Following is our collection of funny Carr jokes. There are some carr regimen jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these carr jimmy carr fat puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".
I said: "Of course you won't, it's your phone number!"
​
\- Jimmy Carr
She said, "**NO!**"
I said, "*That's the spirit!*" —Jimmy Carr
I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present.
(Jimmy Carr)
...you might find this hard to believe, but they don't really like each other." - Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr, "What do nine out of 10 people enjoy? / Gang rape.")
why is it so hard to catch a rapist?
-Jimmy Carr
p.s. never high five a rabbi
Very Little
Courtesy of Jimmy Carr
....he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
-Another gem by Jimmy Carr
Lettuce Turnip The Beet
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
You can explore carr caw reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean carr marsh dad jokes. There are also carr puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr
Depends on how fast you can carry it.
... when I saw my mother-in-law being beaten up by six men.
My wife said, "Aren't you going to help?"
I said, "Six should be enough."
*(Copyright Les Dawson, as retold by Jimmy Carr on QI.)*
Because sheep would be too obvious.
but I've already got two palms on my hands.
A car comes by and runs over the celery. The carrot picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. After waiting a long time the doctor comes out of the emergency room and the carrot jumps up and asks "Is he going to be okay?"
The doctor replies "Well... he's going to live, but he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
*ji had it coming.*
- Jimmy Carr "Big Fat Quiz 2011"
Dwarf
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
Shortage
[By Jimmy Carr]
Doodoo doodoo
Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses
Because Jesus took the wheel.
he did kill Hitler.
NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr
To stop it from falling out.
Been married 20 years, but I still carry my
wife's picture in my wallet.
Whenever I face difficulties in life, I take
out my wallet and stare at her picture.
And it comforts me knowing that...
If I survived being married to this psycho,
I can survive anything.
You could say I moved some pasta past a pastor.
They're flying off the shelves!!!
(Credit goes to jimmy Carr on that one)
My girlfriend said to me, "real men don't make second trips." I said "they do to your mum's house."
And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr
Her last words were "aren't you a little short for a grim reaper."
I said, "no, it doesn't".
*Credit to Jimmy Carr.*
**
Because she nailed that Solo.
Wham!
What is the likelihood of having two bombs in the same place at the same time?
How will he fulfill the other half of his Oedipus complex now?
Drugs.
Do I have mobile data?
that way I can impress her with my balloon animals skills.
I would have thought the most obvious one was "shout for help"
~ *Jimmy Carr*
But alcohol doubles it.
If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
....it's a piece of cake!!!
Source: Jimmy Carr
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
Well, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
That way if you get robbed you can just shoot your self, Inflicting years of mental trauma on them winning the fight in the long run
It was hard because it took me so long to get her husband's voice just right.
^by ^Jimmy ^Carr
I'm just glad it's ova
Is the past tense of Carrot Stick.
Unfortunately, my wife did not appreciate this as she was gesturing to her throat and coughing.
Just in caves
They might come in handy.
It was surprisingly light
If only Africa had more mosquito nets
Then every year we could save millions
Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids
\- Jimmy Carr
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.
Every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I turn her off again.I
(Jimmy Carr)
Apparently reverse cowgirl is the wrong answer.
That's a Jimmy Carr joke, btw. It's my go to at the moment. Happy Friday everyone!
Shut up and radish me
It reminds me why no money is in there
So the church defrocked him.
- Jimmy Carr
But carrying lighter fluid is easier
My dear friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed to be very important to him that I had it.
"This drink tastes funny"
~Jimmy Carr
I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
I always have kleenexes
so I started with the woman I lost my virginity to, all the way up to her. And that is where I should have stopped.
~Jimmy Carr
But they can work to a deadline. - Jimmy Carr
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses
Run over a kid outside your driveway
-Jimmy Carr
Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...
She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one." He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".
No but jerrycan
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
They're saying, " You see this piece of land? We're keeping it."
- Jimmy Carr
It's my social insecurity card
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the carr jimmy carr jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working carr rea piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.