Carr Jokes
110 carr jokes and hilarious carr puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carr that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Carr Short Jokes
Short carr jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carr humour may include short jimmy carr jokes also.
- I saw that show, "50 Things To Do Before You Die"... I would have thought the most obvious one was "shout for help"
~ *Jimmy Carr* - A police officer told me once: "We'll never forget 9/11". I said: "Of course you won't, it's your phone number!"
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\- Jimmy Carr - My wife insisted that I list every woman I'd ever been with... so I started with the woman I lost my virginity to, all the way up to her. And that is where I should have stopped.
~Jimmy Carr - What Africa Really needs If only Africa had more mosquito nets
Then every year we could save millions
Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids
\- Jimmy Carr - I went to donate a kidney once.. I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr - I was in a relationship with a blind girl... It was hard because it took me so long to get her husband's voice just right.
^by ^Jimmy ^Carr - Say what you like about the make-a-wish foundation. But they can work to a deadline. - Jimmy Carr
- Russians are sending peacekeepers into Ukraine. They're saying, " You see this piece of land? We're keeping it."
- Jimmy Carr - From Jimmy Carr Backseat drivers are always the same, why are we driving into the woods! Let me out! .
- Jimmy Carr says this is the oldest joke he found for a book on humor A man sits down in the barbers chair, the barber says "how would you like your hair cut?" the man says "in silence"
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Carr One Liners
Which carr one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carr? I can suggest the ones about credit and swamp.
- If Sean Lock was a Hollywood actor... ... He'd be Robert Frowny Jr.
- Jimmy Carr - He's so smart, he's like a walking, talking... Stephen Hawking
*-Jimmy Carr* - What do you call a policy that covers obnoxious laughter? Carr insurance.
- I hear John Le Carre is penning a new novel... ...Tinkler, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
- What do the Montreal Canadians drive? Carrs.
- Never high five a rabbi - Jimmy Carr
- o**... bin laden *ji had it coming.*
- Jimmy Carr "Big Fat Quiz 2011" - People say there is power in numbers. Say that to 6 million jews.
-Jimmy carr - They say there's strength in numbers. Tell that to 6 million jews.
- Jimmy Carr - I met a Cute s**... girl online...uninhibited Yeah she was paraplegic
(Jimmy Carr) - o they're bringing in £100 fine for bad driving... How sexist is that?
(via Jimmy Carr)
Jimmy Carr Jokes
Here is a list of funny jimmy carr jokes and even better jimmy carr puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I read about a Catholic priest that exposed himself So the church defrocked him.
- Jimmy Carr - My favourite two word joke. Dwarf
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
Shortage
[By Jimmy Carr] - When comedian Jimmy Carr was told by an obese women "I think you're fatist," he responded, "No. I think you're fattest."
- When a man sleeps with a lot of women.... ....he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
-Another gem by Jimmy Carr - My Muslim friend knows the Qur'an back to front... Which is great, because that's how you read it.
(Thanks Jimmy Carr) - My girlfriend said she wanted our relationship to be magical! So we made passionate love... And then I disappeared. -Jimmy Carr
- I saw Jimmy Carr at the train station the other day.. ..I guess it's because he doesn't like taxis
- We are all God`s children... so why is Jesus so special?
thanks to Jimmy Carr for this one
Gather Around for Heartwarming Carr Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about carr you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bayou jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carr pranks.
Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...
She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Does anyone know any good r**... jokes?
Jimmy Carr, "What do nine out of 10 people enjoy? / Gang r**....")
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
if men fall asleep directly after s**... . . .
why is it so hard to catch a r**...?
-Jimmy Carr
p.s. never high five a rabbi
What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear?
Depends on how fast you can carry it.
Getting carried away is usually fun,
unless it's by a truck.
Why did Carrot Top go to the hood?
To get props.
A friend asked me if it was wrong for him to send messages to himself online in order to appear more popular on social media
I said "No, go on, tweet yourself."
Shamelessly stolen from Jimmy Carr.
I would help you carry some of those bushes...
but I've already got two palms on my hands.
why can't you carry around sick birds?
What did the carrot say to the apple?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women say men get turned on when they nibble on their earlobes.
