The Best 43 Carries Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Carries jokes. There are some carries bearer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these carries hauls puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Carries Jokes and Puns

Sean Connery: He Only Carries Plastic

*Again, read in the man's unmistakable voice*

What's the difference between your mother and a hundred dollar bill?

Well, I don't have the cash on me to break a hundred. But I did break your mother last night.

On the back of u/baldillin

A young Rabbi is a very avid golfer. He even goes out on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year to play some holes. On his last hole the wind carries the ball and he sinks an amazing hole in one.

In Heaven an angel complains to God, this Rabbi is playing golf on Yom Kippur and you give him a hole in one as punishment!?

Of course, God says, who can he tell?

What happens if Mike Tyson carries around MjΓΆlnir all day?

He gets thor arms!

Carries joke, What happens if Mike Tyson carries around MjΓΆlnir all day?

Art of Living

Husband comes home from ART OF LIVING session
He greets his wife and lifts her and carries her around the house with a smile

Wife is so surprised and she asked:
Did guruji preach something about being romantic today?

Husband said:
No guruji told us that
"we must carry our burden and sorrow with smile"

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?

A brick falls from the sky and kills her.

Knock knock Who's there?

Not Mary


Having Alzheimer also carries some advantages...

First of all, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror. Secondly, you can always enjoy an old joke as if you heard it for the first time. And finally, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror.

The #1 cause of death worldwide is sexually transmitted and carries a 100% fatality rate.

Its called conception

Carries joke, The #1 cause of death worldwide is sexually transmitted and carries a 100% fatality rate.

9/11 gave rise to "Truthers", Obama gave rise to "Birthers", so...

... would a movement to determine whether Hillary Clinton actually carries hot sauce in her purse be called "Saucers"?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...

And the other carries groceries.

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

What's dumber than a box of rocks?

The hippie that carries them across the country.

You can explore carries convey reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean carries hears dad jokes. There are also carries puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A good nurse always carries a pen

A nurse was walking the ward when she noticed a rectal thermometer in her shirt pocket. "Some arsehole has my pen", she muttered to herself.

Why is a dog with a bad foot like adding 6 and 7?

Because he puts down three and carries the one.

What do you call a train that carries Jews?

A Jew-Jew train.

What do you call a brewmaster that wears a bright purple robe and carries around an enormous recipe book?

An Ale Chemist.

Why is the Easter bunny the poorest animal in the world?

He carries his tail behind, has to hide his eggs and can only come once a year.

Carries joke, Why is the Easter bunny the poorest animal in the world?

A man comes home from a sermon one day and picks up and carries his wife.

He then proceeds to carry her around the house.

The wife asks, "Did they say something about being romantic?"

The husband replies, "No, they said that we must carry our sorrows and burdens."

What's the Difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum?

The Hoover vacuum only carries one dirt bag.

A couple of secs

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's Sex?"

"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to come, and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets."

So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, intercourse, puberty and menstruation.

Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"

And he carries on, "A couple is two people like your mom and me." And he goes on to describe gay, lesbianism, etc...

The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and 'Sex'?"

"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..." the girl replies.


In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.

Yeah, right.

What do you call a fat woman who carries pepper spray?

Optimistic.

Why is boat masculine in French?

It carries seamen

My friend told me that paper is useless since he carries an ipad

When he asked for toilet paper i gave him his ipad

Have you heard the joke about the hearse that only carries midgets?

The delivery is always a little stiff.

A fireman kicks down the door of a house and carries the family out 1 by 1, but there is no fire. A week later the building catches ablaze.

He suffers from premature evacuation.

I'm not saying that the street I live on is rough, but...

there are so many windows boarded up that the local window cleaner carries sandpaper with him!

What's the difference between a Harley and an old vacuum?

A vacuum carries the dirt bag on the inside

Why does Kratos always carries a dead man's head with him?

Because he never knows where he is headed.

What kind of ship carries a company's onions?

Companionship

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.

But a short while later, he receives another message. "Stupid autocorrect. I meant wifi."

My wife carries condoms in her purse but I had a vasectomy four years ago.

Poor thing, she has become so forgetful.

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood upβ€” the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"

My friend went bald five years ago, but he still carries a comb.

He just can't part with it.

Why do navy ships carries Marines?

Because sheep would be to obvious.

My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can't seem to part with it.

It's not the cough that carries you off.

It's the coffin they carry you off in.

A poem for our times...

It's not the cough that carries you off. It's the coffin they carry you off in.

What's the difference between a vaccuum and a Harley motorcycle?

The vaccuum carries its dirt bag on the inside.

A guy walks down the street and carries an urn in his arms.

A cannibal goes around him and says, "Daamn, where'd you get instant?

(Translated from Czech)

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

What's the difference between an airplane and your ex?

The airplane carries less baggage.

Juan and Amal are twins, but their mother only carries around a picture of Juan.

When asked why she replies, Once you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

A preacher is warning sinners in the high street

"The end is nigh!" He shouts at passers-by. And a guy shouts back at him "Nigh!!"
This puts him off a bit, but he carries on. "Be warned al you sinners, for the end is nigh!". And again the guy behind him shouts "Nigh!!" even louder.
This carries on all day until the preacher snaps at the guy angrily, "why do you keep repeating me whenever I say nigh?"

And the guy replies, "well, it says in the bible doesn't it, a nigh for a nigh"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the carries slips jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working carries sees piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes