Cart Jokes
106 cart jokes and hilarious cart puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cart that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cart Short Jokes
Short cart jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cart humour may include short kart jokes also.
- What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both can be used to carry vegetables....
- To the lady with all the screaming kids at Walmart who's wondering how the box of condoms got into her cart... You're welcome
- Kim Jong-Il found alive He's running a hot dog cart in downtown Seoul. It turns out he just wanted a change of Korea.
- My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong... It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey
- It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days and in a rare tender moment, he described the first time he ever laid eyes on Melania... ..and clicked 'add to cart'
- How do you buy unlimited kid's toys? Well first, you add a kid's item to your cart.
And then another...
And then another...
Add infant item - Me: "Alexa, add tinfoil for hats to my shopping cart." Alexa: "I ordered yesterday after I noticed you had 3 sheets left in your upper right cupboard. You're all good."
- You can't just pick and choose which tenets of Islam you uphold. There's no Allah-carte option.
- I ran in to a midget with my shopping cart at Walmart... Me: "I'm really sorry. Are you alright?"
Midget: "I'm not happy!"
Me: "Well, which one are you?" - My uncle has a horse that's a very good artist! He can only draw carriages, carts, and wagons, but that's good for a horse...
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Cart One Liners
Which cart one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cart? I can suggest the ones about card and wagon.
- What do you call a wheelbarrow full of Qurans? a la carte.
I'm so sorry. - How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant? Allah carte.
- Aldi's low prices aren't only on food. They have shopping carts for just a quarter!
- Why was the shopping cart sad? It was getting pushed around.
- What's the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity? Allah-cart.
- Where do pianists put their groceries while they shop? In a Chopin cart.
- The Cart Titan walks into a bar The bartender asks Why the long face?
- What's a Muslim's favorite place to grab a snack? Allah carte
- When do you fix the tire on a golf cart? When there's a hole in one.
- What does a skeleton use to carry his bones? A CART-ilage
- What did the golf carts nickname the Car who played golf? The Parking
- Whats ISIS Favourite type of menu? À la carte
- If you find a shopping cart in your bathroom, you're either homeless... Or a parent
- What's harder than carting a quarter-horse? Cutting it up.
- Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no.
Shopping Cart Jokes
Here is a list of funny shopping cart jokes and even better shopping cart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? Sometimes, the shopping cart has a mind of its own.
- Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts? Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.
- How long does it take a tweaker to go shopping? An hour 5 minutes for the Ramen noodles and foil. 55 minutes to fix the squeaky shopping cart wheel.
- There was a woman in psych ward who escaped and stole all of Wal-Marts shopping carts. It's clear, she's a basket case.
- I work as quality assurance at a shopping cart factory. When a I see a cart without wheels yet, I usually fix it, but sometimes I let it slide.
- What is the difference between a girl and a shopping cart? I wrap up my meat before I put it in the shopping cart.
- I went to the supermarket today and got one of those shopping carts with the spinny wheel. I was forced to shop in circles for hours.
- Why did the cow exit the grocery store with 6 carts teeming with food? She went shopping on four empty stomachs.
- After shopping at the superstore, my cart looked very empty. There was still mushroom.
- A loaf of bread, a toaster and a bath plug are in a shopping cart... Maybe not. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Grocery Cart Jokes
Here is a list of funny grocery cart jokes and even better grocery cart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- gimmie your best dad joke lemme know your best dad joke, i'll start. I was walking in the grocery store yesterday and a dad gave me his cart to use and said i left some gas in it for you
Golf Cart Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf cart jokes and even better golf cart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I crashed my golf cart two times while driving through hole one. My driving skills were below par.
- President Trump Calls His First Trip Abroad a 'Home Run' Now he can jump on his golf cart and run all the bases
- What did President Trump shout at Bob Mueller when the President's golf cart sideswiped Mueller's golf cart? No Collision! No Collision!
- My cousin is a hydro-technician. Cleaning those golf carts gives him a lot of time to come up with better job titles.
