Carpet Laying Jokes
7 carpet laying jokes and hilarious carpet laying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carpet laying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Carpet Laying Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good carpet laying joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
An Egyptian pharaoh hired me to lay flooring at a tomb he was building. He said it wouldn't pay well at first but as I worked my way to the top I would reap the benefits. it wasn't quite a pyramid scheme
But it was multi level carpeting.
The other day I was laying down a carpet...
...and my friend Speedy Gonzales was helping me. At one point I said, "Have I missed anything, Speedy?" And Speedy says, "Underlay, underlay!"
A man is like good quality carpet.
Lay him right the first time, walk all over him for the rest of his life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have some serious pain after spending way too much time on my knees while younger
Doing construction work and laying flooring.
Installing carpeting is almost as bad as s**... d**...
A man is laying carpet at a woman's house and it's a long, hot job.
He finally finishes and reaches into his shirt pocket for a pack of cigarettes and they are not there.
He glances at a small lump out of the carpet I realize they slipped out of his pocket. Bam! Bam! Bam! He flattens them till it looks great, there is no way he's going to take up all that carpet for a bunch of paper and tobacco.
Heads out to his truck, jumps in the front seat and is caught off guard to see his pack of cigarettes on the dash.
At that moment the woman of the house rushes out waving at him. "Excuse me, I don't know if you saw him or not, but I'm missing my hamster."
This construction worker was laying a full room carpet in this house...
... and upon ending his work he realised his backpack was missing. Checking the area he could notice a lump in the carpet, the size of his backpack.
He couldn't belive how unlucky he was and he decided to take a desperate measure. He was not going to destroy the recently placed carpet and inside his backpack there wasn't anything really valuable. So he starts hammering that lump to the ground. After a few minutes the backpack inside the carpet was flat and unnoticeable.
Later that afternoon the housewife gets home and is happy with the placing of the carpet. She goes to the kitchen to write him a check for the job well done and returns to him:
"Here, the check and your backpack that you left in the kitchen. By the way, have you seen my cat"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Don't talk to the Bird!"
Jill's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the work top, and I'll send you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances,talk to my parrot! I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!
When the repairman arrived at Jill's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you s**..., ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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