Cashier Jokes
167 cashier jokes and hilarious cashier puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about cashier that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A selection of hilarious jokes about cashiers, customers, supervisors, Walmart cashiers, checking out, and more! Find out why cashiers deserve more credit – and laughter – than they usually get!
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Funniest Cashier Short Jokes
Short cashier jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cashier humour may include short cash register jokes also.
- Cashier: that'll be $19.99 Me: *pulls out a $50*
Cashier: sorry we've been having problems with counterfeit money… Have anything smaller?
Me: Sure! *pulls out a $30* - A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly." - My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
Cr - When checking out at Walmart I always pick the sexiest cashier... I always end up at self checkout.
- I went to the store to buy condoms last night. The cashier asked, "Do you want a bag?"
I replied, "No, she's not that ugly." - I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a customer with her barcode reader for being rude. The look on his face was priceless.
- A man walks into a bakery, points to some bread and asks... Man: 'Is this Gluten free?'
Cashier: No.
It costs $4.50 - A man went to the register with only a box of condoms. The cashier asked 'Sir, do you want a bag?'
He replied 'No thanks, she's not that ugly' - I bought a grenade today... Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.
- I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today! I guess it's my own fault for using the self checkout lane.
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Cashier One Liners
Which cashier one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cashier? I can suggest the ones about bank teller and sales clerk.
- Cashier: Scans Condoms Do you need a bag sir?
Me: Jesus, she's not that ugly - "I'd like this book on revenge please" Cashier: "You'll pay for that."
- Why do boomers make horrible cashiers? Because they're afraid of change.
- Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
- Cashiers have a thing for me. They keep checking me out.
- How do attractive men pay for things? They handsome money to the cashier
- My mom won't let my dad go to the store The cashier's always checking him out
- Why are feminists bad cashiers? They can't make change.
- [Clean]So the T-Rex cashier says "Sorry for the wait! . . " " . . We're a little short-handed."
- Walmart announced the closing of 175 stores in 2018 Putting 12 cashiers out of work
- Why did the Feminist cashier get fired? She couldn't make change
- It's quite appropriate that fast food cashiers... often open with "sorry for the weight".
- Why didn't the cashier get the punchline? It didn't register.
- I told a joke to a cashier today. It didn't register.
- Why do Congressmen make terrible cashiers? They're all too afraid of change.
Grocery Store Cashier Jokes
Here is a list of funny grocery store cashier jokes and even better grocery store cashier puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man walks into a grocery store and says, "Three pounds of potatoes, please." The cashier responds, "Sorry, we only sell kilos now."
"Ah, too bad. Three pounds of kilos, then." - Why can't clerks at the grocery store pick which cashier they work with? Because baggers can't be choosers.
- Man walks into a grocery store When the cashier asks if he wants his milk in a bag, he says "No thanks. Keep it in the jug."
- I want to buy one of those grocery store dividers but the cashier keeps taking it off the moving belt and putting it back on the rack.
- So a man walks into a grocery store and asks the cashier if they have helicopter flavored potato chips. The cashier says, "sorry we only have plane." ✈️
- What did Dave Mustaine say to the grocery store cashier? "Can you put a price on peas?"
- Gotta love a dad joke Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'
- I was at the grocery store yesterday and the cashier told me to kill myself! I guess that's what you get for using self checkout
- Tom Brady walks into a grocery store. He buys a bag of chips, equaling up to $1.75. How much does he give the cashier? 2 dollars, so he gets a quarter back.
- I got kicked out of the grocery store while trying to pay with a debit card. The terminal instruction read "s**... down, facing cashier".
I locked eyes for dominance.
Cashier And Customer Jokes
Here is a list of funny cashier and customer jokes and even better cashier and customer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.
- Why did the customer slap the cashier? Because he was checking her out.
- CASHIER: Paper or plastic? CUSTOMER: You choose.
