's new with you?" the bartender asks. "Well I just opened a new casino for dogs. They can play poker, black jack, roulette... almost all the games," the guy says. "They have to go outside for craps, though."

There's this casino in Moscow...

... roulette is the least popular table in the house.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the casino roulette jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working casino dumbasses piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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