Carlsberg Jokes
7 carlsberg jokes and hilarious carlsberg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about carlsberg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Fun-Filled Carlsberg Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What is a good carlsberg joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Took my son out for his first pint got him a Carlsberg.
He didn't like it. I drank it got him a Fosters.
He didn't like it. I drank it.
Same with the Guinness, the cider and the whiskey.
By the end of the night, I could hardly push his pram home.
A bear walks onto a bar and orders a round of drinks.
I'd like 2 pints of Carlsberg, 2 pints of Stella and a packet of . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cheese and onion crisps.
The barman asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear replies, "so I can rip apart seals"
I was sitting in the pub the other day...
When this nice looking bird walks up, takes a look at my beer belly and asks, "Is that Carlsberg or Tetleys?"
I told her, "There is a tap underneath, help yourself."
A group of strings go on a night out
They walk up the the first bar and ask for a pint of guinness and 2 carlsbergs. The barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string says yes. The barman tells the string "we dont serve string here". So the group walk away in a huff. The second string walks up to another bar and asks for the same order. Again, the barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string says yes, the barman tells them they dont serve string. The third string had an idea. He messes up the end of his hair and walks up to the third bar. The barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string replies "no, im a frayed knot."
Four CEOs meet up at a bar
Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes a sip. The CEO of Carlsberg takes a bottle of Carlsberg, takes a sip and say "probably the best beer in the world". The CEO of Guinness askes the bartender if he can have pepsi, all the other CEO's spits out their beer and start laughing at him and asks why he don't order a beer. The CEO of Guiness shrugs and said "if you girls ain't ordering beer, then neither am I."
Carlsberg don't do Alzheimer's ...
... but they do make exceedingly good cakes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brewers Convention
There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and p**... go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order.
Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so I'll have a Carlsberg." The landlord gets a glass, pulls a pint, and hands it to Nils.
Hank says, "Gee, I've been at Busch for twenty years: I'm having a Bud." The landlord takes a bottle from under the bar, opens it, and hands it over.
Then it's p**...'s turn. "To be sure, I've worked at Guinness since I was a wee boy, thirty years ago, but I'll have a lemonade," he says.
The other two look at him in disbelief. He turns to the landlord, shrugs his shoulders, and say "Well, if this pair aren't drinking beer, I'm not going to be the odd one out!"
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