CASHIER: Sorry baggers can't be choosers. - Why did the McDonalds cashier beat up the customer and then strut around bragging about it until police arrived? Someone ordered a McGregor
- A cashier rings up a box of trash bags for a customer... Customer: "I don't know why I keep buying these things, I just end up throwing them out anyways."
- Why did the Whole Foods customer read the numbers on her barcode to the cashier? She didn't want lasers touching her food
- Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"
- I love discussing religion with the cashier at the supermarket Because the customer is always right
- What did the happy customer say to the cashier as he left the store? Good buy!
- Customer: "Do you sell a 'best of' Enya album here?" Cashier: "What do you want - a blank CD?"
Bank Cashier Jokes
Here is a list of funny bank cashier jokes and even better bank cashier puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- At the bank, I told the cashier, " I would like to open a joint account." . He enquired, " With whom?"
I answered, " With whomsoever has lots of money." - Due to lack of protective measures during the pandemic, retail cashiers and bank tellers are refusing to go to work It's a counter strike
- A golden joke... Did you hear about the man who robbed the bank? He went up to the cashier and demanded all the gold. When the thief ran away, the cashier yelled, "A u!"
- How to be Insulting in Banks: When ordering travelers checks, try to get the smallest denomination available, and then take ages signing each check in front of the cashier.
- I went into the bank this afternoon... ...and asked to withdraw £50 from my account. The cashier asked me if I wanted to check my balance so I stood on one leg but fell over.
- I recently came at a lot of money.. The cashier at the bank refused to cash it in
Walmart Cashier Jokes
Here is a list of funny walmart cashier jokes and even better walmart cashier puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you see that Walmart will be closing about 500 stores by the end of the year...? It's going to put about 12 cashiers out of work.
- Yo mama's teeth are so bad That when she smiled to the cashier at walmart, the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans
- What do you call a fat girl in yoga pants at Walmart? Cashier
- I was buying bacon and condoms at Walmart with my wife The cashier gave us a funny look. My wife says, We just wanna be safe when we pork.
- WalMart is closing down 269 stores in 2016 Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs.
- Walmart will be closed for Christmas so that both cashiers can spend time with their families.
- My wife came home from Walmart complaining about the cashier being a royal b**.... I asked her if she was at the self checkout and that Mr Officer is how I got the black eye
- Did you hear about the man that s**... assaulted a Wal-Mart cashier? He is a register 6 offender.
Cheerful Fun Cashier Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about cashier you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean store clerk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cashier pranks.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,
"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.
So I recently came into a large sum of money...
...and then the cashier wouldn't accept it.
The Buddha walks into a pizza joint and says, "Make me one with everything."
The cashier says "That'll be $12.50."
The Buddha gives him a twenty and holds out his hand for the change.
The cashier shakes his head, smiles and says, "Change must come from within."
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine
A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".
"$500? Why is it so expensive?"
"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"
"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"
"$2000!"
"$2000?"
"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"
"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"
"The third one costs $200,000".
"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"
"absolute nothing."
"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"
"because the other two parrots call him boss".
Getty Yup!
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packet of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.... She ain't that ugly."
A masked thief bursts into a bank...
As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.
The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.
The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did you see my face?", the customer says "yes", then the robber shoots him right in the head.
The thief then runs up to a couple and says to the man "did you see my face?", then man says "no, but my wife did!".
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
poor guy.
The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries...
Until I unpacked them all & said, "That's how I want you to do it."
Single Ladies.
A woman was once buying a very large cucumber, some condoms, and some Vaseline. She gets up to the checkout counter and the cashier says, "I can tell you're single." The flirtatious woman replies, "Oh really, how can you tell that?" The man looks at her with a stern face and says, "Because you're ugly."
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny responds, "You're s**..., neither is the car..."
What do you call an Eastern European cashier?
A Checkoutslovakian.
(Better said than read)
It's a Saturday evening...
It's a Saturday evening. A man goes up to the register in a supermarket, bearing a six pack of beer, a bag of chips, some dip, a pint of ice cream, and toilet paper. The cashier says, "Single, huh?"
The man laughs and says, "Yeah, how can you tell?"