Quirky and Hilarious Cart Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about cart you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean basket jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cart pranks.
Sometimes at Wal-Mart...
Sometimes at Wal-Mart I like to fill my grocery cart up with wonderful toys. Then I try to find a mother with annoying kids and I hand the kids one of the toys. I make a quick get-a-way so the mother can deal with the aftermath.
Husband down.. Aisle 7
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price..'
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart...
...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
The husband says, 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do cartels, always cut c**... with Tide?
It softens the blow!
You must be single.
A woman was walking to the checkout at the supermarket when she passed a drunk man leaning against a newspaper rack. Obviously being someone she didn't want to engage in conversation, she walks past him and starts unloading the contents of her cart onto the conveyor belt.
1 head of lettuce
A bag of flour
4 oranges
A loaf of bread
A pack of toilet paper
A flat of water
And two pounds of ground beef.
The woman is about to check out when she notices the drunk man has been watching her the entire time, he yells out with such conviction:
"You must be single!"
The woman was indeed single and knew she shouldn't engage this drunk man, but she looked at what she had bought and nothing jumped out at her that should broadcast her relationship status. She responds:
"You're right! I am single. But how on earth could you tell?"
Slurring his words, the man replies:
"Cuz' yer ugly."
A husband and wife are shopping in their local grocery store.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife.
They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the cartoon rabbit go to prison?
Because d**... aren't for kids.
A grocery store visit I will never forget
So, I was at my local grocery store pushing my cart along the meat aisle when I directed my attention to the shelves as I pushed farther down. Suddenly I felt my cart hit something and I fixed my gaze forward. At first I couldn't see anything but when I looked down, I realized I had struck a midget.
"Are you okay?" I asked, he responded with an indifferent nod , his face looked pale.
"Are you feeling okay sir?" I further inquired
"Well I'm certainly not happy." He replied
"Then which one are you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife are grocery shopping
The husband grabs a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks his wife.
"It's on sale, just $19.99!"
"Put it back, we can't afford it."
Dejected, the husband puts it back and they continue. A few aisles over, the wife picks out a face cream and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's $40, but it makes me beautiful and s**... for you" says the wife with a smile.
"So does the beer, and at half the price."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Wife won't like it
One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very s**... and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 h**... walking through a field.
2 h**... are walking through a field when they come across an old well. They start talking to each other asking how deep the well is. One of the h**... grabs a nearby shopping cart and tosses it down the well. While they are listening for a splash a billy goat comes charging right at them, they jump out of the way and the goat runs and jumps right down the well. A little while later a farmer comes walking by asking if either of them have seen the goat. The h**... says "you're not gonna believe this, That goat your looking for came charging right at us then jumped down this well." Then the farmer says "That's impossible. I had it chained up to a shopping cart."
What comes first? The Chicken or the
Cart!
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
Back in the pioneer days...
A couple traveling west saw an old Native American man with his ear pressed to the ground, unmoving. As they approached, the man's eyes slowly opened and he said:
"Large wagon train. Fifty wagons. Lead cart has team of five horses. Half wagons covered, half not. Cart in middle have chip in wheel. Last wagon have team of three. One brown, one black, one tan. Tan horse have cropped tail."
The pioneers, shocked, said, "That's amazing! You can hear all that just by putting your ear to the ground?"
The old brave replied, "No. Ran over me half hour ago..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you spot a m**... - head in Wal-Mart...
In the light - bulb isle with their cart turned upside down, fixing a squeaky wheel.
A man and his son were at the grocery store today...
They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,
Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!
Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?
The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,
Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."
I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!
I was doing some shopping at the supermarket...
...and had a cart full of groceries and a lovely bouquet of flowers. Coincidentally, my wife walked in just as I was checking out.
She noticed the flowers I was buying and jokingly said "Those had better be for me!"
The teenager at the register turned and said "Even if they weren't, they definitely are now!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard there was a humvee c**... at the Pentagon today. The driver ran into a popcorn cart.
There were two colonels crushed.
