Carrot Jokes
154 carrot jokes and hilarious carrot puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about carrot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious carrot jokes! From carrot cake to carrot top to Carrot One Direction, we've got plenty of fun carrot puns and jokes to make you smile. You'll also find great quips about cucumbers, potatoes, and eggplants!
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Funniest Carrot Short Jokes
Short carrot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carrot humour may include short turnip jokes also.
- I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it... Apparently, she left me two days ago...
- I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids... Apparently she left me two days ago.
- You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's... shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
- I have a vegan girlfriend... and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot
- What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
- "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask? - Two Snowmen are in a field... ...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."
My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion. - I spent an hour looking for that thing that peels the potatoes and carrots. Then I realised she's at work.
- What did one snowman say to the other on the winter solstice? "Do you carrot all about the cold?"
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Carrot One Liners
Which carrot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carrot? I can suggest the ones about radish and potato.
- What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
- How do you make gold soup ? Put 24 carrots in it
- how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
- What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose
- how do you make gold soup? put 14 carrots in it.
I'll show myself out. - What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit Farts
- What did the rabbit use to propose to his girlfriend? A 24-carrot ring
- What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot? A transplant.
- One snowman says to the other snowman, "do you smell carrots?"
- Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
- Carrots may improve your vision, But alcohol doubles it.
- Two snowmen are talking One says to the other, "Do you smell carrots?"
- What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage? Peas be with you.
- What do you call a carrot that talks back to you? A fresh vegetable.
- How do you turn soup to gold? Add 24 carrots
Carrot Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny carrot up jokes and even better carrot up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the square root of Minecraft? There's three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots in the fridge? He was trying to find his nose!
- Dave: Excuse me, sir, is this carrot genetically modified? Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: No, really, why do you ask? - Two rabbits are eating carrots ...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."
- A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. What's wrong with me doc? He asks. The doctor replies Well it looks like you're not eating right.
- A man flashes a woman at the grocery store She says " Oh my gosh ! Thank you ! I almost forgot to get baby carrots
- I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?! I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.
- My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes. He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
- Couldnt find it I couldn't find the thingy you use to peel the carrots and potatoes anywhere, so I asked the kids if they had seen it.
Apparently she left me yesterday. - What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose? One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny
Rabbit And Carrot Jokes
Here is a list of funny rabbit and carrot jokes and even better rabbit and carrot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a tree and make carrot sounds.
- I was going to tell some rabbit jokes But people tend not to carrot all about them.
- How do you catch a rabbit? You hide in a field and make carrot noises.
- How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses
- What does the rich rabbit wear? 24 carrots
- How do you catch a rabbit? Lie in a field and make carrot noises.
Thanks, I'll grab my coat. - Why does a rabbit like diamonds? Because they are measured in carrots.
- what's invisible and smells like carrots? rabbit farts
- How do you catch a rabbit? You gotta get real low in the grass. And make noises like a carrot..
- Why did the rabbit reject her boyfriend's marriage proposal? Because the ring wasn't 24 carrots
Snowman Carrot Jokes
Here is a list of funny snowman carrot jokes and even better snowman carrot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What was the snowman doing with his hand in a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
- Why was the snowman embarrassed when caught buying a bag of carrots? Because he got caught picking his nose
- What do you call a snowman without a carrot? Nobody nose.
- Why was the snowman rummaging through the bag of carrots? He was picking his nose!
- What did one snowman say to the other snow man? Do you smell carrot
- What did the snowman said to the other snowman? It smells like carrots.
- Why was the snowman so upset? Because somebody had stolen his nose and the police didn't carrot all!
- so these two snowmen are standing next to each other.... first snowman turns to the other one and says, "do you smell carrots?"
- What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Ah, smells like carrots.
- I was having dinner with a snowman... The other day I was having dinner with a snowman, and he says "Am I crazy, or does it smell like carrots in here?"
Carrot Top Jokes
Here is a list of funny carrot top jokes and even better carrot top puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you make a ginger snap? Call them "carrot top"
- Why did Carrot Top go to the hood? To get props.
- I'm not a huge fan of Carrot Top.. ..but I give him props!
- How does Carrot Top have s**...? Gingerly.
*(Source: The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson)*
Carrot Cake Jokes
Here is a list of funny carrot cake jokes and even better carrot cake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't snowmen like carrot cake? Because they think it tastes like boogers!
- Why don't snowmen eat carrot cake on their cake day? Tastes like boogers
- My grandma told me that hair is the secret ingredient in her famous carrot cake She says it tastes better when you put real keratin
Cheeky Carrot Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about carrot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vegetable jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carrot pranks.
Astute Diagnosis
A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."
What did the carrot say to the DJ?
Lettuce turnip The Beet
What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
Can't remember carrot joke
I remember seeing this one joke where a mom wanted her kid to eat his carrots and he had a funny comeback... but I can remember it.
