Carolinas Jokes
51 carolinas jokes and hilarious carolinas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carolinas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Carolinas Short Jokes
Short carolinas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The carolinas humour may include short jokes also.
- What do Caitlin Jenner and the Carolina Panthers have in common? Manning was just a bit too much for them.
- What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him? Shoots him 8 times in the black.
- I'm currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina. But to keep it short, I just tell people I'm in the NCAA.
- What do you get when you put the entire South Carolina cheerleading team in one room? A full set of teeth.
- Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man soup in a plate? Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
- How can you tell if a good ole boy from North Carolina is married? There are tobacco spit stains on BOTH the doors of his truck.
- Bernie Sanders got twice the votes as Hillary Clinton, but less delegates. This should help him in South Carolina as he officially now understands the struggle of being black in America.
- I'm moving to North Carolina and I think I'm going to buy a house instead of renting I hear the market is flooded right now
- In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President... Tiny mushrooms.
- What is the most popular hockey team in the USA? I bet it's the Carolina Hurricanes, people can't stop talking about them today!
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Carolinas One Liners
Which carolinas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with carolinas? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What type of fruit are you most likely to find in North Carolina? Cantaloupe!
- Hey North Carolina, watcha doin' this weekend? Nothing
- How come north Carolina is the bluest state? Raleigh scattering
- What superheroes refuse to fight in North Carolina? The X-Men
- It's so expensive to swim at North Carolina beaches It costs an arm and a leg.
- Can Confirm. It's raining in South Carolina.
- Here and safe in North Carolina all the waterslides are still waterslides.
- What do you call a fraud from North Carolina? A charlatan!
- How much force does it take for the Carolina Panthers to lose a Playoff game. One Newton
Carolinas Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about carolinas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make carolinas pranks.
Vacation
It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota, who decided to go to Miami Beach for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. The airlines have crazy frequent flyer rules, and the wife ended up on a flight the day after her husband. The husband made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. Unfortunately, he didn't notice he had misspelled his wife's email address In South Carolina, a widow had just returned from the f**... of her husband, a Methodist pastor of many years, who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her email because she was expecting to hear from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email, she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message: To My Loving Wife: I've just been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Your Devoted Husband. P. S. Sure is hot down here.
Math in the real world
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
s**... After Death
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is s**... after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion .... Marion"
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**.... I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**... a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more s**... until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep, and then, the next day it starts all over again!
"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"
"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina.
Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...
And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"
True Story from South Carolina
A real estate agent said she saw a for sale sign leaned against a stump in front of a house. She saw a car in the driveway and decided to stop and inquire about the property. She rang the bell, an old man appeared, she explained who she was and asked how much the house was listed for. The old man laughed and said "Lady the house aint for sale, the stump is."
(real news) A South Carolina woman has been arrested for failing to return a jennifer lopez movie she rented from a video store in 2005.
The woman told police she deeply regretted her mistake *italics* and not returning the movie.
I think it's kinda funny people named their kids after US states…
Y'know, names like Carolina, Georgia, Dakota, Virginia, etc. When I have a kid, I'm gonna name him Michigan, just in case some guy named Mitch reincarnates into him.
Topical Jokes for 1/12
The White House said that not sending a senior official to the Paris liberty march was a mistake. Joe Biden was supposed to fly there, but he's not allowed on a plane unless he's accompanied by an adult.
United Airlines is considering outsourcing jobs to cut costs. From now on, one lucky passenger will get to fly the plane, while being fed instructions from a customer-service rep in Mumbai.
In North Carolina, a woman accidentally shot her husband when he surprised her with breakfast in bed. The woman then saw he was carrying breakfast from Taco Bell -- and shot him again.
Why did that guy shoot up the church in South Carolina?
He thought it was the white thing to do.
The Top Three things for Halloween you can do now in North Carolina:
#3 Swim with the sharks,
#2 Have an account on Ashley Madison,
#1 riding a street car in Charlotte NC.
Why is it i**... for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?
Because he's alive.
Dating in the old days
Back when my Grandpa was courtin' (dating) my Grandma in the rural mountains of North Carolina he picked her up for their first date in his horse-drawn buggy. As they were traveling down the bumpy dirt roads his bowels began to rumble and he was struggling to keep from breaking wind. About halfway to his parent's house a storm started to blow in so he decided the next time he saw lightning he would time it and let it rip during the thunder. This worked perfectly and Grandma never knew. Soon he felt the urge again and he waited for the lightning and timed it perfectly. Wanting to make casual conversation he said to Grandma, We had better hurry, that one sounded close . Grandma said Yes, it smells like it struck a s**... .
Did you hear about the South Carolina r**... who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it until she's fourteen.
In the wake of the Coastal Carolina scandal, it breaks my heart that we, as a society have young people that are forced...
...to pay women from South Carolina for s**....
There's a poem contest in South Carolina.
It's down to two contestants...one Harvard grad and one old r**... from the Low Country. They each have 5 minutes to come up with a poem, but they have to use the word "Timbuktu" in the poem to win. The Harvard grad goes first.
"Swiftly cross the desert sands,
Strode a lonely caravan.
One by one on camels drew,
Destination: Timbuktu."
The crowd goes crazy, thinking there's no way the r**... can top that. He walks to the mic, spits out his w**... of tabacco, ponders a second and says:
"Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three w**... in a pop-up tent.
They was three and we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."
What's the difference between North Korea and North Carolina?
None. Don't go live in the north.
I feel bad for everyone in Florence, South Carolina.
This hurricanes got their name on it.
What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?
Because women don't like p**... evacuations
There once was a lady from China..
Who got diagnosed with angina.
She went to her Gyno
who said "what do I know"?
My degree is from North Carolina.
I know a guy from North Carolina who spent 200 million on the lotto.
He said that if he doesn't win, his life savings are gonna go south.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.
One went all the way out to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Two weevils grew up in South Carolina
One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Lindsey Graham gets new suit
On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit.
Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he could make a double breasted suit, a vest, and an extra pair of pants.
He asked, "How can you do so much more with this material than the tailor in South Carolina?"
"Well, senator, I guess you're not as big up here."