Carrot Up Jokes
122 carrot up jokes and hilarious carrot up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carrot up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Carrot Up Short Jokes
Short carrot up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carrot up humour may include short carrot jokes also.
- I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it... Apparently, she left me two days ago...
- What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
- "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask? - Two Snowmen are in a field... ...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."
My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion. - I spent an hour looking for that thing that peels the potatoes and carrots. Then I realised she's at work.
- What did one snowman say to the other on the winter solstice? "Do you carrot all about the cold?"
- What's the square root of Minecraft? There's three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots in the fridge? He was trying to find his nose!
- Two rabbits are eating carrots ...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."
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Carrot Up One Liners
Which carrot up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carrot up? I can suggest the ones about eating carrots and rabbit and carrot.
- What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
- How do you make gold soup ? Put 24 carrots in it
- how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
- What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose
- What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit Farts
- What did the rabbit use to propose to his girlfriend? A 24-carrot ring
- What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot? A transplant.
- One snowman says to the other snowman, "do you smell carrots?"
- Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
- Carrots may improve your vision, But alcohol doubles it.
- What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage? Peas be with you.
- What do you call a carrot that talks back to you? A fresh vegetable.
- I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen. Until I realised it was a field of carrots.
- Some people don't like vegetable puns... but I don't carrot all about their opinions.
- What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear? 24 carrot
Carrot Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about carrot up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean snowman carrot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carrot up pranks.
The Mathematician and the Waiter
A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my carrots...
Chopped up, in a plastic bag at the back of the freezer.
A bully, a baby, and a carrot walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What'll you have, Mr. Boehner?"
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
Witty Answer from a Four Year Old
Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."
How do you make a ginger snap?
Call them "carrot top"
A man goes to his doctor because he has a carrot in his ear..
He asks the doctor, "I don't understand, how can this happen? What's wrong with me?!" The doctor pauses for a moment and then says, "Well, you're not eating right."
So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...
He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."
A cabbage and a carrot get into a race, who wins?
The cabbage, it's a head
"What Did?" by Shel Silverstein
What did the carrot say to the wheat?
'Lettuce' rest, I'm feeling 'beet.'
What did the paper say to the pen?
I feel quite all 'write,' my friend.
What did the teapot say to the chalk?
Nothing, you silly . . . teapots can't talk!
What do you call 24 carrots?
Edible gold.
What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it?
A carroted artery.
Two snowmen were talking on a cold day...
One of them said to the other: "funny, I smell carrots too!"
Why is rust on a car orange?
Because its true car-rot
Why did the vegetable kill himself?
He didn't carrot all.
I'm directing a film...
... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.
I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a vegan girlfriend...
and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot
I was going to tell some rabbit jokes
But people tend not to carrot all about them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
Sometimes when you eat too much carrot,
you turn orange and you run for presidency.
A man walks in to a green grocer's
"Excuse me ma'am, are these carrots genetically modified?"
"No" interrupted the carrot.
Why does a rabbit like diamonds?
Because they are measured in carrots.
How to know if a rabbit is depressed?
He no longer carrot all about his life
How do you catch a rabbit?
Lie in a field and make carrot noises.
Thanks, I'll grab my coat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a fortune teller and a farmer with r**... bunnies
One deals with tarot cards while the other deals with carrot tards.
My 7 year old sister just told me this
Friend: Why do people call you a carrot?
Me: Because I do not *carrot* all
What are flying carrots most afraid of?
Helichopters.
So these two snowmen are standing in a field.
Then one turns to the other and says "hey is it just me, or does it smell like carrots?"
My friend made a flute out of a carrot...
It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.
My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.
What did the farmer say to the excited vegetables?
Don't get carrot away!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
A man gives a kid baby carrots on Halloween.
The kid hands them back.
The man says, "why did you do that?
The kid says,"exactly."
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
Two carrots are walking together down the street,
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
I'm painting a still life version of The Last Supper with all the apostles as vegetables
Judas is carrot.
Why is it so hard to train termites?
Because for a termite the stick IS the carrot
A guy walks into a bar with carrots in his ears
So a guy walks into a bar with carrots in his ears, he takes a seat at the bar, the bartender then notices the carrots in the man's ears. The bartender walks over to the man and asks,
"Why do you have carrots in your ears?"
To which the man replies,
"Sorry, I can't hear you I have carrots in my ears."
I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it's a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.
It's Coles Law.
The UK have just introduced a new law
Whenever you buy Mayonaise it's now compulsory that you buy Cabbage and Carrots with it. They're referring to it as Coles Law
The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law
Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carrot Stuck....
Is the past tense of Carrot Stick.
Unfortunately, my wife did not appreciate this as she was gesturing to her t**... and coughing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are potatoes better than your vision than carrots?
Because they start their life in an eye.
Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.
Stopped in a diner for lunch and on the menu, it said, "Golden Soup", so I asked the waitress why it was called that...
She replied, "Because there are 24 carrots in it."
The man that pulled a rabbits teeth out
A rabbit poked a man and asked
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man ignored the rabbit
The rabbit poked the man again
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man is annoyed at this point, but continues to ignore the rabbit
Again rabbit pokes the man
Give me carrots I said
The man grabs the rabbit and pulls out the rabbits teeth
Rabbit pokes the man again and says
Give me carrot juice
I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...
I fought the slaw and the slaw won.
What does the rich rabbit wear?
24 carrots
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A man is out and buys a h**....
While going down on her, he notices a piece of carrot. He removes it then goes about his business. He then finds a pea.
He holds it up and asks, "Miss? Are you sick or something?"
To which her response was, "No. But the last guy was."
Remember when Bugs Bunny shot someone because he wouldn't stop coughing?
He did not carrot all.
How do you make a gold pie?
You put fourteen carrots on it.
Are you at all concerned that the heights of vegetables are rapidly increasing due to the amount of chemicals used on them?
No, I don't carrot tall.
I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.
The plot thickens.
One of my favorite Reagan jokes:
A Soviet Diplomat goes to one of the farms in Russia, and approaches the farmer.
How are the carrots doing? Said the Diplomat.
Oh, the carrots are as big and orange as ever! Replies the farmer.
I see, and how are the beets?
Oh, sir, if Gorbachev saw these beets, he would cry with joy!
And what about the potatoes?
Sir, if we stacked the potatoes, they would be high enough to reach God!
The diplomat stares for a minute. But comrade, we don't believe in god.
Oh, good. Says the farmer. Because there are no potatoes.
What do you call a snowman without a carrot?
Nobody nose.
Why don't snowmen like carrot cake?
Because they think it tastes like boogers!
[Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes....
But whiskey will double your vision.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
where do turnips, carrots, garlic and celery go to have s**...?
a brothel
My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes.
He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!
I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't snowmen eat carrot cake on their cake day?
Tastes like boogers