Uplifting Cases Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea...
...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.
What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.
A lawyer is meeting the devil to make a deal
... and says, "Alright, I want to win my next 10 cases in a row, for settlements of no less than $1 million!"
The Devil replies, "Ok mister lawyer, but in return, I demand the souls of your wife and child for 1000 years!"
The lawyer scratches his head and says, "I don't get it, where's the catch?"
From my dad.
What do bed detectives solve?
Pillow cases
What do a pregnant woman, a burned pizza and a frozen beer have in common?
In all three cases somebody took it out TOO LATE
What is the difference between a woman and a forklift?
There is none. In both cases, if you don't have one, you unload by hand.
Have you heard about the new Corduroy pillow cases?
They have made all the headlines.
Did you hear about the guy who was on trial for m**... to obscure court cases?
He got off on a technicality.
The wife comes home......
The wife comes to home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, twho bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread.
Husband: Are we expecting guests today?
Wife : Nope..
Husband : Then why did you buy so much bread?
What's the similarity between Chris Brown being released and Pokemon Go being released?
An increase in battery cases.
The wife came home with four cases of beer,
*The wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, a litre of v**..., two litres of gin, two bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread*
*"Are we expecting guests?" He asked.*
*"No," she replied.*
*"Then why did you buy so much bread..!!
You can explore cases costly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cases court dad jokes. There are also cases puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Guy tells a psychiatrist he has a fear of commitment.
Psychiatrist says, "There's no need to worry. I only do that in extreme cases."
Someone broke into my local corner shop and stole 30 cases of Red Bull last night
Honestly, I don't know how these people sleep at night
My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
Having a Party?
My wife came in from shopping with two 18-pack cases of lager, a case of bitters, six bottles of wine, four handles of v**..., two bottles of Bourbon, a case of club soda, ice and two loaves of bread. …
I said, Are we having a party? …
She said, No.
I said, Why did you buy two freakin' loaves of bread then?"
Why aren't the police making any neo-n**... arrests in m**... cases?
There's no dental records and all the DNA matches
A t**... had two cases at home...
he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.
Cases for phone are like condoms...
They protect it but it's just not the same.
Why is U-2's lawyer always broke?
All of his cases are pro-Bono
A warehouse worker...
A warehouse worker is getting ready to ship a bunch of cases of disgusting, prepackaged food, but he can't get it to fit properly on a skid.
The food was unpalatable.
Business can be generated any how!
An advocate goes to a gift shop 7 days before Valentine's Day.
He bought 40 beautiful cards and wrote - "To my love !! I hope you recognize! Meet me in the evening, "I love you"
The shopkeeper asked: What is the matter?
So the lawyer said - I sent such cards to the nearby colony on the last Valentine's Day. In a few days, I got four cases of divorce.
This time I am sending 40 cards
Have you seen the hype about these cordroy pillow cases...
They're making headlines everywhere
If Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland...
Does that mean the world wars were two cases of domestic violence?
Losing a wife can be hard.
In some cases, impossible.
Corona isn't Trump's fault, Ebola wasn't Obama's, Sars wasn't Bush's
And only a handful of h**... cases was Clinton's
If we stop testing right now, we'd have very few cases, if any
-POTUS on covid
In light of the rising number of r**... cases, the police is advising women to carry a Tide pod in their purses at all times.
It's supposed to deter gents.
>!Had to change up the premise a bit, since in my language detergente - > deter gente, literally "to detain/arrest people". Glad it works out almost the same!<
Trump and Pense at a press briefing.
Trump: if we tested less, we'd have less cases .
Pense: fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that in public .
Imagine if there were a pill you could take that let you fly, but the side effects gave you cancer
Cancer cases would skyrocket
Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !
Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases
Why does Antarctica have no Covid-19 cases?
Because they're already in ICEolation.
Warning.
Don't let them take your forehead temperature at the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went for macaroni and cheese.
And came home with two cases of beer.
How did Canada get rid of all their COVID cases?
They sent all the Americans home to their own country.
If the Coronavirus really isn't about a beer...
Then why do I keep seeing cases of it?
My city decided to ban alcoholic drinks
Our health department started reporting 0 cases of corona
Initially the US was way behind other countries in COVID-19 cases.
Little did those countries know, the US had a Trump card.
For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases
But that doesn't seem to scare anyone
If this doesn't make you groan I don't know what will...
With 2nd lockdown looming in the UK, I saw a man with 4 cases of San Miguel, 5 paellas and 7 sombreros, I think Hispanic buying
If coronavirus isn't about beer...
why do I keep seeing cases of it?
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump: We have the most cases because we have the most tests. If we tested less, we'd have less cases.
Pence: Fewer.
Trump: Mike, I told you not to call me that in public.
Why are r**... cases the hardest to solve ?
Because all of the DNA matches and there are no dental matches.
Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's.
...and only a handful of cases of h**... was Clinton's.
Hey did you hear about those corduroy pillow cases?
They're making *headlines* everywhere!
Positive Corona cases are way down in Texas over the last few days...
It requires power to perform the test.
I distrust people in two cases only:
- When I don't know them.
- When I know them.
Over 100 Coronavirus cases have been reported on the British Navy's flagship HMS Queen Elizabeth.
Other ships in the fleet have been told to keep their distance as it's a carrier.
A private eye recounts one of the cases he's worked in: "From the moment I saw her outside my office window, I knew she was in big trouble."
"Mainly because my office was located on the 7th floor."
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.
With lockdown 3 nearly upon us...
I saw a guy with 12 cases of San Miguel, 5 Paellas and 7 Sombreros. I think Hispanic buying.
Several nuns in a convent contract a venereal disease...
...So the Mother Superior calls a general meeting, and announces "There are cases of gonorrhea in our midst".
One of the nuns whispers to the nun next to her, "That's nice, I'm getting sick of the Cabernet".
What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?
Sheer Luck Holmes
Archeologists say that in very rare cases, you can experience a mummy f**... in their crypt.
If you get the chance to experience this phenomena, you can call that toot uncommon.
Why are Red Neck m**... cases so Hard to Solve?
Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no Dental Records.
There's a detective who figures out crime by sitting on the toilet.
He solves cases by process of elimination.
Have you read about the new corduroy pillow cases?
Apparently, they're making headlines all over!
A man goes to the doctir to have a bump checked
The doctor takes a quick look and goes "Yep, that's definitely a sting from the new poisonous bees. 8 out of 9 cases are fatal, but you're very lucky, because in your case it's bee nine."
