carlsberg Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious carlsberg puns

CEOs of Carsberg, Heineken, Becks and Guiness walk into a bar

CEO of Carlsberg orders a bottle of Carlsberg.

CEO of Heineken orders a bottle of Heineken.

CEO of Becks orders a bottle of Becks.

CEO of Guiness orders diet coke with no ice.

They turn around and ask him why he ordered coke. He responds " Nobody's drinking beer. Didn't want to be the only one "

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The CEO of Budweiser, Miller and Carlsberg walks into a bar.

The CEO of Budweiser walks up to the bar and orders a Budweiser, after which the CEO of Miller orders a Miller. Then the CEO of Carlsberg says to the bartender: "I'll have a glass of water." The others looks baffled and asks him: "Why didn't you order a Carlsberg?". He replies: "Well, since you're not having beer..."

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Unshakable Fact # 5

Arguing over a girl's breast size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

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Four CEOs meet up at a bar

Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes a sip. The CEO of Carlsberg takes a bottle of Carlsberg, takes a sip and say "probably the best beer in the world". The CEO of Guinness askes the bartender if he can have pepsi, all the other CEO's spits out their beer and start laughing at him and asks why he don't order a beer. The CEO of Guiness shrugs and said "if you girls ain't ordering beer, then neither am I."

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Brewers Convention

There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and Paddy go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order.

Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so I'll have a Carlsberg." The landlord gets a glass, pulls a pint, and hands it to Nils.

Hank says, "Gee, I've been at Busch for twenty years: I'm having a Bud." The landlord takes a bottle from under the bar, opens it, and hands it over.

Then it's Paddy's turn. "To be sure, I've worked at Guinness since I was a wee boy, thirty years ago, but I'll have a lemonade," he says.

The other two look at him in disbelief. He turns to the landlord, shrugs his shoulders, and say "Well, if this pair aren't drinking beer, I'm not going to be the odd one out!"

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Ill have a pepsi please

Four CEO's meet up at a bar. Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes a sip. The CEO of Carlsberg takes a bottle of Carlsberg, takes a sip and say "probably the best beer in the world". The CEO of Guinness askes the bartender if he can have pepsi, all the other CEO's spits out their beer and start laughing at him and asks why he don't order a beer. The CEO of Guiness shrugs and said "if you girls ain't ordering beers, then neither am i"

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I was sitting in the pub the other day...

When this nice looking bird walks up, takes a look at my beer belly and asks, "Is that Carlsberg or Tetleys?"
I told her, "There is a tap underneath, help yourself."

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Carlsberg don't do Alzheimer's ...

... but they do make exceedingly good cakes.

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What are the most funny Carlsberg jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Carlsberg? Well, here are the best Carlsberg dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Carlsberg pick up lines to share with friends.

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