Carrying Jokes
115 carrying jokes and hilarious carrying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carrying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article dives into the power of jokes, discussing the concept of "carrying the team" in a humorous environment. It examines why jokes are important not only to humor, but to creating effective and productive teamwork. The concept of a joke slung, or a joke colliding, is also looked at, to deepen an understanding of how humor functions.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Carrying Short Jokes
Short carrying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carrying humour may include short carry shoulders jokes also.
- Why will the congress never impeach Trump? Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
- I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches. Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
- Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
- Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries. Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!
- A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified... "See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"
The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..." - I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
- What's heavier, a ton of brick or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
- The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt is because they are too heavy to be carried to the british Museum
- A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you? The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Share These Carrying Jokes With Friends
Carrying One Liners
Which carrying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carrying? I can suggest the ones about conducting and driving.
- How can you tell good cops from bad cops? Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
- Why don't feminists carry handguns? Because of the triggers.
I'm sorry - when i die i want my kids to carry my casket. So they can let me down one more time.
- What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention? Don't get carried away.
- I've been crying a lot recently It's shocking how many girls carry pepper spray
- why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle
- How does a duck carry his school books? Bwack pwack
- What do you call an Iraqi father carrying all the groceries? Baghdad.
- What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjölnir all day? He gets thor arms!
- Why should you always carry arms with you? They might come in handy.
- Why do accordionists always carry a pencil? To draw a crowd.
- What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
- What do you call a lady who carries people across rivers? Bridget.
- I couldn't afford to pay the priest who carried out my exorcism. He repossessed my home.
- I hate bikes that carry two people. I can't tandem.
Carrying Passenger Jokes
Here is a list of funny carrying passenger jokes and even better carrying passenger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Carrying The Team Jokes
Here is a list of funny carrying the team jokes and even better carrying the team puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Marksman on our League of Legends team is a bit paranoid. He tends to hide in random places so nobody could sabotage him before a game.
Does that make him a concealed carry? - What do I use to carry my basketball team to victory? I use buckets.
Unearthly Funniest Carrying Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about carrying you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean weary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carrying pranks.
A guy rides his motorcycle through the border from Spain to France every week carrying two bags of sand.
The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You're clearly smuggling *something* across the border all this time but we never find anything, what is it.". The guy says "I'm smuggling motorcycles"
I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.
But these are just miner details.
So there was a stork carrying an old man..
..and the old man turns to it and says:
"Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"
I was hit by a truck carrying a bunch of Omega 3 capsules
It's okay, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
People think that just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, i should walk around carrying a big ol' boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
I've decided to start carrying a knife.
After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A f**... service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear?
Depends on how fast you can carry it.
My wife is madder at me than she has ever been.
She tripped and fell while carrying clothes she just ironed.
I didn't move.
"What are you doing?!" She yelled at me.
"Watching it all unfold," I said.
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
A truck carrying Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway, but amazingly traffic was fine.
No congestion for hours!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...
So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
How to impress women
A guy walks into a bar carrying a couple of axes and orders a beer. "What've ya got there?" the bartender asks. "Oh, these are some of my new axes I bought online," the guy says. "I order them in from countries overseas. I just love how they smell." "Well, that's all fine and good, I guess. But why did you bring them to the bar?" the bartender asks. "To be honest I was hoping to meet women," the guy replies. "I hear they love foreign axe scents."
A lady walks into a dry cleaners...
...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."
The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"
Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."
I started carrying a gun after being involved in an attempted robbery a few months ago.
Ever since, my robberies have been going a whole lot better.
After 35 years of carrying a gun and a badge.
I've decided it's time to stop impersonating a police officer.
Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?
Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.
As migration approached, two elderly vultures
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
It was only after I'd shot the fifth zombie...
...that I started to wonder why they were all carrying little bags of candy with them.
Saw a black guy walking the streets carrying a tv and I thought "is that one mine"?...
... then I remembered it couldn't be mine because mine was mowing the lawn at the moment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big e**... and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
A man walks into a store and he saw a thermos.
The clerk walks up to him and asks, "May I help you with anything?"
"Yea! What is that?"
"Why that's a thermos!"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"I'll take it"
The next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers ask him, "What's that!"
"It's a thermos"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"So whatcha got in it?"
"Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?".
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
Best read out loud
I was walking past my local athletics track when I saw a man carrying a very long, thin bag. I asked him "are you a pole vaulter?"
He said "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
I hate going through airport security...
For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.
Impact of a job change.
A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something
Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"
Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs
The Lost Bible
One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv
I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.
Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
I tried to rob a bank using jello cast in the shape of a gun
The police charged me with carrying a congealed weapon
A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition
They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.
"The mummy is Amenhotep XIII" says one of the NKVD goons.
"How did you find out?" asks one of the archeologists.
"He admitted it", replies the NKVD goon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......
phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?
Toilet brush
Whilst this is a joke, my nan actually told me this yesterday and insists it's a true story from the 60s when she lived in Cornwall...
So, my grandma was was walking down the street and her neighbour, let's call her Beverley, was heading towards her carrying her shopping but was walking kind of funny.
