Carpet Man Jokes
17 carpet man jokes and hilarious carpet man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carpet man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Carpet Man Short Jokes
Short carpet man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carpet man humour may include short carpet jokes also.
- I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony. I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"
- A man comes to a carpet store and says: - I need a rug.
- Why so gloomy, pal? Are going to wrap a body in it, eh?
- I need two rugs. - A guy walks through a Pakistani village He sees a man dusting off a carpet from his shop and asks "What's the matter, it won't start?"
- A man is like good quality carpet. Lay him right the first time, walk all over him for the rest of his life.
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Carpet Man One Liners
Which carpet man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carpet man? I can suggest the ones about carpet rug and carpet cleaning.
- What does a Spanish man put under his carpets? Underlay, underlay!
Carpet Man Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about carpet man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cable man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carpet man pranks.
A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.
He yells "This is a f**...-up!"
Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"
The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.
"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"
A man is drinking at a bar and meets a redheaded woman, not realizing that she is transgender
Already drunk, the man decided to ask, "Does the carpet match the drapes?" The transgender woman replies, "There's no carpet, only hardwood."
The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman
A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike.
Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't s**... all of this up then I will eat the rest myself"
The woman goes to the kitchen and returns with a bowl of sugar and throws it over the cow dung and says:
"Start eating so long, we don't have electricity on the farm"
A man is laying carpet at a woman's house and it's a long, hot job.
He finally finishes and reaches into his shirt pocket for a pack of cigarettes and they are not there.
He glances at a small lump out of the carpet I realize they slipped out of his pocket. Bam! Bam! Bam! He flattens them till it looks great, there is no way he's going to take up all that carpet for a bunch of paper and tobacco.
Heads out to his truck, jumps in the front seat and is caught off guard to see his pack of cigarettes on the dash.
At that moment the woman of the house rushes out waving at him. "Excuse me, I don't know if you saw him or not, but I'm missing my hamster."
World's Best Vacuum Cleaner
A young man knocks on a residential door and an elderly lady answers, the young man says "hello maam, I'm here to show you the world's best vacuum cleaner!", she responds "sorry but I'm not interested and I have no money" as she tries to close the door.
Of course the young man puts his foot in the door and says "Maam, I'm so confident that this is the World's Best Vacuum Cleaner that I'll eat what's in this bag if you smell anything after this vacuum cleans and deodorizes your carpet!" He then takes a small bag of horse manure and dumps it right on her carpet in front of her.
She starts walking away to the back of the house and he says "where are you going maam, don't you want to see the world's best vacuum cleaner in action?", she replies "I'm going to get you some silverware from the kitchen because my power was turned off last week".
Door to Door salesman - another oldie
A couple was having their morning routine before they head to their jobs when suddenly the doorbell rang. The wife rushed to the door. When she opened it a man with a bucket full of s,,t rushed in and splashed them all over the carpet with a grin. Before the women could react he started his speech:
- My name is Tom and this is the all new (insert random hoover brand here) vacuum cleaners that is guaranteed to clean any type of mess on your floors, carpets or upholstery. If it doesn`t do the job I will eat all of the s,,t!
At that point the women just asked him:
- Mustard or ketchup?
- Excuse me? - he asked with a blank expression on his face.
- Would you like ketchup or mustard with your s,,t, Tom? - asked the woman again somewhat irritated.
- There is no need for that. Just you wait until you've seen the hoover in action. - he replied with a smirk.
- Oh, but there is. We haven't had electricity for a week.
A man is hired to carpet a little old lady's living room...
It takes him all day to get the job done, but when he's finally finished, he decides to reward himself with a cigarette. But he finds his cigarettes are not in his pocket and at the exact same time, he sees a lump underneath the carpet.
He doesn't want to tear up the carpet again, just to get a pack of cigarettes, so he gets a two-by-four and smashes the lump down until it's completely flat, figuring the little old lady will never know. It takes him nearly 20 minutes, but eventually the floor is completely and totally smooth and level.
He loads all his tools into the truck and he's about to drive away when the little old lady comes hurrying out the door.
"Young man!" she says. "Are these your cigarettes? I found them in the bathroom. And by the way... have you seen Petey, my pet hamster?"
I told you I was broke…
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners . '
'Go away!' said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'
The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.
When i say i'm broke...I'm broke!
Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" I said. "I haven't got any money!", "I'm broke!" and proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
I stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?"