The Best 59 Carrot Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Carrot jokes. There are some carrot celery jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these carrot carrot cake puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Carrot Jokes and Puns
Astute Diagnosis
A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."
Two rabbits are eating carrots
...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage?
Peas be with you.
What did the carrot say to the DJ?
Lettuce Turnip The Beet
How do you catch a rabbit?
You hide in a field and make carrot noises.
A bully, a baby, and a carrot walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What'll you have, Mr. Boehner?"
Witty Answer from a Four Year Old
Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."
A man goes to his doctor because he has a carrot in his ear..
He asks the doctor, "I don't understand, how can this happen? What's wrong with me?!" The doctor pauses for a moment and then says, "Well, you're not eating right."
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.
He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."
Cucumber, carrot, banana - none of them used for scale
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me Doc?" he asks.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly!"
You can explore carrot eggplant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean carrot nostril dad jokes. There are also carrot puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...
He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."
What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose?
One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny
"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law
"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
A carrot and a celery are walking down the street.
A car comes by and runs over the celery. The carrot picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. After waiting a long time the doctor comes out of the emergency room and the carrot jumps up and asks "Is he going to be okay?"
The doctor replies "Well... he's going to live, but he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a tree and make carrot sounds.
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
I have a vegan girlfriend...
and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot
At the grocery store.
Customer: "Are these GMO carrots?"
Worker: "No, why do you ask?"
Carrot: "Yeah, why do you ask?"
A man walks into the psychiatrist's office
A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,
"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"
The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."
I was going to tell some rabbit jokes
But people tend not to carrot all about them.
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
In the vegetable and fruit aisle
Me: Hi, are these carrots genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
A man walks in to a green grocer's
"Excuse me ma'am, are these carrots genetically modified?"
"No" interrupted the carrot.
Some people don't like vegetable puns...
but I don't carrot all about their opinions.
NSFW Dad walks into a room
And sees his daughter masturbating with a carrot.
"Daamn" - he says: "I was going to eat that later! And now it's gonna taste like carrots!!!"
What type of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear?
24 carrot
What's the difference between a fortune teller and a farmer with retarded bunnies
One deals with tarot cards while the other deals with carrot tards.
My 7 year old sister just told me this
Friend: Why do people call you a carrot?
Me: Because I do not *carrot* all
My friend made a flute out of a carrot...
It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.
My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.
I caught my sister masturbating with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
Carrots may improve your vision,
But alcohol doubles it.
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
Two carrots are walking together down the street,
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store?
Picking his nose
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
how do you catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot......
I said, Come on, dammit, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law
Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. What's wrong with me doc? He asks.
The doctor replies Well it looks like you're not eating right.
Dave: Excuse me, sir, is this carrot genetically modified?
Clerk: No, why do you ask?
Carrot: No, really, why do you ask?
Carrots may be good....
Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.
What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot?
One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
Dad joke: A woman goes to the doctor with...
A carrot in her ear, a mushroom in her nostril and a piece of steak on the other ear.
"I see" says the doctor. "You're not eating right"!
Why don't snowmen like carrot cake?
Because they think it tastes like boogers!
What do you call a carrot that talks back to you?
A fresh vegetable.
A man walks into a doctor's office
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
What's the matter with me? he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, You're not eating properly.
My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes.
He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot?
A transplant.
You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's...
shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
You've all heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?
It's shredded cabbage and carrot in mayonnaise.
A man is walking his pet carrot
As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses
Medical Advice
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "Doctor, what's the matter with me?"
"You're not eating properly."
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot (this is genuinely one of my all time favourites of this genre of joke)
These Farmers got arrested!
Did you hear why the celery farmer got arrested?
For stalking
Did you hear about the hay farmer that got arrested?
He's out on bail
Did you hear about the root vegetable farmer that got arrested?
He beet up his friend with a potato and didn't carrot all.
A guy walked into the doctor with a carrot in his ear, asparagus up his nose, and a half an onion on his head like a hat. The guy says, "Doc, I just don't get why I'm always sick."
The doctor replies, "Well, you're not eating right."
A man goes to the doctor
with a banana hanging halfway out his ear and a carrot sticking out of his nose. He says, "doc, I'm not feeling too hot".
Doc replies, "I can tell ya what's wrong just lookin' at ya. Clearly you're not eating properly."
Oldest cake joke
A rabbit visits a bakery and asks if they make carrot cake.
The baker says they don't, so the rabbit buys a key lime pie.
This repeats several days until the baker is sick of it and decides to try making one.
The next time the rabbit enters, the baker proudly tells that they do have a carrot cake now.
The rabbit says: sorry, I'll have to take my business somewhere else: I'm highly alergic and can't risk cross-contamination.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the carrot cauliflower jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working carrot plum piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.