Why did the cartographer get kicked out of map making club
He had a bad latitude
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into Walmart
She's wearing very dirty clothes, smells bad and looks like she is in a horrible situation. She has 2 kids who look worse in her shopping cart
The store clerk says: Wow, are they twins?
Woman: No you idiot, they obviously look 2 years apart.
Clerk: Oh, they don't look alike. I just couldn't believe you had s**... twice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A homless lady pushing a cart at 2 am told my friends and i this. "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire"
See you the same time next month.
And then she cackled like a witch who'd been smoking for 40 years most of her teeth missing, it was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.
Why is Carter Page refusing to comment?
He's all tapped out.
Two cartographers, Mercator and Mollweide are sitting in a room
Mercator: Your map has too much distortion!
Mollweide: Looks like you have a problem with projection...
Which cartoon character have you seen live?
Donald Duck
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar.
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, We don't serve your kind in here. One of the yogurt cartons says to him, Why not? We're cultured individuals.
A man walks into Target
He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."
My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.
Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.
Heard this gem from a coworker yesterday
A man and his wife are out grocery shopping when the husband stops in beer section and gets a 24-pack for $10.
The husband puts the 24-pack in the cart and his wife stops him and say "We can't get that, we have to stick to the budget!" so he puts it back on the shelf.
Later on the wife stops in the cosmetics section and gets a container of face cream for $20. When she puts it in the cart, her husband stops her and says "We can't get that honey, it's not in the budget".
The wife says
"This face cream is what I use to look good!"
The husband says
"Well the beer makes you look good for half the price!"
I went shopping with my wife.
Going down one of the aisles I noticed they had beer on sale $10 a case. I put it in the cart and she told me to put it back we couldn't afford it.
A couple aisles later she picks up a jar of face cream for 20 dollars.
I asked how come we can afford this and not the beer.
She said this makes my face pretty.
I said so will a case of beer for half the price.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and
so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of
face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look s**... and beautiful for you
when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when the cartels execute a guy?
A hole in Juan
A husband and wife were grocery shopping ...
A husband and wife were grocery shopping when the husband picked up a case of Budweiser and placed it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asked the wife.
"It's on sale. Only $10 for a case," he replies.
"We can't afford it. Put it back," demands the wife. They continue shopping and a few minutes later the wife puts a $20 jar of face cream into the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
"So does the Budweiser and it's half the price," retorts the husband.
When I was a boy...
"I was walking along a street and happened to spy a cart full of watermelons. I was fond of watermelon, so I sneaked quietly on the cart and snitched one. I then ran into a nearby alley and sank my teeth into the melon.
No sooner had I done so, however, than a strange feeling came over me. Without a moment's hesitation, I made my decision. I walked back to the cart, replaced the melon -
And took a ripe one."
-Mark Twain
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crook walks into a bait and tackle store and sees the cashier is blind.
She asks him for a 50 dollar fishing rod, and he walks over and shows it to her. Then she thanks him and sticks a 100 dollar rod into her cart.
But the blind man isn't s**..., and when she rings it up, he feels the rod and he says "that will be 100 dollars for the fishing rod."
the woman is so embarassed at being caught stealing she rips a loud one.
"and that will be $5.89 for the duck call and $3.29 for the musk scent"
A man is walking through the grocery store, and puts a case of beer in his cart
His wife says: you don't need that. Put that back.
The husband says: Yes, dear, and puts the case of beer back on the shelf.
Later, the wife picks up a container from the cosmetics aisle and puts it in the cart.
What is this? The husband asks.
It's face cream. I wear it so I can look pretty for you.
How much is it? The husband asks.
$25, she replies.
The husband says: The beer was only six bucks, and it would have done the exact same thing.
My dad used to own a donkey that would draw his cart...
...but he sold it for a horse that did watercolors.
Cartoonist found dead in his home.
Details are sketchy.
Y'know when the carton says "pulp free" but then it has some pulp anyway?
Pulp Fiction
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my cartoons like w**... Allen likes his women...
b**... and asian.
