Carrot Up Jokes
122 carrot up jokes and hilarious carrot up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carrot up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Carrot Up Short Jokes
Short carrot up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carrot up humour may include short carrot jokes also.
- I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it... Apparently, she left me two days ago...
- I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids... Apparently she left me two days ago.
- You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's... shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
- I have a vegan girlfriend... and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot
- What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
- "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask? - Two Snowmen are in a field... ...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."
My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion. - I spent an hour looking for that thing that peels the potatoes and carrots. Then I realised she's at work.
- What did one snowman say to the other on the winter solstice? "Do you carrot all about the cold?"
Share These Carrot Up Jokes With Friends
Carrot Up One Liners
Which carrot up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carrot up? I can suggest the ones about eating carrots and rabbit and carrot.
- What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
- How do you make gold soup ? Put 24 carrots in it
- how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
- What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose
- how do you make gold soup? put 14 carrots in it.
I'll show myself out. - What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit Farts
- What did the rabbit use to propose to his girlfriend? A 24-carrot ring
- What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot? A transplant.
- One snowman says to the other snowman, "do you smell carrots?"
- Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
- Carrots may improve your vision, But alcohol doubles it.
- Two snowmen are talking One says to the other, "Do you smell carrots?"
- What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage? Peas be with you.
- What do you call a carrot that talks back to you? A fresh vegetable.
- How do you turn soup to gold? Add 24 carrots
Carrot Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about carrot up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean snowman carrot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carrot up pranks.
How do you turn a soup into gold?
You add 14 carrots in it
Astute Diagnosis
A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."
Snowmen on a hill
Two snowmen are standing on a hill and one says to the other "Smells like carrots..."
Two rabbits are eating carrots
...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."
The Mathematician and the Waiter
A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'
What did the carrot say to the DJ?
Lettuce turnip The Beet
How do you catch a rabbit?
You hide in a field and make carrot noises.
A bully, a baby, and a carrot walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What'll you have, Mr. Boehner?"
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
Witty Answer from a Four Year Old
Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."
A man goes to his doctor because he has a carrot in his ear..
He asks the doctor, "I don't understand, how can this happen? What's wrong with me?!" The doctor pauses for a moment and then says, "Well, you're not eating right."
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.
He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."
Cucumber, carrot, banana - none of them used for scale
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me Doc?" he asks.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly!"
So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...
He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."
What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose?
One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny
A carrot and a celery are walking down the street.
A car comes by and runs over the celery. The carrot picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. After waiting a long time the doctor comes out of the emergency room and the carrot jumps up and asks "Is he going to be okay?"
The doctor replies "Well... he's going to live, but he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen.
Until I realised it was a field of carrots.
How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a tree and make carrot sounds.
A woman is shopping at a grocery store.
She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
What did one snow man say to the other?
Smells like carrots
I'm directing a film...
... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.
I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
How do you make soup golden?
You add 24 carrots.
At the grocery store.
Customer: "Are these GMO carrots?"
Worker: "No, why do you ask?"
Carrot: "Yeah, why do you ask?"
A man walks into the psychiatrist's office
A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,
"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"
The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."
I was going to tell some rabbit jokes
But people tend not to carrot all about them.
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
In the vegetable and fruit aisle
Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
A man walks in to a green grocer's
"Excuse me ma'am, are these carrots genetically modified?"
"No" interrupted the carrot.
Some people don't like vegetable puns...
but I don't carrot all about their opinions.
What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear?
24 carrot
What's the difference between a fortune teller and a farmer with r**... bunnies
One deals with tarot cards while the other deals with carrot tards.
My 7 year old sister just told me this
Friend: Why do people call you a carrot?
Me: Because I do not *carrot* all
So these two snowmen are standing in a field.
Then one turns to the other and says "hey is it just me, or does it smell like carrots?"
My friend made a flute out of a carrot...
It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.
My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
A man gives a kid baby carrots on Halloween.
The kid hands them back.
The man says, "why did you do that?
The kid says,"exactly."
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
Two carrots are walking together down the street,
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
The UK have just introduced a new law
Whenever you buy Mayonaise it's now compulsory that you buy Cabbage and Carrots with it. They're referring to it as Coles Law
I saw my sister m**... with a carrot......
I said, Come on, d**..., I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law
Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.
Couldnt find it
I couldn't find the thingy you use to peel the carrots and potatoes anywhere, so I asked the kids if they had seen it.
Apparently she left me yesterday.
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. What's wrong with me doc? He asks.
The doctor replies Well it looks like you're not eating right.
Dave: Excuse me, sir, is this carrot genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: No, really, why do you ask?
Carrots may be good....
Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.
Dad joke: A woman goes to the doctor with...
A carrot in her ear, a mushroom in her nostril and a piece of steak on the other ear.
"I see" says the doctor. "You're not eating right"!
I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.
The plot thickens.
One of my favorite Reagan jokes:
A Soviet Diplomat goes to one of the farms in Russia, and approaches the farmer.
How are the carrots doing? Said the Diplomat.
Oh, the carrots are as big and orange as ever! Replies the farmer.
I see, and how are the beets?
Oh, sir, if Gorbachev saw these beets, he would cry with joy!
And what about the potatoes?
Sir, if we stacked the potatoes, they would be high enough to reach God!
The diplomat stares for a minute. But comrade, we don't believe in god.
Oh, good. Says the farmer. Because there are no potatoes.
What do you call a snowman without a carrot?
Nobody nose.
Why don't snowmen like carrot cake?
Because they think it tastes like boogers!
[Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes....
But whiskey will double your vision.
What's the square root of Minecraft?
There's three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot sticking out of his ear..
a banana in his other ear, spaghetti on his head and a sausage sticking out of his nose.
He says "Doctor, I'm not feeling very well".
Doctor replies "Hmmm, I don't think your eating properly".
A man walks into a doctor's office
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
What's the matter with me? he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, You're not eating properly.
What was the snowman doing with his hand in a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes.
He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!
I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.
Why was the snowman embarrassed when caught buying a bag of carrots?
Because he got caught picking his nose
Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?
Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...
No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.
An elephant escapes from the circus
It wanders around and eventually ends uo in an old lady's garden eating the vegetables. The old lady came out and had never seen an elephant before nor did she know what it was. Panicked she ran inside and called the police
"Hello, what is your emergency" said the operator
"There is some sort of large animal ripping up all the carrots in my garden with its tail!"
"Okay...where is it putting these carrots?"
"If i told you, you wouldnt believe me!"