I think it's b**....
- Jimmy Carr
Why did Carrie Underwood run out of cheese?
Because Jesus took the wheel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**... has been judged very harshly by history however..
he did kill h**....
NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr
Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?
To stop it from falling out.
I was carrying some spaghetti as I walked past a priest..
You could say I moved some pasta past a pastor.
Carrots are good for your eyes
but they hurt when I put them in.
You should always carry pepper when you go into the city
In case you become a victim of a-salt!
I carry a donor card, but I haven't signed it...
...cause I want somebody else to be able to use it after I have died
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that 8 out of 10 women kiss with their eyes closed
That's why it's so hard to identify the r**.... - Jimmy Carr.
They say carrots and good for your eyesight...
but my body isn't! (I swear I don't hate myself)
Carrie Fisher had A heart attack on a plane
Too bad it wasn't on her "Leia-over".
How did Carrie Fisher eat her last meal?
She used the forks.
Carrie Fisher dead at 60.
Her last words were "aren't you a little short for a grim reaper."
Carrie Fisher
can finally be Leia'd to rest
Why did Carrie Fisher enjoy doing her one-woman show?
Because she nailed that Solo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carrie Fisher used to do c**.... What was her favourite movie on it?
The Empire Strikes Crack.
I always carry a bomb around with me ...
What is the likelihood of having two bombs in the same place at the same time?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know about you, but I'm terrified of flying at the best of times
You never know how durable the c**... really is.
(Jimmy Carr: Funny Business)
Since Carrie Fisher's death, I feel sorry for Kylo Ren.
How will he fulfill the other half of his Oedipus complex now?
I always carry some extra toilet paper with me anymore,
You never know when it'll come in handy.
Say what you will about her, but Carrie Fisher died doing what she loved...
Drugs.
If I'm carrying around a USB stick
Do I have mobile data?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always carry a c**... in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well...
that way I can impress her with my balloon animals skills.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always carry a microphone and some l**......
in case I need to bust a nut and a rhyme at the same time
Carrots may improve your vision,
But alcohol doubles it.
Always carry some fiber cable with you when hiking
If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.
Two carrots are walking together down the street,
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
Carry A Flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
I carried an egg around in my pocket for 3 days before it broke.
I'm just glad it's ova
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carrot Stuck....
Is the past tense of Carrot Stick.
Unfortunately, my wife did not appreciate this as she was gesturing to her t**... and coughing.
My carrots...
...think I take too many drugs.
I always carrying a flashlight when I'm spelunking
Just in caves
Why should you always carry arms with you?
They might come in handy.
I just had to carry a box of photons
It was surprisingly light
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?".
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
I carry a box of graham crackers wherever I go.
So I'm always ready for an Insta graham.
I always carry 2 nickels and 2 pennies
So that way I'll never be so poor that I don't have 2 nickels to rub together, and I gain always put my 2 cents in on a situation.
Why did the carrot start hanging out with the mushroom?
He looked like a fun guy
Why was the carrot afraid of the science test?
Because he was being grated.
Two carrots sit on a roof..
Says the one to the other: Watch out, there's a helichop-chop-chop-chop-...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the carrot unable to get dates?
He was a beta.
What is something carry but never lose?
my virginity
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.
Its a deeply rooted issue.
What did the carrot say to the cucumber that owed him money?
Hey man, you knew the dill. Now you're in a pickle, and I couldn't carrot all.
Carrying an instrument in public is like having a dog
Everyone wants to know what kind it is, and they think it's really cool until it starts making noise
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend asked me if I had to have s**... with my mother to save my father's life what would I do?
Apparently reverse c**... is the wrong answer.
That's a Jimmy Carr joke, btw. It's my go to at the moment. Happy Friday everyone!
What did the carrot say to the other carrot?
Shut up and radish me
Carrying water isn't very hard
But carrying lighter fluid is easier
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I love it when a woman says those magical words which means she's up for s**... tonight
"This drink tastes funny"
~Jimmy Carr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always carry a stone with me that I use to throw at people who play Christmas music in October.
I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
I carry tissues around with me so I never get an STD
I always have kleenexes
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses
