The Best 66 Carrots Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Carrots jokes. There are some carrots apples jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these carrots carrot cake puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Carrots Jokes and Puns

How do you turn a soup into gold?

You add 14 carrots in it

what's invisible and smells like carrots?

rabbit farts

how do you make gold soup?

put 14 carrots in it.

I'll show myself out.

Carrots joke, how do you make gold soup?

Snowmen on a hill

Two snowmen are standing on a hill and one says to the other "Smells like carrots..."

Two Snowmen are in a field...

...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."

My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion.

Two rabbits are eating carrots

...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."

Whats invisible and smells like carrots?

bunny farts

Carrots joke, Whats invisible and smells like carrots?

One snowman says to the other snowman,

"do you smell carrots?"

The Mathematician and the Waiter

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -

'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.

'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'

I like my women like I like my carrots...

Chopped up, in a plastic bag at the back of the freezer.

Two snowmen are standing in a snowy field...

And after 3 hours of complete silence, one turns to the other and asks

"Can you smell carrots?"

You can explore carrots onions reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean carrots leeks dad jokes. There are also carrots puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.

The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.

The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.

The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"

Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a field when one looks over to the other and asks:

"Do you smell carrots?"

What do you call 24 carrots?

Edible gold.

I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen.

Until I realised it was a field of carrots.

How do you know carrots improve your vision?

Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses

Carrots joke, How do you know carrots improve your vision?

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".

What did one snow man say to the other?

Smells like carrots

How do you make soup golden?

You add 24 carrots.

How do you turn soup to gold?

Add 24 carrots

At the grocery store.

Customer: "Are these GMO carrots?"
Worker: "No, why do you ask?"
Carrot: "Yeah, why do you ask?"

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...

Apparently she left me two days ago.

In the vegetable and fruit aisle

Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?

Grocery produce aisle

ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?
CLERK: No, why do you ask?
CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

A man walks in to a green grocer's

"Excuse me ma'am, are these carrots genetically modified?"

"No" interrupted the carrot.

NSFW Dad walks into a room

And sees his daughter masturbating with a carrot.
"Daamn" - he says: "I was going to eat that later! And now it's gonna taste like carrots!!!"

Why does a rabbit like diamonds?

Because they are measured in carrots.

How do you make gold soup ?

Put 24 carrots in it

So these two snowmen are standing in a field.

Then one turns to the other and says "hey is it just me, or does it smell like carrots?"

A man gives a kid baby carrots on Halloween.

The kid hands them back.
The man says, "why did you do that?
The kid says,"exactly."

Carrots may improve your vision,

But alcohol doubles it.

Two carrots are walking together down the street,

One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"

How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?

Well, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

A guy walks into a bar with carrots in his ears

So a guy walks into a bar with carrots in his ears, he takes a seat at the bar, the bartender then notices the carrots in the man's ears. The bartender walks over to the man and asks,
"Why do you have carrots in your ears?"
To which the man replies,
"Sorry, I can't hear you I have carrots in my ears."

Why did the rabbit reject her boyfriend's marriage proposal?

Because the ring wasn't 24 carrots

I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it's a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.

It's Coles Law.

A doctor walked in to find a patient sitting on the exam table.

A doctor walked in to find a patient sitting on the exam table, with carrots sticking out of his nose, and broccoli coming out of his ears.

The doctor took one look at him and said, "Well I can tell right away you're not eating right".

The UK have just introduced a new law

Whenever you buy Mayonaise it's now compulsory that you buy Cabbage and Carrots with it. They're referring to it as Coles Law

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot......

I said, Come on, dammit, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

Couldnt find it

I couldn't find the thingy you use to peel the carrots and potatoes anywhere, so I asked the kids if they had seen it.

Apparently she left me yesterday.

Stopped in a diner for lunch and on the menu, it said, "Golden Soup", so I asked the waitress why it was called that...

She replied, "Because there are 24 carrots in it."

The man that pulled a rabbits teeth out

A rabbit poked a man and asked
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man ignored the rabbit
The rabbit poked the man again
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man is annoyed at this point, but continues to ignore the rabbit
Again rabbit pokes the man
Give me carrots I said
The man grabs the rabbit and pulls out the rabbits teeth
Rabbit pokes the man again and says
Give me carrot juice

I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...

I fought the slaw and the slaw won.

What does the rich rabbit wear?

24 carrots

Carrots may be good....

Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.

One of my favorite Reagan jokes:

A Soviet Diplomat goes to one of the farms in Russia, and approaches the farmer.

How are the carrots doing? Said the Diplomat.

Oh, the carrots are as big and orange as ever! Replies the farmer.

I see, and how are the beets?

Oh, sir, if Gorbachev saw these beets, he would cry with joy!

And what about the potatoes?

Sir, if we stacked the potatoes, they would be high enough to reach God!

The diplomat stares for a minute. But comrade, we don't believe in god.

Oh, good. Says the farmer. Because there are no potatoes.

[Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes....

But whiskey will double your vision.

I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it...

Apparently, she left me two days ago...

If you buy cabbage from Coles you are legally obliged to buy carrots and mayo as well

It's called Coleslaw

What's the square root of Minecraft?

There's three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.

What was the snowman doing with his hand in a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit Farts

I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!

I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.

Why was the snowman embarrassed when caught buying a bag of carrots?

Because he got caught picking his nose

Why was the snowman rummaging through the bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose!

Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?

Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...

No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.

An elephant escapes from the circus

It wanders around and eventually ends uo in an old lady's garden eating the vegetables. The old lady came out and had never seen an elephant before nor did she know what it was. Panicked she ran inside and called the police

"Hello, what is your emergency" said the operator

"There is some sort of large animal ripping up all the carrots in my garden with its tail!"

"Okay...where is it putting these carrots?"

"If i told you, you wouldnt believe me!"

The Easter Bunny joined the Olympics

He heard first place gets 24 carrots.

Ok, dad joke time.

A doctor goes to see a patient, the patient has carrots coming out of his nose and broccoli out of his ears. The doctor takes one look at the patient and says, I can tell right away you're not eating right.

A man is walking his pet carrot

As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.

I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.

A guy at the whorehouse

So a guys going down on this hooker in a whorehouse. He's eating and eating and all of a sudden gets some corn in his mouth. Well, he thinks thats kind of gross but chalks it up to a fluke and keeps on eating. A few minutes later he gets some carrots in his mouth. Again he thinks thats kind of gross and odd but again chalks it up to a fluke. Well he goes back to eating and eating and this time gets some beans in his mouth. He looks up from eating and says to the hooker, Damn lady, are you sick or something ..... she responds

No but the guy before you was


How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses

Two snowmen in a garden,

one says to the other, "can you smell carrots?".

Two snowmen are talking

One says to the other, "Do you smell carrots?"

The Grim Reaper appeared beside me when I was chopping some carrots in the kitchen.

He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me....

Very scary, when you are dicing with death.

I heard U.S. Senator Herb Kohl once wrote a bill that would standardize the ratios of carrots, mayonnaise, and cabbage in his favorite side dish.

He called it Kohl's Law.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the carrots nostril jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working carrots kale piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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