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful", replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
What does the Cartesian train say?
I think I am, I think I am
what cartoon bear smells?
winnie the p u
Prices are going up
Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, They are going to raise the price so, I'm stocking up.
The other woman replied, I'd never go to such extremes to save money. I'm not that tight.
A husband and a wife are shopping
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart. What do you think you're doing? says the wife. There on sale, 24 cans for $10 says the husband. Put it back we can't afford it demands the wife. They continue shopping. A few isles later, the woman picks up a $20 face cream and puts it in the cart. What do you think you're doing? Says the husband. It's my face cream, it makes me beautiful replies the wife. Her husband retorts
So does the Budweiser, and it's half the price .
A man filled his a mine cart with fresh ore and pushed it out of the cave
After a long day of work, he decided to play some sports with his friends. There was an accident, which caused the man to die.
This shows that miner errors can have huge consequences.
My wife can't figure out why my pet anaconda won't eat Bratwurst a la cart
I told her that my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun.
A cartographer is asked to make a giant topographic map
He is very meticulous, agonizing over every little detail on the map. After months of work, he nervously presents it to his client, who says it's perfect and commissions another big project. As he leaves the meeting, the cartographer takes a deep breath, turns to his assistant, and says, "I was really worried he wouldn't like it, but that was a huge relief."
A husband and wife at the store realize they're just a few dollars short to pay for the groceries.
So they decide to remove the bread from their cart. The wife notices no one is looking and shoves the bread in her purse. They pay for the groceries and as they walk out of the store the alarm goes off. Immediately the cops come and search only to find the stolen loaf of bread in the woman's purse. The cops put her in hand cuffs and say alright ma'am, the number of slices of bread in this loaf will tell the number of days you spend in jail.
Excuse me officer the husband quickly shouts She also stole this bag of rice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband and wife went to market....
Husband saw an action: "24-pack of beer for 20 €!", He quickly grabbed it and dropped it into shopping cart. Wife saw him and asked: "What are you doing?" He replies: "It's d**... cheap, 24 beers for 20 €!" Wife rolled with eyes and angry said: "That's to expensive and worthless. Remove that!" Husband obeyed her.
Few minutes later wife took make-up pack for 40€. Husband saw her and asked: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's more expensive than 24 beers! Why do you need that?" Wife:"Darling, i want that to make myself looking better and to get you in the mood for making love." Husband:"24 beers can make me h**... faster and cheaper!!!"
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
There was a cartographer that groped his coworker
No sense of boundaries
Sandbox games
The newlyweds and young parents in town discover that the fine sand in the nearby nature resort makes for excellent sandbox sand. So people go in to get a big cart of sand and make some cheap garden sandboxes for their children. The park rangers forbid this and nobody can steal sand anymore. This guy sneaks in with a big cart and scoops it full but on his way out he sees a park ranger and starts to quickly shovel the sand out of his cart. "Oh no sir! You won't get away with it that easily!" the park ranger barks,
"You can't dump that here so take it right back home with you!"
Double punchline Buddhist joke.
A Buddhist monk is walking through New York and sees a hot dog cart, he walks up and the vendor asks him what he wants. The monk replies:
Make me one with everything.
The vendor obliges and after handing over the hot dog tells him his total is $3.50. The monk gets out $5 and hands it over, the vendor pockets the money and motions for the next customer; the Buddhist asks why he hasn't gotten any change.
Change must come from within. Replies the vendor.
Somebody may have posted these punchlines before but I doubt ever together, besides; that was zen, this is tao.
At the check out at Walmart and my son is sitting in the cart seat…
I've already pulled him and the cart up to past the check out folks so I could start putting bags in the cart. The women in the lane over says, Oh hello there handsome! Obviously talking to my son, however I shout back, Oh hey! How's it going?
The woman checking us out laughed so hard she had to take a step back and the woman I said it to was so red faced and chuckling she couldn't really say much! The few folks in line began laughing too so it was pretty funny and the epitome of dad joke! Ha! I've made it!