The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."
So a woman is at a supermarket...
She is loading all her items on the conveyer belt for the chasier to scan.
Her items are; A litre of milk, a carton of eggs, and a head of lettuce.
The cashier looks at her and says, "Are you single?"
The customer, shocked at her assumption says, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"
The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."
A Blonde and Condoms
The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."
My dad's favorite joke.
A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's g**..., you should see him make donuts."
A woman goes to a supermarket
A woman goes to a supermarket. After gathering her items, she goes to the checkout counter.
The cashier looks at the items she bought: a jug of milk, a carton of eggs, & a head of lettuce
The cashier says "You must be single"
The woman says "Oh my god, how did you know?"
The cashier responds:
"Because you're ugly."
Guy paying for condoms at Walgreens got asked if he needed a bag
He said back to cashier, "Nah, her face ain't that bad."
A teenager buys condoms for the first time...
The cashier says, "That'll be $9.95 plus tax.".
Horrified, the boy exclaims "I thought they stayed on by themselves!"
A cowboy is buying condoms.
"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please" he says.
"Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" asks the cashier.
"Nah, she's purty good-lookin ..."
I just bought condoms..
And when the cashier asked.. "Do you need a bag?" I just said.. No she isn't that ugly.
Had to quit my job as an underwear model
because the photographer kept telling me, "I'm just a cashier" and that I "need to leave Macy's."
How to tell if women is single
A woman walks into a store and purchases 1 small box of detergent, 1 bar of soap, 3 individual servings of yogurt and 2 oranges. The cashier says, You must be single. She responds, You can tell that by what I bought? The cashier says, No, you're ugly.
Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
Said to a cashier the other day...
So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"
I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs"
Two elderly ladies are smoking outside...
It stared raining and one of the ladies pulls out a c**..., cuts the end off and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms.
When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the cashier for a pack of condoms. He looks at her in disgust as he can't believe someone of her age would be having s**.... He asks what kind she would like anyways as he doesn't want to lose his job.
She replys "honey, it doesn't matter what kind as long as it fits a camel"
A man walks into a grocery store
After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill
Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.
"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"
"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."
A 70 year old man buys his wife a present
For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown
The next day he goes back to the store and returns it
Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?
70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled
A girl walks in a store
A girl walks in a store and collects the items she wants to buy.
She walks up to the cashier and places her items on the counter.
The cashier says "I can tell you are single" with a smile on his face.
The girl says "How can you tell?"
"Cause your ugly" says the Cashier.
A man walks into a gun shop.
He looks over the guns until the cashier asks what he wants. The man couldn't decide so the cashier asked, "what are you shooting?" The man said "cans". The cashier asked, "what kind of cans?" The man took a pause, than finally said "oh you know, Americans, Mexicans, Africans."
A man buys condoms at a drugstore ...
The cashier asks "You need a bag with this?"
and the man answers "No! She's not *that* ugly!".
A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...
Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one c**...."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."
He got fired.
A man goes to buy a pack of cigarettes......
The cashier hands him a pack. He goes out and thinks of lighting one up. The pack reads "Beware smoking causing impotency". He goes back in hey man i think you gave me the wrong pack give me the one with cancer.
A guy walks into a flower shop
He buys beautiful, red flowers. As he's paying for them, the cashier winks at him and says "I hope these get you laid tonight".
The guy says "I hope not ... they're for my mom"
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop. He has a parrot on his head.
The cashier asks him, "Why is that on your head?"
The man replies, "it keeps the elephants away".
The cashier, bewildered, states, "But there are no elephants here!"
"Then clearly the parrot is working"
Father and son during checkout at d**...'s Sporting Goods...
Dad: Hang on a second, I need to use these coupons.
Son: Are these coupons only for d**...'s?
Dad: No, they work for normal people too.
Cashier -- laughing too hysterically to continue for a bit...
(True Story)
I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...
The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."
Milk joke
Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."
First post hope you like it. :)
I bought a 12 pack of condoms the other day.
