Cash Register Jokes

33 cash register jokes and hilarious cash register puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cash register that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Cash Register Short Jokes

Short cash register jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cash register humour may include short cashier jokes also.

  1. Dad joke [OC] *My dad with a coffee at the gas station cash register:*
    Cashier: any gas with that?
    Dad: no thanks, I drink mine black
  2. I went to the grocery store to grab some milk But the lady at the cash register said her pump was broken.
  3. *at cash register* ME: Do I swipe the whole card or...
    *[seductively inserts chip]*
    Just the tip?
    CASHIER: *[into mic]* Security
  4. Whenever I talk to a Mexican I feel like there's some kind of barrier between us It's about 4 ft high, made of wood and there's usually a cash register on top of it.
  5. There wasn't a price on the bottle of water, so I took it up to the cash register. "Could you tell me how much this is?" I asked. She said, "That's 500 millilitres, sir."
  6. So a Christian man walks into a Jewish bakery and he looks at all the fantastic breads. He walks up to the cash register and he asks: How much does your challah cost?
    Cashier responds: 6 million
  7. Pavlov walks into a bar Pavlov walks into a bar. He hears the cash register ring and he says:
    "s**..., I forgot to feed my dogs."
  8. I went to ferguson and all I got was this s**... T-Shirt And this cash register, and this Xbox, and this flat screen tv.
  9. Read my horoscope today.. I read my horoscope today. It said that I will soon come into some money.
    Funnily enough it was right. I just got finished m**... into a cash register.

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Cash Register One Liners

Which cash register one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cash register? I can suggest the ones about cashier and customer and grocery store cashier.

  1. What do you call a Jewish piano? A cash register.
  2. What's a cash register's favorite cereal? Chex.
  3. My cash register won't open... I guess it doesn't make much cents for me to use it.
  4. What sound would a cash register at an Asian Harry Potter store make? Cho-Chang!
  5. A black man comes at the cash register to pay his groceries.
  6. What is a synonym for a Jewish piano? A cash register

Hilarious Fun Cash Register Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about cash register you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean man at register jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cash register pranks.

A man walks into a grocery store

After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'

He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?

A Girl walks into a Supermarket...

...she picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then walks up to the cash register to pay.
The cashier looks at her, and the items she has and says,
"I can tell you're single."
She smiles and responds,
"How do you know that?"
He says,
"Because you're ugly."

A woman was at the supermarket

A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."

A woman walks into a bar

She sits at the counter and orders a salad with croutons and a creamy dressing.
The waiter delivers her salad, and she hands him a crisp $20 bill. As the waiter walks back to the cash register he holds it to the light and realizes it's a counterfeit! He snaps around to see the woman grabbing her salad and running for the door.
He shouts at the top of his lungs "Seize her salad!"

A doctor sees a brains for sale sign in front of a shop.

He goes in and sees a doctor's brain is $8 a pound, paramedic brain is $12 a pound, nurses brain is $30 a pound, truck driver is $40, and a lawyer brain is $90 a pound. He asks the person behind the cash register, Why is a doctor brain worth $8 a pound but a lawyer brain is worth $90? The cashier responds, Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound?

A crime at the movie theater

A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."

My dad was driving a tourist bus filled with Japanese tourists in the 1990s.

A robber came in and stole my dads cash register at one stop. Luckily the police got 500+ photos of the robber as an evidence.

A woman goes to the store

She buys a cucumber, Greek yogurt, a gallon of milk, 2L Fanta, a loaf of bread, 6 pack of miller lites, can of olives and raisins. She then walks up to the counter places the items in front of the cash register. The cashier looks at the items, looks at her and then back at the items and says "I know you're single". The woman is surprised and laughs "That's crazy! How can you tell just based on my items?!". The cashier replies, "its cause you're ugly"

The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to put my name on the waiting list.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Stephen, with a P-H," I said.
Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: "Pheven?"

Beware Dangerous Dog!

On the door of the general store, a customer noticed the sign DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! He carefully entered the store, but once inside all he saw was a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?
Yep, that's him, he replied.
The stranger could not help but be amused. That certainly does not look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?
Because, the owner replied, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.

Single or Married ?

A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, a drunk standing behind her in line watches her place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."
The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual about her selection says, "That's right. How on earth did you know?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."