It's not the one where he says, "Because I hate them!" and the mom replies, "But they like you" and he replies "Because I don't eat them"
A bully, a baby, and a carrot walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What'll you have, Mr. Boehner?"
Witty Answer from a Four Year Old
Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."
A man goes to his doctor because he has a carrot in his ear..
He asks the doctor, "I don't understand, how can this happen? What's wrong with me?!" The doctor pauses for a moment and then says, "Well, you're not eating right."
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.
He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."
Cucumber, carrot, banana - none of them used for scale
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me Doc?" he asks.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly!"
So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...
He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."
A cabbage and a carrot get into a race, who wins?
The cabbage, it's a head
A guy walks into a drs office with a carrot in his ear..
..and a piece of broccoli up his nose. The Dr told him he isn't eating right.
"What Did?" by Shel Silverstein
What did the carrot say to the wheat?
'Lettuce' rest, I'm feeling 'beet.'
What did the paper say to the pen?
I feel quite all 'write,' my friend.
What did the teapot say to the chalk?
Nothing, you silly . . . teapots can't talk!
A carrot and a celery are walking down the street.
A car comes by and runs over the celery. The carrot picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. After waiting a long time the doctor comes out of the emergency room and the carrot jumps up and asks "Is he going to be okay?"
The doctor replies "Well... he's going to live, but he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it?
A carroted artery.
How do you find a lost rabbit?
Make a carrot noise.
How do you know carrots improve your vision?
Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses
Why is rust on a car orange?
Because its true car-rot
Why did the vegetable kill himself?
He didn't carrot all.
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
Doctors Office
A guy walks into a doctors office. He has a piece of lettuce on his head, a string bean coming out of his nose and a carrot sticking out of his ear.
The doctor says, "I can see your problem right away, you're not eating right."
At the grocery store.
Customer: "Are these GMO carrots?"
Worker: "No, why do you ask?"
Carrot: "Yeah, why do you ask?"
A man walks into the psychiatrist's office
A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,
"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"
The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."
Red sky at night; shepherds delight, red sky in morning; shepherds warning
Minced lamb, potato, onion and carrot; shepherd's pie.
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
In the vegetable and fruit aisle
Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
Grocery produce aisle
ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?
CLERK: No, why do you ask?
CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?
Sometimes when you eat too much carrot,
you turn orange and you run for presidency.
A man walks in to a green grocer's
"Excuse me ma'am, are these carrots genetically modified?"
"No" interrupted the carrot.
Some people don't like vegetable puns...
but I don't carrot all about their opinions.
Bruno Mars is the best levitating vegetable magician I've ever seen.
He can do 24 Carrot Magic in the Air
How to know if a rabbit is depressed?
He no longer carrot all about his life
What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear?
24 carrot
What's the difference between a fortune teller and a farmer with r**... bunnies
One deals with tarot cards while the other deals with carrot tards.
My 7 year old sister just told me this
Friend: Why do people call you a carrot?
Me: Because I do not *carrot* all
I cut up too many carrots.
You could say I got carrot away.
I had a vegetarian girlfriend who was into b**....
She did not carrot all if I beet her.
My friend made a flute out of a carrot...
It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.
My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.
What did the farmer say to the excited vegetables?
Don't get carrot away!
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
Two carrots are walking together down the street,
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
I'm painting a still life version of The Last Supper with all the apostles as vegetables
Judas is carrot.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?
Well, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Why is it so hard to train termites?
Because for a termite the stick IS the carrot
A man goes to see the doctor.
He has a carrot in his ear, a stick of celery up his nose and mash potato and peas in his hair.
Doctor says "You not eating right."
I saw my sister m**... with a carrot......
I said, Come on, d**..., I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law
Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.
Carrot Stuck....
Is the past tense of Carrot Stick.
Unfortunately, my wife did not appreciate this as she was gesturing to her t**... and coughing.
The man that pulled a rabbits teeth out
A rabbit poked a man and asked
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man ignored the rabbit
The rabbit poked the man again
Give me carrots, I want carrots
The man is annoyed at this point, but continues to ignore the rabbit
Again rabbit pokes the man
Give me carrots I said
The man grabs the rabbit and pulls out the rabbits teeth
Rabbit pokes the man again and says
Give me carrot juice
A man is out and buys a h**....
While going down on her, he notices a piece of carrot. He removes it then goes about his business. He then finds a pea.
He holds it up and asks, "Miss? Are you sick or something?"
To which her response was, "No. But the last guy was."
Carrots may be good....
Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.
Remember when Bugs Bunny shot someone because he wouldn't stop coughing?
He did not carrot all.
Dad joke: A woman goes to the doctor with...
A carrot in her ear, a mushroom in her nostril and a piece of steak on the other ear.
"I see" says the doctor. "You're not eating right"!
What happens when the nihilistic veggie molded?
He didn't carrot all
Are you at all concerned that the heights of vegetables are rapidly increasing due to the amount of chemicals used on them?
No, I don't carrot tall.
I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.
The plot thickens.
What's Bruno Mars favorite vegetable trick?
24 carrot magic
