"I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
Probably killed.
Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.
Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something.
And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story."
And you leave it there.
And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.
And you'll eventually be asked, "what's a golf gun?"
To which you say, "don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"
He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.
The cartel sends her to Colombia to get coke and she brings Pepsi.
While walking Juan tells Pablo that he smells a Bacon Tree.
A Bacon Tree? Asks Pablo....
Juan sees the tree and runs over to go get some bacon, but he is immediately shot by an unseen sniper.
He crawls back to Pablo while he bleeds out, and when he gets there Pablo pulls him behind a rock for cover.
Juan with his last breath tells Pablo : Don't go there Amigo... Its not a Bacon Tree... Its a Ham bush...
It softens the blow!
A report shows that North Korea has 6,000 cyber attack specialists. In fairness, North Korea's definition of cyber attack specialist is anyone who's ever watched The Matrix.
...these cyber attack specialists can access any computer on the planet, and leave the message Please. Help me get out of North Korea.
In Mexico, a vicious drug cartel forced some members to eat human hearts. Ex-members of the cartel who were forced to eat hearts have formed a class action, and are suing the cartel for 100 million kilos of cocaine.
In Florida, a man brought a five-month-old baby to an attempted burglary. The man has been offered a reduced sentence, if he agrees to testify against the baby.
They're both good at making people crack!
Steve Harvey : Are you sure you read correctly? Should I go back? Tell me what to do!
Gabriela Tafur : You're forgiven, don't worry.
Steve Harvey : You've forgiven me but the cartel has not. They're not handling it the same way.
A white woman with a gaping asshole and a debt to the cartel
I guess the drones got too high and crashed
Burritos a la cartel.
But you Cartel.
I guess it takes Jaun to know De'Quan
A hole in Juan
The demand for them is manipulated by a cartel to create artificial scarcity and drive up profit margins.
El faco
Hacker: Sorry guys, I can't crack this.
They move onto the next Juan.
I always thought that rice and beans were a good mix...
I had to end up asking a drug cartel member to smuggle me in!
Car show and Cartel
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