The cashier asked if I'd like a bag, I said "Nah, I'll just turn the lights off".
You must be single.
A young woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She puts her items on the conveyer: A toothbrush, toothpaste, a half-gallon of 2% milk and a frozen pizza. The cashier calmly states, "You must be single." The woman looks at her items and back to the cashier, "Wow! How did you know that?" The cashier responds, "Because you you're ugly AF."
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
Two friends are visiting Wales
Two friends are visiting Wales when they come to the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. They are arguing about how to pronounce it, so they decide to go to the fast food restaurant that they are near, and ask the cashier to pronounce the town name.
They ask the cashier "Where am I? Pronounce it slowly for us please."
The cashier replies, "Buurrrrr-guuuurrrrr kiiiiing"
A Rastaman with a bag full of m**... walks into a bank...
and hands it to a cashier. The angry cashier asks 'Sir, what is this...?' The rasta replies "Wa yah ask foolish question, mi come to open a joint account!!"
A man walks into a coffee shop
Cashier: congratulations, you are our thousandth customer! Enjoy this complimentary bagel.
Man: hey thanks!
Cashier: of course, and it's only two dollars!
Man: i thought you said it was complimentary?
Cashier: it is
Bagel: you have beautiful eyes
A guy is buying some game DVDs, some magazines and a six pack.
Cashier : "You must be single."
Guy: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
A woman walks into a convenience store...
"I need four D batteries," she says.
The cashier nods and motions to her with a finger. "Come this way."
"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need four D batteries!"
A man walks into Target
He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."
An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11
He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.
"Are you sure?" The cashier says.
"I don't like change." the man replies.
A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
While buying condoms the cashier asked, "Do you need a bag?"
I said, "Nah, he isn't *that* ugly."
A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US
and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"
I lost my job as a cashier today.
An old lady asked if I could check her balance so far.
So I pushed her over.
You ever go to pay cash, but the cashier has already handed you the card machine?
I'm like... "Did you just assume my tender?"
A fat British man walks into a store...
... He sees a box of pills labeled "Lose 50 Pounds Instantly, if it doesn't work we'll give you your money back!". Excited and with nothing to lose, the man promptly purchases the pills and gobbles them down on the spot, but to not effect. Angrily, he tells the cashier it didn't work and he wants his money back. The cashier replies "Yes it did, you have the receipt as proof."
A guy enters the pharmacy...
Guy: 5 packs of condoms please.
Cashier: Do you need a bag with those?
Guy: Don't worry she's pretty.
A man went to the supermarket to buy some condoms
Cashier: Do you need a bag?
Man: Nah, she's not that ugly...
A man was picking out a Christmas tree
A man was picking out a Christmas tree.
When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
The man replies, "Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier "do you have extra large condoms".
the cashier says "yes, second aisle to the left. You wanna buy some?"
the woman says
"No, but would you mind if I wait here until someone else does"
I bought condoms at a store and the cashier said would you like a bag with that
I replied saying No she's rather pretty actually
So I got my concealed carry permit yesterday
So I got my concealed carry gun permit yesterday and then went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small caliber p**... for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun, the cashier said, s**... down, facing me. Making a mental note to complain about these new invasive gun control laws, I did as she instructed. After her hysterical shrieking subsided, I realized she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the reader. I still don't think I looked that bad.
At the Burger King drive through I said I'll have Bruce Lee's favorite burger please
The cashier said what's that?
So I said A whopaaaaaaaa
A old man walks into a McDonalds
He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.
The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"
The old man replies, "No arthritis."
I reported a cashier to her management for s**... harassing me
She was checking me out.
Went and got my first gun yesterday
Went and got a 9mm p**... I go to pay for the gun and the cashier says s**... down facing me
Realizing this is probably because of gun wackos I did as she instructed
When the shrieking from customers and alarms stopped I realized the cashier was referring to how I should swipe my credit card
I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.
I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.
A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...
The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so s**.... Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."
"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."
My wife gets jealous when I go grocery shopping...
There's always a cashier checking me out.
