Case Jokes
142 case jokes and hilarious case puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about case that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh it up with these hilarious case jokes featuring court cases, pencil cases, phone cases, basket cases, and more! From the defendant to the plaintiff, you'll learn all about the matter of cases in a totally amusing way. Catch the laughs and see just in case it's your kind of humor!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Case Short Jokes
Short case jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The case humour may include short scenario jokes also.
- A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case. - Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
- BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
- Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario: Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.
- Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of red bull I don't know how these people sleep at night
- I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
- What's a gay man's favorite planet? Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.
- A man lost his luggage so he took the airline company to court Apparently he lost his case
- I always knock on the front door of my fridge ... Just in case there is a salad dressing.
- airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control. But cases continue to rise.
Share These Case Jokes With Friends
Case One Liners
Which case one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with case? I can suggest the ones about scene and occasion.
- I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
- Tomorrow's date will be 11/11 Unless you're from the UK, in which case it'll be 11/11
- Did Johnny Depp just win the defamation case or was it… misheard?
- What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally? Sheer luck Holmes
- You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.
- Do Russians only write in lower case letters? I mean, they hate Capitalism.
- Know a guy who took an airline to court over missing luggage... ...He lost his case
- Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.
- I have a friend always ready for anything.. his name is
Justin Case - Why did Johnny Depp lose his court case? Because he didn't have Heard immunity
- Why is a baker's dozen 13 instead of 12? In case one dozen come out right.
- Why do Soviets always write in lower-case? Because they hate Capitalism.
- Did you hear about the guy that went to court over a stolen bag? It was a brief case.
- I always knock before I open a fridge Just in case there's a salad dressing
- How many people does it take to make a mistake? In your case, two.
Court Case Jokes
Here is a list of funny court case jokes and even better court case puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man took an airline to court after they lost his luggage He lost his case
- The US Justice Department were hellbent on taking IKEA to court a few years ago. Unfortunately they had to walk away as they were having difficulties putting a case together.
- I took British Airlines to court after losing my luggage. The judge threw it out because we had no case
- I hired a guy to represent me in court today. He was very cheap and brought me the best cup of coffee. Unfortunately we lost the case.
He told me next time hire a barrister and not a barista. - A woman lost a court case... and was fined for bringing her own popcorn, coke and candy to a movie theater. Overall, she still saved a considerable amount of money.
- What was the court case between an immigrant and a priest called? Alien v. Predator.
- Took Qantas to court over my missing luggage. They lost the case.
- This guy lost his luggage, so he went to court. He apparently lost his case.
- My friend took Delta to court after his luggage went missing ... He lost his case.
- I reported to the police that some thieves had stolen my suitcase. The matter got taken to court. Long story short... I lost the case.
Phone Case Jokes
Here is a list of funny phone case jokes and even better phone case puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I need to put my phone in a cover Just in case
- Cases for phone are like condoms... They protect it but it's just not the same.
- I don't have tags for my dog, but I bought her a phone in case she got lost. She ran away today. I really should collar.
Also, Lost: Seeing Eye Dog
Last Seen: Never - Did you know Apple used to sell phone protection with the phone? Well, not anymore but that used to be the case
- If you get an Otterbox you *should* drop your phone Just in case
- I never put a case on my cell phone. It just feels better unprotected.
- My new phone case has sharp spikes and heats up to 400 degrees Promise you won't hold it against me.
- A message popped up on my phone. "Your battery is low". So I took off the case and gave it a little kiss.
- Does Travis Scott even need a phone case? The answer is no, because he never drops anything anyways...
Still waiting for Astroworld tho - In most cases I don't think phones die when they run out of battery They are probably just taking a nap.
Catch A Case Jokes
Here is a list of funny catch a case jokes and even better catch a case puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The devil and a lawyer are having a conversation The devil says, "I will give you the ability to win every case you get, in exchange for your soul." The lawyer replies, "Okay, what's the catch?"
- Use fire extinguisher in case a Politician catches fire Use it to batter him to death.
Basket Case Jokes
Here is a list of funny basket case jokes and even better basket case puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lawyer took a client who was charged with aggressively weaving objects to throw at people He had a real basket case on his hands
- The psychiatrist was excited to receive a wicker attache. He always wanted a basket case.
- There was a woman in psych ward who escaped and stole all of Wal-Marts shopping carts. It's clear, she's a basket case.
- What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics? A basket case!
- Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
Pencil Case Jokes
Here is a list of funny pencil case jokes and even better pencil case puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who is the king of the pencil case? The Ruler
- Who's in charge of the pencil case? The ruler
- Why is the sharpener always invited to the pencil case debates? He always makes a good point and the pencils tend to very blunt when he's not around.
- Never bring a knife to a gun fight... Unless you're John Wick, in that case bring a pencil.
- Someone stole my pencil case off my desk and ran with it I guess it's no longer stationery
- what do a toddler and a case of new pencils have in common? They are both pointless.
- john wick walks into a bar Two red necks immediately get on his case,he turns to the barkeep and say's, can I borrow your pencil?
- Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case? because pipe clock would have just been s**....
Amusing & Witty Case Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about case you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean court jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make case pranks.
A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...
...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"
A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times.
He said it was the worst case of s**... he'd ever seen.
A man is praying to God...
He says, "Lord? May I ask you a question?"
"Sure thing!", God replies.