Naturally my Nan asked if everything was okay and if she's alright, had she hurt herself? No she said, I'm okay, I've just bought one of those new toilet brushes, but I think I'm going to switch back to paper
A blonde woman waves a cab
She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"
The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"
The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"
Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"
The woman smiles, leaves her luggage in the cab and then says
"see you at the airport then, ill take the bus"
There are three men walking in the desert
The first man is carrying a glass of water. The other two men asked him why?
The man replied if we get thirsty, we can drink it.
The second man is carrying a bowl of rice. The other two men ask why.
The man replied if we get hungry, we can eat it.
The third man is carrying a car door. The other two men asked him why.
The third man replied if we get too hot, we can roll down the window.
Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.
Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.
A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that r**... is looking at your cookie."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
John saw a man walking down the street carrying a very long pole.
He went over to him and asked him "are you a pole vaulter?" The man replied "no, I am German, but how did you know my name?
At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped
and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when
the quick-witted Diplomat announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen!
You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-
Fall of Turkey
Breakup of China
Spillage of Greece
and Frustration of Hungary!"
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.
A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister what she named the children to which she replied she named the niece Denise. The mother feeling a little better then asked what she had name the boy to which she replied Denephew.
A pig that can speak French
A circus advertises a new act: a pig that can speak French. A trainer walks onto the stage carrying a small pig with a blue ribbon and a wooden mallet. The trainer asks, "Parlez-vous français?" and hits the pig with the mallet. The pig: "Ouiiii..."
I'm so sick of my friends not being able to handle their alcohol
Last night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me home
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.
The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, Is that a scone, or a meringue?
The waiter replies: Naw, yer quite right, that's a scone.
A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in procession of weapons of math instruction!"
I saw six men carrying a coffin in the cemetery. Two hours later they were still carrying the coffin around the cemetery
I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**...
A r**... sees another carrying a bag, he stops him and says. Hey buddy what do you have in that bag? The other replies chickens, why? The first says, if i guess how many chickens you got in that bag there can i have one? The r**... holding the bag of chickens says, if you guess how many chickens are in this bag ill give you both of them!
Why is the barbarian carrying a skillet?
Wizard: Why is the barbarian carrying a skillet?
Bard: He thinks it's his spellcasting focus.
Wizard: He has spells?
Bard: Just one. Every time he hits someone with it, he shouts "Cast iron!"
A truck carrying cows and a truck carrying cannabis get into a car accident.
Neither party can agree on who's fault the accident was, so they hire a detective. This is the detective's first day on the job and his boss tells him, If you can solve this case you get a promotion, however if you fail you will be fired. The steaks are high.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Around this time of the year, I start carrying around a stone with me to throw at people who are singing Christmas songs already.
It's my jingle bell rock.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ivan from Russia went to an anti-war protest in St. Petersburg carrying a sign that said: Putin is insane!
So, the courts sentenced him 22 years in prison. 2 years for treason, 20 years for giving away an official state secret.
Guy with a lisp turns up to a dinner party carrying a selection of cheeses and a couple of ducks under his arm
The host says, "thanks for bringing the cheese, but why the ducks?"
The guest replies, "can't have cheese without cwackers"
Two martial artists...
...are arguing over who would win a fight between a skilled swordsman carrying a broadsword and a master wielder of an épée. They agree that the only way to settle the argument is actually to fight one another, each using one of the two weapons. An epic battle ensues and then, the two swordsmen feinted.
Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a black guy running down the street
And he was carrying a TV. For a second I thought, *"hey, that looks like mine!"* but then I realized mine wears Adidas.
A bus carrying a jazz band has broke down on the highway
Witnesses are reporting a massive jam
The problem with the goose
A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let's take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we're in the woods, you're going to try and ravish me at once.
- But how? Looks at all the stuff I am carrying!
- Yeah, right! You can put the chickens under the bucket and put the anvil on top!
- Oh yeah? And the goose?
The woman pauses for a second…
- Alright, I'll hold the goose
Did you hear Pedro Pascal hurt his back during The Mandalorian?
It was from carrying the Star Wars franchise
A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.
He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."
Sherlock Holmes returned to 221B Baker Street
He was carrying a box of lemons in his arms.
When Doctor Watson saw the box, he asked "Well where did those come from?"
And Holmes answered "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."
I once killed six zombies and nine vampires
I still wonder why they were carrying bags of candy....
The state trooper is driving down the highway when...
he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im not racist or anything
But I was walking home from work and I saw a black guy carrying a TV. I thought maybe I reconized it and ran home only to find low and behold, he was still there scrubbing my floor
A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin
...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.
What do you call an ionic compound carrying a gun
A salt with a deadly weapon
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ran 10 miles today.
Surprisingly hard when you're carrying 25 pounds of c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I finally managed to get rid of that n**... electrical charge I've been carrying.
I'm ex-static!
My wife left me because I never put the toilet seat down.
To be fair, I don't know why I started carrying it around with me in the first place.
Breaking news: A teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a compass and a divider.
The cited reason for the arrest was: " He was carrying weapons of math instruction".
A lady carrying a duck walks into a bar...
Bartender: Where did you get the pig?
Lady: It's a duck!
Bartender: I was talking to the duck.
