The Best 74 Case Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Case jokes. There are some case testify jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these case sued puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Case Jokes and Puns

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.

A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...

...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"

Case joke, A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...

A man is praying to God...

He says, "Lord? May I ask you a question?"

"Sure thing!", God replies.

"Well," the man begins, "Is it true that a million years is just a second to you?"

God replies, "Yes, that is true."

The man then asks, "And is it true that a million dollars is only a penny to you?"

"Yes."

"In that case, can I have a penny?"

"Sure," God answers, "Just give me a second."

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"

...and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week," said the divorce court judge.

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband replied, "and every now and then I'll try and send her a few bucks myself."


A mugger

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

Little Johnny asked god a question.

Johnny: Is it true that a billion years for us is just a second for you?

God: Why, yes it's absolutely true!

Johnny: Is it also true that a billion dollars for us is just a penny for you?

God: You're absolutely right!

Johnny: Well in that case, may I have a penny?

God: Absolutely! Just give me a second.

Case joke, Little Johnny asked god a question.

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"

"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."

"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, jackass?"

Two policemen . . .

Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"

"Yes?"

"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."

What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?

"Worst case of suicide I've ever seen"

Do Russians only write in lower case letters?

I mean, they hate Capitalism.

You can explore case matter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean case instance dad jokes. There are also case puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow

She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of sex?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."

At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...

... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"

"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."

I failed my Health and Safety Test today

apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

What's a gay man's favorite planet?

Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.

Case joke, What's a gay man's favorite planet?

The first known case of the Zika virus in the United States has been found in Texas and was transmitted via sexual contact.

Officials believe the case will end how it began: With someone getting a little head.

I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...

They told me that case was sensitive.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.


Why is a baker's dozen 13 instead of 12?

In case one dozen come out right.

What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?

The worst case of suicide he's ever seen.

I have a friend always ready for anything..

his name is

Justin Case

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a maternity ward, waiting to give birth.

The brunette says, "I think I'm having a boy because when we conceived, my husband was on top".
The redhead smiles and says, "in that case, I'm having a girl. I'm always on top!"
At this, the blonde starts crying hysterically. The other two calm her down and ask her what's wrong.
"I'm having puppies!" she sobs

I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password

"Have some respect for the dead!" he said

I replied "Is that all lower case?"

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"

The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!

My wife asked why I brought a gun home

I told her it was in case the decepticons attacked. She said that's the silliest thing she's ever heard and that I didn't need a gun. My wife laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.

Know a guy who took an airline to court over missing luggage...

...He lost his case

Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?

Because not all heroes wear caps.

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?

What if you have an accident?

The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.

The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.

Every cook has a secret

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.

He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.

Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline.

You don't have much of a case, he replied.

This homeless man had a sign that said "one day this could be you"

So i put my dollar back in my pocket just in case he wasn't lying

They call me The Tripod

Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?

Me: Let me unzip this and show you...

*opens camera case and takes really steady photo*

What do you call a case of premature burial?

A grave mistake.

I went shopping with my wife.

Going down one of the aisles I noticed they had beer on sale $10 a case. I put it in the cart and she told me to put it back we couldn't afford it.

A couple aisles later she picks up a jar of face cream for 20 dollars.

I asked how come we can afford this and not the beer.

She said this makes my face pretty.

I said so will a case of beer for half the price.

You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing.

Just in case you get a hole in one.

A man lost his luggage so he took the airline company to court

Apparently he lost his case

Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?

Customer: No thanks, I'd have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can't read this, it's too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.

A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.

How about you?"

The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, towel head"

A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."

"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"

"My first blow job," replies the young man.

"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."

The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?".

I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."ο»Ώ

I always keep a gun on my night stand in case of an intruder

so I can shoot myself instead of meeting new people

I always knock on the front door of my fridge ...

Just in case there is a salad dressing.

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you"

I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking

An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very sleazy, very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."

The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."

My BDSM community took me to court for not being hardcore enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.

So I lost the case.

A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"

God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."

"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, like a penny to you is a million dollars for us?"

"Um, yeah, kinda. Something like that...." God says

"Well, in that case, can I just have a penny, God?" The man shoots his shot

"Sure" God agrees, much to the surprise of the man. "Just gimme a second to find it...."

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!

The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Why did Johnny Depp lose his court case?

Because he didn't have Heard immunity

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long.

An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.

The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."

"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."

"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.

The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."

The doctor said "Well what a damn coincidence..."

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

**Doctor:** " Sounds like a really bad case of *parking sons disease* "

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch...

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six."

My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea.

She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.

Why did Soviet policemen always walk around in groups of three?

One could read, and was needed to read ID documents in case of an arrest.

One could write, and was needed to write down the names for punishment.

The third one was needed to keep an eye on these two dangerous intellectuals.

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."

"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

A man walks into a pub and asks the bar tender for the WiFi password.

The bar tender replies "You have to buy a drink first"
So the man buys a Coke.
"Ok now what's the WiFi password?"
The bar tender replies "you have to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces"

"Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"

"In case they get a hole in one!"

I went to the doctor because every time I open my eyes, I barf everywhere.

He looked me over and said it was the WORST case of SEE SICKNESS he'd ever encountered




^(made that up just now... I'm so sorry everyone)

My grandfather was killed when a book case fell on top of him.

The doctor said he died of shelf-inflicted wounds.

Why did the nurse carry a red marker with her?

In case she had to draw blood.

Why do communists always use lower case letters?

because they're not filthy capitalists!

Did you hear about the Scotland Yard detective who dropped his smartphone.

He cracked the case.

One of my dads favorites.

Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of pants?



In case they get a hole in one!

Back in my day, you could walk into a store with $25 and walk out with 2 ribeye steaks, a case of beer, a pack of toilet paper and a gallon of milk. You just can't do that anymore….

Too many cameras.

Why do Dads bring an extra pair of socks to the golf course?

In case they get a hole-in-one!

I heard that Tiger Woods takes an extra pair of trousers with him when he plays golf.

It's just in case he gets a hole in one.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the case court jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working case detective piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes