Following is our collection of funny Carpet jokes. There are some carpet carpet layer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these carpet carpet cleaning puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
What's wrong with it? Doesn't start?
You don't want them to be seen, and you pay somebody to vacuum them out.
Carpet burn
UNDERLAY! UNDERLAY!
A salesman knocks on a door. A few seconds later the door opens. Little Johnny is standing there with a bourbon and Coke in one hand and lit cigar in the other hand.
The salesman looks at him for a second and then asks "Little boy, is your mommy here?"
Johnny flicks some cigar ash on the carpet, rubs it into the carpet with his shoe. Then he looks at the salesman and asks "What do you think?"
...and my friend Speedy Gonzales was helping me. At one point I said, "Have I missed anything, Speedy?" And Speedy says, "Underlay, underlay!"
I told her there was no carpet. . . just hard wood.
That's a real dream I had last night. I woke up with more giggles than I should have.
He yells "This is a fuck-up!"
Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"
The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.
A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike.
Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck all of this up then I will eat the rest myself"
The woman goes to the kitchen and returns with a bowl of sugar and throws it over the cow dung and says:
"Start eating so long, we don't have electricity on the farm"
Yes I drove my flying magic carpet up here you racist jerks.
Every time i try to tell my wife she's a princess she either falls asleep, runs away, or asks me to prove it.
and since i don't have a magic carpet or poison apple it's kind of hard...
You can explore carpet sofa reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean carpet mat dad jokes. There are also carpet puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Soaking up the atmosphere.
So I was walking by a council flat the other day when I saw this Arab guy shaking a carpet.
I shouted up, "what's wrong Aladdin, won't it start?."
Hillary Clinton is truly a carpet bagger.
The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
I'll install the hardwood for free
UNDERLAY UNDERLAY UNDERLAY!!!!!!!!
A flying carpet muncher.
I'm so sorry.
as some people munched up the red carpet.
Hard wood.
Crackers always leave crumbs.
Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.
Underlay! Underlay!
A latin.
Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.
Underlay! Underlay!
The carpet store
but only for like 20 seconds...
Jokingly asked her "Does the carpet match the drapes?"
She replies "No carpet, hard wood".
They called the whole thing fabricated.
I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.
Cleveland Steamers
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
He went to the West with a million Persians and came home with only a handful of them.
They're both Persian rug munchers
It got all over my carpet.
He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
A magic car-pet
The carpet-er wants the carpet to match the drapes, but a carpenter will put his wood anywhere if the money's right
A pair of boots that get sewage all over my carpet by themselves!
"Not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."
He's on the no fly list.
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a POOF!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a POOF!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a POOF!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a POOF!
...and was greeted by a nine-year-old boy puffing away on a long black cigar. Stunned for a brief moment, he managed to regain his composure and say "Good afternoon. Would your mother or father be home?" The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes onto the carpet, and replied "What the f*ck do you think?"
So I licked her face, crapped on the carpet and bit her mailman in the ankle
I said, "Whats up, Won't it start?"
I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?
"No idea," I replied. "I usually get mine out of the fridge."
He sees a man dusting off a carpet from his shop and asks "What's the matter, it won't start?"
Mat Demon
You might think it's Aladdin because of his magic carpet, but it was the lion king.
The lion king Mufasa.
minimal carpet
Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs
A carpet
However he could only do it once.
It's like it's beneath her or something
It was only gathering dust.
Already drunk, the man decided to ask, "Does the carpet match the drapes?" The transgender woman replies, "There's no carpet, only hardwood."
It turns out she was a slo-vak.
I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"
- I need a rug.
- Why so gloomy, pal? Are going to wrap a body in it, eh?
- I need two rugs.
I'm guessing it's the new lesbian bar in town.
No carpet. Just hard wood.
A carpet.
Kilim
Lay him right the first time, walk all over him for the rest of his life.
Sweetie, the christmas tree is shining, not burning.
Mommy, the carpet and curtains are now shining too!
Reporter: "Who are you wearing?"
Buffalo Bill: "I'm so glad you asked."
They prefer carpet over hardwoods.
Sometimes, you just have someone vomit on your carpet.
I now have a freaking cat living in my car.
A carpet will get laid.
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
The Carpet
She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Things were getting hot and heavy and he whispered in her ear, "So, does the carpet match the drapes?"
She whispered back, "It's laminate, see for yourself."
So in anticipation he slid his hand up her thigh and past her skirt. Sure enough she had wood.
I can't understand it. I kept telling dem how much I love working on da rugs.
"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"
An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Standing behind her is a salesman.
"Good day, ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Flustered, she asks, "Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?"
"Madam," he answers, "If you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."
Answer: A carpet.
She'd rather just sweep it under the carpet
A carpet.
When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog shit on my carpet
He then said if this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever's left of the shit
To which I replied well you better be hungry because my electricity has been cut off since 5am
It's rather rugged.
But only for about ten seconds.
I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the carpet linoleum jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working carpet stoop piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.