"Well," the man begins, "Is it true that a million years is just a second to you?"
God replies, "Yes, that is true."
The man then asks, "And is it true that a million dollars is only a penny to you?"
"Yes."
"In that case, can I have a penny?"
"Sure," God answers, "Just give me a second."
Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?
southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"
...and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week," said the divorce court judge.
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband replied, "and every now and then I'll try and send her a few bucks myself."
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
Little Johnny asked god a question.
Johnny: Is it true that a billion years for us is just a second for you?
God: Why, yes it's absolutely true!
Johnny: Is it also true that a billion dollars for us is just a penny for you?
God: You're absolutely right!
Johnny: Well in that case, may I have a penny?
God: Absolutely! Just give me a second.
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, j**...?"
Two policemen . . .
Two policemen call the station on their radio.
"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."
What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?
"Worst case of s**... I've ever seen"
A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow
She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of s**...?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."
At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...
... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.
"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"
"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."
I failed my Health and Safety Test today
apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
Secret to Long Life
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
The first known case of the Zika virus in the United States has been found in Texas and was transmitted via s**... contact.
Officials believe the case will end how it began: With someone getting a little head.
I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital...
They told me that case was sensitive.
They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....
So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.
What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?
The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a maternity ward, waiting to give birth.
The brunette says, "I think I'm having a boy because when we conceived, my husband was on top".
The redhead smiles and says, "in that case, I'm having a girl. I'm always on top!"
At this, the blonde starts crying hysterically. The other two calm her down and ask her what's wrong.
"I'm having puppies!" she sobs
I was at a f**... & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...
"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
My wife asked why I brought a gun home
I told her it was in case the decepticons attacked. She said that's the silliest thing she's ever heard and that I didn't need a gun. My wife laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.
My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...
She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
This homeless man had a sign that said "one day this could be you"
So i put my dollar back in my pocket just in case he wasn't lying
They call me The Tripod
Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?
Me: Let me unzip this and show you...
*opens camera case and takes really steady photo*
What do you call a case of p**... burial?
A grave mistake.
I went shopping with my wife.
Going down one of the aisles I noticed they had beer on sale $10 a case. I put it in the cart and she told me to put it back we couldn't afford it.
A couple aisles later she picks up a jar of face cream for 20 dollars.
I asked how come we can afford this and not the beer.
She said this makes my face pretty.
I said so will a case of beer for half the price.
What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?
He said it was the worse case of s**... he's ever seen
Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?
Customer: No thanks, I'd have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can't read this, it's too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!
Two families make a bet on who can be more american
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, t**..."
A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."
"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"
"My first b**...," replies the young man.
"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."
The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?".
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
I always keep a gun on my night stand in case of an intruder
so I can shoot myself instead of meeting new people
A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?"
God answers, "To me, it's about a minute."
Man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me, it's about a penny."
Man: "God, if that's the case, may I have a penny?"
God: "Sure. Just wait a minute."
I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you"
I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.
The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the m**... case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
My b**... community took me to court for not being h**... enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.
So I lost the case.
A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"
God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."
"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, like a penny to you is a million dollars for us?"
"Um, yeah, kinda. Something like that...." God says
"Well, in that case, can I just have a penny, God?" The man shoots his shot
"Sure" God agrees, much to the surprise of the man. "Just gimme a second to find it...."
A thief stuck a p**... in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!
The thief said, In that case, give me my money!
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.
The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."
"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.
The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."
The doctor said "Well what a d**... coincidence..."
Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
**Doctor:** " Sounds like a really bad case of *parking sons disease* "
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch...
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea.
She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.
Why did Soviet policemen always walk around in groups of three?
One could read, and was needed to read ID documents in case of an arrest.
One could write, and was needed to write down the names for punishment.
The third one was needed to keep an eye on these two dangerous intellectuals.
A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."
"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."
A man walks into a pub and asks the bar tender for the WiFi password.
The bar tender replies "You have to buy a drink first"
So the man buys a Coke.
"Ok now what's the WiFi password?"
The bar tender replies "you have to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces"
"Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"
"In case they get a hole in one!"
I went to the doctor because every time I open my eyes, I b**... everywhere.
He looked me over and said it was the WORST case of SEE SICKNESS he'd ever encountered
^(made that up just now... I'm so sorry everyone)
A man is talking to God
A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?"
God answers, "To me, it's about a minute."
Man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me, it's about a penny."
Man: "God, if that's the case, may I have a penny?"
God: "Sure. Just wait a minute."
Priest: Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to h**....
Alcoholic - Really? What about the guy who sells the liquor? Priest - He will also go to h**.... Alcoholic - Ok, what about the girl who sells Al Pastor tacos, and put's out in the food truck outside the Liquor Store? Priest - She too will go to h**.... Alcoholic - In that case, I have no problem going to h**....
Why should you knock on a refrigerator door before opening it?
In case there's a salad dressing
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor...
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped. Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant. No, not yet. The floor's still wet.
A sad first attempt at a joke
(It's my first time posting here. Don't blame me for the terrible joke lol)
A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer.
Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a case again. You will be famous. You will be wealthy beyond your wildest imagination.
Lawyer: What's the catch?
Satan: I want the souls of your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your children and all your future descendants for d**... in h**... for all eternity.
Lawyer: Okay, but what's the catch?
my friend was arrested for stealing luggage from airport, his trial didn't last more than an hour
It was a brief case
