The Best 20 Cartel Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cartel jokes. There are some cartel quequeque jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cartel cholo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cartel Jokes and Puns

What did Pablo Escobar say when he was ratted out by members of his own cartel?

"I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you Medellín kids"

What do you get when you cross a Drug cartel and a Mafia lord?

Probably killed.

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.

Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something.

And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story."

And you leave it there.

And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.

And you'll eventually be asked, "what's a golf gun?"

To which you say, "don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

Cartel joke, "Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

A man with anxiety accidentally annoyed the cartel

He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.

A blonde joins a Mexican cartel

The cartel sends her to Colombia to get coke and she brings Pepsi.


Do you know how much pressure did the Cartel put on the Columbian goverment in the 80s?

1 escobar

If the Mexican Drug Cartel had a slogan

It would be "Putting the 'Juan' in 'Marijuana'"

Cartel joke, If the Mexican Drug Cartel had a slogan

Why do cartels, always cut cocaine with Tide?

It softens the blow!

Did you hear about the drug kingpin in Hawaii they call the El Chapo of the south Pacific?

He's the leader of the Sin-aloha cartel.

What do an interrogation specialist and a drug cartel have in common?

They're both good at making people crack!

Steve Harvey cartel joke!

Steve Harvey : Are you sure you read correctly? Should I go back? Tell me what to do!

Gabriela Tafur : You're forgiven, don't worry.

Steve Harvey : You've forgiven me but the cartel has not. They're not handling it the same way.

You can explore cartel gang reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cartel mexican dad jokes. There are also cartel puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Wanted to go for a walk in the park today...

I had to end up asking a drug cartel member to smuggle me in!

[OC] What do Mexican kindergartners do on the last Friday of every month?

Car show and Cartel

Local gangstas got into the food industry.

Burritos a la cartel.

I got my Hair cut by the Mexican Mafia

But you Cartel.

What does the Mexican cartel do after every murder?

They move onto the next Juan.

Cartel joke, What does the Mexican cartel do after every murder?

My jokes are like diamonds.

The demand for them is manipulated by a cartel to create artificial scarcity and drive up profit margins.

What happens when the cartels execute a guy?

A hole in Juan

The Mexican cartel asked a hacker for help

Hacker: Sorry guys, I can't crack this.


Mexican cartel drones were found near the border in a failed attempt to smuggle drugs

I guess the drones got too high and crashed

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cartel mexico jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cartel narco piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes